DISCLAIMER : NO I do not own any of the LOTR characters – BUT I DO own this story!!!!
A moment later, Haldir's sixth cousin's step-sister's evil stepfather's grandmother's half-brother's uncle's second-cousin-thrice-removed's niece's nephew pulled out his bow and shot the yellow Orc with the single purple scale on his scalp and the 19 braids. The yellow Orc with the single purple scale on his scalp with 19 braids immediately threw a tantrum and the battle was immediately halted so the Orc could run and get his ANGER MANAGEMENT PILLS.
The pills, produced by Anger Management Pills Co., were thought up by Doctor Richard Pencil, who now teaches at Stanford University. Pencil is married to none other than Jackie Grey, Bilbo's fourth cousin's step-brother's grandfather's nephew's pediatrician's niece's first grade teacher's daughter, and they have 3 children – Marie, Katie, and Sadie. Unfortunately for the family, last summer Marie fell ill with the flu.
Experts now suspect that Marie's sickness was actually caused by her best friend Elizabeth Andrews, who got the same sickness last spring from her baby brother, who had been playing in a sandbox that contained a stray cat. Marie's symptoms included a headache, stuffy nose, and fever. Strangely enough, it took several weeks for Marie's symptoms to fade away. Her father then filed a lawsuit against Elizabeth Andrews' father, David Andrews, saying that 'my daughter could have died from the flu!'
Richard Pencil sued for exactly 7 million, six hundred and forty two thousand, nine hundred twenty eight dollars, but his wife later convinced him that perhaps his chances of winning the suit would be increased if he sued for only 7 million six hundred and forty two thousand nine hundred and twenty seven dollars. Though Pencil did not win the law suit, he did later win the lottery. The Super Lotto Plus jackpot was, at that point, one hundred and sixty two million dollars, but Pencil was forced to share the money with Ringo, Sam's wife's uncle's step-brother's third-cousin-twice-removed's fourth husband's niece's psychiatrist's best friend.
To return to the pills, each one contains exactly 2.34379784264874837829483208 calories and a mere 1.87482947832 grams of fat. Anger Management Pills Co.'s Anger Management Pills contain only .0098742887 grams of sugar, 5.74872772536243081552 carbohydrates, and 84% of the daily recommended amount of Vitamins A, B, and C.
A few minutes passed, and the Orcs fought bravely, but suddenly Phlegmk, the second-in-command Orc with the ballooning red warts, pointy nose, and strange, penciled-out eyebrows was beheaded by Balin's fourth cousin's step-uncle's niece's artichoke-pie-loving cousin-once-removed. Phlegmk, the second-in-command Orc with the ballooning red warts, pointy nose, and strange, penciled-out eyebrows' head flew exactly 12.38787 feet before clunking down onto a rock. The tiny droplets of blood that stained the rock remained for all of eternity, allowing Yale graduate Michelle Wheezer to examine it, hundreds of years later.
It was concluded by Michelle, who just happened to be a descendent of Elrond's half-brother's daughter's worst enemy's great-uncle's mother, that Phlegmk, the second-in-command Orc with the ballooning red warts, pointy nose, and strange, penciled-out eyebrows was suffering from a nasty cold, due to the ratio of bacteria to blood cells. The question has come up as to whether the Orc's tissue was softened by his disease, and that it is possible that it was easier to cut off his head than it should have been.
To find an answer, reporters went to every centuries-old talk show that ever existed, finding that the Fellowship of the Rings Talk Show was the most helpful. Reporter Christine Melissa Joan Elizabeth Anne Diana Dalton searched through the records, discovering that Balin's fourth cousin's step-uncle's niece's artichoke-pie-loving-cousin-once-removed had come on the show, discussing the beheading of Phlegmk, the second-in-command Orc with the ballooning red warts, pointy nose, and strange, penciled-out eyebrows.
It was finally concluded that the Orc's tissue had not been softened – the reason for the death was Balin's fourth cousin's step-uncle's niece's artichoke-pie-loving-cousin-once-removed's recently sharpened axe.