If You Were Mine.
CHAPTER TWO: THE ROAD THAT LEADS TO HIM
BY: YUKIE_48@YAHOO.COM
PAIRINGS: TSUZUKI X HISOKA, TERAZUMA X HISOKA WARNING: SHONEN-AI, ANGST
* THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT TERAZUMA AND HOW HE LOSES A PART OF HIMSELF AS HE DISCOVERS THE FACT THAT THE ONLY PERSON HE COULD EVER LOVE IS THE ONE HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE. TERAZUMA'S INSIGHTS ON LOVE, PRIDE AND JEALOUSY.
(TERAZUMA)
THERE ARE THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW. THERE ARE THINGS I WANT TO KNOW. THERE ARE THINGS I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. THERE ARE THINGS I THOUGHT I KNEW. THERE ARE THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW I WANTED TO KNOW.
A WARM WIND BLOWS A PART OF ME AWAY.
I HOPE TO FIND THAT PART OF ME SOMEDAY.
SOMETIMES, I WISH THINGS WEREN'T THE WAY THEY ARE. IT'S JUST THAT EVERYTHING I TOUCH HAS TO PULL AWAY, EVERYONE I LOVE HAD TO GO. I KNOW ITS WRONG TO BE REGRETTING THINGS THAT HAD ALREADY HAPPENED, AS GOOD AS IT GETS FOR THE BOTH OF THEM.
TSUZUKI AND HISOKA.
THEY BOTH LOOKED SO HAPPY. AND HISOKA, I NEVER SAW HIM SMILE THAT WAY, ONLY WHEN HE'S WITH TSUZUKI. THOSE GENUINE SMILES THAT I CAN NEVER MAKE HIM DO. IT HURTS TO SEE HIM SMILE.WITH TSUZUKI. IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN MAKE HIM SMILE LIKE THAT, MAKE HIM HAPPY AND HAVE HIM HAS TO BE * HIM * AND NOT ME. IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT THE ONE YOU LOVE IS HAPPY ON THE ARMS OF ANOTHER.
I KNOW IT'S WRONG. I HAVE TO BE HAPPY FOR THEM, HAPPY THAT THEY FOUND EACH OTHER. WELL.I GUESS I'M HAPPY. HAPPY THAT HISOKA FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE HE COULD SHARE ALL THOSE TEARS, THOSE SMILES AND HIS PAST. BUT THAT SOMEONE ISN'T ME.
IT WAS TSUZUKI.MY RIVAL.
TSUZUKI AND I ARE LIKE REFLECTIONS ON A MIRROR. OF COURSE, DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE LOOK ALIKE PHYSICALLY. EVEN AFTER ALL THE HEARTACHES HE'S GONE THROUGH, HE STILL ALLOWED HIMSELF TO TRUST SOMEONE. TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE. HE LOVES HISOKA.HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS.
WHEN TSUZUKI LOOKS AT HIM, HIS EYES SHINE WITH WARMTH, COMPASSION AND HAPPINESS, WERE REFLECTIONS OF MY OWN. SOMETIMES I ENVY TSUZUKI. I GUESS I WISH I WAS MORE LIKE HIM. HE'S SO OPEN WITH HISOKA; HE'S TRUE TO HIS HEART. AFTER ALL, HE TOLD HISOKA THAT HE LOVES HIM.
I CAN TELL HOW TSUZUKI'S FEELINGS, HIS SENSE OF URGENCY, NO , NEEDS TO PROTECT HIM. MAYBE THAT'S ANOTHER THING TSUZUKI AND I HAVE IN COMMON. WE BOTH MANAGED TO FIND LOVE, EVEN IF MINE IS UNREQUITED.
It's just . why is it that almost everyone seemed to accept their relationship? I know its WRONG thinking things like this but why can't they object about the issue. I guess I'm just being naïve and insecure on the topic. Of course, I knew about Tatsumi's feelings about Tsuzuki but he doesn't seem as jealous as I do,. But then.maybe.he just doesn't let his feelings show.
I HATE TSUZUKI.
WHY WAS IT THAT HISOKA HAD TO CHOOSE HIM? IF I HAD MET HIM EARLIER THAN TSUZUKI DID, WILL I BE THE ONE HOLDING HIM NOW? IF I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO WIPE THE TEARS IN THOSE BEAUTIFUL, EMERALD ORBS, WILL HE LOOK AT ME? IF I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD HIM THAT HE'S NOT ALONE, WILL HE FEEL THE SAME?
MAN, AM I THAT JEALOUS AND DEPRESSED TO BE THINKING THINGS LIKE THIS?
IT'S JUST WHEN I FIRST SAW HISOKA, I HAD A . WELL.. CRUSH ON HIM. IF HE WASN'T JUST THAT CUTE AND SEXY, I WOULDN'T. BUT AS I CAME TO WORK WITH HIM ALMOST EVERYDAY, I SAW HOW BEAUTIFUL HE REALLY IS, NOT JUST ON THE OUTSIDE, OF COURSE. MY FEELINGS BECAME MORE INTENSE. I REALIZED THAT MY FONDNESS FOR HIM WASN'T JUST A CRUSH. WHAT HE FELT WAS MORE OF. WELL. THE IMPACT WAS TOO GREAT AND MAYBE, NO, I'M SURE. I LOVE HIM.
HISOKA.WHEN I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU.
YOU TOLD ME YOU FELL FOR HIM.
YOU HAD A CHOICE.TO CHOOSE BETWEEN TSUZUKI AND ME.
BUT YOU CHOSE HIM.
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT SMILE, ALL I CAN GIVE ARE FAKE SMILES, NO MATTER HOW I'M HURTING, I PROMISE I WON'T LET YOU KNOW.
I LOVE YOU.I REALLY DO.
I DON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU CHOSE HIM, TO BE WITH HIM.
I'D RATHER GET BROKEN ALL OVER AGAIN JUST TO SEE THAT SMILE AGAIN.
HISOKA, MAY YOU BE HAPPY WITH HIM.
YOU HAVE TAKEN THE ROAD THAT WILL LEAD YOU TO HIM.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: SO, HOW WAS IT? THE 'HIM' TERAZUMA WAS REFERRING TO WAS TSUZUKI, SO DON'T BE CONFUSED. I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OF YNM. AND I'M WRITING THIS JUST FOR FUN AND I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO WRITE NEXT ON HIJIRI'S POV. AND GUESS WHAT? I HATE HIJIRI! I TOLD YOU THAT MANY TIMES OVER, DIDN'T I? HEHEHE. GOTTA GO! THANKS FOR READING!
PAIRINGS: TSUZUKI X HISOKA, TERAZUMA X HISOKA WARNING: SHONEN-AI, ANGST
* THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT TERAZUMA AND HOW HE LOSES A PART OF HIMSELF AS HE DISCOVERS THE FACT THAT THE ONLY PERSON HE COULD EVER LOVE IS THE ONE HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE. TERAZUMA'S INSIGHTS ON LOVE, PRIDE AND JEALOUSY.
(TERAZUMA)
THERE ARE THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW. THERE ARE THINGS I WANT TO KNOW. THERE ARE THINGS I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. THERE ARE THINGS I THOUGHT I KNEW. THERE ARE THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW I WANTED TO KNOW.
A WARM WIND BLOWS A PART OF ME AWAY.
I HOPE TO FIND THAT PART OF ME SOMEDAY.
SOMETIMES, I WISH THINGS WEREN'T THE WAY THEY ARE. IT'S JUST THAT EVERYTHING I TOUCH HAS TO PULL AWAY, EVERYONE I LOVE HAD TO GO. I KNOW ITS WRONG TO BE REGRETTING THINGS THAT HAD ALREADY HAPPENED, AS GOOD AS IT GETS FOR THE BOTH OF THEM.
TSUZUKI AND HISOKA.
THEY BOTH LOOKED SO HAPPY. AND HISOKA, I NEVER SAW HIM SMILE THAT WAY, ONLY WHEN HE'S WITH TSUZUKI. THOSE GENUINE SMILES THAT I CAN NEVER MAKE HIM DO. IT HURTS TO SEE HIM SMILE.WITH TSUZUKI. IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN MAKE HIM SMILE LIKE THAT, MAKE HIM HAPPY AND HAVE HIM HAS TO BE * HIM * AND NOT ME. IT HURTS TO KNOW THAT THE ONE YOU LOVE IS HAPPY ON THE ARMS OF ANOTHER.
I KNOW IT'S WRONG. I HAVE TO BE HAPPY FOR THEM, HAPPY THAT THEY FOUND EACH OTHER. WELL.I GUESS I'M HAPPY. HAPPY THAT HISOKA FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE HE COULD SHARE ALL THOSE TEARS, THOSE SMILES AND HIS PAST. BUT THAT SOMEONE ISN'T ME.
IT WAS TSUZUKI.MY RIVAL.
TSUZUKI AND I ARE LIKE REFLECTIONS ON A MIRROR. OF COURSE, DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE LOOK ALIKE PHYSICALLY. EVEN AFTER ALL THE HEARTACHES HE'S GONE THROUGH, HE STILL ALLOWED HIMSELF TO TRUST SOMEONE. TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE. HE LOVES HISOKA.HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS.
WHEN TSUZUKI LOOKS AT HIM, HIS EYES SHINE WITH WARMTH, COMPASSION AND HAPPINESS, WERE REFLECTIONS OF MY OWN. SOMETIMES I ENVY TSUZUKI. I GUESS I WISH I WAS MORE LIKE HIM. HE'S SO OPEN WITH HISOKA; HE'S TRUE TO HIS HEART. AFTER ALL, HE TOLD HISOKA THAT HE LOVES HIM.
I CAN TELL HOW TSUZUKI'S FEELINGS, HIS SENSE OF URGENCY, NO , NEEDS TO PROTECT HIM. MAYBE THAT'S ANOTHER THING TSUZUKI AND I HAVE IN COMMON. WE BOTH MANAGED TO FIND LOVE, EVEN IF MINE IS UNREQUITED.
It's just . why is it that almost everyone seemed to accept their relationship? I know its WRONG thinking things like this but why can't they object about the issue. I guess I'm just being naïve and insecure on the topic. Of course, I knew about Tatsumi's feelings about Tsuzuki but he doesn't seem as jealous as I do,. But then.maybe.he just doesn't let his feelings show.
I HATE TSUZUKI.
WHY WAS IT THAT HISOKA HAD TO CHOOSE HIM? IF I HAD MET HIM EARLIER THAN TSUZUKI DID, WILL I BE THE ONE HOLDING HIM NOW? IF I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO WIPE THE TEARS IN THOSE BEAUTIFUL, EMERALD ORBS, WILL HE LOOK AT ME? IF I WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD HIM THAT HE'S NOT ALONE, WILL HE FEEL THE SAME?
MAN, AM I THAT JEALOUS AND DEPRESSED TO BE THINKING THINGS LIKE THIS?
IT'S JUST WHEN I FIRST SAW HISOKA, I HAD A . WELL.. CRUSH ON HIM. IF HE WASN'T JUST THAT CUTE AND SEXY, I WOULDN'T. BUT AS I CAME TO WORK WITH HIM ALMOST EVERYDAY, I SAW HOW BEAUTIFUL HE REALLY IS, NOT JUST ON THE OUTSIDE, OF COURSE. MY FEELINGS BECAME MORE INTENSE. I REALIZED THAT MY FONDNESS FOR HIM WASN'T JUST A CRUSH. WHAT HE FELT WAS MORE OF. WELL. THE IMPACT WAS TOO GREAT AND MAYBE, NO, I'M SURE. I LOVE HIM.
HISOKA.WHEN I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU.
YOU TOLD ME YOU FELL FOR HIM.
YOU HAD A CHOICE.TO CHOOSE BETWEEN TSUZUKI AND ME.
BUT YOU CHOSE HIM.
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT SMILE, ALL I CAN GIVE ARE FAKE SMILES, NO MATTER HOW I'M HURTING, I PROMISE I WON'T LET YOU KNOW.
I LOVE YOU.I REALLY DO.
I DON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU CHOSE HIM, TO BE WITH HIM.
I'D RATHER GET BROKEN ALL OVER AGAIN JUST TO SEE THAT SMILE AGAIN.
HISOKA, MAY YOU BE HAPPY WITH HIM.
YOU HAVE TAKEN THE ROAD THAT WILL LEAD YOU TO HIM.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: SO, HOW WAS IT? THE 'HIM' TERAZUMA WAS REFERRING TO WAS TSUZUKI, SO DON'T BE CONFUSED. I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OF YNM. AND I'M WRITING THIS JUST FOR FUN AND I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO WRITE NEXT ON HIJIRI'S POV. AND GUESS WHAT? I HATE HIJIRI! I TOLD YOU THAT MANY TIMES OVER, DIDN'T I? HEHEHE. GOTTA GO! THANKS FOR READING!