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The TAG Collection
#3 – Freaky Friday
Highlights from the Original Story
The original collaboration is a hysterical and creative masterpiece. The story unfolded on a body switching Friday just like the name implies. Take a moment and think of the possibilities, all the things that could happen while our favorite characters inhabited each other's bodies… now, censor those thoughts so they are PG and in a time frame of the first or second season…
This story plots an Agency chemist out for revenge. He manages to switch Lee into Amanda's body and vice versa early in the story. Chaos ensues as they attempt to hide the predicament and continue with their normal activities. Little do they know that Billy and Francine are victims of the same twist (well, turn) as well. They too, initially try to hide their condition causing more amusing mishaps. Billy (in Francine's body) goes on a dinner date with a perfect prospect, a man who won't be calling again after watching Billy devour a huge dinner and raid the dessert cart. Dancing was also interesting (luckily Billy didn't deck the guy when he pulled him close and caressed Billy's shoulder). Meanwhile, Francine (in Billy's body) didn't fair much better at Billy's house. She refused his favorite supper after a stringent (and thankfully heart attack-less) exercise session and ditched a devastated Jeanie. Convinced her husband was cheating, Jeanie followed into the mayhem.
By the middle of the fiction, the disenchanted chemist had managed to also switch Phillip with his current crush, and then take Dotty's body for his own. Dotty was a hoot in the madman's body and her body was the perfect cover for an off-kilter baddie.
The madman (in Dotty's body) was finally captured. Unfortunately, even after hours of interrogation and several specific, though illegal threats from an enraged Lee (in Amanda's body), he refused to reveal the antidote. Apparently, he was a wise, scheming madman, convinced that he would serve less jail time in a sweet, grandma facade.
Fortunately, the mad chemist kept a little black book (LBB). Like Lee's, his too had descriptive symbols jotted in the margins. It also included come miscellaneous ramblings (referencing previous FFF stories) as well as other long-winded scientific scribblings. Crypto was frantically trying to crack the code as our favorite foursome waited impatiently in the observation room off Interrogation Room #2. They were a little worse for the wear by the time we join them. Francine (in Billy's body) had not eaten for hours. His blood sugar dropped and he (she) was more than a little giddy. Lee (in Amanda's body) had an earlier high heel mishap (well, several) bruising her knee. He also had problems getting her ring caught in her hair when he ran his fingers through it. Consequently, her hair was pretty rumpled. Oh, and her left hand was a little sore from an errant left hook…
Without further ado…
Pre-TAG Wrap up
After eating one donut, Francine (in Billy's body) remained slumped against the wall. Her vision was still blurry and she appeared to be bordering on the wrong side of delirium. As she watched her and Amanda's bodies chatting amicably across the room, she mentally pictured Lee and Billy dressed in women's clothes, and stifled a giggle. She was lulled by the kaleidoscope of colors and jumbled abstracts when she noticed the Coke bottles sitting on the side table. Involuntarily her mind turned to the Coke commercial and she sang the jingle softly. "I'd like to buy the world a Coke to keep it company…"
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Billy (in Francine's body) and Lee (in Amanda's) hovered together whispering like young girls at a Junior High spring dance. "Billy, please let me get out there and help them look for clues. I feel so useless trapped in here," Lee pleaded, using Amanda's John Wayne voice.
"Frankly Lee, you just aren't dressed for a good search. I can't send you out there looking like that."
"But Billy I feel so hopeless…"
"Lee, stop being so melodramatic. Get a grip!" You could tell from the scowl across his brow that Billy noticed he was sounding more and more like Francine and found it more than a little unsettling.
"It's just hard to concentrate and my feet are killing me."
"Just take your shoes off."
On the verge of frustrated tears, Lee whispered, "I can't. I don't think it's something that Amanda would approve of." They both looked at Amanda…
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Amanda (in Lee's body) was sitting at one of the desks in the center of the room studying the LBB very carefully. The book was organized in what looked like separate stories. She had to force her brain to focus and think. She knew the solution was right here in front of her, if only she could find it. The stories were a mix of real words, numbers, jumbled text, and nonsense words. It seemed like they were grouped in chapters by theme. There was a baseball group, a cooking one, Dr. Seuss, and even one that seemed like Russian fashions. She could make out words here and there. Puzzled, she leaned her elbows on the table and ran her hands up either side of her face resting her fingers in her (Lee's) hair…
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Francine's (in Billy's body) attention was drawn to the sound of the constant page-flipping coming from Amanda (in Lee's body). When she glanced in that direction and blinked, she saw two sets of hands on Lee's head reminding her of Mickey Mouse ears. Inspired, she changed her tune. "M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E, Mickey Mouse (Donald Duck) Mickey Mouse…."
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Lee and Billy (in Amanda's and Francine's bodies) gave Francine another disgusted look after hearing her new song. Then Billy glanced into the interrogation room and was surprised to find Hector (in Dotty's body) fast asleep on the conference table. They could hear him snoring softly.
"How can he be so relaxed in a woman's body?" Lee whined. "There's absolutely no way I could fall asleep like this!"
Billy agreed emphatically. "No way at all. How can Hector be content thinking he might be a woman forever?"
"Maybe it has something to do with the body. Maybe if you're not somebody you know, it would be kind of fun," Lee reasoned.
"I would like to be in my wife's body," Billy grinned mischievously. Lee and Billy exchanged goofy guy grins on their outwardly female faces. Lee shot a look in Amanda's direction to make sure that she wasn't listening…
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Amanda (in Lee's body) was still trying to force her brain to concentrate and think. She flipped the pages. 'Maybe,' she internally concluded. 'The chapters of coded text are just an elaborate ruse; maybe the answers are in the symbol sections.' She observed that the symbols were only in the margin on a group of pages in the front and a group of pages in the back. After she flipped to the first symbol page, she reached up to scratch her brow and met an unlikely diversion. She was sidetracked by the vision of Lee's hands. She held them up in front of her face, examining them closely. 'These hands. I've dreamed about these hands. Wow, it seems so weird to be moving them.' Startled by her daydreaming, she forced herself to get back to the LBB and the task at hand. "The answers are right here," she mumbled aloud. "Stars and circles… hm, no squares, but diamonds…"
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Francine (in Billy's body) noticed Amanda (in Lee's) examining his hands, so she looked down at Billy's. 'Wow, great cuticles!' she thought to herself. 'I have the perfect polish to compliment his skin tone and it would look fabulous with that new designer dress I bought.' Obviously, Francine (in Billy's body) was still not thinking clearly. She flexed Billy's fingers into different positions until she was thoroughly amused by a bunny shape she made. Her hallucinating mind brought a new song to her lips. "Little bunny Foo Foo hopping through the forest, scooping up the…"
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Across the room the bunny song sent Lee (in Amanda's body) over the proverbial edge. "Francine, cut it out!" he screamed.
Francine glanced up and saw a distraught Amanda's face. She replied without thinking. "Amanda, don't be so emotional. Is it almost that time of the month or what?"
Lee (in Amanda's body) choked back the tears of embarrassment that were threatening to spill. Billy (in Francine's body) patted his shoulder. Lee snuck a fearful look at Amanda to see if by some miracle she had missed this exchange.
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Thankfully, she had. Amanda (in Lee's body) was chanting softly, "Stars, diamonds, hearts, moons… Stars, diamonds, hearts, moons." She knew that she was on the edge of a break through.
Undaunted by Lee's annoyance at her singing, Francine closed her eyes to channel a new tune. Obviously influenced by Amanda's chatting, she droned, "Pink hearts, yellow moons, blue diamonds, green clovers…. They're magically delicious. Lucky charms!"
Amanda (in Lee's body) jerked her head up. "Francine, what did you say?"
Francine's scrambled mind repeated her last words automatically. "Lucky Charms."
Amanda jumped up in excitement. "That is it, Francine. You did it!"
Francine turned to Lee and Billy (in Amanda's and Francine's bodies) and said proudly, "See, I did it. I always knew I could do it."
Billy (in Francine's body) looked confused. "Did what?"
"Solved the code. See the chapters were just ramblings – words, themes. I mean at first I was convinced the Russian fashion show might be the key, but now I am sure it's the symbols that are important. What would a scientist find magical? Well, a chemist would be obsessed by elements. It's really quite simple. Phillip studied the elements and periodic table last month in science, after the chapters about weather and the planets, but before the chapter on the eco-system. You know I always wondered about the order of the chapters in science books. You would think science would be less random and more logical. Math books make more sense. Maybe because logic is part of the curriculum, yet so are random numbers-"
"A-man-da!" Lee (in Amanda's body) interrupted. "What are you trying to say?"
"Oh, sorry. Like I said before it's really simple. A chemist would find elements magical. And of course a good mystery is delicious to someone who knows the answer. Elements are listed in the periodic table with their atomic masses. So lucky 'charms' to a chemist are the elements that are in the table. Each letter is represented by a symbol – a symbol for a symbol. It is deviously clever. C-H-A-R-M-S are the letters the elements represent. Like C is for Carbon, H is for Hydrogen, S is for Sulfur, and there are probably several other combinations explained in here. I bet the numbers off to the side are the formula to put them together. I'm sure Dr. Furman will know what they mean."
As Lee (in Amanda's body) and Francine (in Billy's body) stared at Amanda in stunned silence, Billy (in Francine's body) picked up the phone and called Dr. Furman in research and explained Amanda's elemental theory. His next call was to the team of crypto experts. He let them know what he thought of a housewife beating them to the solution. It was a phone call that ended in a satisfying slam.
TAG
Furman and his team of highly trained, but not yet insane chemists unraveled the secret formula thanks to Amanda's 'Lucky Charms' theory. Everybody was returned to his or her original body without further mishap.
Amanda rested on the couch in Observation Room #2 keeping a close eye on the forms of her sleeping sons. Her mother and Linda were resting in Observation Room #3 next door. Amanda watched from the small couch across the room, legs propped on two pillows on a chair rigged as a makeshift footstool. Her arm was also propped on a pillow. There was a big bag of ice on her left knee and another one covering the knuckles of her left hand. The ice was numbing the soreness in both areas.
The door opened slowly. Amanda didn't look surprised when Lee peeked his head in sheepishly and asked, "Hi, do you mind if I join you?" Amanda answered by pointing at the seat next to her. There was an awkwardness between them and they had been avoiding each other since being transferred back.
Lee dropped into the seat clearly exhausted. He cringed when he noticed the ice on her hand and knee for the first time. Taking her right hand in both of his, he asked in a voice laced with concern and regret, "Amanda, are you OK? I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful."
"Lee, it's OK. Just bruises. They'll go away." She tried to pull her hand away, but Lee held on tightly, lacing his fingers through hers.
"I have a new appreciation for women in heels. Actually, I think heels should be outlawed." He glanced down to her feet expecting to see the now familiar, scuffed pumps. He was shocked to see her feet sheltered in what he could only guess where very comfy, white tennis shoes. "Amanda, where did those come from?"
Amanda smiled apologetically. "I found them in a bag downstairs. I forgot I brought in jeans, my Bomber's jersey, and tennis shoes this morning because I was going to meet the boys at the park after work."
"Now you tell me," Lee grumbled. "After I suffered through panty hose all day…" his whining trailed off uncomfortably.
"I also found some homemade chocolate chip cookies I brought in for you. I think Billy is using them for medicinal reasons – to regulate his blood sugar – so you probably won't get any," Amanda explained, intentionally changing the subject.
"Dr. McJohn was with Billy and Francine giving them the memory eraser when I left."
"How do you feel?" Amanda asked curiously.
"Weird. And I have a serious headache."
"Wasn't your brain used to thinking that much?" Amanda asked with a smile trying to lighten the mood.
"Amanda, stop joking. I need to talk to you before we forget everything."
Hoping to avoid this conversation she offered him an out. "Lee, we don't have to do this."
"Yes, we do. I need you to know that I was a perfect gentleman. I, uh, didn't, uh, look – or – er, t-touch anything that I shouldn't have," he stammered.
Amanda smiled at his confession and muttered, "Thanks," as she gave his hand an appreciative squeeze.
After a couple of minutes of silence, Lee anxiously asked, "So?"
"So, what?"
"Did you?"
"Lee!"
"Well?"
Hedging to avoid a direct answer, Amanda replied with forced indignance. "I can't believe that you would ask me that!"
Recognizing her avoidance tactic, his voice raised slightly in frustration "A-man-da!"
Amanda reluctantly confessed in a whisper, "I might have sneaked a peek at your chest when I changed your shirt. I mean I almost had to so I could button the buttons."
Lee's smile was wide and amused. "That's all?"
Amanda's tone was now truly indignant. "Lee, of course that is all."
Baiting her with an infamous Stetson grin, he teased, "I wouldn't have minded if you had checked out more of me."
"Lee!" Amanda admonished. Her face flushed a bright shade of red.
This humorous, if not enlightening exchange erased the earlier awkwardness and they relaxed into a comfortable silence, a short silence that was all too soon interrupted by Dr. McJohn.
"Ah, there you two are." Holding a cup of pills in each hand and a bottle of water nestled against his side with each elbow, "you're the last ones to get your meds."
Suspicious, Lee asked, "What is it?" as he fingered the two little blue pills, examining them closely.
"Well," Dr. McJohn explained, "this is the SL3 memory ablator. It's known on the street as 'Freaky Memory B Gone.' Of course the technical name is much more complex."
"So, how does it work?" Amanda queried, equally curious.
McJohn continued, "Well, the effects are almost immediate. You will become drowsy and fall into a deep sleep within 10 minutes of ingestion. Your memories aren't erased until you reach the deep, REM sleep cycles. You'll sleep 6 to 10 hours and when you wake up all memories of approximately the last 72 hours will be permanently erased."
As Lee and Amanda pondered the pills, McJohn asked Lee if he wanted to go back to his assigned bed in Observation Room #4. With a glance to Amanda, confirmed by her nod, Lee answered, "No, I'll stay here."
After a mock toast, Lee and Amanda swallowed the pills with synchronized gulps. As McJohn opened the door to exit, he stopped and began seriously, "Oh, there is one other thing about this med that I should probably mention. It's often used, and quite successfully I might add, as a truth serum. In that short time between ingestion and sleep, patients are absolutely unable to lie. The med removes that censor in your brain making it nearly impossible to hide any thoughts or feelings. It's a great med for really short Class B interrogations."
When the door closed, Lee and Amanda slowly turned to face each other. Their bodies were motionless as they gazed into each other's eyes, but their minds were spinning in separate races until they both reached the same finish line or, er, reached the same conclusion – it wouldn't hurt to be honest with their feelings and with each other for ten minutes, would it? Besides they wouldn't remember what they had said or done when they woke up anyway.
Unable to suppress her desire to be closer to him, the two ice bags fell to the floor with a clunk as Amanda bridged the distance between them on the couch. With a resigned deep breath, she reached up to caress Lee's cheek. Lee smiled shyly in response. He ran a hand slowly through her errant locks. Then he rubbed his thumb lightly across her cheek. "Amanda, I know I've never said this before, but I think you're simply beautiful."
"Oh, Lee…" Amanda leaned in and kissed him softly on his cheek.
"Even your nose is cute," he observed, feathering a kiss on the tip of her nose. Amanda countered by angling over to kiss his other cheek. Then she moved her hands to his shoulders and began to rub gently.
Lee pulled away slightly to search her eyes. "Since we won't remember this tomorrow, do you mind if I kiss you?" Her reply was to touch her lips slowly to his. Encouraged Lee pressed soft, feathery kisses around the outline of her lips until an impatient Amanda pulled him in closer for a much longer, passionate one. Their lips danced together as their hands caressed and explored until the medication started to take effect. Lee slumped back against the couch, exhaustion beginning to overcome him. He pulled Amanda to him so she could snuggle against his chest. They were both out of breath and lightheaded, symptoms which were not normal side effects of this particular medication.
"I've wanted to really kiss you for a while now," Lee admitted.
"I often wondered how much better 'real' kisses from you would be." Amanda smiled breathlessly.
"Cover kisses are good, but that was much better."
"Definitely."
"Amanda, do you really think my legs are just okay? I've always thought I had great legs."
Amanda slid her hand down to his thigh to give it a reassuring squeeze. "You know your legs are very nice. I couldn't just blurt that out, could I? And you looked pretty great today without a shirt on. For someone so strong, your skin is so smooth." Lee beamed with pride. They both enjoyed a short period of thoughtful silence before Amanda continued. "Lee, were you really a perfect gentleman when you were trapped in my body?"
"'Manda," Lee replied huskily, the drowsiness making his voice even sexier. "I was. Because when I look at you and touch for very first time, I want you there. I want to remember it and I am going to make sure that you'll never forget the experience."
[Camera - fade out of the room to the RN station in the hall…]
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[Insert Gambler theme song]
Outside observing (Observation room!) through the video camera feed and volume hook-up, Dr. McJohn, Dr. Phaff, and Dr. Furman watched in amusement, utterly amazed. Phaff and Furman both wordlessly handed $20 to McJohn.
"I told you Stetson and King would fall for the old truth serum trick! I knew I would get Stetson one of these days!" McJohn, the winner of the primary bet chuckled. He was very proud of his deceptively brilliant idea. Phaff would not have believed it if he had not seen it with his own eyes; for years he had been trying to use suggestion techniques on Stetson without the slightest success.
Dr. Phaff and McJohn each handed $5 to Furman. The winner of the side bet couldn't help but boast. "I just knew she would kiss him first. You don't have to have a doctorial degree to recognize that type of chemistry."