LinZE
Disclaimer: Okay I'll be truthful – they don't belong to me at all. Not that I ever said that they did really but you never know what assumptions people will make but now that we've sorted that out…
Summary: Janeway has a 'moment' (if you're female then you ought to know what I mean. If you're not, and don't, I suggest you get better informed.) It's J/C kind of but not romantic and there isn't anything in it that should offend anyone. Oh and for the purpose of this piece of fiction Naomi is about three or four in human terms.
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There was a distinctly uncomfortable atmosphere in the briefing room when Kathryn entered and she wasn't quite distracted enough to miss it. Her officers were looking down, refusing to meet her eyes and the usual chatter that filled the room had died away as soon as she entered. She hated it when things were this tense but it had been a bad week – hell if she were truthful it hadn't been that great a month. Eight days ago they had exited a part of space whose inhabitants had been glad to get rid of them to say the least. Then they had picked up an M-class planet not far off their course that was home to a space fairing species that were almost as advanced as Voyager herself. That was when things had started to go wrong, again. Harry had informed them that they were being hailed and when she had responded a friendly looking alien had greeted her. The only observable difference between the Pollant (as they had discovered their race was called) and Terran were their distinctive mottled red skin a single purple horn that was centred on their forehead. She had agreed with the Ambassador that they would speak again about a trade agreement of some-sort when they had neared the planet. They still weren't sure quite what had happened that meant that the Pollant were unaware of what was happening to their own world and by the time Voyager's sensors had picked it up it was already too late. Massive earthquakes ripped through the temperate planet leaving only death and destruction in their path. When they arrived twelve hours later the planet was in complete chaos. They had beamed down to offer what aid they could and had had teams helping to search for the survivors and stabilise the structures that were left standing for the last week. Kathryn herself had gone down on several occasions, much to Chakotay and Tuvok's opposition but she had wanted to see for herself. To see the enormity of what they were dealing with. How could she honestly put her head down on her soft pillow at night without knowing what was going on planet side.
"Right I suppose you all know what I'm going to ask you today but first I want to know how you think we, they, are doing down there." She looked over at the commander knowing that he would be able to give the best over-all view.
"Comparatively there is a huge improvement. We've managed to help them set up triage and more extensive medical facilities in the worst affected areas. They now have semi-trained search and rescue teams, the major water plant with B'Elanna's help, is back up and running and I think Harry's just about got the communications network up to a usable level. I've been talking with those officials that are left and they seem to pulling themselves together now – it seems that they'd never encountered such a thing before so simply weren't able to read the signs. They'll know now though." He added quietly. She knew how much all this had affected him, all of them. She let them all have their say about the areas they were working. It seemed by the end that although they had made huge progress there was still a massive amount to do. That was what had made her decision so much harder. She would ask them whether they thought that they could leave but she already knew the answer. They had to. Voyager could only afford to give them so much help; they had already lost over a week from their journey and gained nothing, except a chance to help others, from the bargain. The people of Pollant had to learn to look after themselves again.
"Thank-you." She said after Tom and the Doctor had completed their report. "I want you all to know that I'm so incredibly proud of you at the moment. You've shown courage and bravery that, yet again, I had no right to expect. But," She stood and started to pace sub-consciously. "We have to decide when this has to end. I know that there are still so many things that we would like to do here but we have to remember that it could and will take years or probably decades to rebuild their society completely. What we have to ask is where our job ends." She left them in silence. She knew that they probably were already aware of her decision would be but she did want to hear what they had to say. Tuvok was the first to speak.
"It would be logical that now we have helped them re-establish the majority of their important systems and established a means of getting food and water to most of the inhabitants along with the fact that there have been no survivors found for the last three days, that now would be the appropriate time to leave." Oh so reliable and oh so Vulcan.
"I have noticed over the last few days," Tom added after glancing at the Doc. "That they've started taking more decisions by themselves without asking our permission first. Which is good – they're regaining their independence." There was a general nod of agreement around the table. She knew that there were some doubts but she was glad that they saw her reasoning.
"Well I guess then that we can schedule to leave orbit at 20 00 hours then." She said trying not to let the disappointment and frustration she felt slip into her voice. When she dismissed them Chakotay hung around.
"Can I help you Commander? Because otherwise I really ought to go play the big bad wolf with The Temporary Council."
"It's not like that Kathryn." He said forcing her to look away from the stars outside. "We all knew that this was coming and so did they." He said indicating to the planet that revolved slowly below them.
"I know. I know." She conceded quietly. "It just doesn't make me feel any better." With that she turned and left.
Naomi had had what could only be described as a boring week. Neelix had been looking after her, which was usually okay when interrupted with lessons from the Doctor or music with Harry, or … Well anything but this week everybody had been busy. Even her Mum had been busy mapping the planet they were stuck above. She really didn't understand what was going on very much but her Mum had said that the people on the planet had all their stuff broken and a lot of people had got hurt or sick so the Captain had decided to try and help. That was why everyone was so busy. She thought that sounded like the kind of thing the Captain would do. This morning she had helped Neelix bake some cakes to try and make the crew feel better because there seemed to be a lot of sad faces around. After lunch he had asked what she would like to do and because the holodecks were closed to save energy or something she had opted for her next favourite pursuit – drawing. She had decided that after she had drawn a flower for her Mum and a purple elephant for Neelix she would do something for all the Senior Staff because she knew that they worked very hard and sometimes got tired. It had taken her a long time to finish – it was nearly bedtime when she was done but she had managed to sneak-away from her babysitter and was now standing in the lift with her pile of paper.
"Bridge." She said confidently and the doors slid shut and they started to move upwards. When the doors opened again she stepped out and peered around.
"Hello." Said Harry as he looked down from his post.
"Miss Wildman I do not believe you have permission to be on the bridge." Tuvok told her. She had expected this response from the Chief Security Officer but stood her ground.
"I brought you some presents to cheer you up but if you're busy I can come back another time." She suggested and smiled as sweetly as she could.
"Oh I think we can allow this just this once eh Tuvok." Said Chakotay getting up from his chair. Her smile broadened and looking down she saw Harry's picture was on top.
"This is a picture of you playing your clarinet in an …orestra." She told him handing over the picture and trying to get the word right. Tom was next so she went down and gave him his picture Voyager flying through space. B'Elanna wasn't on the bridge so she gave Tom her picture of a cat as well. Tuvok was next. She hadn't been sure what the Vulcan would appreciate so she had chosen to draw a shape rather than a picture.
"It's a Cube. But it's not very good. I'll have to practice."
"For someone of your age Miss Wildman it is not unsatisfactory however your perspective is in correct. I will help you to correct that error if you wish." She nodded her head enthusiastically. This was high praise indeed from Tuvok. After handing the Commander his picture of a bird she realised that Captain Janeway wasn't there.
"Where's the Captain?" She asked.
"She's working in her ready room at the moment." He told her still studying his picture.
"Oh. Maybe I should leave hers with you then."
"Actually," He began looking up at her. "I think she would like to see you. Come on." He said standing her up and taking her hand. They walked over and he tapped the door chime.
"Come." Came the disembodied voice from inside.
"Captain you have a visitor." Naomi stood behind the tall man and peered round his legs. The Captain looked up from the PADD she was studying furiously. When their eyes met the older woman smiled and stood up.
"Well Miss Wildman what can I do for you?" She asked after Chakotay left.
"I thought everyone could do with getting cheered up so I drew them all pictures and this one's yours." She said holding out her last remaining piece of paper from behind her back. The Captain gestured for her to sit down next to her on the sofa and Naomi climbed up.
"This is Voyager." She explained pointing to the ship in the background of the picture. She continued pointing out all the Senior Staff and Neelix and her mother who all stood in front. "See I put all my Mummies on this side and all my Daddies on that side. I have more Daddies but that doesn't matter. Are you okay Captain?" She asked looking up and seeing that she had a hand over her mouth and was crying. Crying wasn't a good thing usually. Naomi only ever cried if she hurt herself or she was scared or she wanted her Mum. Surely captains didn't cry because they wanted their mums?
Chakotay walked back to his seat and picked up his drawing there was something incredibly innocent about a child's crude impressions. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard his name on the comm.
"Nicolletti to Chakotay."
"I'm here Susan what can I do for you?"
"Em well I was looking after Naomi and I went to get our supper from the mess hall and when I …."
"Don't worry Ensign we've found her already. She's talking to the Captain at the moment but well get her back once she's done."
"Oh thank you! I'm so sorry. She's usually so good about staying where she's told."
"Don't worry. No harm done this time."
"Thanks again. Nicolletti out." As if on cue the doors to the ready room opened and Naomi scampered out but she looked like she was about to cry. Chakotay really didn't understand. Kathryn would never do anything to hurt Naomi; she loved her like her own daughter.
"What's wrong?" He asked automatically opening his arms and picking her up when she ran towards him. She was biting her lower lip obviously trying not to shed the tears that were threatening.
"I think I upset the Captain but I don't know what I did! She just started crying." She finished quietly. A thousand thoughts ran through his head at once.
"Oh I'm sure it's not your fault. She's just been very busy and…" Naomi nodded her head indicating she understood. "Now why doesn't Tom show you how he flies the ship and I'll go make sure she's okay?" This changed her mood drastically as she almost leapt onto Tom's lap. As Chakotay turned he risked a quick glance at Tuvok. Unsurprisingly the Vulcan's face gave very little away but his eyebrow did arch almost imperceptibly. When he climbed down the steps and stood in front of the door he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. Slowly she reached out and tapped the chime. There was a moment's silence in which he was convinced that she was going to ignore the request for entry before he heard a muffled voice from inside.
"Come." When the doors slid open he stepped inside and took a moment to take in the scene around him. "I'm sorry." Kathryn began standing up from the couch and rubbing at the tearstains down her cheeks.
"Hey, it's okay." He reassured her covering the distance between them unnaturally quickly and placing a comforting hand on her upper arm. "You are allowed to show your emotions once in a while. Sometimes a good cry makes you feel better." She smiled softly at this. "You want to talk about it?" He added hesitantly. He wasn't at all sure that she would but he got the feeling that there was more to this uncharacteristic show than the fact that they'd had a bad spell but he couldn't be sure.
"Oh it's stupid really." She said as they sat down and she reached behind her and picked up the piece of paper that lay there. "It's just well, this was the drawing that Naomi did for me and, well," She leaned over so that she could show him what she meant. "She was telling me who was who, that's you by the way," She added indicating the figure with the unidentifiable pattern scrawled over half their face. He was reassured that she was smiling now though. "Anyway she was just saying that she had put all her Mums on one side and her dads on the other and well I guess it meant a lot to me." He looked up from the picture to her face. "Well don't look so shocked!"
"Sorry. It's just well…"
"Despite what you might think Chakotay I have thought about having children I just put it to the back of my mind when we got stranded out here and well I'm an aunt but that really doesn't count for much when your 40,000 light years away and barely spoke to the child's mother anyway."
"And her description of you… hit a chord." He looked at her and tried to draw her eyes away from the paper with sheer force of will. It worked. For a moment there was something in her eyes that he didn't see often and he didn't find easy to identify. Regret, wistfulness he wasn't sure but it was gone again almost instantly.
"But I must have scared the life out of her!" Kathryn said raising her hand to her mouth in sudden realisation. Now it was Chakotay's turn to smile.
"She'll be fine just as long as she knows you are."
"Well I better go out there and do some reassuring than hadn't I?" She said the playfulness he had missed so much over the last weeks returning. He followed her back out onto the bridge and although he knew that the majority of the bridge crew would have been able to detect the residual redness around her eyes no one commented not even Tom Paris when he turned around with Naomi still firmly ensconced on his knee. There was an awkward moment when he wasn't sure what would happen next but Kathryn dropped onto her haunches and opened her arms up. Instantly the little girl slid to the floor and ran towards the Captain. They spoke briefly in subdued voices but it didn't take long before they were both smiling and laughing. As Kathryn picked her up and made her way over to her seat he again followed and took his own seat.
"So what have you been doing in school then Miss Wildman?" She asked.
"Well, I haven't had many classes this week but the Doctor was supposed to be helping me with my letters."
"Was he now? Well we can't have you falling behind now can we?" Chakotay watched in awe as the woman whom many associated with strict adherence to the rules and regulations sat in the middle of the bridge with a three year old perched on her knee reciting her alphabet and tracing the letters in the air with a delicate finger. He had no doubt that she would make a truly dedicated and gifted mother if she had the chance. Yet again he was faced with the harshness of the situation they were in but as always one thought crept into the back of his mind that encouraged him to keep going all the same. 'Maybe, just maybe…'