*I'm Back! I know I'm behind on It's My Life but I decided to write this little one-shot before my exams start. I haven't proof read it so you'll just have to go on my whims. I hope you like it.*
Disclaimer: I think everyone knows by now that I don't own Dragon Ball Z much like the rest of you. The song is 'Sway' by the very talented Kiwi artist Bic Runga.
Sway
It is funny how I feel. It is like I can touch him no matter how far apart we are. And despite that, I am so afraid to reach out my hand recoils before my fingers graze his soft skin. It drives me crazy, because it's like he is teasing me when he walks past, smiling that goofy smile. I try so hard to hide my attraction that I probably ended up hurting him. I don't mean to do it, honestly. But I don't think I could stand the looks I would get if I admitted the truth.
Even already I have let too much slip. I told Sharpener I thought he was cool. Okay, that might seem trivial but I'm scared that even the smallest thing will reveal my everything. I've never felt so afraid in my life. Even after Mom died, I was like an open book. Now the covers are shut so tightly, I can barely read the pages myself. No one seems to see past it, least of all him. He's probably so oblivious to my torment he will stride out of my life before I get the chance to touch.
Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean and you pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, lay me down
I say it's all because of you
Sometimes I just wish I could corner him and blurt out everything I feel. I want to get this off my chest, but I have no one to confide in. I could tell Erasa but that would be like screaming it out on assembly. I could tell Sharpener too, but he'd probably beat Gohan up. The same goes for my father. He's so wrapped up in his no boys rule that he tends to forget he's of the male species.
I guess I could go to a counsellor or a shrink, but that would be like saying it's an obsession. I'm not obsessed with the guy. Just attracted, though that's probably as bad. I don't have photos of him on my wall and I don't have a shrine in my locker like you see in the high school horror movies. I'm just a regular teenage girl with a crush. The thing that frustrates me is that I've never had a crush on any one. Ever
And here I go, losing my control
I'm practicing your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell why
I say it's infinitely true
The other day, I saw him in the city. He was with a woman, probably in her mid thirties and a little boy. The little boy was adorable, sitting atop Gohan's shoulders and pointing at everything he saw. However, it wasn't until he referred to Gohan as his brother did I realise they were actually related, though they did look alike. The next thing I did was shameless. I know it was wrong and I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't help myself. I followed them.
I don't know how many blocks it was but I do recall walking past my own house. When they reached it, they stopped and Gohan pointed at it. I heard a squeal from the woman, and the little boy was talking in a most animated fashion, hands flying in all directions. I have no idea what Gohan said to them but it was kind of cute. Then they moved on, strolling further down the road till they met a blue haired woman with a little boy and a grumpy looking man. I stopped following them after that and went home. But the thing that plagued me the most was the fact that Gohan didn't seem to have a dad.
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
Sometimes, when I'm bored or brooding, I practice saying his name. Once I even caught myself say Son Videl. I remember blushing beetroot red at no one in particular. That was the day that I cried. I don't really know why I cried. I also don't know why it bothers me so much. Sometimes I just cry for no reason and put it down to my mom. But this time, it felt like I was so emotionally drained that I needed to cry. I just cried for hours, swaying myself backwards and forwards. Maybe it was just hormones. Dende, I hate being a teenager.
This torment I feel. It's all because of him. I hope it makes him happy. Though he probably has no clue. He's such the clueless one that I'm just another bitchy teenager in his eyes. I probably remind him of his mother. I wish someone could prescribe me a cure for this because I know I'll just end up heartbroken. He'll sway out of my life, attending some expensive elite university and becoming a professor in Dende knows what. And I'll just be stuck as little old me. A depressed lovesick hero's daughter. Just another anybody with no face.
And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
And still in so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon
Oh, Dende, this song is driving me crazy. All I keep hearing is 'Sway my way' chasing itself through my brain. Why won't it go away? I know I've heard it before, but I can't remember where. Maybe Erasa will know. She tends to know every song ever sung. But I couldn't be bothered ringing her. She'll just prattle on about her new boyfriend. I love Erasa dearly (purely platonic, of course) but she drives me up the wall. Just like this damn song.
Once, when I was young, I met a girl, about my age, called Lime. I kept in touch with her until a couple of years ago. And she used to talk about a boy called Gohan. She had met him just before the Cell Games, and she spoke about him in such an awed voice, I used to wonder if he was an angel. So one day, after much musings, I asked her why this Gohan was so special. And you know what she told me. She told me he had beaten Cell. At the time I laughed it off as a silly joke. I knew my father had beaten Cell, and I had that very argument with Lime so many times it began to wear thin. But no matter how many times I argued the point with her, she would refuse to believe me.
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
Maybe Lime was right, because now that I think I know the Gohan she was talking about, it leads me to believe that if he could be the Great Saiyaman then maybe he could be that boy at the Cell Games. Lime used to tell me he could fire light out of his hands and he could fly. She was almost in love with the guy. And somehow, no matter how I twist the paper, I think I know what she means. If it is the same Gohan, then I know why she loved him. And if it isn't the same Gohan, I don't care. I love him anyway.
There I finally admitted it. I love him. Like that's helped any. I feel as depressed as ever. I can't stand feeling so tormented by the one-sidedness of the whole attachment. He sees it as a platonic relationship but I see it as so much more. I could drive myself up the wall thinking about it. Presently I am lying on my head. Maybe, if press hard enough, my brain will explode and I won't have to worry about him anymore.
It's all because of you
It's all because of you
Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It's time to tell why,
I say it's infinitely true
You know, suddenly I feel dizzy. I think I just crashed into an invisible barrier and now I'm drowning. It's not particularly pleasant but it has revealed more of that damn song to me. 'I need to know all about you.' That leads me to another thing. I want, and I'm going to be selfish here, to know everything about that damn boy if it's the last thing I do. I'm already pretty sure he's Saiyaman and I have an unrequited feeling he's really the one who beat Cell, not my dad. So, if I am right, then how can one boy, simply, shy, nerdy (Sharpener's words I promise) Gohan be that powerful. Maybe he's an alien.
If I'm completely wrong about all this, then I can honestly admit I'm going to die. I'll just lie in my bed forever, until my body decomposes in its on juices. That sounds really morbid but I read it somewhere. The mental picture is more morbid then the written description.
I'm going to blame him for another thing. He had ruined my logic. Everything that goes wrong is his fault. Now my brain is telling me to kiss him. How stupids that?
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you
With a hand on either side of his face, Videl did the one thing that had been driving her crazy since she had met him. She kissed him so hard her own lips hurt, swollen and red. She ran those very lips across every part of his lips and she ran her tongue across every inch of his mouth.
For her torment was all because of him.
It's all because of you
It's all because of you
It's all because of you
The End.
*So what do you think? I think I'm stuck in the Videl psyche but I'll try and get out of it so I can move on and finish chapter four of It's My Life. Anyway better get back to study. Aloha!*