Standard Disclaimer!
Well I thought of a few other odd ideas for lil joke stories. Nothing with any real merit to it but hopefully something you'll laugh at.
Be warned though a few are a bit.off.
Speaking of off WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH VOX!!! I mean really.
And remember; only one of these has any correlation to previous ones. Most are independent.
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Scenes of life 2
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- the set up
Shinji wasn't really enjoying his life. Aside from being a giant robot pilot, which he hated. He lived with two very attractive women. Who didn't seem to care too much about him.
He worked with another really attractive woman.who didn't really seem to know he was alive.
His father.well he hoped one day his father would be out on the training course and he could have a little father-son stomping time.
That always brought a smile to his face. Bloody paste.
However he was tired of life. All the tests.well he had to stop for a moment. Doctor Akagi had him perform some odd tests, and not all were bad. He just questioned them.
Shaking off the creeping feeling of violation he associated with the fake blond he decided he was going to see what death was like.
"But suicide is a mortal sin," he said to himself, being the religious scholar that he was. "So I'll have to get somebody to do the deed for me.If I get somebody mad enough they could do it!"
So Shinji went off to piss the world off so much that it wanted him dead.
-------------------
The Big Switch
"Come on Baka! It'll be funny!" Asuka shouted into her companions face.
Shaking his head with uncertainty, "How can this be fun? It's not even possible!"
"You're just saying that because you're a chicken. Have some guts for once." She stopped, 'He'll never have guts, let's try this again.'
She looked up from her mental debate to find Shinji slowly walking away, "Stop! If you do it I'll.I'll.do your chores for a month."
'Misato is going to cook this week.the dishes themselves would be worth this, I think.'
Asuka saw him fidget, and with Shinji fidget equals victory. "I'll get the contacts."
"Contacts?" he asked, knowing full well that he was doomed to Asuka's joke.
Tossing a Nerv uniform at him, "Yeah, you have different eye colors."
So as Asuka went to get some contacts Shinji changed his cloths. He donned a light brown tech uniform and altered his hair style a tad. When Asuka came back she wasn't happy.
"Baka you forgot the falsies!"
Blushing deep red, "Can't I skip those?"
"Nobody is going to think you're Maya if you don't have breasts you idiot.even if she's the smallest stacked girl at Nerv. And aside from the eyes and breasts.you look JUST like her."
Not waiting for his reply Asuka forcibly put the padded bra on him and rebuttoned his shirt.
"They'll know I'm not her when I talk!" Shinji protested as Asuka helped him apply his colored contacts.
Smiling at her handy work, "That's why you won't talk. I have it all set up. Maya is going to meet me at a park outside of the Geofront to discuss.feminine issues," Asuka had to stop talking at that moment. She was going to regret telling Maya that she needed help with her period but if the joke worked it'd be worth it.
"I'll leave a note on her desk saying she's lost her voice, then you show up and act like her!" She finished proudly.
"How is this funny again?"
"Don't you have a sense of humor? It's pulling the wool over everybody's eyes! The big switch. It'll be a laugh riot, just don't let anybody find out it's you.could get in really big trouble."
'SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT' Shinji mentally told himself, he couldn't believe Asuka talked him into this. Well not really talked, she simply made him. Before he could get a word in edgewise.
"So you better stop talking now to get used to it," Asuka told him, more to keep his comments about humor to himself.
So that's how he found himself wearing a female tech uniform, fake breasts, contact lenses, and walking towards the command bridge. His cel phone rang once and went silent signaling Asuka had indeed gotten Maya out of the GeoFront.
'So what does Maya do all day anyway?' he thought as he took what he hoped was her seat at the bridge.
Not knowing what she did, he simply started playing solitary on her computer, oddly enough it had a saved game. He was startled when Ritsuko grabbed him from behind.
"Sorry bout last night, had to deal with the dirty old man again," she added a squeeze to his shoulders.
Shinji turned and looked at the doctor and noticed she had an odd look in her eyes. He handed her the note Asuka gave him and pointed to his throat.
Ritsuko nodded, "I thought you were a little horse the other day."
Shinji didn't quite understand her meaning, at the last sync test Maya sounded fine.
"I have to do some more work on the 'Shinji' project. Could you run Rei's physical? I left the forms in the room."
Nodding meekly Shinji stood up and started walking towards the infirmary, but stopped when Ritsuko said.
"Your butt looks nicer today, been working out?"
Shinji simply blushed and hurried away, leaving a very happy Ritsuko.
Making his way to the infirmary, Shinji was thinking, 'Whats up with that woman? What's this Shinji project? I have to give Ayanami a physical?' Sure enough as he entered the room, Rei was sitting on a table.
"Ibuki-san, you are two point three minutes late."
Releasing a sigh of relief that Rei didn't notice he wasn't really Maya, he pointed to his throat and handed the excuse. She looked it over and handed him the papers she was looking at.
"I should disrobe for these tests correct?"
His eyes shot open and he almost shouted no, but he was trapped in the lie until Asuka deemed it necessary. He scanned the papers for the tests and nearly fainted. 'Maya's a gynecologist?'
He looked up from the paperwork and saw Rei taking her shirt off; quickly he grabbed her hands and shook his head. Rei merely looked at him quizzically. Not knowing what else to do, Shinji put a thermometer in her mouth, wrote down the temperature and dismissed her.
Not sure why her tests were cut short, Rei left with a depressed state of mind. 'I was told that it would have occurred otherwise.'
Looking at all the blank spaces on the forms.Shinji decided to be creative and filled in what he could with his best lies.When the forms were looked at later, he had not only misspelled all the words but had given Rei ailments not seen on earth for over seven centuries.
As he finished his work, Ritsuko walked up behind him again, 'what is up with her hugging Maya so much? They must be really good friends.'
"Got those done finally? Good, we can take off early. I'm in the mood for some food and drinking, and maybe a little." she trailed off.
Feeling his stomach rumble Shinji relented, if anything this joke could get him some good food. He just wondered how Asuka was faring keeping Maya away.
Thirty minutes later, Shinji and Ritsuko were walking into one of the fancier restaurants in Tokyo-3. 'I hope she's paying.'
Flashing her badge to the garcon, the two were given a rather spacious table.
"I love abusing my power from Nerv. And to think they'll be paying for this too," Ritsuko said over her menu.
Shinji was getting really nervous. He prayed Ritsuko wouldn't see through his disguise. Being so close to her, and being himself, he was sure he'd be found out soon.
When the waiter showed up, Ritsuko ordered for the pair, stating that her friend couldn't speak.
What followed next was a blur for the boy. The food arrived, as did the drink. Which he didn't know was very alcoholic. Drinking his drink and eating his food, his mind fogged over. Suddenly their was nothingness.
He opened his eyes and was looking up at the ceiling, and surrounded by blankets. "Thank Kami, it was all a dream."
Turning on his side to catch a few more minutes of sleep he pressed his hand into something firm and soft.that moaned.
He froze, his heart seemed to go into fight or flight mode. Ritsuko sat up in her bed and looked down. "Morning Tiger."
"Tiger! Did we.did I.you know.." He mumbled.
Smiling and drawing lazy circles on what he discovered was his bear chest, "We did, you're quite the man Shinji, and I found out rather to my surprise last night."
"I don't believe it." he said softly, mentally screaming, "I'm going to kill you Asuka!"
"Shall I remind you?"
Shinji well.no need to go into further detail
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If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Asuka
Not wanting to draw out death, Shinji decided the surest source of his demise. His younger room-mate.
Finding Asuka on the couch watching television, Shinji sat down right next to her.
"Watch it Baka, I'm not in the mood for you're perversion."
Almost muttering an apology and leaving, Shinji remembered WHY he was there. He grabbed the remote from her hand and turned off the television. He was going to piss her off by Kami.
Turning slowly to look at him, "You better have a good reason for that third child."
Putting his hands on her cheeks Shinji kissed her deeply. Finding she didn't resist his actions for long, but he wasn't actually thinking with his lower head, this was a means to an end. He withdrew and saw Asuka's eyes were sealed shut and her mouth still in its last position.
"I'll never do that again. You disgust me!"
Hearing Shinji speak shocked Asuka out of her dream world. "Wha..?"
He had been saving this speech for awhile, "I thought I liked you, but all you do is bitch, and preach, and contradict yourself. I'm never what you want at the time you ask for it. You hurt everybody, including yourself. You're selfish, perverse, and lazy. Your damn pride is going to kill you!"
Shinji stopped and waited. 'After saying all that she'll go into a rage and kill me! Throw me off the balcony or something!'
Asuka stared at him blankly. 'He just told me.how dare he.but.' She stopped her murderous intent and thought.'He's right!' Tears started to form in her eyes and she ran from the room bawling.
Shinji stared at the space she had occupied and said, "Well son-of-a- bitch."
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We have laws against that kind of thing
Gendo sat in his office and looked over several files. He had to choose which of the three people in said files he would hire for the new tech position.
Kozo stepped over next to him. "The model for the new uniform is here."
Raising his hands to his chin in his trademark position, "Lets see it."
Handing the man a few photos, "I don' think they'll go over well."
"I'll be the judge of that, have Major Katsuragi be the test subject, and send in the hopefuls."
Dismissing himself, Kozo left the office and told the three people standing outside the door to enter.
Gendo smiled as he saw the fresh meat enter his office. 'It's good to be the king,' he thought.
Directing his attention to the first person, "Step forward."
A fairly tall man stepped under a light column in front of the big G's desk.
'Not a chance,' He thought as he looked at the man. "Next."
Dejected the man left the office; this had been his 99th interview.
Gendo dismissed the following man just as quickly.
The third applicant walked into the light column. Gendo stopped. Before him was a very attractive woman. Slightly shorter than himself he noted, long teal hair, wearing a red bandanna.
"State your name."
"Kiyone Makibi," the woman stated.
Smirking behind his clenched hands, "You're last position?"
'The pig would use that term,' the woman thought, "Secretary."
'Excellent,' he thought. "You do know that if you're hired, you will be required to work late."
"Yes sir, I was aware of that."
Smiling outwardly, "You're hired."
Suddenly the woman started to laugh, "Gendo Ikari, you are under arrest for sexual harassment and descrimation. Of the two thousand employees at Nerv, you have only 5 male employees!"
"What?" he shouted.
"The GP have had our eyes on you for some time, and I'm here to arrest you."
"DAMMIT!"
Outside his office Misato stared at the piece of cloth given to her, "I am not wearing leggings and rabbit ears to work, to hell with this place."
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If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Misato
After his failure with Asuka, Shinji altered his sights. He was still puzzled why Asuka hadn't killed him. "Why did she start crying?"
Feeling bad about making her cry, Shinji set about his next task, trying to think of a way to get Misato mad enough to kill him.
'I know! Her beer is her weakness, so I can just."
Two hours of opening and pouring later.and a mountain of aluminum, Misato arrived at the apartment from work.
'Kami-sama I need a beer,' she thought as she headed to the fridge. Finding Shinji sitting at the table with an odd look on his face, she offered a quick 'hi' as she opened the door.
"WHAT THE!!!"
'YATTA!' the boy thought as he saw the reaction he had hoped for, ' now to push her over the side.'
"I poured it all down the drain, all of it."
Seeing red, Misato was livid, 'I'm going to kill him! It cost me a fortune to get that much beer!' Trying to calm her a bit, "Why did you do that?"
"Because I wanted to, you disgust me."
Grabbing the boy by the collar, "Is that so.would you mind elaborating Shinji-same?"
'This is going perfectly, only one thing left to do.' he smiled as he spoke, "Look at you. How old are you and you need ME to care for you? I mean 'I'M' younger physically than you but older emotionally! Don't you think you should grow up a bit?"
He stopped a moment to assure Misato was taking in his verbal barbs. She was her eyes narrowed and veins started to appear on her head, he pressed on.
Pointing to her stomach, "And what's this? When I moved in you were gorgeous! Now you have a beer belly, smell like booze, and probably have no liver left. You'll be lucky to live for another two years regardless of the angels!"
She dropped him; he had struck a major cord, 'He's right, I'm killing myself! He.he did this because he cares about me! Oh Shinji-kun I'm so sorry!'
Again Shinji was shocked when he saw the hopefully murderer start crying and run from the room.
"SON OF A BITCH!"
--------------------
What happened to.
Walking home from school one day, Asuka was thinking, 'Here I am savior of Tokyo-3, and what do I have to show for it?'
She stopped walking, "Tokyo-3.what a dumb name. Why name a city Tokyo-3."
It stayed on her mind as she walked home, 'I understand why they'd name a city Tokyo. But Tokyo was destroyed during 2nd impact.'
Walking into her apartment she was still obsessed with the idea, finding Shinji watching television, "Hey baka."
On hearing his loving title he turned his head, "Yeah Asuka?"
"What happened to Tokyo-2?"
"Tokyo-2?"
Growing frustrated at his lack of understanding, "Yeah, we live in Tokyo-3, Tokyo was destroyed, so what happened to Tokyo-2?"
Sitting formally, Shinji was perplexed, 'What DID happen to Tokyo-2?'
"Don't know, maybe Misato knows."
So the pair headed to Misato's room, finding it empty they headed to Nerv. As they walked they asked everybody they found along the way. Nobody knew. Those they asked followed them in the pursuit of the answer.
Shinji was the one to ask Misato, "Misato-san why is this city called Tokyo- 3, what happened to Tokyo-2?"
Misato being the bastion of knowledge she was, quickly looked away, claimed she was busy and said to ask Ritsuko. 'How the hell am I supposed to know that?'
By now the group was getting worried, why hadn't anybody thought of this before? Why didn't anybody know? Where was that smell coming from? Could you make Pen-Pen dance for fish? How did I get off track?
In the end, after an long chase, Asuka corned Ritsuko in the infirmary and asked politely, which means she only held one scalpel to her neck. "What happened to Tokyo-2?"
Knowing she had no way to escape the question, Ritsuko blushed, "It was the week before Unit-00 was completed."
The crowd hushed, finally the answer.
"Godzilla attacked. We didn't have the technology to take him out without N2'ing the city to rubble. So we rebuilt it."
As all the Japanese people seem to accept that answer Asuka paled, "GODZILLA IS REAL!!!"
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If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Rei
Now fully perplexed as to why he couldn't piss people off, Shinji left his apartment. That and he couldn't stand listening to Misato crying. 'I didn't want to make her cry.just kill me.'
Finding his sources of potential 'helpers' dwindling he headed to Nerv. "Who could I get angry enough to do this?"
As he took the escalator to the ground floor, a memory of Rei slapping him entered his mind. "I know she can get mad, but mad enough to kill?"
With nothing else to do, he sought out Rei, "At least she won't cry."
He found the blue haired girl staring at a vending machine.
"Rei, what are you doing?"
"Questioning humanities enslavement of machines for personal use," she replied.
Resisting the urge to scream and run away right there, he thought of what to say.
"Can I say something to you?"
"You just have."
Now he had to try to resist the urge to kill her, 'Why must she make talking to her so hard.THAT'S IT!'
"You really are a doll aren't you?"
'Ikari-kun.called me a doll? Of all people he was the only one not to.the insolence.' her mind was growing dark.
"I mean, you listen to my father! My father who treats you like a wrench! A tool! Putting you in a dirty little toolbox he calls an apartment. You never try to get to know people, just talking when talked to, like the pull a string!"
Shinji had no idea whether his words had any affect as Rei remained impassive.
"I can understand being shy but you don't try! If you did you may actually enjoy life but I bed 'the commander' doesn't WANT you to be happy so why question HIM. Not like he hasn't done anything WRONG.wait he ABANDONDED his own son."
Shinji stopped when a tear threatened to escape Rei's eyes. "Jesus tap dancing Christ not her too!"
Rei lightly touched Shinji's cheek, "You are right, I have blinded myself with logic. Thank you for showing me the err of my ways. May we continue this conversation after I have regained my composure?"
As Rei walked away from him, he simply muttered, "What is wrong with these people."
----------------------
Turn about Fair Play
Rei was confused. During her stay at school that day, something odd had happened. "Ikari-kun asked me to a ramen stand. Is that what is called as a date?"
She didn't understand but she wished to. She slowly took off her plugsuit and changed back into her normal cloths. She took a look through the screen partition and saw Shinji. "I'll ask him now."
Adjusting the bow on her uniform, she crossed over to the other side. As she walked over, she saw Shinji turn red and press himself against the lockers.
"Ikari-kun, may we talk?"
"REI! Um..could you.what are you." Shinji muttered as he turned bright red.
Unthawed by his comments, she continued to press her advance not noticing a bar of soap on the ground.
The next few seconds were fairly comical as Rei slid on the soap and collided with Shinji. Landing on top of him.
She peered deeply into his blue eyes and wondered why his face was so red.and what that thing in her hand was. 'Interesting, it is warm to the touch.is it expanding?'
"Please get off me.and don't touch that." Shinji muttered very quietly as he stared up at her.
Not understanding Rei didn't more, nor let go. "What do you mean?"
Slowly looking at Rei's hand, "That.what you have your hand on.let go.please get off me.please?"
Rei followed his eyes and blushed soflty, "I have never saw one of those before.interesting."
By now Shinji had decided not do remain conscious and went to his nice happy place far away from people.
The next day, Rei was again confused as to why Misato had ordered her not to go into the male changing area while Shinji was nude.
"He saw me nude last week, what is the harm in this?"
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What REALLY happened between Gendo and Rei during EoE
Gendo was furious. "Those bastards are attacking us!"
He was escorting Rei into the bowels of the GeoFront. 'I can't let them hurt my Rei-chan. She's almost like my daughter!'
Rei III was typically oblivious to the situation as she was dragged by him. As they walked, Rei thought, and tried to remember things past. She had seen that boy, Shinji, a few days ago and it had stirred something in her.
As they entered a large open area, she stopped, "I remember."
"Great you remember, we have to get to a shelter, you can tell me later.wait.you remember?"
Rei nodded, "I remember something that happened between Shinji and myself."
'Shinji! That bastard son of mine! The boy that gets all the tail that should be MINE!' Shaking his head, "Tell me."
"No, it would be easier to show you," The girl said.
Gendo got a creeping feeling, "Ok, show me...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Rei stopped talking her blouse off, "I was like this."
A now feeling of rage began to fill him, 'what did he do that involved her be naked.'
He froze when Rei placed his hand over her left breast, "You have got to be kidding me.my son did that!"
"In a sense, but we were lying down."
'I'm going to kill him.I'm going to take this hand and.this hand.' he looked at his hand, then at Rei, then at his hand, "OH MY KAMI WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HAND?!?!"
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If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Bridge Bunnies
Walking away from his disastrous encounter with Rei, Shinji headed towards the bridge.
"Who would have suspected Ayanami would react like THAT?" he said to myself as he saw his next target. If he couldn't get one person to do it, maybe he could get three angry enough to do it.
However his attempts at pissing off people wasn't really working and it was only increasing his depression. 'I try to piss people off and I only make them sad, or in Rei's case confused.'
Looking around at the empty bridge, Shinji set into his next bout of anger management. It took him nearly an hour, but oddly enough nobody was on the bridge, came to the bridge, or even cleaned it, save Smitty*. But Smitty was always there. (Just a cameo from VoaT)
Maya was first to arrive. As she approached her terminal Shinji sat in the chair next to hers. Maya welcomed him and turned her computer on.and stopped.
"Hello Kitty" danced on her screen, behind the giant cats head were the words "I LOVE HELLO KITTY." Maya looked dumbly at the screen, then at the text document that was on the task bar.
"What's that?" her voice holding no discernable emotion.
"The thing I charged to your Nevr credit card," Shinji responded, 'its just so sick and wrong she'll get pissed! Then add up what I did to those other guys.'
Maya clicked the button and her eyes dilated, "Oh my KAMI! It's the "Hello Kitty" Massager! How did you know!"
(FYI that thing DOES exist.evil vile thing that is is. I mean WHY make such a thing?)
Face faulting at the unexpected result, "You mean you actually WANT that?"
Blushing softly, "It's the only thing missing from my collection, and I love what you did to my console. It was so drab before," she finishes by giving the boy a quick peck on the cheek.
As the other two walked in, one happily playing the guitar Shinji thought he defaced, and the other ogling the pictures Shinji had cut from the manga left at the desk, he ran crying from the room.
"That kid is really nice, you know that?" Mokoto said.
The others agreed, "Such a nice boy."
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What were you really Thinking?
Misato just heard the rumors, Ritsuko had seduced Shinji, HER Shinji. So of course, she was hunting the blond down with violent intent.
Barging into Ritsuko's office, "What the hell is this that I heard about you and Shinji! Why was he at your apartment! And why the woman's uniform!"
Expecting her friends rage, Ritsuko sat behind two panes of bullet proof glass that she just had installed. Over the intercom she just set up herself. "It was a joke Asuka came up with."
Firing two shots to test how bullet resistant the glass was, "Do tell."
"Well she dressed Shinji up and passed him off as Maya, we went on a date."
"Wait! You and Shinji or you and Maya?" Misato asked while scratching her head.
Blushing lightly, "I thought it was Maya but it was really Shinji."
"You date Maya? That's odd."
Lowering the glass, "No, what is odd is your albino penguin that steals pens to color its feathers."
To that Misato laughed, "They still don't know why I call him Pen-Pen, or why they can't find their pens. Go on."
"Well after dinner and drinks one thing led to another and.I found out Shinji's quite the man, more so than Kaji."
"WHAT!?!?!"
"Oh, what part didn't you want to know? Former or later."
Feeling the rage build again, but not at her friend, "Both actually."
As images of shooting Kaji entered Misato's mind, Ritsuko continued, "Well I'm sure its nothing you haven't seen."
Off handed, "Yeah, first day he moved in."
Now it was Ritsuko's turn to get upset, "You said you weren't going to put the moves on him!"
"I didn't!"
"So he just walked out nude for no reason?"
Nodding lightly, "Kinda."
Sneering at the purple haired woman, "I knew you were sick."
Accosted, "I'm sick? You're the one that.that..so how was it?"
Handing a few papers to Misato, Misato looked up questioningly, "You scheduled more sync tests? How does that answer my question?"
"Private sync tests.I decided to join you side."
"My side?"
"Well he is emotionally older than Kaji, just have to wait for his body to catch up."
"You're sick."
"Didn't we go over this before, I'm not sick, I just have particular tastes," Ritsuko informed her. "And admit it, you had eyes for him the moment you saw him."
Misato only blushed and sighed, praying no government agency was listening.
Taking her silence as key, "I knew that's what you were thinking when you took him in."
Misato scowled, "At least I didn't check him out after that LCL incident!"
Raising her voice, "You didn't have too! You were holding him!"
"Bitch I was worried. I wasn't looking at his."
"I saw you eyes! You were sizing him up like a suit!"
In his new office, Kozo smiled, "Having Gendo arrested was the best thing. Now I can watch the fight. Maybe I should have those two checked for pedophilia."
----------------
What To Do With Multiple Rei's
Smitty wasn't paid to understand science, nor was he skilled in the technical arts. He was a janitor. A good one too, so when he saw a switch that said "Master Dump" he assumed it was the garbage release lever. So he pushed it and went home happy.
As he left the room, dozen's of eyes opened. They were Rei, and they had a date with Shinji for some ramen.
In her apartment, Rei sneezed. She just arrived home from syncing with the dummy plug and wondered if she had gotten a cold. She'd sleep it off.
Waking in the morning she realized something was amiss when she saw twenty copies of herself looking at her.
"Morning," the Rei on the bed said.
They others replied in one voice, "Morning."
"I guess we need to prioritize and set up a caste system."
Again the others agreed, they were of one mind, but that was soon to change.
Later at school, the school Rei walked to class, she found Shinji sleeping at on his desk.
"Ikari-kun?"
"Oh Ayanami, sorry. Just tired, had that whole Jet-Alone thing."
Remembering what Nerv Rei had told her, "Understood, are we still to eat today?"
A light crimson crossing his face, "If you still want to."
"Affirmative, be at my dwelling at 6 pm," that said she actually left school and returned to the conference.
She walked into the apartment building and walked to room 406, new dwelling of Eva Rei. She knocked on the door, Eva Rei opened the door.
School Rei tagged Eva Rei's hand, "You're up."
So being tagged in, Eva Rei went to her sync test. Shortly to be followed by the Revenge Rei's.
The five Rei's that wished revenge against Ritsuko Akagi found her at Nerv.
Ritsuko wasn't having the best day. She had just spent two hours with a shrink who told her its ok to have young friends but you really shouldn't try to seduce them. She just put Rei in her test plug when she saw Rei walking past her.
"The hell?"
She followed her, rounded the corner and saw.Rei behind her. "Ok."
Wondering how Rei got out of the plug, walked down the hall, vanished, and ended up behind her, she followed the new Rei. Ritsuko was soon perplexed, no matter where she went, Rei showed up behind her. Always behind her. 'WHAT IS GOING ON??? I'm going crazy!'
Running like a woman possessed, Ritsuko decided to take some well deserved time off.
The revenge Rei's clapped hands and returned to the apartment, their date with Shinji was coming up and they had to plan.
After a short 20 person battle, they came to the consessus that fighting Rei would take the role as head spokesperson regarding Shinji. So when he arrived at Six, she was the one to go out to eat.
Two hours passed and when they came back, Fighting Rei stopped.
"Could you wait here second?"
Shinji said he would, he was really enjoying himself, he hoped that when the new pilot arrived, she'd be a fun to hang out with as Rei was now.
Walking into the room, Fighting Rei addressed the assembly, "We have confirmation. Seduction Rei, Cat-Eared Rei, your up."
"Nyow," Said cat-eared Rei, while Seduction Rei smiled well.seductively and they approached the door.
Shinji never knew what hit him.
---------------
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Gendo
"That's it! I'm going for the sure fire win here!" the now raginly pissed off Shinji said as he crossed the threshold of his fathers office. 'Why didn't I think of this before? Fater kills people for serving him cold coffee!"
Kicking the door open, Shinji entered, "FATHER!"
In surprise, Gendo dove over his Eva action figures, throwing them in a drawer. "What is it pilot?"
"I have something to say to you."
'It better not be about me playing with dolls,' Gendo thought as he eyed his son, "Go on."
Smiling, he had so been waiting for his, "You are a miserable man. You make these asinine plans for humanity, but have you ever stopped to think about whether you should? You're a cold hearted asshole that has the whole world hating you. You warped Rei, killed people, abandoned me, what would mom think? Have you stopped to think about that? No matter what you do who you kill what you destroy, she won't come back and if she did, she wouldn't be happy with you."
Gendo all but shot over to his son, Shinji looked up at his father, hope in his eyes. Gendo well Gendo took off his glasses and kneeled down by his son.
Shinji nearly had a heart attack when Gendo hugged him, "I'm so proud of you boy! I always thought you were a pansy! But now.now you're a real man! I'm so proud of you!"
Shinji just accepted it, nobody would kill him.
As he walked out of the office, his father still crying tears of joy, he saw everybody he had attacked that day. They had a banner hanging over the terminals.
Asuka kissed his cheek, "Thanks for the eye opener."
Misato followed next doing the same.
Rei smiled at him, Maya winked, and Shinji thought, 'All these people needed was somebody to just tell them off to make them happy? What the hell this? Ah to hell with it, maybe living is pretty good too.maybe it is pretty good.'
He smiled and joined the others at the "Shinji celebration" party.
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Well that was all for this one, bit longer than the other and a bit more racy. Sorry if that's not you cup of tea, mine's Green tea or nothing ^_^
I didn't have a grammer check as this story isn't really a story but a way of neglecting my other stories for a lil while.
Still have fallible to write. Out of Disaster Msts msts and more msts.^_^
Hope you laughed at least once during this whole thing, and I hope to get some feed back. That always makes ME smile
As always
Ja Mata
Zentrodie (zentrodie@secondimpact.com www.darkscribes.org )
Well I thought of a few other odd ideas for lil joke stories. Nothing with any real merit to it but hopefully something you'll laugh at.
Be warned though a few are a bit.off.
Speaking of off WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH VOX!!! I mean really.
And remember; only one of these has any correlation to previous ones. Most are independent.
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Scenes of life 2
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- the set up
Shinji wasn't really enjoying his life. Aside from being a giant robot pilot, which he hated. He lived with two very attractive women. Who didn't seem to care too much about him.
He worked with another really attractive woman.who didn't really seem to know he was alive.
His father.well he hoped one day his father would be out on the training course and he could have a little father-son stomping time.
That always brought a smile to his face. Bloody paste.
However he was tired of life. All the tests.well he had to stop for a moment. Doctor Akagi had him perform some odd tests, and not all were bad. He just questioned them.
Shaking off the creeping feeling of violation he associated with the fake blond he decided he was going to see what death was like.
"But suicide is a mortal sin," he said to himself, being the religious scholar that he was. "So I'll have to get somebody to do the deed for me.If I get somebody mad enough they could do it!"
So Shinji went off to piss the world off so much that it wanted him dead.
-------------------
The Big Switch
"Come on Baka! It'll be funny!" Asuka shouted into her companions face.
Shaking his head with uncertainty, "How can this be fun? It's not even possible!"
"You're just saying that because you're a chicken. Have some guts for once." She stopped, 'He'll never have guts, let's try this again.'
She looked up from her mental debate to find Shinji slowly walking away, "Stop! If you do it I'll.I'll.do your chores for a month."
'Misato is going to cook this week.the dishes themselves would be worth this, I think.'
Asuka saw him fidget, and with Shinji fidget equals victory. "I'll get the contacts."
"Contacts?" he asked, knowing full well that he was doomed to Asuka's joke.
Tossing a Nerv uniform at him, "Yeah, you have different eye colors."
So as Asuka went to get some contacts Shinji changed his cloths. He donned a light brown tech uniform and altered his hair style a tad. When Asuka came back she wasn't happy.
"Baka you forgot the falsies!"
Blushing deep red, "Can't I skip those?"
"Nobody is going to think you're Maya if you don't have breasts you idiot.even if she's the smallest stacked girl at Nerv. And aside from the eyes and breasts.you look JUST like her."
Not waiting for his reply Asuka forcibly put the padded bra on him and rebuttoned his shirt.
"They'll know I'm not her when I talk!" Shinji protested as Asuka helped him apply his colored contacts.
Smiling at her handy work, "That's why you won't talk. I have it all set up. Maya is going to meet me at a park outside of the Geofront to discuss.feminine issues," Asuka had to stop talking at that moment. She was going to regret telling Maya that she needed help with her period but if the joke worked it'd be worth it.
"I'll leave a note on her desk saying she's lost her voice, then you show up and act like her!" She finished proudly.
"How is this funny again?"
"Don't you have a sense of humor? It's pulling the wool over everybody's eyes! The big switch. It'll be a laugh riot, just don't let anybody find out it's you.could get in really big trouble."
'SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT' Shinji mentally told himself, he couldn't believe Asuka talked him into this. Well not really talked, she simply made him. Before he could get a word in edgewise.
"So you better stop talking now to get used to it," Asuka told him, more to keep his comments about humor to himself.
So that's how he found himself wearing a female tech uniform, fake breasts, contact lenses, and walking towards the command bridge. His cel phone rang once and went silent signaling Asuka had indeed gotten Maya out of the GeoFront.
'So what does Maya do all day anyway?' he thought as he took what he hoped was her seat at the bridge.
Not knowing what she did, he simply started playing solitary on her computer, oddly enough it had a saved game. He was startled when Ritsuko grabbed him from behind.
"Sorry bout last night, had to deal with the dirty old man again," she added a squeeze to his shoulders.
Shinji turned and looked at the doctor and noticed she had an odd look in her eyes. He handed her the note Asuka gave him and pointed to his throat.
Ritsuko nodded, "I thought you were a little horse the other day."
Shinji didn't quite understand her meaning, at the last sync test Maya sounded fine.
"I have to do some more work on the 'Shinji' project. Could you run Rei's physical? I left the forms in the room."
Nodding meekly Shinji stood up and started walking towards the infirmary, but stopped when Ritsuko said.
"Your butt looks nicer today, been working out?"
Shinji simply blushed and hurried away, leaving a very happy Ritsuko.
Making his way to the infirmary, Shinji was thinking, 'Whats up with that woman? What's this Shinji project? I have to give Ayanami a physical?' Sure enough as he entered the room, Rei was sitting on a table.
"Ibuki-san, you are two point three minutes late."
Releasing a sigh of relief that Rei didn't notice he wasn't really Maya, he pointed to his throat and handed the excuse. She looked it over and handed him the papers she was looking at.
"I should disrobe for these tests correct?"
His eyes shot open and he almost shouted no, but he was trapped in the lie until Asuka deemed it necessary. He scanned the papers for the tests and nearly fainted. 'Maya's a gynecologist?'
He looked up from the paperwork and saw Rei taking her shirt off; quickly he grabbed her hands and shook his head. Rei merely looked at him quizzically. Not knowing what else to do, Shinji put a thermometer in her mouth, wrote down the temperature and dismissed her.
Not sure why her tests were cut short, Rei left with a depressed state of mind. 'I was told that it would have occurred otherwise.'
Looking at all the blank spaces on the forms.Shinji decided to be creative and filled in what he could with his best lies.When the forms were looked at later, he had not only misspelled all the words but had given Rei ailments not seen on earth for over seven centuries.
As he finished his work, Ritsuko walked up behind him again, 'what is up with her hugging Maya so much? They must be really good friends.'
"Got those done finally? Good, we can take off early. I'm in the mood for some food and drinking, and maybe a little." she trailed off.
Feeling his stomach rumble Shinji relented, if anything this joke could get him some good food. He just wondered how Asuka was faring keeping Maya away.
Thirty minutes later, Shinji and Ritsuko were walking into one of the fancier restaurants in Tokyo-3. 'I hope she's paying.'
Flashing her badge to the garcon, the two were given a rather spacious table.
"I love abusing my power from Nerv. And to think they'll be paying for this too," Ritsuko said over her menu.
Shinji was getting really nervous. He prayed Ritsuko wouldn't see through his disguise. Being so close to her, and being himself, he was sure he'd be found out soon.
When the waiter showed up, Ritsuko ordered for the pair, stating that her friend couldn't speak.
What followed next was a blur for the boy. The food arrived, as did the drink. Which he didn't know was very alcoholic. Drinking his drink and eating his food, his mind fogged over. Suddenly their was nothingness.
He opened his eyes and was looking up at the ceiling, and surrounded by blankets. "Thank Kami, it was all a dream."
Turning on his side to catch a few more minutes of sleep he pressed his hand into something firm and soft.that moaned.
He froze, his heart seemed to go into fight or flight mode. Ritsuko sat up in her bed and looked down. "Morning Tiger."
"Tiger! Did we.did I.you know.." He mumbled.
Smiling and drawing lazy circles on what he discovered was his bear chest, "We did, you're quite the man Shinji, and I found out rather to my surprise last night."
"I don't believe it." he said softly, mentally screaming, "I'm going to kill you Asuka!"
"Shall I remind you?"
Shinji well.no need to go into further detail
------------------
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Asuka
Not wanting to draw out death, Shinji decided the surest source of his demise. His younger room-mate.
Finding Asuka on the couch watching television, Shinji sat down right next to her.
"Watch it Baka, I'm not in the mood for you're perversion."
Almost muttering an apology and leaving, Shinji remembered WHY he was there. He grabbed the remote from her hand and turned off the television. He was going to piss her off by Kami.
Turning slowly to look at him, "You better have a good reason for that third child."
Putting his hands on her cheeks Shinji kissed her deeply. Finding she didn't resist his actions for long, but he wasn't actually thinking with his lower head, this was a means to an end. He withdrew and saw Asuka's eyes were sealed shut and her mouth still in its last position.
"I'll never do that again. You disgust me!"
Hearing Shinji speak shocked Asuka out of her dream world. "Wha..?"
He had been saving this speech for awhile, "I thought I liked you, but all you do is bitch, and preach, and contradict yourself. I'm never what you want at the time you ask for it. You hurt everybody, including yourself. You're selfish, perverse, and lazy. Your damn pride is going to kill you!"
Shinji stopped and waited. 'After saying all that she'll go into a rage and kill me! Throw me off the balcony or something!'
Asuka stared at him blankly. 'He just told me.how dare he.but.' She stopped her murderous intent and thought.'He's right!' Tears started to form in her eyes and she ran from the room bawling.
Shinji stared at the space she had occupied and said, "Well son-of-a- bitch."
--------------------
We have laws against that kind of thing
Gendo sat in his office and looked over several files. He had to choose which of the three people in said files he would hire for the new tech position.
Kozo stepped over next to him. "The model for the new uniform is here."
Raising his hands to his chin in his trademark position, "Lets see it."
Handing the man a few photos, "I don' think they'll go over well."
"I'll be the judge of that, have Major Katsuragi be the test subject, and send in the hopefuls."
Dismissing himself, Kozo left the office and told the three people standing outside the door to enter.
Gendo smiled as he saw the fresh meat enter his office. 'It's good to be the king,' he thought.
Directing his attention to the first person, "Step forward."
A fairly tall man stepped under a light column in front of the big G's desk.
'Not a chance,' He thought as he looked at the man. "Next."
Dejected the man left the office; this had been his 99th interview.
Gendo dismissed the following man just as quickly.
The third applicant walked into the light column. Gendo stopped. Before him was a very attractive woman. Slightly shorter than himself he noted, long teal hair, wearing a red bandanna.
"State your name."
"Kiyone Makibi," the woman stated.
Smirking behind his clenched hands, "You're last position?"
'The pig would use that term,' the woman thought, "Secretary."
'Excellent,' he thought. "You do know that if you're hired, you will be required to work late."
"Yes sir, I was aware of that."
Smiling outwardly, "You're hired."
Suddenly the woman started to laugh, "Gendo Ikari, you are under arrest for sexual harassment and descrimation. Of the two thousand employees at Nerv, you have only 5 male employees!"
"What?" he shouted.
"The GP have had our eyes on you for some time, and I'm here to arrest you."
"DAMMIT!"
Outside his office Misato stared at the piece of cloth given to her, "I am not wearing leggings and rabbit ears to work, to hell with this place."
-----------------------
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Misato
After his failure with Asuka, Shinji altered his sights. He was still puzzled why Asuka hadn't killed him. "Why did she start crying?"
Feeling bad about making her cry, Shinji set about his next task, trying to think of a way to get Misato mad enough to kill him.
'I know! Her beer is her weakness, so I can just."
Two hours of opening and pouring later.and a mountain of aluminum, Misato arrived at the apartment from work.
'Kami-sama I need a beer,' she thought as she headed to the fridge. Finding Shinji sitting at the table with an odd look on his face, she offered a quick 'hi' as she opened the door.
"WHAT THE!!!"
'YATTA!' the boy thought as he saw the reaction he had hoped for, ' now to push her over the side.'
"I poured it all down the drain, all of it."
Seeing red, Misato was livid, 'I'm going to kill him! It cost me a fortune to get that much beer!' Trying to calm her a bit, "Why did you do that?"
"Because I wanted to, you disgust me."
Grabbing the boy by the collar, "Is that so.would you mind elaborating Shinji-same?"
'This is going perfectly, only one thing left to do.' he smiled as he spoke, "Look at you. How old are you and you need ME to care for you? I mean 'I'M' younger physically than you but older emotionally! Don't you think you should grow up a bit?"
He stopped a moment to assure Misato was taking in his verbal barbs. She was her eyes narrowed and veins started to appear on her head, he pressed on.
Pointing to her stomach, "And what's this? When I moved in you were gorgeous! Now you have a beer belly, smell like booze, and probably have no liver left. You'll be lucky to live for another two years regardless of the angels!"
She dropped him; he had struck a major cord, 'He's right, I'm killing myself! He.he did this because he cares about me! Oh Shinji-kun I'm so sorry!'
Again Shinji was shocked when he saw the hopefully murderer start crying and run from the room.
"SON OF A BITCH!"
--------------------
What happened to.
Walking home from school one day, Asuka was thinking, 'Here I am savior of Tokyo-3, and what do I have to show for it?'
She stopped walking, "Tokyo-3.what a dumb name. Why name a city Tokyo-3."
It stayed on her mind as she walked home, 'I understand why they'd name a city Tokyo. But Tokyo was destroyed during 2nd impact.'
Walking into her apartment she was still obsessed with the idea, finding Shinji watching television, "Hey baka."
On hearing his loving title he turned his head, "Yeah Asuka?"
"What happened to Tokyo-2?"
"Tokyo-2?"
Growing frustrated at his lack of understanding, "Yeah, we live in Tokyo-3, Tokyo was destroyed, so what happened to Tokyo-2?"
Sitting formally, Shinji was perplexed, 'What DID happen to Tokyo-2?'
"Don't know, maybe Misato knows."
So the pair headed to Misato's room, finding it empty they headed to Nerv. As they walked they asked everybody they found along the way. Nobody knew. Those they asked followed them in the pursuit of the answer.
Shinji was the one to ask Misato, "Misato-san why is this city called Tokyo- 3, what happened to Tokyo-2?"
Misato being the bastion of knowledge she was, quickly looked away, claimed she was busy and said to ask Ritsuko. 'How the hell am I supposed to know that?'
By now the group was getting worried, why hadn't anybody thought of this before? Why didn't anybody know? Where was that smell coming from? Could you make Pen-Pen dance for fish? How did I get off track?
In the end, after an long chase, Asuka corned Ritsuko in the infirmary and asked politely, which means she only held one scalpel to her neck. "What happened to Tokyo-2?"
Knowing she had no way to escape the question, Ritsuko blushed, "It was the week before Unit-00 was completed."
The crowd hushed, finally the answer.
"Godzilla attacked. We didn't have the technology to take him out without N2'ing the city to rubble. So we rebuilt it."
As all the Japanese people seem to accept that answer Asuka paled, "GODZILLA IS REAL!!!"
---------------------
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Rei
Now fully perplexed as to why he couldn't piss people off, Shinji left his apartment. That and he couldn't stand listening to Misato crying. 'I didn't want to make her cry.just kill me.'
Finding his sources of potential 'helpers' dwindling he headed to Nerv. "Who could I get angry enough to do this?"
As he took the escalator to the ground floor, a memory of Rei slapping him entered his mind. "I know she can get mad, but mad enough to kill?"
With nothing else to do, he sought out Rei, "At least she won't cry."
He found the blue haired girl staring at a vending machine.
"Rei, what are you doing?"
"Questioning humanities enslavement of machines for personal use," she replied.
Resisting the urge to scream and run away right there, he thought of what to say.
"Can I say something to you?"
"You just have."
Now he had to try to resist the urge to kill her, 'Why must she make talking to her so hard.THAT'S IT!'
"You really are a doll aren't you?"
'Ikari-kun.called me a doll? Of all people he was the only one not to.the insolence.' her mind was growing dark.
"I mean, you listen to my father! My father who treats you like a wrench! A tool! Putting you in a dirty little toolbox he calls an apartment. You never try to get to know people, just talking when talked to, like the pull a string!"
Shinji had no idea whether his words had any affect as Rei remained impassive.
"I can understand being shy but you don't try! If you did you may actually enjoy life but I bed 'the commander' doesn't WANT you to be happy so why question HIM. Not like he hasn't done anything WRONG.wait he ABANDONDED his own son."
Shinji stopped when a tear threatened to escape Rei's eyes. "Jesus tap dancing Christ not her too!"
Rei lightly touched Shinji's cheek, "You are right, I have blinded myself with logic. Thank you for showing me the err of my ways. May we continue this conversation after I have regained my composure?"
As Rei walked away from him, he simply muttered, "What is wrong with these people."
----------------------
Turn about Fair Play
Rei was confused. During her stay at school that day, something odd had happened. "Ikari-kun asked me to a ramen stand. Is that what is called as a date?"
She didn't understand but she wished to. She slowly took off her plugsuit and changed back into her normal cloths. She took a look through the screen partition and saw Shinji. "I'll ask him now."
Adjusting the bow on her uniform, she crossed over to the other side. As she walked over, she saw Shinji turn red and press himself against the lockers.
"Ikari-kun, may we talk?"
"REI! Um..could you.what are you." Shinji muttered as he turned bright red.
Unthawed by his comments, she continued to press her advance not noticing a bar of soap on the ground.
The next few seconds were fairly comical as Rei slid on the soap and collided with Shinji. Landing on top of him.
She peered deeply into his blue eyes and wondered why his face was so red.and what that thing in her hand was. 'Interesting, it is warm to the touch.is it expanding?'
"Please get off me.and don't touch that." Shinji muttered very quietly as he stared up at her.
Not understanding Rei didn't more, nor let go. "What do you mean?"
Slowly looking at Rei's hand, "That.what you have your hand on.let go.please get off me.please?"
Rei followed his eyes and blushed soflty, "I have never saw one of those before.interesting."
By now Shinji had decided not do remain conscious and went to his nice happy place far away from people.
The next day, Rei was again confused as to why Misato had ordered her not to go into the male changing area while Shinji was nude.
"He saw me nude last week, what is the harm in this?"
-------------------------
What REALLY happened between Gendo and Rei during EoE
Gendo was furious. "Those bastards are attacking us!"
He was escorting Rei into the bowels of the GeoFront. 'I can't let them hurt my Rei-chan. She's almost like my daughter!'
Rei III was typically oblivious to the situation as she was dragged by him. As they walked, Rei thought, and tried to remember things past. She had seen that boy, Shinji, a few days ago and it had stirred something in her.
As they entered a large open area, she stopped, "I remember."
"Great you remember, we have to get to a shelter, you can tell me later.wait.you remember?"
Rei nodded, "I remember something that happened between Shinji and myself."
'Shinji! That bastard son of mine! The boy that gets all the tail that should be MINE!' Shaking his head, "Tell me."
"No, it would be easier to show you," The girl said.
Gendo got a creeping feeling, "Ok, show me...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Rei stopped talking her blouse off, "I was like this."
A now feeling of rage began to fill him, 'what did he do that involved her be naked.'
He froze when Rei placed his hand over her left breast, "You have got to be kidding me.my son did that!"
"In a sense, but we were lying down."
'I'm going to kill him.I'm going to take this hand and.this hand.' he looked at his hand, then at Rei, then at his hand, "OH MY KAMI WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY HAND?!?!"
-------------------
If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Bridge Bunnies
Walking away from his disastrous encounter with Rei, Shinji headed towards the bridge.
"Who would have suspected Ayanami would react like THAT?" he said to myself as he saw his next target. If he couldn't get one person to do it, maybe he could get three angry enough to do it.
However his attempts at pissing off people wasn't really working and it was only increasing his depression. 'I try to piss people off and I only make them sad, or in Rei's case confused.'
Looking around at the empty bridge, Shinji set into his next bout of anger management. It took him nearly an hour, but oddly enough nobody was on the bridge, came to the bridge, or even cleaned it, save Smitty*. But Smitty was always there. (Just a cameo from VoaT)
Maya was first to arrive. As she approached her terminal Shinji sat in the chair next to hers. Maya welcomed him and turned her computer on.and stopped.
"Hello Kitty" danced on her screen, behind the giant cats head were the words "I LOVE HELLO KITTY." Maya looked dumbly at the screen, then at the text document that was on the task bar.
"What's that?" her voice holding no discernable emotion.
"The thing I charged to your Nevr credit card," Shinji responded, 'its just so sick and wrong she'll get pissed! Then add up what I did to those other guys.'
Maya clicked the button and her eyes dilated, "Oh my KAMI! It's the "Hello Kitty" Massager! How did you know!"
(FYI that thing DOES exist.evil vile thing that is is. I mean WHY make such a thing?)
Face faulting at the unexpected result, "You mean you actually WANT that?"
Blushing softly, "It's the only thing missing from my collection, and I love what you did to my console. It was so drab before," she finishes by giving the boy a quick peck on the cheek.
As the other two walked in, one happily playing the guitar Shinji thought he defaced, and the other ogling the pictures Shinji had cut from the manga left at the desk, he ran crying from the room.
"That kid is really nice, you know that?" Mokoto said.
The others agreed, "Such a nice boy."
-------------------
What were you really Thinking?
Misato just heard the rumors, Ritsuko had seduced Shinji, HER Shinji. So of course, she was hunting the blond down with violent intent.
Barging into Ritsuko's office, "What the hell is this that I heard about you and Shinji! Why was he at your apartment! And why the woman's uniform!"
Expecting her friends rage, Ritsuko sat behind two panes of bullet proof glass that she just had installed. Over the intercom she just set up herself. "It was a joke Asuka came up with."
Firing two shots to test how bullet resistant the glass was, "Do tell."
"Well she dressed Shinji up and passed him off as Maya, we went on a date."
"Wait! You and Shinji or you and Maya?" Misato asked while scratching her head.
Blushing lightly, "I thought it was Maya but it was really Shinji."
"You date Maya? That's odd."
Lowering the glass, "No, what is odd is your albino penguin that steals pens to color its feathers."
To that Misato laughed, "They still don't know why I call him Pen-Pen, or why they can't find their pens. Go on."
"Well after dinner and drinks one thing led to another and.I found out Shinji's quite the man, more so than Kaji."
"WHAT!?!?!"
"Oh, what part didn't you want to know? Former or later."
Feeling the rage build again, but not at her friend, "Both actually."
As images of shooting Kaji entered Misato's mind, Ritsuko continued, "Well I'm sure its nothing you haven't seen."
Off handed, "Yeah, first day he moved in."
Now it was Ritsuko's turn to get upset, "You said you weren't going to put the moves on him!"
"I didn't!"
"So he just walked out nude for no reason?"
Nodding lightly, "Kinda."
Sneering at the purple haired woman, "I knew you were sick."
Accosted, "I'm sick? You're the one that.that..so how was it?"
Handing a few papers to Misato, Misato looked up questioningly, "You scheduled more sync tests? How does that answer my question?"
"Private sync tests.I decided to join you side."
"My side?"
"Well he is emotionally older than Kaji, just have to wait for his body to catch up."
"You're sick."
"Didn't we go over this before, I'm not sick, I just have particular tastes," Ritsuko informed her. "And admit it, you had eyes for him the moment you saw him."
Misato only blushed and sighed, praying no government agency was listening.
Taking her silence as key, "I knew that's what you were thinking when you took him in."
Misato scowled, "At least I didn't check him out after that LCL incident!"
Raising her voice, "You didn't have too! You were holding him!"
"Bitch I was worried. I wasn't looking at his."
"I saw you eyes! You were sizing him up like a suit!"
In his new office, Kozo smiled, "Having Gendo arrested was the best thing. Now I can watch the fight. Maybe I should have those two checked for pedophilia."
----------------
What To Do With Multiple Rei's
Smitty wasn't paid to understand science, nor was he skilled in the technical arts. He was a janitor. A good one too, so when he saw a switch that said "Master Dump" he assumed it was the garbage release lever. So he pushed it and went home happy.
As he left the room, dozen's of eyes opened. They were Rei, and they had a date with Shinji for some ramen.
In her apartment, Rei sneezed. She just arrived home from syncing with the dummy plug and wondered if she had gotten a cold. She'd sleep it off.
Waking in the morning she realized something was amiss when she saw twenty copies of herself looking at her.
"Morning," the Rei on the bed said.
They others replied in one voice, "Morning."
"I guess we need to prioritize and set up a caste system."
Again the others agreed, they were of one mind, but that was soon to change.
Later at school, the school Rei walked to class, she found Shinji sleeping at on his desk.
"Ikari-kun?"
"Oh Ayanami, sorry. Just tired, had that whole Jet-Alone thing."
Remembering what Nerv Rei had told her, "Understood, are we still to eat today?"
A light crimson crossing his face, "If you still want to."
"Affirmative, be at my dwelling at 6 pm," that said she actually left school and returned to the conference.
She walked into the apartment building and walked to room 406, new dwelling of Eva Rei. She knocked on the door, Eva Rei opened the door.
School Rei tagged Eva Rei's hand, "You're up."
So being tagged in, Eva Rei went to her sync test. Shortly to be followed by the Revenge Rei's.
The five Rei's that wished revenge against Ritsuko Akagi found her at Nerv.
Ritsuko wasn't having the best day. She had just spent two hours with a shrink who told her its ok to have young friends but you really shouldn't try to seduce them. She just put Rei in her test plug when she saw Rei walking past her.
"The hell?"
She followed her, rounded the corner and saw.Rei behind her. "Ok."
Wondering how Rei got out of the plug, walked down the hall, vanished, and ended up behind her, she followed the new Rei. Ritsuko was soon perplexed, no matter where she went, Rei showed up behind her. Always behind her. 'WHAT IS GOING ON??? I'm going crazy!'
Running like a woman possessed, Ritsuko decided to take some well deserved time off.
The revenge Rei's clapped hands and returned to the apartment, their date with Shinji was coming up and they had to plan.
After a short 20 person battle, they came to the consessus that fighting Rei would take the role as head spokesperson regarding Shinji. So when he arrived at Six, she was the one to go out to eat.
Two hours passed and when they came back, Fighting Rei stopped.
"Could you wait here second?"
Shinji said he would, he was really enjoying himself, he hoped that when the new pilot arrived, she'd be a fun to hang out with as Rei was now.
Walking into the room, Fighting Rei addressed the assembly, "We have confirmation. Seduction Rei, Cat-Eared Rei, your up."
"Nyow," Said cat-eared Rei, while Seduction Rei smiled well.seductively and they approached the door.
Shinji never knew what hit him.
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If I can't do it, I'll get somebody else to- Gendo
"That's it! I'm going for the sure fire win here!" the now raginly pissed off Shinji said as he crossed the threshold of his fathers office. 'Why didn't I think of this before? Fater kills people for serving him cold coffee!"
Kicking the door open, Shinji entered, "FATHER!"
In surprise, Gendo dove over his Eva action figures, throwing them in a drawer. "What is it pilot?"
"I have something to say to you."
'It better not be about me playing with dolls,' Gendo thought as he eyed his son, "Go on."
Smiling, he had so been waiting for his, "You are a miserable man. You make these asinine plans for humanity, but have you ever stopped to think about whether you should? You're a cold hearted asshole that has the whole world hating you. You warped Rei, killed people, abandoned me, what would mom think? Have you stopped to think about that? No matter what you do who you kill what you destroy, she won't come back and if she did, she wouldn't be happy with you."
Gendo all but shot over to his son, Shinji looked up at his father, hope in his eyes. Gendo well Gendo took off his glasses and kneeled down by his son.
Shinji nearly had a heart attack when Gendo hugged him, "I'm so proud of you boy! I always thought you were a pansy! But now.now you're a real man! I'm so proud of you!"
Shinji just accepted it, nobody would kill him.
As he walked out of the office, his father still crying tears of joy, he saw everybody he had attacked that day. They had a banner hanging over the terminals.
Asuka kissed his cheek, "Thanks for the eye opener."
Misato followed next doing the same.
Rei smiled at him, Maya winked, and Shinji thought, 'All these people needed was somebody to just tell them off to make them happy? What the hell this? Ah to hell with it, maybe living is pretty good too.maybe it is pretty good.'
He smiled and joined the others at the "Shinji celebration" party.
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Well that was all for this one, bit longer than the other and a bit more racy. Sorry if that's not you cup of tea, mine's Green tea or nothing ^_^
I didn't have a grammer check as this story isn't really a story but a way of neglecting my other stories for a lil while.
Still have fallible to write. Out of Disaster Msts msts and more msts.^_^
Hope you laughed at least once during this whole thing, and I hope to get some feed back. That always makes ME smile
As always
Ja Mata
Zentrodie (zentrodie@secondimpact.com www.darkscribes.org )