Author's Note: I'm back on track now that exams are over! *Cheers* Happy holidays, everyone. I just saw Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, and I am in a really bad mood because my favorite character (well, one of them) dies. WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS?! The plot was quite different from the book, too…I think the first one's better. Okay, that was completely random. Just ignore this note and read the chapter. J

Chapter Six: Familiarity Breeds…Well, Uh, Contempt

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ." The sound of snoring filled the elevator. Joey and Tristan were still sound asleep, and their snoring had only gotten worse. After listening for a while, Tea had determined that Joey had a loud, deep snore, while Tristan had a higher-pitched, more feminine-sounding snore. Joey also talked occasionally in his sleep, just muttering random words and phrases.

Kaiba's head was still stuck between the doors of the elevator. Despite how he squirmed and yelled and scratched, the doors didn't budge, meaning his head didn't either.

"GEP ME OUF UF HERE!" he screamed, his mean voice slightly muffled by the thick doors.

"What's that, Kaiba? We can't hear you!" cackled Yami evilly. Everyone else echoed his laugh and settled back in his or her…resting place. Even the loud, obnoxious snoring of the loud, obnoxious Joey and Tristan could not dampen their slightly raised spirits. It seemed that Kaiba had finally gotten his just punishment for always being cruel and cold.

Eventually, however, the thrill of listening to Kaiba's pleas for help wore off, and everyone grew tired of his voice, along with the sound of the snoring. "Okay, Kaiba, you can be quiet now," Yami instructed, resting his head on his shoulder tiredly.

For some reason or another, Kaiba didn't stop yelling for help. By now, everyone was really tired of his high-pitched screams. "Shut up, Kaiba!" demanded Mai, readjusting her jacket over her front and skirt. "Jeez, can we not have some peace and quiet in this @#)@&(^ elevator for five *()@Y#^$)& minutes?!"

Unfortunately for Mai, Kaiba began to scream more loudly, frantically trying to free his head. In addition to this, he began to wriggle his body, which was still inside the elevator.

"Kaiba, if you don't shut up, I'll get Bakura to set you on fire," threatened Yami, shaking a fist at Kaiba's wriggling butt.

"Really?" said the evil spirit interestedly, sitting up in his corner. He raised his hand to produce fire, but Ryou suddenly woke up. The poor British lad was suffering from a head injury that caused him to black out periodically.

"Bakura, gimme hug," he muttered sleepily, wrapping his arms around the evil spirit's neck.

"GET OFF OF ME!" screamed Bakura, frantically trying to pry Ryou's arms off. Ryou laughed like a lunatic (hey, maybe he was a lunatic— that can happen due to head injuries, you know) and snuggled his head against Bakura, who pounded Ryou's arms repeatedly. He finally succeeded in prying off the dazed boy and shoved him onto the elevator floor.

Looking up from his back, Ryou smiled at Mai. "Gimme hug?" he tried, reaching up to fasten his hand on Mai's jacket.

WHAM! Mai's pointed boot slammed down on Ryou's head. He passed out again.

Despite this little…escapade, Kaiba was still being loud and obnoxious. "What a jerk," muttered Mai. Everyone was unsure if she was referring to Ryou or Kaiba.

"Okay, we gotta make him shut up NOW," stated Yugi, who had been covering his ears with his hands. "If I have to listen to ONE MORE MINUTE OF THAT— "

"Hey, let's throw the briefcase at him," suggested Tea, who was sitting closest to the doors and therefore closest to Kaiba's body. When Kaiba heard this, he lashed out with his leg, kicking Tea squarely in the back and sending her flying…into Yugi.

Again.

Tea quickly got off Yugi and helped him sit up. "Are you okay, Yugi?" she asked, rubbing her back and nose (which was still broken) gingerly.

"Yeah, I think so, Tea," said Yugi, actually accepting Tea's offered hand to help him up. He chuckled. "I guess after the issue with my hair, I kind of lost it. Don't worry, I'm not so concerned with things that happened in the past any more." He smiled.

Everyone gasped.

Yugi had actually smiled with his mouth open, something he normally didn't do. This was a strange, unfortunate coincidence, as it revealed a large gap between two of Yugi's top front teeth.

Yugi sighed and closed his eyes. He remembered this reaction from last time, but he couldn't sense that anything was wrong. Slowly, very, very slowly, he turned to face Yami directly. Yami's eyes were wide open. "What is it? Just tell me, Yami," he said wearily.

Not saying a word, Yami slowly exposed his own teeth and pointed. Yugi's eyes widened about two inches and he slowly examined his own teeth with a finger. It was like watching someone flying through the air and then CRASH! seeing the impact as they watched Yugi's finger touch the spot a tooth no longer occupied.

[Now, the expression "putting things in perspective" simply means comparing your unfortunate situation to a much worse situation. For example, if you were upset because you had a large pimple on your nose, you might put things in perspective by comparing your pimple situation to someone who was, say, being eaten by a sea monster. Unfortunately, putting things in perspective rarely works because, as you may know, it is rather difficult to imagine yourself being eaten by a sea monster when all you can think about is the hideous pimple on your nose.

In this case, Yugi should probably be comparing his situation to someone being chased by a lion, or perhaps someone trapped on Jekyll Island. Unfortunately, that's not what happens.]

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Yugi screamed his war cry as he leaped up and began to pummel Tea's head forcefully. She fell backwards with a surprised yelp, and Yugi was immediately on top of her, screaming and pulling her hair and punching her ferociously. "I HATE YOU!" he yelled again and again. Tea attempted to pull him off, but only succeeded in getting her hand bitten viciously by the rabid Yugi.

Yami, Bakura, and Mai exchanged glances. As the only sane/intact/conscious beings in the elevator, it was their decision. Should they or should they not attempt to pull Yugi off of Tea?

"I say we wait a while," deemed Mai, and Bakura nodded wisely.

"Two minutes it is," announced Yami, timing on his own watch (although it wasn't as cool as Tristan's, if you remember).

Two minutes later, Yami pulled the scratching, biting, screaming Yugi off of Tea, who was being held by Mai.

Yugi began to sob uncontrollably, and Yami held him close again. "There, there," he murmured, holding the boy tightly. "I'm here for you, Yugi."

"But you know what this means, Yami," sobbed Yugi. "My career with Modeling For Midgets is over!"

"Shhhhh," Yami soothed, patting Yugi's already damaged hair. "I'm sure everything will be fine."

Tea didn't really say much, as she too was now unconscious.

After a few relatively quiet minutes (except for Kaiba continuing to yell and Joey and Tristan snoring), Yugi began to laugh kind of strangely. It was that kind of laugh, not evil, that listening to makes you feel uncomfortable. Yami suddenly snorted loudly, trying to contain his own laughter.

"What is it?" asked Mai semi-interestedly, filing her…well, they really weren't nails anymore. She had filed them all away.

"I just got this kind of interesting idea," said Yugi in a voice that none of them had ever heard before.

"Yeah? Let's hear it," said Mai, putting away her file.

Yugi began to laugh again. "I thought maybe Bakura could set Joey and Tristan's hair on fire…that might wake 'em up."

Bakura looked up interestedly. "Really?"

Ryou suddenly gained consciousness. "You know, setting people on fire in an elevator may not be a good idea," he advised before passing out again.

Yami and Yugi laughed simultaneously, and I'm fairly sure that Kaiba would have laughed too, if his head had not been stuck between the doors of the elevator.

Bakura stood and made his way over to the sleeping boys. Kneeling down, he bent to Tristan's head first. Tristan had started to go "whee whee whee" at the end of each snore (like baby Pegasus in Disney's Hercules).

Suddenly, a spark leapt from Bakura's hand and Tristan's pointy hair burst into flames. Tristan woke instantly, screaming insanely and beating his head against the wall, and then into Bakura's stomach. "Umph!" exerted the evil spirit of the Millennium Ring; Tristan's pointy head/hair had knocked the wind out of him, not to mention set him on fire as well.

The two on fire beat themselves furiously until the flames had been put out. Everyone else (conscious) in the elevator laughed hysterically, tears streaming down their cheeks and beating their fists on the floor. Bakura swiftly kicked Tristan in the side and stomped back over to his corner, where he fumed silently, adding Tristan to his Mortals Doomed To Die Sooner Than Others By My Great And Powerful Hand list.

Kaiba started crying. His head was really starting to hurt, and everyone inside the elevator was laughing at him. He wanted to crawl under a rock and die, or maybe just get out of the elevator and go back to his normal life. He continued to beg to be set free, but no one seemed to listen, they were laughing too hard.

Back inside the elevator (where, ironically, most of Kaiba was located), Tristan was losing it. [What IS 'it'? Did Tristan ever have it in the first place?] "I gotta get out of here, you guys!" he cried, shaking. "I'm claustri— clausi— caustra— "

"Claustrophobic," corrected Yami tiredly. "And that just sucks for you, because there is no freakin' way out of this elevator."

But Tristan persevered. "There's gotta be a way out! AND I GOTTA GET OUT!"

"Look, pal, if there was some way out, we would have gone through it!" snapped Mai. "I wish you would just go back to sleep if you can't think of anything intelligent to say!"

Tristan pouted and didn't say anything after a soft humph. He leaned his head against the elevator wall and looked upward, staring into space.

Yami continued to hold Yugi, whose hair was mashed. He absentmindedly looked for Yugi's tooth on the floor, although he suspected that the boy had swallowed it. He was glad that Yugi wasn't mad at him, and that Yugi had beaten up Tea.

Yugi was upset that he was getting so beat-up, and he wanted to cry some more. He was really glad that Yami was no longer angry at him. But he wasn't really sorry about what he had done to Tea. He had never liked her much anyway, especially after she had gotten ketchup all over his favorite shirt on their first real meeting. It had been Yami who insisted on saving her from that weird guy, and that had only been because he wanted to try out the Millennium properties of his cards.

Bakura was really embarrassed and angry. So angry, in fact, that he could barely concentrate on his Mortals Doomed To Die Sooner Than Others By My Great And Powerful Hand list, which brought him more pleasure than anything else. He silently cursed Tristan, as well as Yugi, who had suggested the idea in the first place, and settled on tossing Yugi off a cliff or throwing him into a volcano.

Mai was getting a migraine of her own. She had to sit in a rather awkward position to prevent from exposing her ripped skirt. Her fingers were starting to bleed from filing them down so far. She was also glad that Yugi had beaten up Tea. She was tired, and felt like bashing in someone else's face with her boot. Instead, she decided to file something else, and removed a boot to work on her toenails, which put her into an even more awkward position.

A terrible smell filled the elevator. "Jeez, Ryou, can you cut it out?!" demanded Yami, covering his nose with a sleeve.

"He can't hear you, you great idiot, he's knocked out," growled Bakura, covering his nose as well and coughing. "And it's not…that smell."

"Whatever it is, is stinks!" Yugi interjected, groaning and clutching his stomach.

"Ha, ha. Very funny," retorted Mai as she brought her foot close to her face to file it. As she got it into position, even she gagged and covered her nose.

"Sheesh, don't you ever wash your feet?" asked Yami, trying not to throw up.

"As a matter of fact, I do! I bet yours smell fifty times worse," snapped Mai, stuffing her foot back into her boot.

"Is that a threat?" demanded Yami, facing Mai angrily.

"How was that a threat?" asked Bakura. "You're as stupid as a mortal!"

Tristan had been staring at the ceiling this whole time, thinking nice thoughts about food and games. He was humming a happy song in his head when he noticed something that kind of confused him. Completely oblivious to the current quarrel, he interjected, "I wonder why there's a square on the ceiling."

Silence.

"The escape hatch," breathed Yugi, eyes wide in wonder.

"Let's get out of here!" suggested Mai, scrambling to her feet.

Stepping over everyone (not too carefully, one might add), the surviving (by which I mean conscious) occupants got over to where Tristan was sitting. A square in the ceiling indicated an opening through which they could get out.

"Why didn't you tell us about this before?" demanded Yami, turning on Tristan, along with Mai, Yugi, and Bakura.

"I— I don't know?" Tristan mumbled fearfully.

"HEP!" a strange noise reminded everyone that Kaiba's head was still stuck between the doors.

"Shut up!" everyone chorused, and refocused their attention on the escape hatch.

"So who's going first?" asked Mai, putting her hands on her hips. Yami, Yugi, and Bakura, exchanged glances before turning and smiling at Tristan.

"What is it?" asked Tristan, who had been zoning out again.

"You get to climb out first!" said Yugi enthusiastically.

"Really? Okay!" Tristan, who was dumb and eager to get out of the elevator, said eagerly.

Grunting and groaning, Yami and Bakura boosted Tristan up. He slowly pried the little door off, and it fell.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, Mai," Tristan apologized, sticking his arms and head through the opening. He got his upper body through, and was supporting himself with his arms as he tried to pull his legs through. And tried again. And again.

But they wouldn't fit.

"Help!" he screamed, writhing in the darkness of the elevator shaft. "HELP ME!"

"What is it, Tristan?" called Yugi, who couldn't hear his friend's call, but could see his frantically kicking legs and lower body sticking out of the elevator hatch.

"HELP ME GET ME OUT OF HERE! HELP!" shrieked Tristan, squirming frantically, but he couldn't get down or up. He kicked frantically.

"YOU *^%$@! MORTAL!" Bakura screamed, clutching the back of his head. The same part of his head, actually, that had been hit by a telephone receiver earlier.

Tristan, no matter how hard he tried, could not get up or down or move much at all, except for his legs and arms. Kaiba's head was still stuck between the elevator doors, and he could hear Tristan, to no advantage.

Mai, Yugi, Yami, and Bakura, stood, puzzled, in the elevator, wondering what the heck Tristan was doing.

Tea, Ryou, and Joey were all still unconscious, Joey still snoring loudly and obnoxiously. "Snicklepay….zzzzzzzzzzzz…."

And the elevator didn't move!

Author's Note: I'd like to take this time to apologize to all Kaiba fangirls. Don't worry, he's my favorite character, I'm just not playing favorites. In fact, I'm kind of playing least favorites, which means I'm bashing my least-favorite characters. Heh heh…sorry about that. You all wanted them to get out the escape hatch, but I was waiting for just the right moment.

Disclaimer: The title is from something said in Treasure Planet, which was a surprisingly good movie. Go see it. Also, the whole "putting things in perspective" thing belongs to Lemony Snicket (whatever his real name is).