Author's Note: I would like to take this time to express that Aragorn is NOT my favorite character from Lord of the Rings, and that it is extremely obvious that he does not die. I have read the books. Also, the third book/movie is named after him. I mean, jeez. No, my favorite character is Haldir; you know, the elf who goes "The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark" in the first movie. He's not even IN the second book! Er…sorry about that…I just got kind of carried away. A great many thanks to Nuriko Metallium, who alone expressed sympathy at the loss of my Haldir.

Chapter Seven: Insanity Is Only The Beginning

"WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Tristan sobbed loudly, flailing his arms and legs frantically as he attempted, rather unsuccessfully, to free himself from the escape hatch. His upper body stuck out from the top of the elevator, and his legs and lower body dangled inside the elevator.

Yami, Mai, Bakura, and Yugi had retreated to the corners of the elevator so as to avoid Tristan's kicking legs. They still hadn't figured out why he wasn't climbing out of the hatch so that the rest of them could get out. They could tell he was making some noise, but couldn't discern what he was saying.

"Tristan?" Yami called. "Tristan, can you hear me?"

"GETMEOUTTAHEREMOMMYIWANNAGOHOME," sobbed Tristan.

"What the )(@&# is he saying?" demanded Mai.

"I don't know," admitted Yugi. "Do you think maybe he's stuck?"

"I dunno," said Mai doubtfully. "I guess he could be stuck."

"I think the stupid $*!@# mortal is stuck," growled Bakura, scowling from his corner.

"Hey Tristan, are you stuck?" called Yugi.

"YES! YES, I'M STUCK!" screamed Tristan, frantically straining to pull himself out of the escape hatch.

"Maybe he's not stuck," suggested Yami.

"Yeah, I don't think he's stuck," added Mai.

"I think he IS stuck," Yugi protested.

"He could be stuck," said Bakura.

While Yami, Yugi, Mai, and Bakura were having this stimulating conversation, Seto Kaiba's head was still trapped between the doors of the elevator. He had been trying to get it out for over an hour, but, unlike Tristan's undecided position, was definitely stuck.

Kaiba couldn't tell what everyone inside the elevator had been saying, but he had been able to make out some arguments (gee, what a surprise) and what had sounded like another fight. He could also tell that someone had stuck his/her head out of the escape hatch— why hadn't he thought of that? He had also noticed that whoever had stuck his/her head out of the escape hatch was stuck. He guessed it was Tristan because of the high-pitched, "girly" scream.

Sighing, Kaiba positioned his hands (which were still inside of the elevator) again and again tried to pull his head out of the elevator doors. When this didn't work (what another surprise), he tried to pull the doors apart. Using all the strength he could muster, Kaiba finally managed to pull the doors open and free his head.

[Ha ha! I am of course joking. Kaiba's not getting out THAT easily. Now, back to what really happens.]

Using all the strength he could muster, Kaiba grunted as he tried to pull the doors open. Despite his hardest efforts, he just couldn't pull them apart. His head was still stuck, the state of being in which Tristan might have been.

"I dunno, you guys, how are we gonna tell if he's stuck?" asked Mai doubtfully.

"Look, if he wasn't stuck, he would get out!" argued Bakura.

"Maybe he fell asleep again," suggested Yugi.

"Yeah," agreed Yami, crossing his arms as he continued to stare up at Tristan's kicking feet.

"He's NOT asleep," stated Mai.

"No, actually, Tristan's been known to sleep like that," Yugi pointed out.

"Really? Then maybe he's not stuck."

"He's so stuck!"

"Maybe he is stuck."

"I dunno if he's stuck."

"Do you think maybe he's stuck?"

[Although this rather…odd…conversation may seem unlikely, it has been scientifically proven that a rapid I.Q. decrease is directly proportional to the number of hours one has been trapped in an elevator.]

Joey was still sleeping, and his snoring was really starting to get to Mai. All throughout the "stuck" conversation, the loud, obnoxious sound coming from Joey's unusually large and ugly mouth had been grating on her last nerve. He even pisses me off when he's asleep, she thought, glaring at him silently. The more she glared at him, the more she hated everything about him; his abnormally big hair and head, his annoying attitude, his ugly and completely unfashionable wardrobe— everything about him made her want to pound his face into the ground, or maybe stomp him in the stomach with her boot some more.

As Yami, Yugi, and Bakura continued to debate the Tristan's state of being stuck or not, Yami noticed that Mai had stopped talking and was glaring at Joey. If looks could kill, Joey would be dead and his corpse would be on fire. So much hatred and malice was in that stare; it scared Yami. Mai's right eye started to twitch as she glowered at the sleeping boy.

Yugi and Bakura eventually caught on, and stopped the conversation. Everyone started at Mai, who evidently didn't notice all the attention. Everyone had never seen Mai this angry, and it even scared Bakura.

Suddenly, Joey snorted loudly in his sleep and began to speak again. "Zzzzzz…cake…zzzzzz…Mai," he snored.

Mai's anger tripled, and she growled loudly. "Mai— what?" she demanded, fists clenched.

Everyone held their breath. Don't say anything, Joey, Yugi prayed, pleading for his friend's life.

Joey snored some more without speaking, then began to do it again. "Mai's…zzzzzz…"

"MAI'S WHAT?" demanded Mai, eyes glowing red. "SPEAK!"

Yami pulled Yugi close to him. "Don't look," he whispered, covering the boy's eyes.

"Children shouldn't be exposed to such violence," agreed Ryou, who had evidently woken up. He leaned against Bakura, who proceeded to shove him away.

"GRRRR!" growled Mai, shooting her death-glare at Ryou, who gulped and promptly passed out again.

Joey began to laugh in his sleep. Mai redirected her attention to him, the way a carnivorous dinosaur redirects its attention to its prey after being distracted by a loud sound. [You know, Jurassic Park!] Joey continued to laugh, snorting and rolling over on his back. "Mai's…zzzzz…skirt," he mumbled, and laughed again.

[In order to keep this story under R, I will refrain from describing the ensuing violence in great detail.]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Mai, springing into the air like a bobcat attacking its prey. "DIE!" she shrieked, producing her nail file from her pocket and holding it like a dagger above her head, aimed at Joey's throat.

"Mai, no!" shouted Yami, pushing Yugi closer to the wall to protect him and diving over in an attempt to save Joey's life.

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" roared Mai, swiftly kicking Yami in the stomach. She raised her nail file high again in an attempted homicide. Something grabbed her arms and yanked back, and she turned on Bakura, snarling like a wild animal.

"This mortal's mine!" he insisted, trying to wrestle the nail file out of her hands.

"I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU IF I HAVE TO!" Mai screamed, tearing her nail file away from Bakura, shoving him to the ground (on top of Tea), and leaping again on Joey.

Now it was Yugi's turn. He had been prepared and was ready to snatch the nail file away as she brought it down on Joey's throat. He actually got it away and threw it to the far end of the elevator (wow, four feet) as hard as he could.

Yami, recovered from the kick, pulled Yugi away from Mai in what seemed like slow motion as she came after him, but suddenly stopped and returned to Joey. Her hands closed around his neck and she attempted to strangle him while screaming and pounding his face.

Although Joey could sleep through a hurricane, he certainly couldn't sleep through his own attempted murder. He woke up with a start and his life immediately flashed before his eyes as Mai strangled him with her bare hands.

Yami, Yugi, and Bakura tried to pull the raging girl off of Joey, and managed to pick her up. She screamed, kicked, and bit, thrashing wildly in an attempt to get free. Joey scurried to the opposite end of the elevator in fear, shrieking like Tristan, who, by the way, was still stuck— or was he?

Mai lashed out with her feet, swiftly kicking the elevator doors— between which Kaiba's head was still stuck.

As Mai continued to struggle, screaming like an angry hawk, the elevator doors began to converge— well, attempt to converge, as something was stuck between them. The doors pushed together stubbornly, however, ignoring the welfare of the object stuck between them, which was frantically trying to get out.

"HELP! HELP ME OUF UF HERE!" screamed Kaiba, more frantic than ever. "OWW! I'M BEING CRUSHED!"

"Why should we— umph— help you?" demanded Yami, trying to shove Mai into a corner. She lashed out and kicked him in the stomach and he sunk to the ground, still holding onto her.

"I'LL DO ANYFING! GIF YOU ANYFING! JUST GEF ME OUT!" Kaiba screamed, thrashing wildly as he tried to pull his head out.

"Hold— on," Yugi grunted as he, Yami, and Bakura tried to make Mai stop squirming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kaiba screamed as the elevator doors continued to press together. He could hear an extremely loud buzzing in his compressed ears, loud enough to block out all sound, and his head felt like it was going to explode in any second—

Suddenly, Kaiba felt a slight relief on his head. Someone was helping him! Three pairs of hands were desperately yanking the doors apart. With Kaiba's combined effort, the doors opened enough so that Kaiba's head was freed.

[For real this time. Are you happy?]

Kaiba gulped in air and sunk to the ground, rubbing his head. Tears were streaming down his face and he could feel the outline of the elevator doors in his skin. Looking up, he saw Yugi, Yami, and Bakura, looking wearily but strangely down at him.

"Are you all right?" Yugi asked.

"Oh, so now you care?" Kaiba retorted angrily. "THANKS FOR LEAVING ME STUCK IN THERE!" He turned away angrily, wiping his eyes and still rubbing his face.

"Hey, not so fast, Kaiba," Yami directed. "You said you'd do anything if we got you out." He began to laugh evilly, and Yugi and Bakura easily joined in. Kaiba gulped.

A loud, angry sound from the corner interrupted their harmonious laughter. Kaiba turned around and saw Mai tied up in a corner, a gag in her mouth to keep her quiet. She was staring at another corner, in which Joey cowered behind Ryou. Something about the dark blue strips that held Mai seemed familiar to Kaiba. Really familiar.

Reaching behind him with his gaze still fixed on Mai, Kaiba, now standing, couldn't feel his trench coat covering his legs. He closed his eyes and discovered that his once ankle-length coat now ended at his waist. It was his turn for his eyes to glow red. He pulled back his lips to reveal pointed teeth. He growled and approached Yami.

Yami laughed nervously. "Uh…Kaiba, remember you said you'd do anything if we got you out? Um, Kaiba…" He was cut off as he nearly stumbled while backing up to avoid Kaiba.

"I'm— going— to— kill— you," breathed Kaiba, his arms reaching forward to grasp Yugi, Bakura, or Yami's neck. He focused on Yugi and was about to lunge forward when—

[Remember Tristan? Ah yes, the one stuck— was it ever decided that he WAS stuck?— in the escape hatch. He had been kicking and trying to free himself for quite a while. Finally, he had settled upon what seemed like a solution: by raising his arms above his head and trying to propel his body downward, he could feel himself inching slightly back into the elevator. Unfortunately, this was an extremely slow process, and it took a long time for him to move even a very little, despite the fact that his stomach was sucked in.

After about twenty minutes of this, Tristan had discovered that by raising his legs, which were inside the elevator, he could move downward much faster. Unknown to him, this also made him rather unnoticed by the elevator's occupants, unless they knew to look upward.

Kaiba, however, did not know to look upward, and did therefore not know of Tristan's presence.]

— Tristan fell from the ceiling and crashed directly into Kaiba.

Yugi, Yami, and Bakura stared, surprised, at Kaiba and Tristan, whose faces were now smashed into the floor, and were thankful that Tristan had saved them from Kaiba.

Joey, however, was not as blessed; his pursuer, Mai, was still conscious and glaring at him from the corner where she was tied up.

"GRRRR!" spat Mai, the sound slightly muffled from the gag in her mouth, which was, interestingly enough, part of Kaiba's favorite trench coat.

Tea and Ryou were still unconscious.

And the elevator (tee hee, I just love typing this!)…didn't move.