Author's Note: Everybody go see When Harry Met Lloyd: Dumb and Dumberer, I'm in it as an extra. Look for the incredibly beautiful girl with the long brown hair in a ponytail wearing a blue sweatshirt with a hummingbird on it. I'm not her. Ha ha, just kidding. Jeez, I crack myself up. Also, I might not update regularly because I'll be spending so much time on all this math homework (Jeez! At least 50 problems a night!), but I'll do my best. And the Official Reviewer of Chapter Nine is…Lynn! Congratulations, you win an all-expense-paid trip to Kaiba Land! (That was kind of random, I just felt like doing it :) Also, the reviewers of the story are everyone who has me on their favorites list! You guys rock! I'll probably name you sometime. So go! Read on!

Chapter Nine: Are We Having Fun Yet?

"Dansende dronning, føler det slår fra tambourine, å ja. De danser, De kan jive, har tiden av Deres liv…" The makeshift radio continued to blare out Tea's favorite song in Norwegian, despite Kaiba's best efforts to dismember it. The song was really getting to everyone in the elevator, except Tea, who actually liked the song and was because of it lying on her back gasping for the breath that she had lost when Kaiba's briefcase made contact with her stomach, and maybe Tristan, who was asleep again. And maybe not Bakura either, who was convinced that it was only a matter of time until Kaiba spontaneously combusted (a.k.a. randomly caught on fire and burned up and felt lots of pain and— well, that sort of thing).

"TURN THAT )*@^$(^% THING OFF!" Yami demanded, covering his ears with his hands in a futile attempt to block out the high, screechy sound. Yugi, Ryou, Yami, and Joey's ears were covered with anything in reach that they thought could possibly block out the noise. Mai, as she was tied up, was only able to scrunch up her face and press one side of her head against the wall of the elevator.

Kaiba worked frantically to take apart his invention. He pulled out wire after wire, chip after chip, but the music— well, no, it really didn't count as "music"…maybe "sound" would be more appropriate— the terrible sound only got louder and louder. He could feel his brain throbbing inside his skull, but nothing would make the stupid, @*$(*&@ radio stop! It was driving him INSANE!

Kaiba raised the "radio" high over his head and smashed it into the floor of the elevator with all his might. There was a collective relieved sigh when the radio sputtered and died. The song was gone.

Tea, however, was rather disappointed. "The…A-Teens are…my favorite…group," she wheezed out. Everyone glared at her. She shut up fast.

Kaiba closed his eyes and rubbed his throbbing temples. He could still hear the chorus of the song playing in his ears, over and over again…

"Oh, man," Joey complained, breaking Kaiba's thoughts. "I can still hear that one part of the song in my head!"

"Me too," Yugi groaned, shaking his head vigorously to try and get the sound out of his ears.

"Careful, Yugi," taunted Bakura from another corner of the elevator, still bound by Yami's spell. "If you shake your head too hard, your wig might fall off!"

Yugi whirled around and glared at Bakura as Yami burst into fresh tears. "What did you say?" questioned Yugi angrily.

"You heard me," challenged Bakura.

Yugi gasped. "Was that a challenge?" he demanded.

"Your face!" responded Bakura.

Yugi's face took on a confused look, as did those of everyone who was watching this little scenario with interest. "Wait. What?"

Bakura scowled. "I SAID, 'I'm too good to challenge you'!"

Yugi frowned. "That's not what you said! You said 'your face.' What the heck does that mean, anyway?"

"I did not say that! I said, "I'M TOO GOOD TO CHALLENGE YOU!'" insisted Bakura angrily, squirming from the bond enacted by that spell that held him in place.

Yami wiped his eyes and looked up, thinking hard. "No, you really didn't."

Bakura turned on Yami. "You stay out of this, you loser." He turned back to Yugi and growled. "I SAID THAT I'M TOO GOOD TO CHALLENGE YOU, MORTAL!"

"You did not! You said 'your face!'"

"Are you contradicting me? Are you saying I'm stupid?" growled Bakura, his pointed teeth glinting and eyes glowing red.

"No, no, I didn't say that!" insisted Yugi, now meek and filled with fear. He backed against the wall of the elevator.

"But you were thinking it!" accused Bakura.

Yugi gulped and scooted close to Yami, who was apparently also afraid of psycho-Bakura (who was, unlike psycho-Mai, completely and 100% undistinguishable from normal Bakura). "I don't like Bakura," he whispered to Yami. "He reads minds!"

Bakura growled again and was about to speak when Joey tiredly complained, "I can still hear it! Jeez, I'm never gonna get this outta my head!"

Kaiba, for once, was not watching the pre-fight antics. He was sitting Indian-style [or kindergarten style, I suppose. My teachers always tried to get us to call it that in order to be more politically correct or something. It never really worked. I guess it's one of those things teachers try to do to get you interested and excited in school and to be proud that you're in whatever grade you're in. Like for example, this one time in fifth grade, my teacher— okay, I'm getting off-subject. Back to the action.] in front of the smashed radio, and he couldn't take his eyes off it. The song was still repeating in his head, and he could have sworn that it was coming from the radio. But no, that was impossible— it was smashed into many pieces and nearly taken apart completely. It couldn't be working, it wasn't scientifically possible. But everyone else could hear it too…

Kaiba slowly lowered his head until it was right above the radio. It was— no, that would be impossible. But it was!

Yami finally noticed Kaiba's strange position. He was sitting with his legs crossed, and he was leaning really far out with his head close to the ground, right above the radio. Joey noticed, too.

[Although the letters of that sentence can not all be found in the word "disaster," that's definitely what they spell.]

"Heh, heh. Hey Kaiba, Mokuba sign you up for a gymnastics class too before the computer dating thing?" Joey teased, laughing in that annoying, obnoxious way of his that just makes you want to reach out there and just slap or punch him, knock him into next year, just— yeah.

Kaiba didn't answer, just stared down at the radio, not blinking. Joey started to say something, but Yami held up his hand and everyone was silent. It took a moment for them to hear it.

"Dansende dronning— Dansende dronning— Dansende dronning— Dansende dronning— "

"It's alive!" screamed Yugi, leaping into Yami's arms.

"It wasn't just in my head!" yelped Joey, terrified. "Make it stop, Kaiba!"

Due to some strange, scary, and freakish Murphy law of science, once everyone realized the radio was still playing, it got louder and louder and louder.

"Ggggggghhhhhh!" complained Mai, who began to try and cover her ears again.

"This is my favorite part!" Tea shouted. She started to get down to the beat, but Yami kicked her in the stomach and she bit the dust again.

"You know what they say," shouted Ryou over the now really loud mus— sound. "'Repetition of music is a form of torture.'"

"Gee, thanks, Ryou!" Yami shouted back, his hands clamped over his ears.

It was an existential moment [for those of you not taking psychology, an existential moment is a moment in which you know you're not longer in control of your fate and all you can do is choose how to react] for Kaiba. In slow motion, he snatched up the "radio," leapt to his feet, and threw it as hard as he could to the ground. He began to jump up and down madly, screaming profanities at the top of his lungs. After about six jumps the sound died completely, but Kaiba continued to jump wildly as everyone watched.

"Um, Kaiba?" Yugi ventured. "You can stop jumping up and down on it now, you know."

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!" screamed Kaiba, who continued to leap up and down on top of the completely smashed little bits of the very dead radio.

"Okay, Kaiba's really lost it now," observed Joey wisely. Everyone nodded.

The excitement of watching Kaiba's breakdown eventually wore off, and Yami reached into his pocket and removed his dueling deck with a sigh. He flipped through it absentmindedly.

Noticing this, Kaiba actually stopped his destruction of the way-past-dead radio and started at Yami's cards. "That's a rather weak bunch of cards your friend has there, Yugi," he sneered, resuming his part as the obnoxious rich guy. "It's no wonder, though, since the only cards your grandfather sells are fit for pre-schoolers."

Yugi gasped in outrage, but Yami put out his hand. "I won't let him insult us like this, Yugi," Yami vowed. "I challenge you to a duel, Kaiba!"

Kaiba grinned cruelly. "I accept, although you really don't deserve to duel me."

Yami raised his eyebrows. "We shall see. If I win, you must promise forever to— "

"Jeez, you stupid males!" interrupted Tea. "You act like Duel Monsters is your life! It's just a game!"

Silence.

"Wha— What did you say?" asked Yugi, his jaw having dropped open a foot.

"I said it's just a game! You guys act like it's a life or death situation, but it's just some ancient fad. I'm sick of it. Why don't you find a new hobby, like collecting miniature trolls? They're really cute!"

Silence.

"LET'S GET HER!" roared Yami, and everyone else yelled their war cry in response.

"Wait, duel first!" interjected Joey.

"Yeah, duel each other first, and then we'll sacrifice the mortal to Exodia," added Bakura. Everyone (except Mai, who was tied up, and Tristan, who was asleep) made the sign of the Duel Monster on their chest and looked upward temporarily, as was the courteous custom of their religion. *Sweat drop Tea*

Kaiba and Yami sat Indian style [which reminds me, did I ever tell you about that time in fifth grade when— ] facing each other. They each shuffled their decks and prepared to make the first move. Everyone moved to get a good view, except for Bakura and Mai, who couldn't really move, like at all.

"I play the Celtic Guardian in attack mode," announced Yugi.

"I counter with the Rude Kaiser," challenged Kaiba.

"Aw, this is boring without seeing the monsters attack each other," complained Joey. "Can't you make a little action here?"

"Well…I guess so," said Yami uncertainly, looking at Kaiba, who smirked.

"Sure, why not." He snatched the Celtic Guardian out of Yugi's hand and ripped it in half. "That enough action for you?"

Yami and Yugi gasped simultaneously. "NOOOO! MY BABY!" shrieked Yami, snatching the torn card from Kaiba and pressing it to his chest. "I KNOW IT HURTS! MOMMY FEELS IT TOO!"

"HOW COULD YOU?!" demanded Yugi, gently touching his sobbing Yami's shoulder. Kaiba just laughed cruelly. Suddenly, Yugi reached out and snatched Kaiba's hand (of cards). He promptly ripped them up, even as Kaiba lunged forward to get them back.

"HEY! LEAVE MY CARDS ALONE, YOU @*)&$)(^@% JERK!" shrieked Kaiba, swiftly gathering his torn cards back into his arms gently. "I ONLY RIPPED ONE OF YOURS!" He suddenly bent down and snatched up Yugi's deck, but was too slow to get his own as well before Yami snatched it. Cuddling his ripped Celtic Guardian, he slowly and purposefully drew the first card, coincidentally one of Kaiba's prize Blue Eyes White Dragons. Kaiba's eyes grew huge. "Nooo," he breathed. "Leave Monty out of this!"

"Ha ha! You named your dragons, Kaiba?" Joey laughed. "What a loser!"

"Oh, that reminds me! Here's Puff back," said Ryou, reaching into his pocket and handing Joey his Red Eyes Black Dragon card. Joey turned bright red and stuffed it down his shirt quickly.

Yami held up the dragon threateningly. Kaiba quickly shuffled Yugi's deck and pulled out the Dark Magician. Yugi gasped. "Darky!"

"Darky? That's so gay!" Ryou chuckled.

"Shut up, you pansy! I wouldn't talk about stuff being gay if I were you," threatened Yugi.

"What's that supposed to mean, you toothless midget?" Ryou demanded. Yugi leaped on him and they rolled around the elevator floor, trying to claw each others' eyes out.

"Put down my deck, Kaiba, and I'll put down yours," said Yami dangerously, drawing another Blue Eyes, "or your precious dragons get it."

Kaiba silently mouthed "Kim" and stared in terror at his babies. "Don't hurt them," he sobbed.

"Gimme the deck," instructed Yami. "GIMME THE DECK!"

Shaking, Kaiba put Yugi's deck on the floor, "Darky" on top, and slid it forward. Yami did likewise with Kim, Monty, and Kaiba's deck. Both duelists quickly grabbed their decks and cradled them close.

"I hate to break up this little scene, but we haven't performed the sacrifice yet!" interjected Bakura loudly and rudely. Everyone looked at Tea and she gulped. She had backed into a free corner and tried to make herself inconspicuous. She hunched down and pressed her back into the corner as everyone approached her. Suddenly, just as Yami was about to begin the ritual, the elevator plummeted downward and everyone was thrown to the floor. As suddenly as it had started, the elevator stopped, then shot upward again, then down again, then up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Shut up, Joey!"

"MONTY!"

"Get off of me!"

"Ouch!"

"Stupid )*@^#!"

And the elevator shot up and down and shook everyone round and round (hey, I'm a poet!)! But is this a change for the good or for the bad?

Author's Note: I'm seeing a poetry project here…how does "The Epic Yu-Gi-Oh! Elevator Adventure" sound? Eh? Eh? Heh heh. Too much of the Odyssey, I suppose.

Ah, yes. We have thus learned that Kaiba's Blue Eyes White Dragons are named Monty and Kim. But he has three! Whatever is the third to be called? I'm partial to something like Oliver or maybe Ginger…something strange like that. What do you guys think? Put your suggestions in your reviews! *hintREVIEWhint*