Chapter 13

Inside out

Xander's appartment, 2.40 PM

'I'm here to show you something…' Angel said.

Xander looked a bit bored by the news. He couldn't imagine anything that Angel could show him that would make him believe Buffy loved him. The vampire sensed his hesitation.

'I promise this will help you. Both of you.'

Xander decided he had nothing to lose, or so he hoped.

'Oke, let's see what you got to show me.'

'You need to follw me outside. I can't show you here.'

Xander nodded, following Angel out of his appartment. The two walked in silence. The years apart had brought them some respect for eachother, it didn't bring them friendship. They could never be friends, she would always stand between them. Angel took Xander across town, to the Restfield cemetry. Xander looked around him, the sight of the graveyard not too calming for his nerves. Why would Angel bring him here ?

'Are you leading me here so you can kill me ?'

'You still don't trust me, do you ?'

'No, I don't. You gotta earn trust, it isn't something I just give to people.'

'Maybe we're more alike than you think.'

Leaving Xander to think about that, Angel started walking faster. Aproaching his goal. They were headed to a crypt, and when they reached it Angel knocked down the door, entering. Meanwhile Xander just stood there, not to sure if he wanted to follow. His curiousity got the better of him, he just hoped it wouldn't get him killed. The first thing he saw almost made him leave the crypt in a hurry, but he told himself to stay. Angel was hugging something, asking it how it had been. The demon was quite large, smelled repelling and didn't look so good either. But Xander quickly decided he wasn't going to comment on it, the demon was twice his size. He was probably saver just standing there. Until it approached him.

'Xander Harris.'

'That's me.'

It came out steady and he thanked himself for that. The demon looked at Angel, wondering why he would bring a human with him. Xander was doing the same thing.

'Deadboy, why the hell am I doing here ?'

Angel smiled, he could sense that the boy wasn't all too comfortable. And he couldn't help smirking about that just a little. He quickly got back to buisness.

'Xander, this is Morlakeka. He's an old friend of mine. Who happens to own me a favor.'

He glanced at the demon while making that last comment. Pleased to see that Morlakeka hadn't forgot.

'I'm here to ask you to help me.'

The demon looked at Angel, not really hiding how suprised he was.

'You want me to work my magic on him ? Why ?'

'Complicated story. Let's just say this is something I need to do.'

Xander was getting impatient, not really getting what they were talking about.

'Look, Angel, Morla...eh..Morla..demon, I really don't think I want any magic used on me. I mean it's probably a rush and all, but I think I could live without that kind of fun. Not to say that I'm not a fun guy, I'm just...'

Morlakeka interupted.

'Quiet !'

He turned his head to Angel, who just nodded. He walked over to Xander and placed his claws around his head. Xander was wishing he had just stayed in his appartment by now. Morlakeka looked at Angel.

'Who is he to see ?'

'Buffy Summers.'

Before Xander could comprehend what this meant his world went black.

A room, 3.05 PM

Xander woke up, wondering what just happened. He expected to see Angel and the demon, he expected to still be in the crypt. He wasn't. He looked around him. He was lying in a room, which was pretty large but had nothing in it. He also noticed four doors, leading to, what he expected, other rooms. He started to freak out a bit, not knowing how he got here.

'Angel, demon whose name I can't remember...Are you guys here ?'

He only heard the echo of his voice. Sighing, he got up. He needed to find out where he was so he could find out how to get out of here and back to his own world. He had no choice but to open one of the rooms, but while he thought that a door already opened. He looked at it suprised.

'My thoughts are coming true, think about a naked Buffy and Twinkies...'

He tried, but nothing happened. So much for thinking his way into heaven... He walked over to the room that had opened. When he got near it he heard voices. Voices he knew all too well. When he walked into the room he saw Willow, Tara, Dawn, Joyce and Giles. He blinked, looking at Joyce like she was a ghost. Which to him, she was. They were sitting around a large table, eating, laughing, having a good time. He just stood there for a couple of minutes, looking at Joyce. Remembering her. Remembering a time when they were happy. Looking at the table again he noticed that he wasn't there, Buffy wasn't there.

He stepped into the room completly, walking over to Willow.

'Will, you gotta help me ! I'm stuck here, and I don't even know where 'here' is... Do a spell, take me home, please.'

His best friend kept eating, laughing at a joke Giles made while holding Tara's hand. She didn't seem to hear him. He tried again, touching her shoulder, at least he tried to touch her but he touched nothing. He tried again, again touching nothing. He moved his hand to the place her shoulder was, again nothing. Which was weird, because he could see and hear her perfectly well. He walked over to Dawn, trying to touch her, he couldn't. He got the same result with Giles, Joyce and Tara. He couldn't touch them, they couldn't hear him. They just kept doing what they were doing.

Almost desperate he walked away from them, going to the other rooms, trying to open them. They stayed closed, the only room he could enter was where his friends were. Not knowing what to do for now, he sat in the corner of the room. Looking at his friends, hearing them talk. He tried to remember the last time he had seen them this happy, this worryless. He couldn't. He stayed there for hours. Watching them, thinking about why he was here. Why he wasn't there with them, and why Buffy wasn't there. Eventually he fell asleep.

When we woke up he was back in the big room. All the doors were closed. When he walked over to the room he had seen earlier he couldn't open it. He shook his head, this was getting a bit too much for him. He felt lonely and wanted to talk to Buffy more than anything else. She would know what to do.

Before he could think about her some more a second door opened. He got up, hoping this room would deliver some answers.

When he walked in he saw Angel, kissing Buffy. He saw them making love after they had escaped from the Judge. He saw the tenderness and the love and while it hurt him to see it, he also saw the beauty of it. He regonized it, remembering his times with Anya. He saw Buffy's pain after Angel had turned, he saw her crying in her room. Holding on to the ring he had given her. He felt her tears when Angel returned from hell, he felt the longing she had felt after he was back. And he felt her pain again after he had left.

Next, he saw Parker. It wasn't a image he was happy to see. He had hated the guy for what he had done to Buffy. He saw them having sex. This time he couldn't see any love, all he saw was lust. He saw Parker telling Buffy that all they had was fun and he wanted to rip the guy apart. He felt that she had lost some of her faith in men because of him.

The scene changed again and Riley appeared. He smiled, he had liked that guy. He was one of the few male friends he had ever known and he had been good to Buffy. He saw how she fell in love with him, slowly. Learning to love again. He also saw that she never really succeeded, never let her guard down completly. And he understood why Riley had done what he did, why he had left. It didn't make the fact that he had let himself be bitten by vampires any less wrong. It just made him see the big picture.

He flinched, closing his eyes. Riley had dissapeared. Replaced by Spike. He saw him fight with Buffy. Saw how she kissed him in the middle of the fight, how they had sex while the house they were in collapsed around them. They didn't seem to notice. It sickened him to see it, because he didn't regonize Buffy anymore. And because he felt her emotions. He felt her desperation, her loathing wirh herself and for the vampire she was using. It was depressing, but he forced himself to watch, to understand.

He found himself in the big room again, all doors closed. He still couldn't believe what he had seen, a fast trip trough Buffy's lovelife. It had been fascinating, it helped him understand her better. He wondered if this was it, if this had been what Angel wanted him to see. But another door already opened, he hadn't seen enough.

He got up, facing yet another room, he also faced the First Slayer. She took his hand and he was in a cemetary and he saw Buffy's first fight. He felt her fear and the confusion. So simular to what he had felt when he first found out about the darker things in life. He saw her important battles, her fight with the Master, against Angelus, The Mayer, Adam, and eventually her fight against Glory. Which ended in dead. He felt her determination when she made the jump. He cried when he felt what Heaven had been like for her. It was peaceful, warm. He screamed when he worked himself out of the grave with her. Understanding how hard that had been.

He needed to sit down, he had seen too much. It was too much. The First Slayer let go of his hand and he was back in the big room again.

He knew that he was almost there, that the journey was almost over. The last door openend.

Walking in, he saw himself...

TBC...