Chapter Six: Unconditional Love

For the next few months I buried myself in Erin and Tyler's school life. I went to parent-teacher meetings and I was on the Parent council at Erin's school. She sometimes complained about it but I wanted to be a part of her school life. I even donated some money to the music department at both schools so they could get some new violins. I began to practice my violin everyday again. I hadn't realized how much I had missed it. It helped me express my feelings and cleanse myself in a way. Sometimes Anthony would sit and listen to me. He seemed entranced in my music. He said it was like magic the way it made him leave earth and go somewhere more peaceful. He continued to work at the store, but not such long hours since the tourist visits weren't as frequent in the winter months. We grew closer as married couples should. I thought it had much to do with the fact that neither of us was dwelling on the fact that Derek was living so close by. We just accepted it and moved on. He didn't make any more surprise visits to the house. I rarely saw him in town. He was like a hermit, but I wouldn't let myself talk to him or make any effort to see him. I couldn't make him think that I would even think about leaving Anthony. Tyler was doing mediocre in school. I knew he was very smart but he just didn't want to do anything that would make him stand out, set him apart from the rest of the students. He didn't have any close friends. He never brought any friends to the house and he never talked about anything going on at school. I tried to get him to try out for sports teams but he just wouldn't do it. All he did when he was home was practice on his skateboard in the basement. I told him he could use the basement while it was winter because he just couldn't wait until the snow melted to use it. He turned his music up loud in the basement and skated. I was surprised by his taste in music. It was a kind of punk rock. He seemed like symphony kind of guy. I guess he liked music that was opposite of his personality so he could feel better about himself. If it helped him then I wouldn't complain. Erin on the other hand was the social butterfly. She was rarely home. She was always out with girlfriends or on the occasional date. I suspected that sometimes when she said she was with friends she was really with boys. Boys were always calling her. She hogged the telephone to the point that I made her start helping Anthony out at the store and pay for her own phone line. I had enough money to pay for it myself but I didn't want to spoil her. Anthony and Erin grew close again. It made me smile to see them playing checkers in the living room and laughing at TV shows together. The only thing that bothered me was the way Erin would snuggle up close to Anthony and he would put his arm around her. To him he was just being affectionate to his little sister but to her it seemed like more. Sometimes I would go down the basement steps and watch Tyler skate. He learned how to do tricks all by himself. He watched skateboarding competitions on TV and then tried to copy the tricks. He was getting very good, very fast. It was on a December afternoon a few days before Christmas when I was watching him try a trick called a heelflip. (I had learned the names of some of the tricks by watching the competitions with him) He got up in the air but the board turned to the side and he fell to the concrete floor. I heard a snap and I bolted down the remaining three steps. He was sitting up cradling his right arm. I could tell that he was it pain but he didn't make a sound. His wrist immediately started to turn purple and swell up. "We have to get to the hospital, it looks broken," I told him. I helped him stand up and put my arm around his shoulders on the way up the stairs. He swayed and bumped the railing. He let out a yelp. "It'll be ok, it's ok Tyler," I soothed. We made it up the stairs and into the front foyer. I knew Anthony and Erin were playing checkers in the den. "Anthony!" I called out. After a minute he came out of the den. His hair looked a little disheveled and he looked flustered. Erin came out after his and she straightened her skirt. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. What had they been doing in there? I wondered. I was about to ask that very question when Tyler let out a moan of pain. I shook my head and snapped back in to reality, "Tyler's broken his arm, we have to take him to the hospital," I informed them. I expected Erin to come running to her brother and give him a hug but she didn't. She was glued to Anthony's side the whole way to the hospital. I sat in the back with Tyler while Anthony drove with Erin in the front. Tyler looked sad about Erin not really coming to help him. I hugged him tightly. He didn't pull away from me like he usually did. I had been trying to bond with him for a while. I watched his skateboarding shows with him and tried to learn about it so I could talk to him about it. I really wanted him to come out of his shell a little more but he was seemed to be super glued in there. Since Erin and Anthony had gotten closer she had been paying less attention to Tyler and he was clearly hurt by this. I tried to spend time with him but I knew he wanted Erin. It turned out Tyler had fractured a bone in his wrist. He would have to wear a cast for six weeks. I watched the disappointment form on his face when the doctor told him no skateboarding until his cast was off. Back at the house Erin hugged Tyler and whispered something in his ear. He smiled a little but then he went upstairs by himself. "Rachel," I said, "Can you take some Tylenol up to Tyler's room, he's broken his wrist," "Oh no!" Rachel said, "Is he alright?" "He'll be ok," I answered distantly. Rachel and I weren't as close as we used to be. She spent all her free time with Wesley. I hadn't visited Nikola in a while. I watched Anthony and Erin slip back into the den. The picture in my head of them coming out earlier, fixing their clothes flashed before my eyes. I tiptoed to the door quietly and pushed the door open softly so they wouldn't hear. "Erin, we can't let that happen again," Anthony was saying. Let what happen? I wondered nervously. "She doesn't know anything, stop worrying," Erin said. She started towards the door. I jumped away and started up the stairs so she wouldn't know I had heard. I went out onto the balcony off Anthony and my room. It was cold. Snowflakes fluttered down into my dark hair, which was being whipped around my face in the breeze. What had Erin and Anthony been talking about? I had a very bad feeling. The only thing I could think of was Anthony and Erin were..NO, I thought, he wouldn't do that to you. Tears slipped down my cheeks despite my effort to control my emotions. Just the thought of Anthony cheating on me made me want to scream. He wouldn't do that to you, I assured myself. I went back into my bedroom to find Anthony sitting on the bed. He smiled tightly at me. He was ringing his hands together nervously. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Nothing," he said quickly. I looked away from him. I knew something was going on, but I just didn't want to face it right now. So I changed the subject, "For Christmas dinner Wesley and Nikola will be here," I told him, "And Rachel and Roberta of course," "I know," he said. We were silent for a moment. Not a normal silence, but an uncomfortable silence full of unasked questions. I was about to blurt out an accusation when he stood up and went into the bathroom. I stared at the closed door until the water started running. It was ten o'clock at night. I knew I should go to sleep but I was too restless. I went into the hall and to Tyler's room. I knocked twice. There no answer. "Tyler?" I asked opening the door quietly. The room was dark and empty. Where could he be? I wondered. I heard voices in Erin's room next door so I went to see if she knew where he was. I stopped at the door when I heard my name. "Skye is in some kind of trance these days, she doesn't care about us Ty," Erin was saying. I put my ear to the door despite the guilt I felt for eavesdropping. "She does care, why do you think she's letting us live here?" Tyler said. "She feels obligated," Erin told him, "And with good reason," Tyler didn't answer. "She'll be sorry for leaving us when I'm through," Erin said almost too softly for me to hear. I gasped. Why did Erin hate me so much? I was trying to be their friends; helping them with their schoolwork, I never disciplined them. Maybe that was the problem. They had too much freedom, Erin especially. I went back to my room and climbed into bed beside Anthony. I knew he was still awake. "Erin is doing something to deliberately hurt me," I said out loud. I felt him stiffen. My heart sank. That was a good indication that he had something to do with it. Why couldn't everything just go back to the way it was before Mom left Monkton. We were happy then. She loved us all unconditionally. At least I thought she did. Now I didn't even know where she was, or if she was even alive. I loved Erin and Tyler unconditionally but I knew Erin didn't feel the same way about me. She hated me unconditionally.

Christmas came and went with no special happenings. We exchanged our presents and I pretended to be happy. Anthony got Erin a beautiful silver charm bracelet. He got me a CD. We were drifting apart and it was devastating. Tyler got lots of skateboarding videos and magazines to watch and read until he could get back on his board. He wouldn't be out of practice when his wrist healed. Erin smiled sourly at the slightly large sweater I got for her. In my opinion her clothes were too tight. I knew by the look on her face as she set the sweater aside that she would never wear it. Not that I was surprised. We had turkey and all the other Christmas food for dinner that night. We were eating our dessert of pumpkin pie when Rachel made her announcement. "Wesley and I. we're getting married!" she exclaimed. Her smile was stretched ear to ear. "Rachel! That's so great!" I cried. I was truly happy for her. "It's going to be a small wedding, in April, you are all invited," she said. "Congratulations," everyone said. I kept stealing glances at Anthony for the rest of dinner. He didn't look at me once. He just seemed to be either focusing on his food or gazing across the table at Erin. Don't make it to obvious now husband dear, I thought bitterly. Later when Nikola was on her way out I decided that I would go with her. I needed someone to talk to about the whole Anthony-Erin situation. I didn't tell Anthony where I was going. I didn't think he would even notice. At Nikola's house I told her how I found out that Erin and my husband were having an affair. "But Skye, aren't they half brother and sister?" Nikola asked looking a little disgusted. "No! No, Anthony was kidnapped remember?" I told her. "Oh right, your family is just a total mess," she said as a joke. I didn't laugh. It was the truth. We were a mess. So many lies and secrets. Would I ever be happy again? I looked out the window at saw a light on in Derek's house. Nikola saw where I was looking and smiled. "He asked me about you," she said. "He did?" I asked raising my eyebrows in surprise. "You should visit him," she said. I shook my head vehemently; I didn't need any more complications in my marriage. I was planning on confronting Anthony about his affair soon. I needed to focus on our relationship. "C'mon Skye, it's only a visit, you don't have to let anything happen," she said, I thought about what she said and realized she was right. Nothing would have to come of this visit. Just a friend visiting a friend on Christmas. A few minutes later I was standing on Derek's doorstep ringing the doorbell. He opened it almost immediately. He smiled softly when he saw me. I smiled back. "Merry Christmas," I whispered. It took me by surprise to see how handsome he was. I knew what he looked like before of course, but he was so different from Anthony that it was a shock. "I've missed you," he said stepping back so I could enter. I sat down on an armchair and glanced around. There was no Christmas tree, no presents and no turkey dinner. It didn't look like Christmas at all here. "How has your Christmas been?" I asked him. He glanced around and chuckled, "It's Christmas?" I smiled a little but inside I felt very sad. Poor Derek, he had to spend Christmas alone. "Would you like some coffee?" he asked me. "Please," I said. I was feeling very nervous and my stomach was unsettled, I needed something hot to calm me down. He got our coffee and sat down across from me. He leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees and placed his chin in his hands. His hair was getting long. I wondered if he had gotten a hair cut since he got here. It didn't look like it. "So." I said. I didn't know what to say. We used to be able to sit in silence and be content just to be together. But now I felt uncomfortable. Derek was staring into my eyes. I looked away from him and took a sip of my coffee. "What made you come here today?" Derek asked. "I.I just, it's Christmas," I said as if that explained everything. I didn't want Derek to know about Anthony and Erin. I was too ashamed. My husband had been taken from me by a sixteen year old. "Shouldn't you be with your husband," he asked a little bitterly. I didn't say anything. A great sense of guilt filled me. I had made Derek like this. Bitter and lonely. "I'm sorry Derek," I cried, "I was being selfish, I loved you so much, I still love you, I just didn't want--" Suddenly Derek was kissed me hard on the lips. I didn't protest. I couldn't stop him because I didn't want to. I loved him more than anything in the world. He didn't stop kissing me all night. We ended up in his bedroom together. It felt so good to make love to my true love again. I felt there had been something missing with Anthony, now I knew what it was, he wasn't Derek. Afterwards Derek held me in my arms the way he used to and I felt so content and safe. I fell asleep that way and dreamt of the way our lives should have been.