Author's Note: I don't mean to be rude, but I just wanted to let you know that I have had this story planned out since, oh, say, chapter eight. If I use something you have suggested without giving you credit, it is probably because I thought of it myself or got the idea from somewhere other than reviews. I know this sounds kind of stuck-up, but I just wanted to let you know that I will be sure to give you awesome people credit for your suggestions (i.e. the name of Kaiba's third dragon). And…yeah.
Chapter Thirteen: There Is Nothing To Fear Except The Elevator Itself
"YEEEOOWW!" Kaiba yelped as he felt a sharp pain shoot through his ankle. "MY LEG!" Mai, below, inside the elevator, had attached herself to Kaiba's ankle with her teeth. Mai, who had woken up in the elevator crash, had, as we have previously established, lost her mind, and was now hanging onto Kaiba solely by her teeth. Kaiba thrashed uselessly as she clung on, sinking her teeth deeper into his skin.
"Get out of the way, Kaiba!" grunted Joey, who was trying to pull Kaiba into the elevator at the same time Bakura, who had temporarily recovered from his personality disorder, was trying to push him out.
"Ouch!" complained Tristan as Kaiba's foot whacked him in the back of the head as Kaiba whipped around his legs in an attempt to get Mai off of him. He had gotten his arms out of the elevator, and was attempting to pull himself out, but was constantly being delayed as Joey continued to pull down. At the same time, he was spinning around in a circle as he tried to get Mai off of his ankle.
Yami, who had been lying unconscious on top of the elevator since the crash, woke up, blinking unsteadily. He opened his eyes and sat up, and the first thing he saw was Kaiba's upper body sticking out of the escape hatch, twirling around, like he was caught in a toilet being flushed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" screamed Yami, recoiling in horror. At that exact moment, Kaiba, who had not known that anyone else was on top of the elevator, stopped spinning and met Yami's eyes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" screamed Kaiba, who immediately lost his control over his upper body and fell back into the elevator.
"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone in the elevator as Kaiba landed on top of them. The moment of panic, however, didn't last long, as Kaiba's body was soon overtaken by the others in a mad scramble to get out[, like the part in The Mummy where someone trips when they're running out of the tomb and is immediately consumed by those creepy little scarab things. Those things are just wrong. I mean, do you remember the part where one comes alive and goes under the guy's skin? That scarred me for life, let me tell you. When we went to see the sequel, there were two other people in the theater, and one of them was talking really loudly, so I had to go, "SHHHHH!" really obnoxiously. He shut up, at least.].
In the meantime, on top of the elevator, Yami quickly grabbed Yugi, whom he could see faintly in the dim light of the elevator shaft. "Yugi! Yugi, wake up!" he hissed.
Yugi blinked sleepily. "Huh? What is it?" he asked, rubbing his eyes and gingerly touching his head.
"We have to hurry, Yugi," Yami whispered urgently. "Get up and do as I do."
"Yami, I don't wanna get up. My head really hurts," Yugi whined, sniffing back some tears.
"Shut up and get up!" snapped Yami, who roughly helped the poor little guy to his feet. He dragged Yugi to the center of the elevator roof, to which a cable was attached. The cable extended up into the darkness. "Now, here's what we're gonna do," said Yami, patting the cable. "I'm gonna climb up this, and you're gonna climb up after me. Got it?"
["I'm gonna play keep-away with a grizzly bear cub and its angry mother while you cover yourself in meat and get some hungry lions to chase you!"]
"But, um, Yami," Yugi started, then gave up. "Okay."
Yami bent his knees and prepared to jump up so he could start climbing as high on the cable as possible. Unfortunately, just as he was about to jump, something leaped from the escape hatch and knocked him into the wall.
"Get offa me!" Yami spat, pushing the jumper rudely off of him.
"No, you get offa ME!" retorted Bakura, who was obviously the one who had jumped. He quickly stood and brushed himself off.
"Ooh, good comeback," Yami mocked.
"Are you mockin' me, pharaoh?" demanded Bakura, putting his hands on his hips. [Uh oh, guys, Bakura's hands are on his hips! He must be, like, really mad! Watch out!]
"So what if I am, eh?" replied Yami angrily, crossing his arms. [Oh no, another bad signal.]
"Okay, let's go! You and me, right here, right now!" demanded Bakura.
"You're on!" snarled Yami in reply. [There's only one thing that can mean. I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, but oh well. That's the way the cookie crumbles, I suppose.]
Bakura stuck out his right hand, as did Yami, and it began. Yugi huddled in a corner, whimpering with fear. Something that had not happened for a millennia. Something so horrible, so frightening, that it blew away a duel to "save the world" or whatever. The two spirits of Millennium Items raised their voices in the sacred chants that always came before this event.
"One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!" shouted Yami and Bakura as they began the incantation.
Meanwhile, a similar war was taking place inside the elevator as everyone tried to get out at once. Kaiba was now at the bottom of the pile, although he was doing everything he could to get back on top. Currently on top was Joey, who was being held back by Tea, who was fending off Mai, who was being avoided by Tristan, who, like Ryou, was trying to remain uninvolved.
Two words, my friends: utter chaos.
Finally, after ten minutes (or maybe more; I guess we'll never know, since Tristan wasn't timing it), Ryou pulled himself out of the mess and yelled, "STOP!"
And everyone stopped and listened to him in a civilized fashion, and got along and said sorry and please and thank you and they all got out of the elevator and stayed friends for the rest of their lives.
[Ha! Ha ha! Hahahaha! Yeah, right!]
As no one had stopped, Ryou tried to shout over the madness. "Listen, everyone! If we just do this one at a time, we'll all be able to get out!"
"Sounds— reasonable," grunted Tea as she elbowed Joey in the stomach. "I'll go first!"
"No, I will!" countered Joey, jabbing Tea in the eyes.
Mai just grunted and kicked both Tea and Joey to the ground before managing to scramble out of the elevator, followed by Kaiba, who had cleverly been waiting for Mai to make her move before he made his. Joey was next, followed by an angry Tea.
"I guess it's just you and me," said Tristan amiably to Ryou when they were the only ones left in the elevator.
"Yep. It sure is," Ryou agreed.
"Yep," Tristan said again, looking away and putting his hands in his pockets. Ryou whistled and rolled on his heels.
"Uh-huh."
"Mmm-hmmm."
…
"It's mine!" Ryou screeched, clawing at Tristan's face as the two lunged for the hatch at the same second.
"You wish!" responded Tristan, trying to kick Ryou but instead, due to his stupidity beyond reason and his inability to recognize his own body parts, kicked himself in the knee.
"WAAAHHHH!" sobbed Tristan from the elevator floor as Ryou climbed out, satisfied.
By now, as everyone [okay, not Tristan, but does he really count? I mean, come on. Who really cares about Tristan? He's just a useless character! Plus, he's really dumb. Can we just leave him? Can I say "everyone"? Please?? What? No? You guys are mean!], EXCEPT FOR TRISTAN [are you happy??], had noticed that they were not, as previously thought, on the floor. There were no doors surrounding the elevator or close to the top of the elevator. No doors equals no way out.
"What's the deal, Kaiba?" demanded Joey. "Where are the doors? WHERE CAN WE GET OUTTA HERE?!"
"We're in the basement, you stupid mutt!" spat Kaiba. "We'll have to climb out by ourselves."
"Jeez, you sure got a lotta nerve, Kaiba," Joey complained. "First you get us stuck in your elevator, then you make your elevator crash, and then you expect us to climb out of your stupid elevator shaft by your stupid elevator cable?"
Kaiba shoved Joey backwards. Joey waved his arms to try to regain his balance, then fell right through the escape hatch just as Tristan was struggling out. Everyone clapped politely, and Kaiba took a little bow. [Aww, isn't that sweet? They're finally coming together!]
"Well," began Ryou, eying the cable, "I guess we better start climbing."
"NO! NO! THIS IS OUR WAY! YOU HAVE TO FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO GET OUT!" squealed Yami, pushing aside Tea to get to the cable, around which he wrapped his arm securely. "STAY AWAY! C'MON, YUGI!" Yami jumped up and attempted to shimmy up the cable as everyone watched below. Unfortunately for Yami, the cable was coated with grease, and he quickly slid down, despite his best efforts to move upward. "It's okay, Yugi!" he cried as he landed back on the top of the elevator, "I'll use my teeth! Yeah, that'll work!" Yami jumped up and attempted to climb the cable with his teeth.
"I think I'll take the ladder," said Kaiba, who turned toward the wall and began to climb what was obviously an escape ladder. Everyone stared at him with jaws wide open as he began to climb.
"There was an escape ladder next to the elevator," Bakura began.
"This whole time," Tea continued.
"And you didn't," Ryou added.
"DDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Mai, leaping up and grabbing Kaiba around the waist. Kaiba screamed and tried to get her off, but she quickly climbed over him and scurried up the ladder through the darkness.
Everyone quickly scrambled to get on the ladder in a manner that resembled the exiting of the elevator. Tea ended up last, except for Joey, and then Tristan, who had to fight over who climbed through the escape hatch first.
Yami was still trying to climb the elevator cable with his teeth. [Go figure.]
In fact, the whole "climbing out of the elevator" scene strongly resembled one of those shows where those big, ugly wrestler-type guys all try and climb a rope and get to the top first, where they ring a bell and stuff, but they have to go through fire and hot oil first, you know, only there was only one ladder instead of a bunch of ropes, unless you count Yami and the elevator cable.
Actually, to the surprise of just about everyone, climbing the ladder was going rather smoothly. No one rushed anyone (what a joke) and they were actually moving upward. A door wasn't visible yet, but everyone had hope that they were finally going to get out.
[Ha! What a bunch of idiots!]
Suddenly, a piece of the ladder attached to the wall of the shaft twisted and groaned as it sank downward. Joey, who happened to be climbing that piece of ladder, yelped and jumped onto the closest thing possible— Tea's legs.
"Hey!" Tea screeched as Joey clung to her legs. The piece of ladder he had been climbing on seconds earlier plummeted to the bottom of the shaft. "Get off me, you stupid #%&@!!"
Joey began to shimmy up Tea (ignore how wrong that sounds), much to her displeasure, while she tried to knock him off. Joey eventually made it above Tea, and he started to continue shimming upward (using the ladder this time), and Tea continued behind him unhappily. Unfortunately, Joey's foot slipped off one of the rings of the ladder, and slammed into Tea's face.
[You may remember Tea's facing having a few other things slam into it, and you may also remember that in one of those cases, Tea pulled down the pants of he who slammed something into her face. In those cases, however, Tea was not climbing up a ladder on the side of an elevator shaft behind a guy who had just "shimmied" over her, so let's not compare these cases, shall we?]
Tea flew backward off of the ladder and landed smack-dab on top of Yami, who was still climbing the elevator cable with his teeth [What? That's impossible? You know, you're never going to go anywhere with that kind of negative attitude, you pessimist!]. Yami umph-ed, but held onto his place with his teeth tightly as they scrambled around the cables. Unfortunately, [why do I keep saying "unfortunately"? It's not unfortunate for us! "Unfortunately" usually signals something interesting happening! How about a compromise…I'll say "hippopotamus," okay? Okay good.]— make that hippopotamus, Tea's shoe was immediately caught in the cable and she was hung upside down by her foot.
"Aiiiiieeeeegggghhhh!" Tea shrieked, trying to fold her skirt back up as she dangled upside-down by her foot. Joey nearly fell off the ladder laughing and Yami tried to kick Tea away from HIS elevator cable while keeping his teeth firmly clamped on the cable itself.
Suddenly, Yami's jerking foot collided with something other than Tea, and the cable immediately yanked him and Tea upward. "AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Tea and Yami screamed (well, Yami sounded more like "UUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!" because of the cable in his mouth) as they shot upward into the dark blackness, Yami hanging on by his teeth and Tea by her caught foot. Everyone else on the ladder nearly fell off of laughing, except for Tristan, who DID fall off, but managed not to fall by grabbing onto his good pal Joey, who promptly tried to kick him off.
…And the elevator didn't move. [Because they left it behind…aww…But the cable moved!]
Author's Other Note: Yeah, this chapter wasn't very good, I'm sorry. I had a lot to do this weekend, but I made sure to write a chapter anyway. Feel special. Also, please don't say "this chapter wasn't as good as the others," because I know. I KNOW, OKAY?! I'm not sure if there's still going to be one more chapter left, or if there will be two, we'll have to see.
