Author's Note: Hello, friends. Well, it's that time again. Time for another chapter. You know what? Remember what I said about hating it when people knock on the door when I'm in the shower? My mom knocked on the door while I was in the shower just last night. I got really mad. She yelled at me about four times to get out because we were going out to eat, and after I got out and ready, we ended up waiting ten minutes before we left anyway. *Sigh* You know what? I can say "alas" in Lain, and also "today the boy falls into the fishpond," but I can't say "goodbye" or "how are you?" Glad they're teaching us the important stuff…
Chapter Fourteen: Peace, Love, and Elevators
The elevator cable shot upward like a giant rubber band, dragging Yami by his teeth and Tea by her foot along with it, until it WHAM!-ed four seconds later into the ceiling of the elevator shaft. Everyone clinging onto the ladder winced. Then they laughed.
"Heh, heh," laughed Ryou softly. He was typically one of the more caring people in the elevator, but even optimists go crazy eventually.
"Ha ha ha," giggled Tristan quietly, while Joey snorted in laughter to himself. Kaiba was trying to hide his own laughter, and Yugi didn't know whether to laugh or to cr— well, giggle, I guess.
"Ha ha ha ha," Yugi laughed evilly (but quietly).
Mai made this sort of hissy-growl sound, like she had swallowed an angry cat. I guess we can count that as a laugh.
"Heh, heh heh heh," chuckled Bakura, not bothering to be quiet about it. In fact, he wanted to hear Yami to hear him laugh. "YA HEAR THAT, PHARAOH? I'M LAUGHING AT YOU! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
It's not like they really cared about their friends, anyway, but I'm sure you already knew that.
Meanwhile, Tea and Yami were at the very top of the elevator shaft, where they had been before the elevator had crashed, but at that time they had still been inside the elevator. Yami, who had just heard Bakura laughing at him, was shouting furiously at the top of his lungs. "UH HURF AF ANF IMA GOFNA KIFA UF! UF HEF AF?!" [Ooh, real threatening. I'm sure Bakura's just, shaking in his boots. If he wore boots, that is. Does anyone remember what Bakura's shoes look like? I guess it doesn't really matter. But it DOES matter! I MUST know! Hmmm…I'm thinking he just wears sneakers, or something plain like that…I know he doesn't wear boots…I had this pair of black boots once, and they were cool, but they hurt after walking around in them for a long— uh, back to the story.]
Tea was enjoying the rush of blood to her head as she continued to try and flip her skirt back up. She was also trying to get a firmer hold on the cable, meaning to actually grab onto it instead of having it grab her foot, in case her foot got lose, in which case she would fall through the entire elevator shaft before crashing to her death below.
[Hey guys, come on. I can hear you chanting "Fall! Fall!" even as I write this! Jeez!]
As Tea was attempting to do these things, Yami, who was still firmly clenched onto the greasy cable with his teeth, was kicking her in a steady rhythm. He had most certainly NOT forgotten that this was HIS elevator cable, and she had NO right to be attached to it. Tea was doing her best to ignore the kicking as she tried to flip up her skirt by trying to get as far away from the deranged spirit as she could and by kicking him back, but it didn't stop. "Stop it, Yami," she growled for about the ten thousandth time. "I said, stop it!" [Twenty bucks says Yami— oh yeah, no gambling. Ah well.]
Back below, Mai and Kaiba, who were in the lead, had reached what seemed to be a set of doors. [When elevators open, they open their doors and the doors of the elevator opening space. Just a little trivia for you there.] Kaiba was frantically trying to find some way to open the doors, but, as we all know from a *certain* past experience, Kaiba was not good at all at opening elevator doors. Mai was also trying to get them open, but I really don't think gnawing at the corner of the door was really effective anyway.
Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Tristan, and Joey finally reached the set of elevator doors, and they eagerly took up the challenge to open the doors while hanging onto the ladder. Unfor— I mean, hippopotamus, they simply could not open the doors! [What a surprise.] In fact, after pounding and pulling and pushing on the doors madly for about five minutes, they heard a little click from outside the doors, a click that sounded like a key turning in a lock. And I don't mean unlocking.
"Hey! Hey! Open up! Open up in there!" shouted Ryou, pounding on the doors with his fist.
"Oh, that's brilliant. Let's just ASK them to open the door!" retorted Bakura sarcastically.
"Why do you always have to put me down?" demanded Ryou. "I wasn't doing anything to you!"
"It's always about you, isn't it?! Why is it always about you?" spat back Bakura.
"Me?! It's always about YOU! Like the way you— "
"Not listening! Not listening, la la la la— "
"— TUNE ME OUT, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY!"
"LA LA LA, LA LA LA!"
While Bakura and Ryou were…well, see above, Tristan had gotten really close to the door. Due to strange looks from the non-arguing people at the elevator doors, he explained cheerfully, "I'm gonna do Morris Code! See, there's this system of dots and dashes, and you can send messages back and forth, and— "
"His hair is fungus," Joey explained quickly, and the light dawned on everyone trying to listen to Tristan. Tristan, who was confused, decided to just start Morris-coding. He patted the door slowly, then quickly, as everyone watched and Ryou and Bakura argued. Then all was silent as everyone listened at the door.
Bum. Bum bum, bum bum. Bum.
"Did everybody hear that?!" squealed Tristan excitedly. "They answered! Someone's there! We're gonna be saved!!"
"So, uh, what did they say?" asked Yugi skeptically.
"Hold on, I'm translating it in my head," Tristan said, closing his eyes and straining his brain. [Which isn't really hard to do, since we're talking about Tristan's brain. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's true, Tristan DOES have a brain! *Gasps from crowd* I know it's hard to believe, but— oh wait, Tristan has something to say again.] "It says…it says…'are you there?'"
"You sure it didn't say 'you need help'?" asked Bakura. Everyone mumbled in agreement, except for Tristan (now we return to the including-Tristan-as-everyone deal. Jeez.), who was too excited about his discovery to listen.
"Oh my gosh, they're gonna come save us! They know we're here! We're saved!" Tristan shrieked, hugging Joey frantically.
"GET OFFA ME!" shouted Joey, shoving Tristan's head into the door. Ah, friends.
Meanwhile, at the top of the elevator shaft, Yami was still kicking Tea. He couldn't seem to get it through his head that she couldn't move, and that even if she could move, she would fall to her death below…or maybe he DID understand it!
By now, Tea had stopped yelling at Yami to stop kicking her. Her face was red with all the blood rushing to it, and she was very tired. The kicking didn't hurt, it only bothered her, so she decided to let it go while she rested.
Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick.
KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KI—
"STOP KICKING ME!" screamed Tea insanely. "STOP KICKING ME! STOP IT! STOP IT!!" She lunged for Yami's foot and pulled it as hard as she could, pounding it furiously with her fists. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THIS IS INSANE!"
"UHHHHH!" Yami shouted as Tea pounded his foot, and he tried to kick her with his other one. Unf— sorry about that, hippopotamus, she snatched his other foot and began to pound his face with it.
"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!" she screamed. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THIS IS INSANE! PEOPLE DO NOT GET TRAPPED IN ELEVATORS WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND BREAK CELL PHONES AND GET STUCK IN ESCAPE HATCHES AND HAVE FUNGUS FOR HAIR AND BELIEVE DUEL MONSTERS IS A RELIGION AND MAKE RADIOS THAT WON'T STOP PLAYING IN OTHER LANGUAGES AND GET HUNG UP BY THEIR FOOT BY AN ELEVATOR CABLE!! THIS IS COMPLETELY INSANE! THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN!! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
[Well. Humph. What a loser. I never liked her anyway.]
Back at the door (which was still closed, in case you were wondering), everyone was leaning against the ladder, resting. They had been trying to open it for nearly an hour, with no luck, and everyone was re-exhausted. It was hard to believe that it was the same day that they had first gotten into the elevator. Everyone glanced upward casually as they heard a soft noise coming from the top of the elevator shaft.
"Sounds like Yami and Tea are having fun," Ryou remarked casually, flipping a page of his book. "Hey, did you guys know that when you're jumping from a motorcycle to a car, you should stand crouched with both of your feet on either the running board or the seat of the motorcycle? Interesting stuff, this. Probably not useful, though."
"Wait a second," said Joey accusingly, turning towards Ryou. "You didn't have a book!"
"Yes, I did," Ryou replied. "It was in my pants."
Ignoring the wrong-ness of that statement, Yugi snatched the book away from Ryou and read the title. His mouth slowly lowered.
"What is it, Yug?" asked Joey, leaning forward to try and read the title. "'The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: How to Escape from Quicksand, Wrestle an Alligator, and…Get Out of an Elevator.'"
"Give it to me!" shouted Kaiba as he and Bakura lunged for the book at once. They scuffled a second before Bakura raised his hand and shouted "Ickle pah hanananess!"
Fearing it was another spell, Kaiba shrieked and let go of the book and darted behind Yugi. Laughing like a maniac, Bakura was barely able hang onto the ladder. Kaiba again dived for the book, but Yugi got it first. "It's mine!" he growled, delivering a swift kick to Kaiba's stomach. Yugi opened the book, but was suddenly attacked by Mai, who kicked him in the face before snatching the book away. Joey, who was feeling rather brave (coughSTUPIDcough), decided to take it away from Mai, who actually let him grab onto half of it before swinging Joey off the ladder.
"AAAAIIIIIIEEEEGGHHH!" shrieked Joey, clinging onto Kaiba's leg for dear life.
"GET OFF ME, YOU (*@#&$!" screamed Kaiba, slamming his leg against the wall of the elevator shaft. His mouth dropped open in horror, as did everyone else's: in what seemed like slow motion, the book that held the key to their freedom fell through the air.
"NOOOOOOOO!" shouted everyone, lunging for the book at once. Hippopotamus (I did it right!), the book was too far gone, and they barely made it back to the ladder.
"Go get it, you mutt!" ordered Kaiba, shoving Joey.
"You get it!"
"I'LL RIP YOU APART!"
"KISS MY &$#%@!"
SERVICE BROADCAST INTERRUPTION: THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE AMERICAN ELEVATOR SOCIETY:
There have been some concerns about the validity of the elevator's role in this story. Well. Jeez. This announcement is to assure the general public that no elevators, real or imaginary, were harmed in the writing or publication of this story. This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. If you have any information on this subject, be sure to contact your local authorities. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Only you can prevent forest fires. I think that pretty much sums it up.
THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE AMERICAN ELEVATOR SOCIETY.
As Joey and Kaiba were fighting, everyone else had resumed trying to get the doors open by themselves. HUGE DISAPPOINTMENTS were old hat by then, and they wanted to get out. [No, really?]
Bakura was trying to separate the doors from the center, where they met, when Ryou's mouth suddenly dropped in the most horror he could express. Bakura caught him staring, grunted, "What?", and slowly felt his own eyes grow large.
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" screamed Ryou, frantically trying to get away from Bakura, who was now shaking and hitting his head furiously.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Tristan when he saw the spider they were screaming about. [Remember the first chapter? Tristan and spiders?] Tristan stumbled down the ladder, screaming continuously.
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" screamed Mai, frantically trying to get away from the little arachnid, which was still on Bakura's head. Evidently, the spider had survived the crash, and had hitched a ride up the ladder on Bakura.
"You babies," Yugi scoffed, going down a rung to gently scoop the little spider off of Bakura's head. "It's just a little— AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed suddenly, causing another chain reaction of screams in the elevator. "IT BIT ME!" he shrieked uncontrollably, having dropped the spider. "IT BIT ME IT'S POISONOUS I'M GONNA DIE I'M GONNA DIE!"
"YUGI'S GONNA DIE!" screamed Tristan.
"YUGI'S GONNA DIE!" sobbed Ryou.
"YUGI'S GONNA DIE!" screamed Kaiba, looking rather pleased.
Back on top of the elevator shaft, Tea was still on a rampage. ("AND THIS IS FOR ALWAYS TELLING US TO BELIEVE IN OUR FRIENDS!" WHAM!) She was doing a pretty good job of beating Yami up, but suddenly accidentally yanked the cable a little too hard.
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" she and Yami screamed (I think we have sufficiently established that Yami made a different kind of noise, but you get the picture) as the cable shot downward. She was still upside down and Yami was still attached by his teeth. Fortunately (it's not unfortunately, so I can't use hippopotamus— sorry, guys) for them, the cable slowed rapidly, and, extremely fortunately for them, stopped nearly right in front of the door where the rest of their "friends" were screaming about the spider.
Hippopotamus for those already at the door, they had no idea that it was only Tea and Yami, and were convinced that a fleet of giant death-spiders had come to destroy them at last. [It's all about the I.Q. drop, my friends. You gotta remember that.]
Everyone attacked the door at once, and finally, maybe because someone was finally smiling down on them, maybe because their luck had finally changed, maybe because Mokuba finally decided he had punished his brother enough and unlocked the door, the doors slid apart…and everyone was blinded by that white light that you always see when people finally open a door they've been trying to open, I thinki you know what I mean.
…And the elevator didn't move. But is it down for the count? Ha, ha.
Author's Other Note: I'm really sorry, you people. I feel like that Joe Millionaire show, where they made it look like he was going to tell who he picked on that one show and they ended up making you wait another week. I had a feeling they weren't going to show it because season finales are usually two hours or something, but I was still disappointed. Anyway, this story is NOT OVER. There will be an epilogue, which I will post next week. I just couldn't cram it all into this chapter.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE FINALE OF "THAT YU-GI-OH ELEVATOR STORY"!
