Title: Untitled
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com
Rating: R...eventually
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it
went.
Feedback: ..is like food for my (lack of) soul
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought
about...but not without some complications.
Part One
Tragedy
"Angel, you can't really expect me to just wait here again!
After last time-"
"Cordy, last time was different. We didn't know that demon
was luring us away so that it could get to you." Angel was adamant
that she would not come with them. How could he, in good conscience,
put her in that kind of danger? What were the odds of that
happening again? Besides, after what she had done with his son, he
didn't want her there.
"Exactly! Luring you away! Hello!! Am I the only one
actually looking at this clearly?"
The way she talked, like she knew what was best, annoyed him
greatly. Didn't she realize that he knew what was best for her?
He'd been around for over 250 years and he knew when it was too
dangerous for her to come with them.
"It's out of the question Cordelia. I can't concentrate
on stopping these demons with you tagging along. Now why don't you
go do your nails or read a magazine or something.as long as it
doesn't involve Connor," he muttered the last part and without giving her a chance to argue, he walked out the door.
Cordelia was speechless as she watched Angel walk out the
door, leaving her alone in the big old hotel. Okay, so maybe not
speechless, she had plenty to say and she was determined not to let
him get away with this.
She grabbed her coat from the back of her chair and stood in
the doorway. She was suddenly filled with dread, as if this were the
last time she would see the Hyperion this way. But Cordy
couldn't ignore her vision. Angel was going to need her help, whether he liked it or not.
***Angel lightly touched the next sketch on his wall. This one tore
his soul to pieces, but he couldn't take it down. It
wouldn't be right, for the very reason he'd forced himself to finish it, to never forget her devotion to him. He could never forget the night his life fell apart.***
Angel never saw it coming, nor did he have time to react, but
someone else did. As the severed demon head fell to the ground, he
heard the sound of a crossbow and felt something slam against his
body.
"Angel! Cordelia! Are you both okay?" Wesley called.
"Cordelia?" Angel asked in astonishment and anger. "I thought I
told you to stay." his voice trailed off as he turned and looked
at his seer. She was laying face down in the grass, not moving. He
could barely hear her shallow breathing or weak heartbeat.
"Cordy?" His anger was quickly turning to fear.
He carefully rolled her to her back and looked at her perfect,
un-damaged face. Slowly, his gaze traveled down her body and fell
upon her injury. Tucked neatly into her heart was a wooden stake.
Angel's hands began to shake as he gently cradled her head in his
lap. "Cordy? Can you hear me?"
Her eyelids fluttered open and her moan was too quiet for human
ears. He brushed a dark lock from her face and looked into her
eyes. Angel could see that were already starting to glaze
over. "Please hang on Cordy. Please don't leave me. I don't think
I can do this without you." He detected her breath becoming more
shallow and labored before ceasing completely. He began to panic.
There were so many things he needed to tell her, so many things he
had to show her. Suddenly her actions with Connor seemed un-
important and insignificant.
"Cor, I never wanted you to come with us because I was
afraid this would happen. You weren't supposed to be here. I told you to stay at the hotel!" He could feel the tears forming in his
eyes. "Dammit Cordelia! Why don't you ever listen to me?
I'm just trying to keep you safe! To protect you!"
"Angel," Wesley whispered and placed a hand on his arm. "She's
gone."
He threw Wesley's hand off him roughly. He knew Wesley was
right, but he couldn't admit it. None of this could be true. Cordy
couldn't have gone against him and followed them, she couldn't have
taken the stake meant for him, and she couldn't be dead.
***What had happened next, Angel wished he could forget. He wished
he could forget the whole ordeal, but that would mean forgetting
Cordelia, and he could never do that.***
"Cor." He caressed her face, searching for any spark of life
whatsoever.
"Angel, come on. We have to take the body back-"
"No! It's not a body; it's Cordelia! Are you that quick to
forget her?!" Angel could feel the anger rise inside of him.
"Of course not, I only meant-"
"I know what you meant Wesley. You meant that since the body's
dead, she's not a person anymore! Well, what does that make me
Wesley?!"
"I wasn't implying." Wesley decided it would be better to not
continue with the line of discussion. "Let's take her back now." He
leaned down to help Angel pick Cordelia's body up.
"Get your hands off of here," Angel growled, gripping his seer
tightly.
"Angel, please, it's over-"
"It's never over Wesley. There is always a way."
"What are you thinking? You can't possibly be thinking about
turning her!" Wesley grabbed Angel's arm as the vampire
stood up.
Still holding the body to his chest, he threw the Englishman
against a nearby tree. "Can't I Wesley? I have the motive and the
means to bring her back and no one would ever be able to hurt her
again. I could keep her safe and teach her to defend herself in ways
no human could. I could have her back!" Angel broke down, tears
running down his face. "I need her back."
Wesley stumbled to Angel's side. "I know Angel. None of us
ever wished for this or thought it would happen, but it did. You
need to let her go. Let her rest."
"How can you expect me to do that? I would do anything for this
woman!"
"And she for you. That's why she took that stake for you. She
gave her life for you."
"Don't try to rationalize this Wesley. First I lost my son, no
thanks to you, only for him to come back as a disgruntled teenager
that hates me with ever fiber of his being, enough to sleep with the
woman I love! The last thing I ever said to her was about that. I
never got a chance to tell her that I love her more than I hate what
she did. I need her with me. I need Cordelia. That's all there is
to it." Angel tried to walk away from his one-time friend, but
Wesley stopped him by hitting him with the blunt side of his battle-
axe. Angel fell to the ground on top of Cordelia's body.
"I'm sorry Angel. I can't let you do this." He and Gunn, who
had wisely chosen to remain silent through it all, carried him and
Cordelia to the car.
Fred ran to the door when the group returned. "Oh my goodness.
what happened?" She watched the now conscious Angel walk to Cordy's
desk and sit down silently. "Oh, I'll get the medical kit!" she
exclaimed when she saw Wesley carrying Cordelia in.
"Fred, Baby." Gunn started, pulling her close to him and
realization sunk in. Fred burst into tears as she looked at her
friend's body.
"I'm so sorry.I.should have been here to stop
her from leaving."
"It's not your fault Fred," Wesley whispered as he laid Cordy's
body on the couch. "She would have gone anyways. That's just how
she was. You couldn't keep her from doing anything once she set her
mind to it."
Angel jumped up and threw the computer to the floor in
rage. "Don't talk about her that way! She's only been gone an hour
and you're talking like she's been gone for years."
"Angel, you need to calm down. This isn't helping-"
"Nothing will help Wesley. Cordy is gone and I might as well be
too."
***In all his years, he had never felt that lost. His Cordelia was
gone. The sketch didn't do her beauty justice. She had been
perfect, even in death. He traced the lines of her body and the
lines of her face as he had that night. He remembered the image of
her cold, lifeless body as Wesley prepared to take her to the
morgue. They all talked in hushed tones as if to not upset him, and
he simply stared at Cordelia, the sight burning into his memory for
all eternity. He wondered if any one of them realized that
Cordelia's wasn't the only soul lost that night.***
Angel sat for hours, staring at the now empty couch. Memories
of her flashing through his mind; of her sitting on the couch
thumbing through one of the many mindless magazines she left strewn
across the lobby to "occupy the clients" she had once said; of her
sitting at her computer complaining about filing or the weapons not
being in order; of her holding Baby Connor and comforting his cries;
of the smile that was beamed his way whenever he walked into the
room. He wouldn't let himself think of what he had seen that night
in Connor's loft. He wouldn't let his memory of her be tainted that
way. He wondered if she had ever suspected his feelings for her.
He pulled off his sweater, soaked with her blood, and threw it
at the couch. "Damn you!" He looked down at her desk, at the
picture of Angel Investigations. It became painfully clear that she
would never again be part of that picture. He hurled it toward the
couch. It bounced off and shattered into a hundred pieces, as his
heart had. "Damn you Cordelia Chase for making me love you and then
leaving me!"
`So not my choice!'
He wasn't exactly sure when or how it had happened. There
hadn't been any pain, not like before. It had just seemed like he
slipped away and the demon took over, too overcome with grief and
heartache to care. He had let go just enough. Angelus had the power
now.
"Angel you dumbass!"
Cordelia opened her eyes as the sweater came flying at her. She
ducked and looked up at Angel. "Do you mind not throwing your
bloody, demon-rank clothing at me? Trying to sleep here!" she
scowled at him. "Hello? Am I invisible or something..again? Oh
great, deja vu much? Skip! This is getting lame!"
"Damn you!"
"Excuse me? Don't be throwing your `damns' around. Not looking
to be `of the cursed'!" she yelled, hoping he might hear her.
"Damn you Cordelia Chase for making me love you and then leaving
me!"
"So not my choice!" she screamed and instinctively ducked away
from the airborne picture. "Hey! That's mine!" She looked up at
her friend in disbelief and then opened her mouth in shock. As a
look of utter despair took over Angel's face, something began to rise
out of him. A white, glowing stream flowed from his body and climbed
toward the ceiling. Cordy watched in wonder. It was the most
beautiful sight she had ever witnessed. And then she realized it was
the worst. Angel's body was now bathed in a blood red glow and the
look in his eyes could only mean one thing: Angelus was back.
"Angel, you dumbass!"
Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com
Rating: R...eventually
Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.
Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it
went.
Feedback: ..is like food for my (lack of) soul
Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought
about...but not without some complications.
Part One
Tragedy
"Angel, you can't really expect me to just wait here again!
After last time-"
"Cordy, last time was different. We didn't know that demon
was luring us away so that it could get to you." Angel was adamant
that she would not come with them. How could he, in good conscience,
put her in that kind of danger? What were the odds of that
happening again? Besides, after what she had done with his son, he
didn't want her there.
"Exactly! Luring you away! Hello!! Am I the only one
actually looking at this clearly?"
The way she talked, like she knew what was best, annoyed him
greatly. Didn't she realize that he knew what was best for her?
He'd been around for over 250 years and he knew when it was too
dangerous for her to come with them.
"It's out of the question Cordelia. I can't concentrate
on stopping these demons with you tagging along. Now why don't you
go do your nails or read a magazine or something.as long as it
doesn't involve Connor," he muttered the last part and without giving her a chance to argue, he walked out the door.
Cordelia was speechless as she watched Angel walk out the
door, leaving her alone in the big old hotel. Okay, so maybe not
speechless, she had plenty to say and she was determined not to let
him get away with this.
She grabbed her coat from the back of her chair and stood in
the doorway. She was suddenly filled with dread, as if this were the
last time she would see the Hyperion this way. But Cordy
couldn't ignore her vision. Angel was going to need her help, whether he liked it or not.
***Angel lightly touched the next sketch on his wall. This one tore
his soul to pieces, but he couldn't take it down. It
wouldn't be right, for the very reason he'd forced himself to finish it, to never forget her devotion to him. He could never forget the night his life fell apart.***
Angel never saw it coming, nor did he have time to react, but
someone else did. As the severed demon head fell to the ground, he
heard the sound of a crossbow and felt something slam against his
body.
"Angel! Cordelia! Are you both okay?" Wesley called.
"Cordelia?" Angel asked in astonishment and anger. "I thought I
told you to stay." his voice trailed off as he turned and looked
at his seer. She was laying face down in the grass, not moving. He
could barely hear her shallow breathing or weak heartbeat.
"Cordy?" His anger was quickly turning to fear.
He carefully rolled her to her back and looked at her perfect,
un-damaged face. Slowly, his gaze traveled down her body and fell
upon her injury. Tucked neatly into her heart was a wooden stake.
Angel's hands began to shake as he gently cradled her head in his
lap. "Cordy? Can you hear me?"
Her eyelids fluttered open and her moan was too quiet for human
ears. He brushed a dark lock from her face and looked into her
eyes. Angel could see that were already starting to glaze
over. "Please hang on Cordy. Please don't leave me. I don't think
I can do this without you." He detected her breath becoming more
shallow and labored before ceasing completely. He began to panic.
There were so many things he needed to tell her, so many things he
had to show her. Suddenly her actions with Connor seemed un-
important and insignificant.
"Cor, I never wanted you to come with us because I was
afraid this would happen. You weren't supposed to be here. I told you to stay at the hotel!" He could feel the tears forming in his
eyes. "Dammit Cordelia! Why don't you ever listen to me?
I'm just trying to keep you safe! To protect you!"
"Angel," Wesley whispered and placed a hand on his arm. "She's
gone."
He threw Wesley's hand off him roughly. He knew Wesley was
right, but he couldn't admit it. None of this could be true. Cordy
couldn't have gone against him and followed them, she couldn't have
taken the stake meant for him, and she couldn't be dead.
***What had happened next, Angel wished he could forget. He wished
he could forget the whole ordeal, but that would mean forgetting
Cordelia, and he could never do that.***
"Cor." He caressed her face, searching for any spark of life
whatsoever.
"Angel, come on. We have to take the body back-"
"No! It's not a body; it's Cordelia! Are you that quick to
forget her?!" Angel could feel the anger rise inside of him.
"Of course not, I only meant-"
"I know what you meant Wesley. You meant that since the body's
dead, she's not a person anymore! Well, what does that make me
Wesley?!"
"I wasn't implying." Wesley decided it would be better to not
continue with the line of discussion. "Let's take her back now." He
leaned down to help Angel pick Cordelia's body up.
"Get your hands off of here," Angel growled, gripping his seer
tightly.
"Angel, please, it's over-"
"It's never over Wesley. There is always a way."
"What are you thinking? You can't possibly be thinking about
turning her!" Wesley grabbed Angel's arm as the vampire
stood up.
Still holding the body to his chest, he threw the Englishman
against a nearby tree. "Can't I Wesley? I have the motive and the
means to bring her back and no one would ever be able to hurt her
again. I could keep her safe and teach her to defend herself in ways
no human could. I could have her back!" Angel broke down, tears
running down his face. "I need her back."
Wesley stumbled to Angel's side. "I know Angel. None of us
ever wished for this or thought it would happen, but it did. You
need to let her go. Let her rest."
"How can you expect me to do that? I would do anything for this
woman!"
"And she for you. That's why she took that stake for you. She
gave her life for you."
"Don't try to rationalize this Wesley. First I lost my son, no
thanks to you, only for him to come back as a disgruntled teenager
that hates me with ever fiber of his being, enough to sleep with the
woman I love! The last thing I ever said to her was about that. I
never got a chance to tell her that I love her more than I hate what
she did. I need her with me. I need Cordelia. That's all there is
to it." Angel tried to walk away from his one-time friend, but
Wesley stopped him by hitting him with the blunt side of his battle-
axe. Angel fell to the ground on top of Cordelia's body.
"I'm sorry Angel. I can't let you do this." He and Gunn, who
had wisely chosen to remain silent through it all, carried him and
Cordelia to the car.
Fred ran to the door when the group returned. "Oh my goodness.
what happened?" She watched the now conscious Angel walk to Cordy's
desk and sit down silently. "Oh, I'll get the medical kit!" she
exclaimed when she saw Wesley carrying Cordelia in.
"Fred, Baby." Gunn started, pulling her close to him and
realization sunk in. Fred burst into tears as she looked at her
friend's body.
"I'm so sorry.I.should have been here to stop
her from leaving."
"It's not your fault Fred," Wesley whispered as he laid Cordy's
body on the couch. "She would have gone anyways. That's just how
she was. You couldn't keep her from doing anything once she set her
mind to it."
Angel jumped up and threw the computer to the floor in
rage. "Don't talk about her that way! She's only been gone an hour
and you're talking like she's been gone for years."
"Angel, you need to calm down. This isn't helping-"
"Nothing will help Wesley. Cordy is gone and I might as well be
too."
***In all his years, he had never felt that lost. His Cordelia was
gone. The sketch didn't do her beauty justice. She had been
perfect, even in death. He traced the lines of her body and the
lines of her face as he had that night. He remembered the image of
her cold, lifeless body as Wesley prepared to take her to the
morgue. They all talked in hushed tones as if to not upset him, and
he simply stared at Cordelia, the sight burning into his memory for
all eternity. He wondered if any one of them realized that
Cordelia's wasn't the only soul lost that night.***
Angel sat for hours, staring at the now empty couch. Memories
of her flashing through his mind; of her sitting on the couch
thumbing through one of the many mindless magazines she left strewn
across the lobby to "occupy the clients" she had once said; of her
sitting at her computer complaining about filing or the weapons not
being in order; of her holding Baby Connor and comforting his cries;
of the smile that was beamed his way whenever he walked into the
room. He wouldn't let himself think of what he had seen that night
in Connor's loft. He wouldn't let his memory of her be tainted that
way. He wondered if she had ever suspected his feelings for her.
He pulled off his sweater, soaked with her blood, and threw it
at the couch. "Damn you!" He looked down at her desk, at the
picture of Angel Investigations. It became painfully clear that she
would never again be part of that picture. He hurled it toward the
couch. It bounced off and shattered into a hundred pieces, as his
heart had. "Damn you Cordelia Chase for making me love you and then
leaving me!"
`So not my choice!'
He wasn't exactly sure when or how it had happened. There
hadn't been any pain, not like before. It had just seemed like he
slipped away and the demon took over, too overcome with grief and
heartache to care. He had let go just enough. Angelus had the power
now.
"Angel you dumbass!"
Cordelia opened her eyes as the sweater came flying at her. She
ducked and looked up at Angel. "Do you mind not throwing your
bloody, demon-rank clothing at me? Trying to sleep here!" she
scowled at him. "Hello? Am I invisible or something..again? Oh
great, deja vu much? Skip! This is getting lame!"
"Damn you!"
"Excuse me? Don't be throwing your `damns' around. Not looking
to be `of the cursed'!" she yelled, hoping he might hear her.
"Damn you Cordelia Chase for making me love you and then leaving
me!"
"So not my choice!" she screamed and instinctively ducked away
from the airborne picture. "Hey! That's mine!" She looked up at
her friend in disbelief and then opened her mouth in shock. As a
look of utter despair took over Angel's face, something began to rise
out of him. A white, glowing stream flowed from his body and climbed
toward the ceiling. Cordy watched in wonder. It was the most
beautiful sight she had ever witnessed. And then she realized it was
the worst. Angel's body was now bathed in a blood red glow and the
look in his eyes could only mean one thing: Angelus was back.
"Angel, you dumbass!"
