Title: Untitled

Author: Lily -- lilyana_vamp@yahoo.com

Rating: R-NC-17...eventually

Disclaimer: I own no one...to my own sadness.

Distribution: If you want it, take it...just let me know where it

went.

Feedback: ..might keep all your favorite characters of the living!

Summary: When the unspeakable happens, the unspeakable is brought

about...but not without some complications.

Author's Notes: This is SOOO needing a name.please make suggestions when you leave feedback!!

Part 8 Anam Cara

Cordelia gave her friends a nervous smile. "How did I come back? Well, there's a funny story about that. A funny, but long story. Very long. Too long to get into now. Look, it's almost bedtime. Guess I'll be turning in. Gotta get my beauty sleep!" She tried to make an escape but Angel caught her arm and sat her back down.

"Cordy?"

"What?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"How did you get back?"

"I, uh, had a little chit chat with the Powers That Be. Made them see things my way," she answered non-chalantly and tried to stand up again. Angel held her down.

"Cordy, what did you do?"

"Nothing.much."

"Stop dodging the answers. You have to be straight with us."

"I am being straight. Straight as an arrow. I'm flying a straight path.I'm just not leaving a solid trail," she smiled, hoping she could distract him. It didn't work.

"Cordelia, tell me what happened. What went on when you talked with the Powers?"

"They just said that I had to make a sacrifice if I wanted to come back to the hellhole that is Earth," she shrugged as if it were nothing.

"Sacrifice what?" Angel growled quietly.

"The rest of my humanity? Uh oh." She saw the anger flash in Angel's eyes and she made a dash for the stairs. She knew he was right behind her, and knew that everyone else was too shocked to even move. "Angel, listen, I did it for you!"

He gripped her arm tightly and pulled her to him. "That's why I'm upset Cordelia! You should have never sacrificed your humanity for me! It was a very idiotic thing to do! How could you be so stupid?!"

Cordy looked at Angel, the tears burning at her eyes, but she refused to let him see them. "Stupid? Who's been the stupid one here? You go all homicidal just because I died! Did me dying make you that fucking happy?!"

"That has nothing to do with this incredibly rash decision that you made."

"It has everything to do with it. I did it for you. I did it because I love you and you said you loved me. I'd do anything for you Angel. I thought you felt the same way."

"I'd never do something that moronic." His voice was full of anger and disappointment, and if Cordelia hadn't known better, she would have thought Angelus was back. But this was Angel, and it made the words hurt so much worse.

She pushed him away and started for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Angel asked fiercely, reaching for her.

Cordy pushed him away from her and when he persisted, she punched him in the face. "You keep your hands off me. I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to feel you. I don't want to see you. No, get away! Stay the Hell away from me!" She ran out the door, trying to hide the tears that were streaming down her face. She sat on the steps, burying her face in her hands. She sobbed uncontrollably, wondering how, if she had given up her humanity she could still feel so much pain. She heard someone approaching her from behind and she wheeled around, stopping her fist just short of Wesley's face.

The Englishman sat beside her and put his arm around her. He didn't talk. He didn't need to. He knew she just needed someone to hold her. "I'm so sorry Cordelia," he whispered finally and her body shook with sobs again. He laid her head on his shoulder and caressed her hair with his hand. "Angel is just upset. I'm sure he'll come around and see that you acted out of love. I believe he's afraid of losing you again, or that you aren't the same woman he fell in love with."

"But I am Wesley. Just because I'm not human anymore doesn't make me a different woman. Okay, so maybe it does a little, but I'm still the same Cordelia Chase in here." She rested her hand over her heart. "I mean, please, it's not like I've sprouted a tail or icky scales or anything." She paused momentarily and looked at Wes. "I haven't, have I?"

"Of course not Cordelia. You are just as beautiful as you were before, maybe even more so."

She smiled slightly. "You know the right things to say Wes. I just don't understand what's keeping you from snaring a lucky little lady yourself."

"Well, it certainly isn't from my lack of attraction to them," he sighed and thought of Fred in her hospital bed, Gunn close by her side.

"Someone will come along Wes, I know it. Someone not Lilah," she smirked.

"I wish I could be a certain as you are," he answered, trying to ignore her last comment.

"No Wes, I know it. As in, I've seen, I've visioned, I've been informed. Someone will come along for you."

Wes looked at her questioningly. "Who? Did you see whom? Is it someone we know?"

"Now, that would just take all the fun out of it! Besides, I can't tell you anyways."

"Why not? I don't remember reading about some sacred secrecy pact."

"No, no pact. I just need someone to wallow in their lonely misery with me."

He smiled at her and hugged her. "He does love you Cordelia. Please don't be upset with him."

"Oh, I'm not upset Wesley." She looked at the former Watcher seriously. "I'm angry. I'm ripped. I'm extremely pissed off." She got to her feet and looked at him through the window. He sat at her computer, looking at the picture Fred had so carefully salvaged from his pre-Angelus outburst. "I could be pretty mean when I was back in Sunnydale. Hell, I was downright cruel, but this tops Queen C. Tops her by a long shot. I could never say things like that to someone that I loved."

"Sometimes love causes us to say things we shouldn't, or do things we wouldn't otherwise."

Angel walked out the door and looked over at Wesley. The man didn't need to be told that Angel wanted to be alone with Cordelia. Wes closed the lobby door behind him and looked at Connor. "Pray for him. I don't believe he knows what he's getting into."

"I told you to leave me alone Angel. I don't want to see you."

"I.I shouldn't have.I said things.I'm.Cor, I didn't mean to hurt you," he stammered, hanging his head like a wounded puppy.

"Yeah, you always hurt the one you love, right? Well guess what Angel; I never signed up for this shit! I never asked to love you and I sure as Hell didn't ask for brain splitting visions, demony goodness or death and resurrection. But guess what, I got it! And I accepted it! You wanna know why? Because of you. Because I thought you needed me. I thought you needed someone who saw you for you and wanted to be around you. God knows you're impossible at times, running away into your broodiness, but I knew you needed someone to light a fire under your ass and get you going. I never gave up on you Angel. I always trusted in your decisions and knew you would do the right thing eventually, after a little fire-lighting of course. I wasn't afraid of you. That is, until tonight."

Angel looked up at her wide-eyed. "What do you mean? Why are you afraid of me?"

"Because the side of you I saw just now was scarier than facing Angelus a thousand times. You wanna know why?" She waited for him to answer and took his silence as a yes. "Because it was YOU. It wasn't because you were expressing your inner demon. It wasn't Angelus trying to turn us against each other again. It was you. The man that I trusted with my life. The man that I loved."

"Maybe I should go.give you some time."

"I don't need time Angel, I needed to be accepted. Now I just want to be left alone."

"Listen Cordy, I'm sorry for hurting you, but I still stand behind my feelings for what you did. I think you made a bad decision for a foolish reason."

Cordelia looked at him in shock. "I can't believe you're still saying this to me. Did you ever love me? I mean really, because after hearing this, I don't think you did."

"I don't know. Maybe I didn't." Angel turned his back and walked into the hotel. She stared after him, not sure if she felt anger, pain, loneliness, devastation or all of the above. She only knew that she couldn't believe those words had just come out of Angel's mouth.

She started down the steps, unsure of where she was going, and looked down to see a large rock at her feet. She picked it up and hurled it through the window, toward Angel. "If you ever come near me again, I swear I'll kill you! I hate you!" The words weren't true, but she didn't care. He didn't care if he hurt her, so why should she care what she said to him? She ran down the street, tears running freely down her face.

Angel flinched and squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of the rock being thrown through the window. He heard her screaming and distinctly heard her say that she hated him. It tore his heart to pieces.

"What did you do to her?" Connor asked sharply.

"What I had to," he answered evenly and shut himself in his office. Over the hours he heard Wes knock a few times, but he just needed to be alone with his thoughts. He hated seeing Cordelia that way. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy and he had just made her the saddest and most pissed off he had ever seen her. "It's for the best."

"Do you really believe that Angel?" Wesley asked, letting himself into the office.

"You don't understand."

"You love her more than you even imagined, but the thought that she'd sacrifice anything for you scares the bloody hell out of you. You're afraid because of what happened in the past so you're willing to throw away what could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to you. What don't I understand?"

Angel looked at Wes for a moment and then out the door. "She sacrificed her life for me, and then her humanity to come back to me. The least I can do is sacrifice my heart."

"By breaking hers? I'm not sure I understand that part."

"I only present a danger to her Wesley. If it's not demons attacking, it's Wolfram & Hart trying to get to me through her, or it's me myself. I can't put her in a position where Angelus is a threat to her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'm just trying to protect her."

Wesley shook his head. "When are you going to learn that Cordelia Chase is not in need of protecting? She spawns more fear than most other creatures in this dimension or any other for that matter. She needs love."

Angel looked back at Wes and then rested his forehead against the heels of his hands. "I really screwed things up, didn't I?"

"Quite. It's going to take some work, that's certain."

"Graveling?"

"I'm thinking more along the lines of flowers, lots of flowers, chocolate and expensive jewelry."

Angel laughed slightly. "Cordelia, you are going to be the death of me."

Cordy handed Fred a glass of water and sat beside her on the couch. Phantom Dennis was kind enough to turn the TV on for them and start the DVD. The two had decided on a Girl's Night, a night of male bashing and gossiping.

It had been a couple weeks since Cordelia had found out that her apartment was still vacant, and, to her own and Dennis's joy, she was able to rent it out again. Fred had been out of the hospital and on the mend for a while, and had helped Cordy move her things out of storage at the Hyperion.

Just as the movie started, Cordy heard a knock at the door. "Who could that be? Dennis, could you be a sweetie?" She heard the door open but didn't hear a voice. "Dennis, was anyone there?" She felt a push towards the door. Upon approaching it, she saw the biggest bouquet of roses she had ever seen. They were a deep red, each one more perfect than the next. "Oh my."

Fred came around the corner and saw the bundle of flowers in Cordy's arms. "Oh my." she agreed and rushed over to smell them. "They are just gorgeous! Where's the card? Who are they from? Oh, I just know they're from Angel!"

Cordy gave a whiny pout. "But I don't want them to be from Angel."

Fred looked at her curiously. "Why not?"

"Because then I might have to start forgiving him!"

Everyday Cordelia opened her door to another gift. There were more flowers, there were chocolates, and then there were more flowers. Her apartment was beginning to look like a catalog for 1-800-FLOWERS.

After a week of the mysteriously appearing gifts, she opened the door to see Angel standing there. In one hand he held a single red rose, and in his other he held a black velvet box with a deep red ribbon tied around it. Cordy felt her body threaten to melt at the sight of him. He looked incredible in his red silk shirt and black leather duster. He offered her a slight smile.

"Hello again."

"Angel, if you're here for forgiveness, you might as well march right back down those stairs," she bluffed, her eyes drawn to the box he held.

"Did you like the flowers?"

"They are beautiful, but that's not the point."

"I picked them all out myself. I only chose the most perfect ones from the shops."

"Angel, I'm trying to be mad at you here."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll leave then." He turned and counted in his head. He only made it to two before her hand grabbed his arm.

"Well, since you've gone to the trouble of getting me a gift, I'll humor you."

Angel smiled and handed her the box. The ever-unpredictable Cordelia could be so predictable at times. He watched her carefully pull off the ribbon so as not to wrinkle it. She slowly opened the lid and gasped. "It says 'Anam Cara'. It's Gaelic for 'Soul Friend'. These bracelets are very special in Ireland, and you are very special to me. You brought me back Cordelia. You saved my soul and for that I'm eternally grateful."

Cordy pulled the silver cuff bracelet from the box and let him hook it around her wrist. "Oh Angel, it's beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's.there are no words for what it is!"

"Just like you," he smiled. "Cor, I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I never should have been that.well, I was the stupid one. I never should have gone off on you that way. I was just scared, and I know that I told you that I wasn't scared of love anymore, and now I'm not, but it's just." he began to ramble.

Cordy grabbed him and pulled his lips to hers. She kissed him and quickly decided that this was the deepest, most passionate kiss she had ever experienced, not that one in nowhere land. She pulled back and placed a finger on his lips as he started apologizing again. "Angel, shut up you big dork. You're ruining my Kodak moment."