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The way from elronds study to arwens beauty-parlor is not far, because elrond, like me, is not good at hair, skin & make-up matters. Today there are only a few teenelves in the parlor who have their nails cut and varnished. Arwen personally takes care of my case.
'Well, haldir, I know that you always thought a lot about looks and fashion, but a beauty-parlor is usually meant for women.'
'Lord elrond is here nearly every day !'
'Okay, he's the lord of rivendell and adding to that my father. I can't say no !'
'And legolas ?'
'Oh, right then. What do you want ?'
'Everything that will add to making me look my best.'
'You are not in a hurry, right ?'
What is that ? An insult ? It can't take that long to make ME look my best !
'Uh, yes. I have a lot of free time.'
Arwen ushers me into a dentists-like seat and looks at me.
'I guess, we better start with your hair. The ends are all frizzy, they definitely need a cut.'
'Are you nuts ? You can't cut my hair !'
'Just the frizzy ends, don't panic. - Anyway, why do you suddenly need to look your best ?'
Right, it's embarrassing how I got to be the archery-teacher of elladan and elrohir, but I tell arwen about it. Sooner or later she'd anyway be told by lord elrond or, worse, elladan. Arwen is laughing about the fact that I was sentenced to be a teacher. Yeah, really funny, rely on arwen for some psychical support.
'Well, that's all cheering me up but I still don't understand why you need to look your best so desperately.'
'I want to get back on lord elrond.'
'What ? With looking better than him ? I don't think he'll be impressed. He's not ~that~ vain !'
'Do you wanna tell me, I'm usually not looking better than he does ?'
'Uh, well, haldir . you know . I don't really . you are not really ~that~ . I mean no offence, but .'
'Right. RIGHT! I didn't ask. I don't really wanna know.'
Oh my god. I'm feeling all mushy. That means, I overestimated myself all the time ! And that means that lord elrond-guy, old as methuselah and so ugly that his mom put a bag over his head to kiss him goodnight is looking better than I do!!! Bleech, I feel so weak and suddenly it's night around me.
'Haldir ? Haldir !!! Will you wake up !'
'Whassamadder ? What happened ?'
'You were out cold for a few minutes . you tell me what happened !'
You gave my vanity the death-stab, that's what, you silly cow !
'I don't know. Probably didn't drink something for a long time.'
'Oh, okay then. I'll get you something and then we'll start on your hair.'
Fine, I'm not beautiful, probably not even handsome. Is that a reason for a sensible person like me to jump from a bridge ? Definitely, yes. Where is the next highway ? I need a save bridge. If I jump and I am still alive after I hit the ground, for some strange reason, I'd be run over and be dead for sure.
Arwen is coming back with a glass of something that smells like tea. Then the beauty-torture begins. But as I learned not too long ago, it's not even worth it, because I'm UGLY !!! Oh, oh, oh, it's darkening around me. This revelation killed my ego and resurrected my teenage fainting-fits. I drink some tea. It doesn't make me feel better, but I'm not feeling like I gotta faint every second.
Hours and hours pass in the parlor, while arwen is improving the looks of my hair, hands, nails and face. I'm not saying my looks, because there is nothing to improve, all is lost. Buuaahh !
'Okay, I'm done. Stand up and check if you like it in the mirror over there !'
Of course I like what I see. In my eyes I'm still good looking. Really good. Looking. I must have some sense-deceiving thing, because I can't find a fault in my appearance. Probably my eyes have mercy on me and spare me the sight of my ugliness.
'Fine. Thank you.'
'You still didn't tell me why you wanna look your best.'
'Oh, I thought of something to get back on elrond, but I don't think I'll still do it.'
'Why not ?'
'Because I'm ugly.'
'No, you are not. That's not what I said. I mean, beauty lies in the eye of the .'
'Yeah, thank you, stop it. You're not helping me at all !'
'You wanna get one of his sons smitten by you, don't you ?'
'Hell no. . Wait, yes, that's what I thought of. How do you know ?'
'Why should you wanna look good tomorrow morning ? There's gonna be no one except you and them.'
'Hm. Would you help me along. I'm also bad in clothing-stuff.'
Arwen smiles mischievously. 'Sure, I'll help you. That elrond got me grounded for 6 month because I stained his favorite robe. You can count on me. I'll be there tomorrow morning before sunrise .!'
With those words she turns around and greets the next customer with a flashy smile. Okay, it seems to work kind of good, before it has begun. Just the 'elrond- looks-better-than-me-thing' will need a while to sink in.
The way from elronds study to arwens beauty-parlor is not far, because elrond, like me, is not good at hair, skin & make-up matters. Today there are only a few teenelves in the parlor who have their nails cut and varnished. Arwen personally takes care of my case.
'Well, haldir, I know that you always thought a lot about looks and fashion, but a beauty-parlor is usually meant for women.'
'Lord elrond is here nearly every day !'
'Okay, he's the lord of rivendell and adding to that my father. I can't say no !'
'And legolas ?'
'Oh, right then. What do you want ?'
'Everything that will add to making me look my best.'
'You are not in a hurry, right ?'
What is that ? An insult ? It can't take that long to make ME look my best !
'Uh, yes. I have a lot of free time.'
Arwen ushers me into a dentists-like seat and looks at me.
'I guess, we better start with your hair. The ends are all frizzy, they definitely need a cut.'
'Are you nuts ? You can't cut my hair !'
'Just the frizzy ends, don't panic. - Anyway, why do you suddenly need to look your best ?'
Right, it's embarrassing how I got to be the archery-teacher of elladan and elrohir, but I tell arwen about it. Sooner or later she'd anyway be told by lord elrond or, worse, elladan. Arwen is laughing about the fact that I was sentenced to be a teacher. Yeah, really funny, rely on arwen for some psychical support.
'Well, that's all cheering me up but I still don't understand why you need to look your best so desperately.'
'I want to get back on lord elrond.'
'What ? With looking better than him ? I don't think he'll be impressed. He's not ~that~ vain !'
'Do you wanna tell me, I'm usually not looking better than he does ?'
'Uh, well, haldir . you know . I don't really . you are not really ~that~ . I mean no offence, but .'
'Right. RIGHT! I didn't ask. I don't really wanna know.'
Oh my god. I'm feeling all mushy. That means, I overestimated myself all the time ! And that means that lord elrond-guy, old as methuselah and so ugly that his mom put a bag over his head to kiss him goodnight is looking better than I do!!! Bleech, I feel so weak and suddenly it's night around me.
'Haldir ? Haldir !!! Will you wake up !'
'Whassamadder ? What happened ?'
'You were out cold for a few minutes . you tell me what happened !'
You gave my vanity the death-stab, that's what, you silly cow !
'I don't know. Probably didn't drink something for a long time.'
'Oh, okay then. I'll get you something and then we'll start on your hair.'
Fine, I'm not beautiful, probably not even handsome. Is that a reason for a sensible person like me to jump from a bridge ? Definitely, yes. Where is the next highway ? I need a save bridge. If I jump and I am still alive after I hit the ground, for some strange reason, I'd be run over and be dead for sure.
Arwen is coming back with a glass of something that smells like tea. Then the beauty-torture begins. But as I learned not too long ago, it's not even worth it, because I'm UGLY !!! Oh, oh, oh, it's darkening around me. This revelation killed my ego and resurrected my teenage fainting-fits. I drink some tea. It doesn't make me feel better, but I'm not feeling like I gotta faint every second.
Hours and hours pass in the parlor, while arwen is improving the looks of my hair, hands, nails and face. I'm not saying my looks, because there is nothing to improve, all is lost. Buuaahh !
'Okay, I'm done. Stand up and check if you like it in the mirror over there !'
Of course I like what I see. In my eyes I'm still good looking. Really good. Looking. I must have some sense-deceiving thing, because I can't find a fault in my appearance. Probably my eyes have mercy on me and spare me the sight of my ugliness.
'Fine. Thank you.'
'You still didn't tell me why you wanna look your best.'
'Oh, I thought of something to get back on elrond, but I don't think I'll still do it.'
'Why not ?'
'Because I'm ugly.'
'No, you are not. That's not what I said. I mean, beauty lies in the eye of the .'
'Yeah, thank you, stop it. You're not helping me at all !'
'You wanna get one of his sons smitten by you, don't you ?'
'Hell no. . Wait, yes, that's what I thought of. How do you know ?'
'Why should you wanna look good tomorrow morning ? There's gonna be no one except you and them.'
'Hm. Would you help me along. I'm also bad in clothing-stuff.'
Arwen smiles mischievously. 'Sure, I'll help you. That elrond got me grounded for 6 month because I stained his favorite robe. You can count on me. I'll be there tomorrow morning before sunrise .!'
With those words she turns around and greets the next customer with a flashy smile. Okay, it seems to work kind of good, before it has begun. Just the 'elrond- looks-better-than-me-thing' will need a while to sink in.
