Syd awoke in a cold sweat, shaking, and hypervenelating from her most vivid dream. Cursing under her breath she sighed and stepped out of her big, comfy, bed. As she staggered to the bathroom the world seemed to spin, and the apartment was all too empty. She hated being alone, and that's all it ever was. Reaching the sink she bent over and began to splash the cool water off her face. Nothing made her more sick than that dream, reliving that horrible night made her want to crawl away and die. It was her fault she didn't warn Vaughn of the Firebomb, she knew that it was there, knew the threat. Yet she was too wound up in her hatred to think what he would do if she was in danger, too self centered to care about her only love.

The water felt so cool on her face, the red escaping from her cheeks quickly. Sighing, Syd went back to bed, but did not feel the urge to sleep. Lying in the sheets she watched her ceiling, intensely making sure it didn't fall upon her like she willed it to do. Her comforter was too warm, but the second she kicked it off the room was too cold, and her sick cycle of insomnia continued for hours after she awoke from that dream. Deciding to busy herself she crept out from under the bedding and went to the kitchen, the remains of her drunken escapade still there. Her head pounded in hangover, and nothing seemed to feel right. Cleaning was her first impulse, and she began to tidy up the kitchen. Scrubbing the counter free of dried ice-cream Syd began to cry again. Never in her life had she cried more than in the past week.

Scrubbing harder and harder, crying harder and harder, Syd began to break down again. The more she cleaned the more she sobbed, and soon she was rushing around the room like a hurricane, dishtowel in one hand, cleaning solution in the other, and a river of tears falling from her eyes. As the kitchen began to sparkle she continued onto the living room, occasionally letting out a muffled scream of anguish when something reminded her of Vaughn. Flowers he gave her, dried and hung by the door, pictures of them in Santa Monica, her on a horse and him holding the beast by the reins, trying to stop the chestnut from biting his shirt, and her exuberant laugh all frozen in a celluloid moment. A small, crystal, four leaf clover he gave her when they reached their six month anniversary. "It was more than luck that brought us together." He said, his eyes twinkling "And it'll take more than luck to keep us here." She remembered everything about him, it was embossed in her memory.

As she closed her eyes for a moment, letting the rag fall from her fist, she began to create a picture of him in her mind. There, in front of her eyes was the man she loved. Tall, hair tousled, button-down shirt open to expose finely chiseled abs, khaki pants sitting on his waist, falling perfectly down his well muscled legs and landing at his feet. Everything about him was perfect, and Syd knew it. She wished she could leap from her being and run to him. Let herself fall into his strong arms and feel, again, like the world revolved around their love.

Slowly she opened her eyes, not wanting the picture to disappear, but when she glanced at the clock it flashed 5:30 am, and she knew the time had come to face her fears. Letting the cleaning solution drop next to the rag she stripped her loose PJ's from her frame and climbed into the shower, letting the water scald her skin. Taking her time under the pelting drops, Syd slowly did her normal routine. Climbing out she sighed a deep sigh and willed herself not to cry again, wrapping her favorite towel around her body Syd walked into her closet, gasping at what she saw. Inside were her clothes, but the one thing she forgot was there were three of Vaughn's suits hanging neatly in a row. Like soldiers, they draped over hangers and rested next to her own suits and dresses, making her cringe. As Syd stepped in she closed her eyes, then sat down beneath two of the suits, pulling the third into her lap. Sitting down she inhaled the scent of her fallen star, breathing in her memories and once again, she broke down, letting her tears fall from her chin into the blue fabric, soaking in like the whole ordeal was soaking into Syd.