Sick~Chapter 5~I still Believe

Ok, for the flashbacks, I'm skipping ahead because, well I'm not gonna recap the show. We're finally moving here, people! :o)   

Disclaimer: Still don't own these characters…

"Chandler!" Monica screamed while running towards him. There he was again, in front of her. So real, so life-like. It was him; it had to be him. She reached him and threw her arms around his neck, but then he disappeared. Monica searched around frantically in confusion. What happened to him? When she turned around she saw him being pulled away by two large men wearing all black. They were tugging him by his arms, and he was kicking, trying to fight them.

"Chandler!" Monica screamed again. She tried to chase after the men who had Chandler, but they were too far ahead of her. Finally, the men were out of her view, and she sat down dejectedly. She began to study her surroundings and couldn't figure out where she was. She felt so lost and empty inside. She laid down on the ground in a fetal position and rocked slowly back and forth. She wanted to leave; she was frightened beyond belief. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and found herself back in her room, still curled up in the same position. She had been dreaming again. The dreams were becoming more frequent and began to feel more like reality. Monica knew exactly whom she had to speak with.

*~*~*~*

          "Phoebe Buffay please," Monica requested into the phone she was holding.

"I'm sorry," a kindly feminine voice answered on the other end, "She's out for the next few days. Who shall I say is calling?"

"Tell her it's Monica and it's urgent."

"Monica…?"

"She'll know who it is." With that, Monica hung up the phone and sighed. She hoped that Phoebe would call her back soon. She just had to talk to her.

*~*~*~*

          Later, Monica approached Julia, who was sitting on a couch in the recreation room.

"Hey." 

"Hi," Julia replied, while Monica sat down next to her. "Did you get through to your friend?"

"No, but I left her a message."

"Where is she anyway?"

"Somewhere in Africa now. She's working with endangered species."

"That's nice."

"Yeah."

"Do you miss her?"

"Sometimes I do. I mean she's the only one out of my old friends who I still consider to be a friend."

"From what you've told me, you guys seemed to have be so close before."

"We were. We really were."

"What happened?"

"Things change. People change. It's part of life."

Julia studied Monica for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"It was fun while it lasted though. It really was."

Julia nodded and decided to change the topic. "So, you've told me how you and Chandler got together, but how did you know you loved him?"

Monica smiled slightly. "I figured you'd ask that sooner or later."

"Well?"

"Well…it's something that nobody knows about except for the two of us. It was before we started seriously dating. We had been together for a month, and Chandler decided that he wanted to celebrate…"

           He entered my apartment and began to look around. "Is Rachel here?"

"Nope. Just the two of us…"

"Good." He smiled and kissed me. When he broke the kiss he walked towards the door and picked up my jacket.

"What are you doing? Are you actually trying to get me into more clothing?"

He smiled mockingly and handed the jacket to me. "Just put it on and follow me."

"I dunno if I want to…"

"Fine," he threw his hands up in resignation, "Don't do it. But you'll be sorry."

I laughed and put on my jacket.

"There we go." He then proceeded to blindfold me.

"Chandler, what the hell are you doing?!"

"Come on, Mon. You'll love it."

"I'm going to end up at a basketball game, aren't I?"

"No, no, no. Just come on!"

"Fine, but if I fall…"

"You won't. Trust me."

He led me up the stairs and out onto the roof. "Chandler, why are we on the roof?" I wondered. I was still blindfolded and getting sick of his little game.

"For this," he answered, and removed my blindfold.

I gasped. It was nothing like what I was expecting, that's for sure. He had a blanket in the middle of the roof, with a picnic basket sitting on top of it. Surrounding the blanket, were dozens of roses, and the side of the roof was lined with candles.

"Chandler…" I whispered.

 "Shh…" He turned on a small radio that he had taken up there with us, allowing soft music to play. "Let's just dance."

"I can't believe that you did all of this for me."

Chandler just shrugged and held his arms opened for me. I came closer and he embraced me as we began to dance. I had my head buried in his shoulder and his chin was resting lightly on top of my head. When we were like that, it felt so perfect. That's when I knew…

          "Wow," Julia breathed, "That's so sweet."

"Yeah," Monica agreed softly, trying to fight off tears.

"Mon…"

Monica covered her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She had cried so many times over the memories and the fact that she would not be able to make new ones with Chandler. Monica felt Julia's arms wrap around her as she sobbed quietly.

"I didn't mean to make you upset."

Monica lifted her head and sniffed. "No, it's okay. I have to talk about it sometime."

Julia and Monica were quiet for a while. Suddenly, Julia broke the silence. "I've never been in love…"

Monica nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"Is it really better to have loved once and then lost it, then never have loved at all?"

Monica pondered Julia's question for a long time. She honestly didn't know. Sometimes she was glad to have had Chandler in her life, at least for some time. She was grateful to have felt his arms around her and been showered by his affection. At the same time, she felt so empty because she had lost the love she once knew. After a few more minutes, Monica decided, "It is really better to have once loved and then lost."

"Really? Why?"

"Because even though I lost Chandler…that doesn't change the way I feel about him. I still love him with all of my heart."

Julia merely nodded in response, in awe of Monica's words.

*~*~*~*

          A few days later, Monica was sitting at the edge of her bed, when there was a knock at the door. The door was opened and she recognized the man immediately. It was the same orderly who always had his eye on Monica. At that moment, he was staring at her like usual, making her feel unsettled.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Miss, there's a phone call for you."

"Thank you."

She got up and walked out of her room, very aware of the fact that the man was following her and his eyes were glued to her retreating figure. Her feelings of uneasiness stayed with her until she entered the room where the phones where kept and he sat down beside her. She knew that everyone had to be guarded, wherever they were, but the orderly made her feel uneasier than she normally did. She wondered if he would ever make a move on her. She hoped not. She didn't have the strength to fight him off. Monica picked up the phone, but kept an eye on the orderly, who was still staring at her.

"Hello?" she said into the phone.

"Monica!" the voice on the other side answered, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Pheebs. Don't worry."

"You said it was important."

She glanced at the orderly, not wishing to discuss what she wanted to with Phoebe, in front of him. However, she didn't have another choice. "It's about these dreams I've been having."

"Dreams?"

"Yeah. I've had a lot of them recently."

"Well, what happened in them?"

"I'm with Chandler…" Monica noticed the orderly tense, but continued, "And every time, he's so real. I mean I can feel his presence, Pheebs!"

"And…"

"And then, when I go over to him…usually he…disappears."

"Usually?"

"Well, in this last dream I had, he was dragged away by these two men dressed in black." Phoebe didn't answer, so Monica continued, "I mean I know you must think I'm even more sick now, but I felt him, I really did!"

"I believe you. And I don't think you're crazy."

"Really?" Monica asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I believe that your dreams were glimpses of reality."

"He's still alive?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Well, you and Chandler have this connection. You can feel each other. I mean it's hard to explain. You two are connected through your love. I believe that since you can still feel him that means he's still alive. He wants you to know that he's alive, and if he thinks hard enough, I believe that you can hear him in your sleep, when your thoughts are purest."

"I know he's still alive."

"I agree."

"We'll be together someday again, Pheebs. I know it."

"Me too."

Monica smiled slightly, but her heart was beating wildly inside of her chest. Normally, she wouldn't believe a word that Phoebe says, but Phoebe was telling her exactly what she wanted to her. Phoebe was the only one who understood that Chandler was still alive.

I still believe
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves
In love again

I had a dream
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves
In love again

Each day of my life, I'm filled with all the joy I could find
You know that I am not the desperate type
If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp I'll hold it with both hands
It's worth the risk of burning to have a second chance

No, no, no, no, no, no, I need you, baby
I still believe that we can be together,
If we believe that true love never has to end
Then we must know that we will love again

-Excerpt from I still Believe, by Mariah Carey

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