Sick~Chapter 8  

Ok, first of all, Jenni—hehe I decided to postpone the chapter I told u 'bout till next one cuz I felt it was coming on too soon. So watch out for it next, cuz it will be next. Anyways, now that ff.net seems to up again, please read and review. Here we go…

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of these characters, but if u don't know that already…

"Save me!" the voice screamed wretchedly, shattering the peaceful nighttime ambience. "I need to get out!"

"Please ma'am. Please calm down."

"I need to leave!"

"Please, just calm down. Everything will be all right."

"No! No! Leave! Get away from me! Don't touch me! Leave!"

Monica sighed and covered her ears with her pillow. Just minutes before she had been pulled out of her light sleep by the shrieks of a woman a few doors down from her own room. She knew that she should be used to it by now. The horrid sounds and actions of those around her should have just blended in with her everyday life, but they couldn't. This was not how her life was supposed to be. Monica had been a strong, successful, happy woman. Never in a million years would anyone have pictured her life turning into this. Monica was independent. Yet the moment she arrived, her independence had been taken from her, leaving her only with memories and an aching, hollow heart. What she wouldn't give for the days of the past, when she reveled in the comfort of her friends and the love of that one special man. Then, with his disappearance, her world came to a crashing halt.

          That morning, she sat in the dinning hall and stared at her food, yet saw nothing. A broad woman approached Monica and sat down next to her. Monica sighed loudly, not wishing to be near anyone. The woman kept staring at Monica, making her feel uneasy. People were always staring with unmerciful eyes there. Finally, after twenty minutes, the woman found her voice.

"Can I have your food?"

Monica raised her eyebrows in amusement. All the woman had wanted was her food. Why couldn't she have asked for it before, instead of staring at her for all that time? "Sure." Monica handed her the tray and watched the woman as she inhaled the food in front of her. "So…do you like living here?" Monica wasn't sure why, but she was curious to begin a conversation with this woman.

The woman shrugged. "Yeah, where else would I go?"

"Well didn't you have a job or a family or friends before you came here?"

The woman shrugged again. "I had a turtle once."

Monica nodded and looked away. She really missed Julia. She was the only one with whom Monica could actually hold a normal conversation with.

          Monica watched the woman finish the remains of her meal and began to ponder the woman's earlier comment. Did she really have nothing that she left to go there? Monica began to wonder if any of these other women even knew how to lead a normal life. Had they ever loved or felt loved back? Did they know how to feel that way about someone? When Monica looked around the room, she watched the other faces around her. For once she really paid attention to those other people. Monica noticed one woman sitting alone, guarding her food with a possessive look in her eye. Whenever another person would come over, the woman would begin to yell at them until they left. It reminded Monica of a special that she had once seen on the Animal Planet channel that Ross had insisted they all watch. It had explained that animals were incredibly possessive over their food, and instinctively would fight in order to save their food. Were these people animals? As Monica glanced around the room, she felt herself drift even farther from the rest. She was no animal and she certainly wasn't sick, no matter what others thought. There was no way she was one of them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Monica went to Dr. Stein's office for her appointment, but stood outside, listening as the doctor spoke on the phone.        

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Dr. Stein said into the phone she was holding, "I just don't think that she's ready ye—" The doctor listened for a few moments. "take a lot of convincing. I'm just afraid that it'll hurt h—" She listened for a few moments again. "I'll have to talk to her." She paused to listen and then continued, "Her appointment's right now, so I'll go and talk to her." She paused again. "I'll call you afterwards, goodbye." Dr. Stein then looked up and saw Monica standing there and motioned for her to come in, completely unaware that Monica had overheard the doctor's side of the conversation. Monica sat down and Dr. Stein joined her. It took every ounce of self-control that Monica contained not to ask the doctor what her earlier conversation had been about.

          After a few routine questions about her living conditions, Dr. Stein decided to broach a sensitive topic. "What would you say to…perhaps…spending some time with, uh, your brother and sister-in-law?"

Monica looked up at the doctor with fiery eyes. "I would say never again!"

"Why is that?"

"I told you before—they abandoned me!"

"Yes, you told me that, but you never told me how they abandoned you."

"Well they did. What more do you need to know?" Monica asked crossly.

"I'd like to know what made you feel so abandoned."

"Well, my fiancé and the love of my life disappears, and then they go and throw me in here! Wouldn't you feel abandoned too?"

"That's not the entire truth," the doctor studied Monica's guilty face, "There's much more to it, isn't there?"

Monica feigned indifference. "Not really."

However, Dr. Stein looked at Monica, unconvinced. "I would really like to know what happened, and I think it will be beneficial for you to look back on those events."

Monica hesitated. "I—I don't know if I can."

"I know. Just try a little at a time, okay?"

Monica nodded numbly and began to reminisce upon the events of her past.

***************************

          "Monica!" I heard Rachel call out to me, "Mon? Where are you?" After receiving no answer, she knocked softly on my bedroom door. I was aware of her entering my room, but I made no attempt to get up and face her. I was lying face down in my pillow clutching one of Chandler's shirts, the tears falling freely. Rachel sat down on my bed and I felt her hand rub my back in an attempt to sooth me, like she had done so many times before.

"Please look at me," Rachel begged quietly.

I lifted my head and she pulled me in for a hug. When she broke the hug, she studied me for a moment. "Mon, you can't keep living like this!"

I sighed loudly and turned away from her. Lately she and Ross had been trying to convince me to go out on dates and return to a normal life. But, I didn't want to.

"Mon, it's been a year!"

"I can't go back to a normal life."

"I'm not asking you to forget him, sweetie. I'm just saying that you should try to start doing the things you used to love to do. Come on, you haven't cooked since then, you haven't cleaned, you haven't gone out on a da—"

"I told you I don't want to!" I shrieked.

"Mon—"

"I'm waiting for him. He's going to come back!"

I watched Rachel try her hardest to stifle tears. "Mon, I—I don't think he's coming back."

"Well I do."

"Mon—"

"Just leave me alone, okay?" I asked wearily.

She watched me for another moment, and then slowly exited my bedroom.

          Some time after Rachel's visit, I had fallen asleep. A few hours later, I awoke, hearing a muffled conversation between Ross and Rachel.

"I just wish there was a way to get her back to how she used to be," Rachel told Ross.

"I know, me too. I've never seen Monica in such a state. She's not the same person anymore."

"I really wish there was something we could do," Rachel repeated woefully.

I heard a pause and then Ross began to speak again. "You—you look really beautiful tonight."

"Thanks," Rachel answered shyly.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together?" Ross asked nervously.

"Yeah, sometimes. A lot more now that Chandler's dead."

"Same here. His passing made me realize that life can end at any time and you could have never gotten the chance to be with the love of your life. Or in our chance, to be with her again."

"I—I'm the love of your life?" Rachel wondered, shocked.

Ross hesitated. "Y—Yeah, I think that you are."

"I think that you are mine, too."

          A few weeks later, Ross and Rachel entered my apartment, shocked to find me sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Hey Mon," my brother greeted.

I just mumbled in response.

"We have some news," Rachel revealed ecstatically.

"Yeah?" I asked, faking interest.

I'm pretty sure that Rachel sensed my lack of interest, but she continued anyway. "Joey got a role in another movie…"

They both studied my face for a reaction.

"That's nice."

"In fact, I spoke to him yesterday," Ross continued, "He's really excited."

"Good for him."

"Do you have anything you want us to tell him for you next time he calls?"

"What would you say to a friend who leaves you right after your fiancé disappears."

"Mon, Chandler was Joey's best friend!"

"Whatever."

"Mon—"

"Whatever."

Ross sighed and changed the topic. "So the two of us have some news," he informed me, pointing to he and Rachel.

"Yeah?"

"We're…together."

"That's nice," I said callously.

"I'm glad that you're so happy for us," Rachel responded sarcastically.

"It's just kind of hard to be happy for you when I have nothing, but I'm sorry, here…" I jumped up and plastered a fake smile on my face, "Rach, I'm so happy that you and my brother are back together again! I hope you two get married and have lots of beautiful children and rub the fact that my life is ruined in my face!"

"Mon…" Ross tried.

However, I left them angrily and returned to my room, slamming the door.

********************************

          "So, you're mad that the two of them got together after you lost Chandler?"

"Well, no, I'm not mad about that—really. I mean I could've overlooked that, but there was the—other stuff…"

"Are you jealous that they found each other and got married while you never were able to marry the man you loved?"

Monica pondered that for a moment, and looked away shamefully. "Sometimes."

"It's not their fault."

"Well, that may not be their fault. But the fact that I'm here is their fault!"

"They were only trying to help you."

Monica chuckled. "That's why they're on that year-long cruise, enjoying themselves, while I'm stuck in this miserable place, alone?"

"It's a lot for them to deal with, too."

"Ohh…because they lost the love of their life?" Monica asked sarcastically.

"No, but they lost a close friend. It was hard on them, too."

"Yeah, well it looks like they got over it pretty quickly."

"Did you ever think that they only got over it for your sake?"

"What do you mean?"

"They got over his death in order to be strong for you?"

"Yeah, they sounded like they really cared a lot about him when they got together."

"Perhaps they just needed each other to lean on during their time of grief. They then found each other. You, on the other hand, let no one in. Consequently, you're here, talking to me."

"That's not true!" Monica shrieked, "Don't come in here and pretend to know everything about me because you don't!"

"I'm not saying that I do. I'm just throwing out all the suggestions for you. You decide what you want to believe."

"I believe that you're on their side!"

"I'm not on anyone's si—"

"Don't give me that! No one's on my side! The entire world has turned against me!"

"You really think the world turned against you?" Dr. Stein asked, in a softer tone.

"Well it sure as hell hasn't helped me," Monica retorted.

"We all are thrown obstacles in our lives. Some are harder than others, but we all have to get over them."

"Yeah, well you wouldn't be signing the same tune if you lost your husband or a child."

"Perhaps not. That's why it's good that we've gone through different things in our lives."

"Why? Because you can't relate to me? Oh, that seems very helpful!"

"No! Because I can help you get through this part of your life because I am not filled with my own biased and selfish thoughts."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, think about it. If I were to have gone through the same thing as you, the entire time I would be comparing your situation to mine. And I'd be thinking, 'Well, hers isn't as bad as mine, so why should I care?'"

"I guess you're right," Monica relented.

"I have one more suggestion for you."

"What's that?"

"Meet with Ross and Rachel."

Monica opened her mouth to protest, but Dr. Stein cut her off.

"It may give you answers to some unanswered questions floating in your head. And I know that you have many of those."

"I—I don't think I can."

"I'm not asking for you to this tomorrow or even next month. I'm just asking you to consider this, okay?"

Monica contemplated her request for a few moments. "Okay."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          That night, while Monica tried to fall asleep, she continued to ponder her doctor's suggestion. Although she didn't want to see Ross and Rachel again, she really did have a lot of questions to ask them. However, she wasn't sure if she even wanted to know the answers. Although she felt like they didn't care about her, they had never outwardly told her that. Monica didn't want to her that they truly no longer cared about her.

          Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the news blasting on the television that had been left on in the recreation room, a few rooms down the corridor.

"…With the arrest of a string of criminals, a missing New York City man has finally been found after being proclaimed dead…"

Monica covered her ears with her pillow and tired hard not to listen to the news. She could care less that someone was recovered after years of disappearing because it wasn't her Chandler. After many sleepless hours of thoughts running through Monica's head, she finally fell asleep with the familiar image of Chandler floating in her mind.

Next chapter'll be up soon. Ok, please leave me a review, thanks!