Sick~Chapter 10
Hey, yeah I'm back. I couldn't really write this past week 'cuz I've been focusing all of my attention on my "short" story for Creative Writing class. I finished it, btw. Yay! Now all I need to do is proof and maybe cut it down a bit. Anyways anyshmays, I just realized that there are 2 Jenni's (that I know of) who read this story now (yeah, I'm that stupid) so I guess I should specify. Ok, so there's Jenni #1 and Jenni #2 (aka Yenni, hahaha). *waves to Jennis and mocks Jenni #1* I lub u both! (yups, still got that cold, hehehe). Anyways, since I told you girlies that this would be up today, I'll shut up and finish. Ok and I think that this is going to be the 2nd to last chapter! Aww Yen!:( I'm actually sorta excited through 'cause I feel like I've been working on this forever. Ok, *cutting to the chase* please read and review, tankies!
Disclaimer: Yeah I own these characters…j/k I don't…j/k I really do…j/k I really don't. Seriously. (That was so fricken lame!)
Monica arrived at the office, and waited outside. Again, Dr. Stein was on the phone, and Monica was most certain that the conversation concerned her. She wished that they would tell her what was going on. It was her own life, yet she had no control over it. Monica strained her ears in order to hear through the thin doors.
"I know that you want to see her," Dr. Stein said into the phone, "I just don't think that she's ready." She paused and listened, "Just give it a little more time, all right?" After another pause she chuckled slightly. "Ok, thank you. I'll call you back in a week. Ok, bye."
Immediately after Dr. Stein hung up the phone, Monica barged in, completely incensed. She was going to find out what was going on in her life.
"Who were you on the phone with?"
"Excuse me?"
"Don't play dumb. I know that you were on the phone with someone and it had to do with me!"
The doctor shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "You're right, it did have to do with you."
"I just want to know what's going on. I mean it's my life."
Dr. Stein nodded in agreement. "Well—I was talking to—"
"Yeah?"
"I was talking to…your brother," she admitted quietly, ashamed of her lie.
"You were?"
"Yes," she answered hastily.
"What about?"
"Well, he wants to see you again, but I'm not so sure that you're ready yet."
"But you said that you wanted me to see him."
"Well, I mean…" she struggled for words, "I just don't want to rush you into something that you're not ready to do."
Monica nodded, and looked away pensively. "What if—" she began quietly, "What if I am ready to see Ross and Rachel again?"
Dr. Stein looked at Monica incredulously. "Really?"
"Why? You don't think I'm ready?"
"No, no. I'm just surprised. I thought it would take you more time."
"Well then, I guess you don't know me as well as you think."
Dr. Stein bit her lip, knowing that she deserved those harsh words and more. "You're sure you're ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Ok then, I'll set up a meeting."
Monica nodded and sat back, trying to act casual. Still, her heart was pounding and her palms sweating. What would she say to her friends who abandoned her and ultimately were the cause of her current living situation? However, there seemed to be no other option. Throughout her therapy, she had been told that facing her anxieties and fears were the first step to recovery. Now, she was going to put that theory to the test.
*~*~*~*
That next week, Dr. Stein and Monica were sitting in her office, waiting in silence. The doctor pretended to busy herself in some paperwork, but continued to glance up at Monica. She was worried that Monica was moving too quickly, and the last thing she wanted was to push Monica over her limit.
"Okay Monica," Dr. Stein warned, "You can back out."
Monica shook her head. "No, I don't want to."
Dr. Stein smiled. "Good. That's what I needed to hear."
Monica offered the doctor a slight smile. She then shifted her attention to the wall in front of her. She was trying to act natural, or even indifferent towards the situation. However, in reality, her entire body was shaking and her ability to breathe was becoming increasingly difficult. Monica began to knead her hands in her lap, as she watched the second hand move around the white clock. In five minutes, it would be 1:00. The exact time that their meeting had been called for. For a moment, Monica wished that time would move backwards, instead of forward.
It was two minutes after one now; Monica's heart was beating so quickly, that she was sure if she would open her mouth, it would jump out of her. Then, she heard it. The buzz of the intercom and the voice of receptionist filled Monica's ears as she gripped the armrests of her chair.
"Dr. And Mrs. Geller are here," the receptionist informed them.
Dr. Stein stole one final glance at Monica, and noticed her cheeks were more pale than normal. Still, Monica made no attempt to stop her, so she took in a shaky breath and answered, "Send them in."
Monica squirmed in her chair as the two waited for the party to arrive. A minute later, there was a soft knock at the door and Monica's breath became lost in her lungs as the doorknob turned slowly. This was it; there was no turning back now.
Slowly, the door opened to reveal a huge part of the puzzle, which was her past. Monica locked her eyes on the pair at the door, their looks of apprehension mirroring her own.
"M—Monica?" her bother stuttered.
Monica nodded and turned away from them stiffly.
Dr. Stein rose to greet the couple. "Hello, I'm Dr. Stein."
"Yes, we spoke on the phone," Ross recalled.
She shook hands with Ross and then reached out to Rachel, who had latched on to Ross' arm. Slowly, she let go and shook the doctor's hand fearfully.
"Take a seat," she offered them, as they headed to the sofa next to Monica's chair.
Once they sat down, all eyes focused on Dr. Stein; they were too nervous to look at each other. An awkward silence engulfed the room, sending it into an entire universe of its own. The doctor cleared her throat, bringing Monica back to reality and startling Rachel.
"Well, I would like to begin by thanking you two for coming out here."
"No, thank you for brining us here," Ross informed her, "We really miss Monica."
Monica raised her eyebrows in amusement, but said nothing.
Ross turned to Monica, with an anxious look on his face. "Mon, I know that you think we did a terrible thing to you, but we didn't know what else to do. We love you so much."
Monica merely nodded, unable to find her voice to argue with the same sibling who had played the role of her rival for so long. Now, it was as if he was some random man from the street, claiming to care about her. It all seemed too surreal to be reality.
"Monica," Dr. Stein prodded, "Is there anything you want to say to Ross or Rachel?"
Monica looked around the room, hesitating to speak her mind in fear of being incarcerated for an even longer period of time. After all, they had been the reason why she was there to begin with.
"I would like to say," she began hesitantly, but then gained more confidence. "I would like to say that I hate you both."
Ross sat up, startled, and Rachel tried her hardest to blink back tears.
"Why?" Ross asked softly.
"Because…because I'm jealous that I'm here and you're not!"
"What?"
"I'm jealous, okay? Look, I lost the love of my life and then the two of you found each other! Then, then, then, to top it all off, I get put in here!" Her voice was raised high above the norm, as she poured her heart out, "Why was it me and not you?! You and your perfect lives!"
Ross was taken back by her words. "You really see us as perfect?"
"Well, who's the sick one?!"
"Mon, this has been killing me! It hurts so much to know that my little sister, the person that I love so much, is miserable! And I tried, Mon! I really did! Both Rachel and I tried! But you kept pushing us away. And then there was the incident…"
He trailed off and Monica looked away shamefully when he mentioned the last part.
"Mon, we're scared. We don't want to lose you. We can't lose you."
"Right."
Rachel spoke up for the first time. "Ya know what, Monica, this was hard for us, too."
"Oh was it? Was it really?!"
"Yes!! We lost our friend. And maybe it wasn't as bad for us as it was for you, but we've been devastated. We wanted to help you, but you wouldn't let us! And then, you tried to kill yourself and what else were we supposed to do, Mon?! Let you die? Mon, do you know how scared I was?!"
"What?"
"When I found you."
Monica froze. "You found me?"
Tears began to stream down Rachel's face. "Yeah, I found you."
"Why'd you come back?"
"I was worried about you."
Monica looked away, ashamed of her behavior that night.
"I came in to your apartment and…and…" she broke off; tears flowing down her cheeks in raging rivers. "It was so scary…there was this eerie silence. Usually, you had on the television or music or something, even if you were asleep. However, when I came in, it was dead silent. I turned on the lights and went into your room. When you weren't in your room or in the bathroom, I looked on the balcony and still I didn't see you. Then, I headed back towards the door and there you were…lying lifeless on the floor. After a wave of nausea passed over me, I quickly dialed 9-1-1 and I called Ross. I didn't know what to do. Once the paramedics hurried into the apartment and lifted you away on the stretcher, Ross and I were questioned thoroughly. And then, it hit me, Mon. No matter what we did, we couldn't help you. All I ever waned to do was help you!" Rachel broke off again, unable to control the sobs that escaped her.
"But Mon," Ross continued, "We knew that you needed help. I mean I would stare at you when you were in the hospital. You were unconscious and hooked up to all these tubes. You looked so helpless and fearful and I didn't know what else to do. The doctors there insisted that I looked into sending you to get help, and so I did it. I know that you hate it and you hate me for it. I understand though. It's just…this wasn't the same Monica that I once knew. What about the Monica that always had to win? The one that was strong and confident? The woman which was the glue that held the rest of us together?"
Tears began to trickle down her eyes at Ross' words. "I'm not that person, Ross. I never was."
"But—"
"No, it was all an illusion. I wanted to be that person, and I pretended so well that I tricked you all."
Dr. Stein finally intervened. "It's not that you aren't strong, because you are incredibly strong. Sure, you have had momentary lapses, but that's natural. In fact, you have handled this much better than most people who go through this do."
Monica shrugged seemly callous, but actually reveling in the doctor's encouraging words. She wanted to believe them so badly.
"And Mr. Geller," she began.
He cut her off, "Ross."
The doctor nodded. "Okay, Ross. But, sometimes, even the glue needs pressure in order to stick."
Wordlessly, he nodded and turned away. "I guess the fact that we always saw you in that light made it all the more hard on us."
Monica swallowed hard and nodded. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"For disappointing everyone." With that, Monica broke into a fit of uncontrollable sobs. Cautiously, Ross made his way over to his sister and held her in his arms.
"You didn't disappoint anyone, Mon. I swear you didn't."
Her sobs grew louder with his words, and Ross began to rub her back soothingly as he held her weeping form. After a few minutes of crying, Monica lifted her head and sniffed.
"I just miss him so much."
"We know, Mon. We miss him, too."
"It's so hard."
"I'm sorry, Mon."
Rachel, who had been staring at the same crack in the wall ever since she stopped crying, suddenly turned towards the group with an urgent look on her face. She looked at Monica; the hurt in her eyes so apparent that it caused physical pain to Rachel. Unable to control herself, she admitted exactly what she was told to avoid.
"Chandler's still alive."
Ooooooooooooh. You smartie pants people, you. You guys knew that he was alive! I'm so impressed! (especially 'cause I dropped a billion clues). See I'm not that mean. I may torture Mon for a bit, but it can't not have Chandler by the end! I loves me Chandler! *licks lips* Hehehe ;-) Yen, wanna fight me for him? Ok, please leave me a review! Pretty please with a Matty on top? (see u can get him if u review…*cough* if anyone's getting him, it's me… *cough* naw :-( ).
