Ringu! That's an awesome name yo! Thanks for the support… even though you totally attacked Spellbinding a little harshly. Simply Sam, you rock, dude! I swear, one day, I'll be reading your fic with a satisfied smile on my face—that is, unless it's bad. Then you'll hear from me. For the meanwhile, the ff.net world needs to be rid of these "crimes against fiction" and I intend to be one of the enforcers. Ah… Dazzle. Sweet, sweet, poor, ignorant Dazzle. I love you! Wait, what am I typing, no I don't. Your review wasn't very much the flame if you intended to be. In fact, it was a little incoherent. What I did gather was that my story needs work. What does my story need work on? My grammar? I dare you to point out at least THREE mistakes. If you find three mistakes, I will give you three gold stars. About the link in my profile… you're one for observations, aren't you? Way to point the obvious! Here's a gold star to get you started. If you're not PMS-ing then I don't know what that term means because that's what you're doing. My characters were intended to have low IQs. Aine and Star's, on the other hand, were not. Just take a quick gander at the genre. Tell me what it is, and tell me that this isn't at all humorous in any way. To all my fic-supporters… You rock! Here is some elven wine! Sip it wisely while reading this chapter!

"Sometimes! Some crimes… go slipping through the cracks! But these two! Gumshoes! Are picking up the slack!" Alex sang heartily, enjoying his new vocal range. Anthony walked a few feet behind, covering his sensitive ears. "There's no case too big, no case too small! If you need help just call!"

"Shut up!" Anthony cried, tugging at his long hair.

Alex glanced over his shoulder. "Come on, man. It helps, it really does!"

Anthony glared at his friend. "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip and Dale… Rescue Rangers…" he mumbled, singing along with his friend under his breath. After a few minutes, Anthony was singing just as loudly as Alex, maybe even more so. Soon, the forest was filled with the sound of a hobbit and an elf singing the theme song to Disney's Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers.

"You know it never fails once they're involved! Somehow whatever comes gets solved!" they sang, throwing their fist triumphantly in the air. "Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip and Dale! Rescue Ran—"

"Halt!" a voice commanded, interrupting their song. Cheeks ablaze, Alex cowered behind Anthony, whimpering softly. In front of them were two, tall women, each pointing an arrow straight at them. They were dressed uniquely, their tall forms clad in a tunic and tights. Both looked dead serious and ready to kill if provoked. "What business do you have here?" one of them demanded.

"Uh…" Anthony faltered. "Hi," he greeted, feebly waving a hand. "Hey! I'm talking Elvish!"

The women looked each other, puzzled. Alex poked a head from behind legs, "And I can understand it!"

"Again we ask what are you doing here?"

"We're on our way to that place," Alex intermitted, pointing a stubby finger in the direction of the building and stepping boldly from behind Anthony's leg. But at the look the woman gave him, he slipped away from sight once more.

The two women glanced at each other, trying to decide if the hobbit and elf were friend or foe. "Are you to see Lord Elrond?"

Anthony's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock. "Lord Elrond? As in, Lord Elrond?"

The woman raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Is he known by any other name?"

"Excuse us for a moment," Anthony gasped, pulling Alex a few feet away from the two females. "Oh man, my worst fears are confirmed."

"You're on your rag?" Alex asked, mildly disgusted yet also curious.

Anthony smacked him upside the head. "No, I am not…" his brow furrowed in thought. "Actually, I don't know… I'm not sure. Do elves get periods?"

Alex's eyes widened, "Do hobbits?!"

"Who cares? The important thing is, I've figured out where we are. We're in Middle-Earth!"

Alex's lips pouted in thought and he brought a hand to the top of his curly round head. "You're kidding! Oh my God… that explains—"

"That's probably the reason why I'm an Elf and you're a Hobbit," Anthony interjected.

Alex stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm… that doesn't make sense. Why would you be the Elf, and I the Hobbit? I'm clearly the better-looking one."

Anthony made a face. "Whatever gets you to sleep at night."

"But still, that doesn't explain our genders."

"Probably the sick sense of humor of the guy who brought us here," Anthony mumbled, glaring at his surroundings.

"So what now? We've been discovered!" Alex cried, waving nervously at the two women. "I think they're elves, man." The two Elves looked at each other uncertainly, then uneasily waved back.

Anthony's widened when he heard one of them mumble, "We are elves."

"Dammit! They heard us!" Anthony snatched Alex up by the shirt collar and moved him a few feet further. "This should be okay."

"What are you talking about? What should be okay?"

"Ok, here's what we do," Anthony began, his voice rising to the excitement their situation brought him. "We give each other aliases. Aliases are—"

"I know what aliases are!" snapped Alex.

"Ok, we give ourselves aliases. Mine will be… uh… Give me an Elvish name, a girl one."

"May we suggest Lúthien?" the female elves contributed.

"Naw… that's a stupid name—dammit!" Anthony squeezed his eyes shut and pulled Alex a few more feet away.

"What's a stupid name … Arwen?" Alex asked and was rewarded with another hard smack.

"No! Oh, wait! I'll be Erwin and you'll be… Frodina."

Anthony smiled in satisfaction. Alex shook his head sadly. "I have a cousin named Erwin."

"Who cares! It sounds Elvish-like."

"Not really… and I don't think Frodina—"

"Just, remember your alias!" Anthony snapped, dragging Alex back to the two elves.

"Yes," Anthony began, trying to make his voice (which, unlike Alex's, had not changed) sound more feminine. "We are on our way to see Lord Elrond."

The two elves exchanged glances. "Well, what happened to your clothes?" one of them asked, reaching over and fingering Alex's tee-shirt which coincidentally read 'Nosy little fucker, aren't you?'.

"This is strange script,"

"We've traveled a long way… from the land of…uh… New Jersey…" stammered Anthony, waving a hand in the direction of where they came.

The elf frowned, not recognizing the name of their land. "And why have you come to Rivendell?"

Alex emerged from his hiding place and stared boldly up at the tall Elf. "It's kinda secret, you know. Only Elrond's allowed to know."

"Oh, I apologize," the elf said meekly. "Would you like an escort to the palace?"

They both nodded wordlessly and hastily followed the two girls to the gates of Rivendell.

"So," Anthony drawled, "Do elves get periods?"

~*~* ~*°*~ *~*~

Paul ran home hurriedly and slammed his bedroom door. He pulled out two naked Barbie dolls, one with Anthony written on it and the other with Alex. He pulled out a few pins and jumped on the bed and onto something hard and painful. Forgetting the dolls, he reached behind him and found a book. "Hey… it's got four corners." He stared at it for a few minutes longer before the thought of opening it entered his mind. He noted that, as he opened the expensive leather binding, he didn't recognize it.

He read the first page. "Lord of the Rings: the Unpleasant Tales of Anthony and Alex," he looked off into space rolling the new information in his mind, "Must be a newer edition."