Crippled

DISCLAIMER: me no own. I just own the strange story down there.

Rating: R yet once again. I got a potty mouth lol. And violence. And poor Trowa mind abuse… ^^;; I'm an evil lil' thing, ne?

Pairings: 4+2+5 =^-^= they're such a cute couple, er, group ='~'= and slight 1+3 but nothing' yet really, 'cept for some moments between them.

Special note: THANK YOU GUYS!! For the feedback again! =^-^= thank you Leiko (Steph, who's a sweetie), and tankies to "keep the dream alive" who was anonymous so sorry bout the name. I didn't know what else to put ^^; so MUUUUUUAAH! *GLOMP* happy camper!

Alrighty. I figured that it was about time to shine da spotlight one the other three for a lil'. J oh yeah! I looked up information on the color of Duo's eyes, and I found out that they're cobalt. So I used that instead of violet. Kay?

Anotha note: Slightly AU, I kept getting myself confused so I decided that I'm having them work as presenters but the boys' gundams are not to be really used (like Heero would listen *snort*) but are hidden and blah blah blah. We'll figure this thing out later lol ^^;;

Chapter Three: Struggle of Hearts

Quatre's POV

"Duo…" he's got to stop his pacing… He's making me and Wufei already more nervous than we are. And we're pretty nervous. Oh, don't get the idea that we don't believe in Heero, it's just that we fear for Trowa right now…

Heero was in just as a big of shock as the rest of us when we found out where Trowa had gone off to. He even knew that Trowa had a past with Barton. Well I mean the dark past, not Trowa's working with Barton association part. But we have an idea about what they did to him behind the doors. We don't know exactly what happen to Trowa with them, but it was more than just a little painful. Poor thing… I can't help but give my heart out to him. He's been hurt so many times and it never stops.

Whenever we tried to get Trowa to talk to us about that, to make him feel like he could trust us more, and free him a bit, he became so cold… His aloof attitude didn't surprise us. But we found out the first couple times when Duo and I tried to press on the topic with Trowa, that he would get nightmares for days on after it. And Heero would be there comforting him. Which is surprising and yet not. Those two…those two deserve a chance to live. To be together. I think that they could help each other more than we can help them in ways. True that Duo, Wufei and I must keep an eye on them for any possible troubles. We just want to help. But Wufei pointed out, "When those to blockheaded silent, war fighting, Mr.'s throw-myself-out-in front-of-the-others-and-die-for-them-at-any-chance finally get together-" he carried on about that nice little rant about how we would be there for them but we must back off a lot so they could breath and try it out for themselves. Duo and I were cracking up on the floor, with tears at our eyes because of the force of laughter with the way he started. That memory still brings fond smiles out of me.

"Duo, stop-" Duo snapped his head at me with a fierce glare of his own. I sigh in his frustration and mine.

"Duo-"

"It's not going to help them if you wear a walkway in our floor, baka." well that was a surprise… I didn't expect Wufei to help me in this round. Ah, sometimes I underestimate my lovers too much. I look back and forth at them. Looks like there's going to be another fight. I know and Duo knows that Wufei didn't mean it as an insult. He was just trying to make Duo stop and think, and relax a little more. But Duo's too strung up. And I'm up there as well.

"Aren't you afraid that Trowa's going to be-"

"That's enough Duo." I don't want to hear that word… Trowa's too strong to end up that way. And I don't want to loose faith in Heero. But Heero promised that he would bring Trowa back one way or another. You should have seen his grim face when he told Une and the rest of us that. It was supposed to be a one day mission for Trowa she had told us, and that he had left on Thursday. But then it was Sunday. He was supposed to be back on Friday. We found out late in the night, or extremely early morning of Monday about the problem and Heero left Tuesday. He needed to go to his gundam. Trowa's was still here, so we never thought anything of it at first. She pointed out that he seemed depressed. So I'm sure that gave us all the wrong impression on why Trowa went there. I know that didn't go there to die.

Naturally, we were worried when we didn't hear from him in a couple days. So Duo and I were calling everyone we knew, Wufei was walking around, asking people if they had seen him, showing them the only picture we have of Trowa. Duo got that one, and a swollen eye with a dark bruise staining his face. Wufei and I were a little upset that Trowa did that at first. But we shrugged it off after his disappearance. So it was something that bothered him a great deal. We learned from our mistake. And Heero, he tapped into all these computers and anything he could get his hands into. But there was nothing. That's when we called Une on Sunday. And she told us to come at 2 am. I really want to throttle that woman's neck at times. She's not my favorite person.

"You know just as well as I do, Quatre. You know them. That damn Barton association!" he's raising his voice to a nice shout now. His tears are gathering at his cobalt eyes and I go up to wipe them away. I put my hands on his cheeks and he closes his frightened eyes. I'm scared too…and if Duo's loosing faith…

I can't help but smile a little when he rubs his cheek into my left hand. His chestnut colored bangs slide along my skin and it tickles a little. But now's not really the time to laugh. Wufei comes up behind Duo and gently wraps his tan arms around the both of us.

I love them both so much. I kiss Duo's nose. His face is so hot… The warmth floods to my lips when I kiss him lightly. He needs to relax…he needs to calm down… right now, he needs comfort…

Heero's POV

He's bleeding so much… and I can't do anything to stop it right now… and he's crying. I'm scared. I know how this is going to go if I leave him alone. But I don't know how he's going to be if I stay here with him. But he needs the comfort. I need the comfort… I'm so damn scared. I don't want him to be hurt anymore.

I run my fingers through the bottom of his dirty hair. He needs to get cleaned up. So do I. But I don't have any wounds that are bleeding at a dangerous rate, but some of the blood is caking up around his wound. That's good. I've got to get him out of here as soon as possible though.

"I'm sorry…" I know why he's sorry. He doesn't need to go any further. He keeps torturing himself. My head's laying on his shoulder. I'm lucky so far. He hasn't shrugged me off or anything. He hasn't pushed me away or yelled at me.

"I know…" what am I supposed to say? No one's really apologized to me before like this. Especially with all those emotions that he's still keeping contained somehow… I look over his body from up top. I'm trying to gather the damage and input the information.

Well one, he has no clothes. They threw mine over in the corner. I could go get them now since they let go of me but I don't have a gun anymore. But that can be easily changed. Two: his right side is bleeding steadily onto the floor. Possible infections. Major blood lost. Three: his left leg is dislocated. Four: shit…four, they peeled patches of skin off of him… four small areas scattered on his back, and one on the upper thigh of his right leg. Sick bastards. I can't really look at it much. Mainly due to the fact that they did it to Trowa. Five: deep whip lashes and punctures. Looks to be of a dagger and pocket knife. Plus burn marks. Six: left knee swollen and ankle. Those look sprained. Seven: head damage. Bleeding from temples, mouth, nose and forehead. Cuts and numerous black bruises. Hell, if it weren't for his hair and green eyes, I wouldn't have recognized him… I don't know anything about his arms, wrists, or hands. They're all underneath. But from what I've seen, they're only bruised badly. Eight: rectum, I don't need to input that information. That was more than obvious. Nine: his mind. I don't know if he can function enough to pilot the suit he took. It's not a gundam. It's an outdated piece of shit that Une leant him. Now I have to come up with a way to get us out…my gundam is fully loaded and hidden beneath metal cargo boxes. It can't be detected. The heat's cooled off already and too much metal is interfering with the bastards' sensors.

"Trowa, calm down. If you don't-"

"I'm sorry…" he shakes his head. Dammit. If he doesn't stop, they'll torture him more.

"Think of what they'll do to you if you don't recollect yourself." I'm saying it slowly, calmly, and as gently as I can. And it seems to be working. But now he's avoiding me more. He turned his head to face the opposite wall. I don't like that… and I can't tell him what I'm thinking of to get out of here. They have too many cameras and they'll pick up.

"I don't care about what they do to me." geez. I can't help but snort at that one. That was quick. But I know that he's scared. Hell, I am. And I even admit it. So that's bad. Eh…I shouldn't have remarked. It was an accident though… I didn't mean for it to come out. He's as still as a fucking corpse but he's tensed as hell. Tensed enough to be shaking like he is now.

I run my fingers through again.

"Don't." I ignore his request, actually…hoarse demand. I don't mean to be harsh, he's got to get that.

It's like petting a cat with him. I just keep running my fingers down his neck and through the base of his hair. He's relaxing slightly. Heh. I found a weak spot. I could us that to my advantage later. I grin slightly and now is definitely not the time. But I loose it as quickly as it came. I'll never have a chance to have that advantage. I…have to ignore the feelings…

"Trowa, just wait a little longer." it's his turn to snort.

"I'll get us out." I try to whisper a softly as I can. But my voice is even a little raspy. He looks so damn tired.

"Sleep." his shoulders tense then relax quickly. I think that he's listening to my order.

"Would you look at me?" I ask this time. I know that he needs his sleep, but I need to see his face… I need to know that the Trowa I know is still there somewhere…

Trowa's POV

I ignore his request to look at him. I can't look at him. And I wish that he stop…petting…me. It's so distracting. It scares me and relaxes me at the same time… I'm so stupid. Why did he have to get involved? I can't avoid to sniff. And that kills my lung. It's nice and swollen.

Heero sighs and I think that he's going to get off. I'm grateful for it and at the same time, it makes me want to cry. I don't like to be touched. I don't want to be touched. I hate people. I hate me. I don't feel. I shouldn't feel. But I already crossed that line when I admitted to myself that I adored Heero. And I liked the times that he touched me. Liked. But now I'm too scared of the memories that the touch will bring.

He surprises me to no end. He actually gets closer to me. I shudder and try to shrug away. But that only causes pain so I remain near his touch as little as possible. They're going to be coming back soon. And if they see him like this, I groan painfully. This will end eventually. But still…

"I'm sorry…"

"Stop saying that." great. I annoyed him more. And that's my fault. Once you start, you can never stop. My mind drifts and then my body screams at me with the extra pain that he's inflicting by resting his arms and head on me. My body hurts too much.

"Don't touch me." that came out harshly. Good… maybe he'll understand that he's hurting me. Both in my dazed mind and body. He's silent for a moment.

"Why?" why? Why is he asking that? I don't want to be touched…isn't that clear enough? I can't trust him like that… but he has every right to do to me what they did. It's not his fault.

"Get off. They're coming back." too much talking. I can't think clearly enough as it is. I think one thing, and say another. And I can't really pay attention to him with all the voices in my head yelling at me for what I did to Heero. He's scarred even more now. He listens and jerks away. I don't turn my head to see that he looks at me for a moment, then turns to look somewhere else.

"Don't get lost…" what? What does that mean? I go to ask him, but then the door opens much to my dismay. I feel the goose bumps cluster on my ripped skin and tighten my body as much as I can together. I wish that they would just kill me. I wish that these tears would stop falling. It's going to get me into more trouble…

"Hey Nanashi," Eh…it's Alex… "what's the matter? Did you miss us?" he steps closer to me. I faintly hear his heavy boots clunk over here and splash into the blood. I know that one's gonna piss him off. I quickly turn my head and stare. Heero's firm gaze is dazing out. They're afraid of him. And they have every right to be. Three of them are clinging to his body, trying to stop any attack that would happen with as much as they know. They don't know him very well. He could kill them right there. A harsh groan escapes me when I feel one of my battered ribs crack loudly as I feel a steel toed boot clobber into me.

I hear them hoot for the nth time. I'm really not going to miss those laughs. But I know that I'll remember them forever. Past life, past death, until there's an end of time.

"Hey shorty, guess what?" one of them mocked. It sounds like Josh. I think that's his name. I can't think too clearly on that. He's the one who's been playing with Heero… I don't hear Heero. I don't think that he responds. I'm not paying attention. All I can focus on right now is why he's stuck here…

"Well. If you won't answer, I guess that we'll hafta show ya what." he mocks ruefully. Bastard.

"Yeah, but then we hafta go boys. But don't worry Trowa, we'll take you with us for a lil'." Alex smirks with that statement. I glower at him as much as I can. Bad move. Very bad move. He comes over slowly and rubs his soap scented skin on my face. It aches sharply but I ignore it as I remain firm.

"You still don't remember where you're at, do you Nanashi? Where you were at in the past. Where you're always at. You're nothing. Got that? No one cares if you're hurt," that's not true…Quatre cares… Duo cares… even Wufei… and Heero… "the only reason why that little punk over there glomped ya while we were gone," they watched us during the entire lunch…great, "is so he can have comfort. I bet he misses home like hell. I'm pretty sure that he wants to kill you. I know why he's here. You? I don't have a fuckin' clue. And I sure as hell don't care. But you're nothing but a toy. A broken one at that. And a dead one. You have no reason to be alive. You're a fucking monster." don't say monster… I don't want to remember that right now… and Heero… he wasn't trying to make me feel better…

"He just wants to have a good word before he dies," Alex seemed to have read my mind almost, "To act like he's comforting the low and disgusting inhumane monsters." stop it. That's not true… but it… no… Heero's not denying anything… so it must be true… I did kill his humanity… I killed Heero… not physically…but emotionally, and spirit wise…

"No one's gonna remember you. No one wants to. Everybody only takes care of you because you're only a duty. You're a waste of time." they're not like that… but, they always look sadly at me when they try to help… maybe it's not sadness. Maybe it's dismay that they have to be there… like they're on duty…

"You, Nanashi, Trowa, whatever you want to be called. You, make no-"

"Difference…to anyone…" I finish off quietly… it's true… I've always had to do things on my own because no one wanted to help because they wanted to. The others only helped because they felt that they had to… even Duo with his energetic and friendly atmosphere… even Quatre and his tries of opening me up… even Wufei and his justice rants that doesn't hide his messages… even Heero when he tries to comfort me when I have my nightmares…and lets me stay at his side… they did that out of duty… not love, not kindness, not friendship. Out of stupid fucking duty. They would be happier without me… they would be better without me. Heero would be 'alive.'

"So now that you know why he acted like that, are you ready to punish him?" both Heero and I look at him. My face looks slightly strange, slightly twisted in confusion and disgust. Alex could have a double meaning to it, like rape him like they did, which I will never do. Ever. But then he could mean something completely different. I don't know what he means.

"Where's their base?" ah. That's what he wants to know. Betrayal or not, I'm not going to rat on the others. I know what these slugs will do to them. And they don't deserve any of that. No matter what. I remain silent. And I know that it's not pissing Alex off because he chuckles. He finds it amusing.

"Bastard." damn it! I did it again. I prepare myself for various blows. But none happen. In fact, the stupid bastard is laughing even more…and that pisses me off.

"And you, a guttersnipe, like that street rat, Duo." okay, that pisses me off too. He has no right to bring any of them into a conversation.

"Actually, he's more like a bastardize. He's lower than a guttersnipe or street rat." they're right, Josh is right. I'll just call him that for now. I can't remember his name yet… But Duo's not low! Yes, he's had a bad past as well, but he's living! He can feel, and love. I'm beginning to think about my adoration of Heero… I should really ignore them and kill those feelings now…

"Anyways, since we're done with that lesson, James," that's his name. It's James, not Josh. But like that matters, "bring out the surprise for Nanashi. I'm pretty sure that the runt would love to see this. Right Barton?" I hate you…never call me Nanashi…never call me Barton…never call me 'monster'…but I am Nanashi. Not Trowa. Definitely not Barton…I'm no one. I hear a sound. Someone's pulling something out of their pockets. 'James' most likely. Alex kicks me in my dislocated leg and orders me to look. The muscles are having spasms. And it hurts like hell.

"Look." fine. I'm looking. I…

"Miss good ol' Snapper here?" Alex waves it in the air, taunting me with an 'innocent' face as he asks. Calm, I'm to be calm… my face is paling more. I must be calm. But Heero might want to see me in pain… I don't get a chance to think of what I'm going to do as I'm flipped over violently and the rains of whips fall. I cry out the first time in surprise. I remember what 'Snapper' did to me before… I try to squirm my way away from the beatings but four men are holding me. Two are holding my legs, pressing them down and tightening their grips on my ankles, and the one is doing the same to my arms. They're pulled to my side, close to the wall. And he's twisting my captured wrists until I'm trying to jerk my hands away from him. The other is holding my head down. Pressing it on the side and shoving my face towards Heero so he can see my face. This is humiliating. I can't help it but cry a little each time Alex lets an uneven timing of blows to my back, shoulders, neck, bum and legs. He even grazed my arms. At the end of those warn weathered tails of the whip, a piece of slightly rusted metal is clasping it.

I'm in pain. I'm being humiliated. I'm hating myself more and more. I have a damn headache. And I have a fever. Nice. Very lovely. Why don't they just go get my flute and shove that up my ass and make me lick while they're at it. Better not say that one… I shudder at that thought. The only thing that I don't have to worry about is STDs. Heero too. I know these guys. They make sure that they're checked out and so are their 'toys' so they don't get anything.

Alex hits one of the muscles that are exposed and I squirm away. He's been at this for minutes. But Snapper's heavy. So I'm lucking out with that too, oddly.

Duo's POV

I can't help it if I pace. I miss Trowa! And I miss Heero. They're my friends. Brothers even. I sigh regretfully in my lovers' arms. I can't help it but cry a little. I can't help anything. Right now, Quatre's pressed against me, snuggling his head under my chin and kissing my neck and whispering reassuring words. I know that it seems that I have lost faith in Heero. But I know he'll come back alive. It's Trowa that I'm worried about. And Une. That bitch. I can't believe that she gave him permission to take that shitty mobile suit! She likes him for crying out loud! He's her favorite. But he gets the hardest, most boring, and long work because she can trust him to get it all right. The poor guy.

She knows what the Barton Association is like! She's ruthless. That's for sure. I can't tell if she was afraid that he was gonna die. She was so god damn cold and so fucking distant about it. But I know that somewhere in that frozen heart of hers, she cares a lot. But damn it! Why couldn't she alter his mission? Why not make it a group mission?

What was his mission? She never told us. But all we know is that it was never really a mission I guess. Tro-ie's got a death wish and went to somewhere where he knew where he would get it. But why would he want to be tortured even more before his death? Stupid bastard. Why didn't he think of us? So damn selfish…

"Relax, Duo…" Wu-man…I love him. I know that if I ever pulled a stunt as stupid as Trowa's, Wufei and Quatre would kill me if I came back alive. I just can't help but be tensed. I'm scared.

"Come on. We need to go and see Lady Une."

"But Quatre, I don't want to see that lousy son-of-a-" I'm whing at a slightly high pitched tone. Great. I sound like a girl.

"Duo." I glare at Quatre's interruption. Sometimes, his niceness bugs the fucking hell out of me. But I sigh again. He's just trying to keep everything calm. I shouldn't be upset with that. It's just that I'm so worried and all. I leave our comfy position and wander down the hall of Quatre's mansion. He says that it's all of ours, but I still don't know what to think of it. I stop into Heero's room first. So neat and clean. Everything's the same as he left it yesterday. One day, yet it feels like years. Funny. I look at his cream colored curtains that are draped down to the floor. The plush carpet's a soft gray color. And my eyes drift to the bed. One of his favorite colors. Forest green. The pillows are a dark blue and have a cream color following the ends of the pillow case. It's the same with the bed. The cream color remains as the seam. His dresser is a dark reddish brown, with sharp angles. Clearly a male's choice of furniture. He has empty shelves beside the large window and pictures of all of us hanging around his room. He even has a picture of Relena. She did help him when she could. She was a friend. A strange one. But still a good friend. She cares about him. All of us now surprisingly. She hated me for the longest time though. I still laugh at the thought of our first encounter. So ironic. I try to be the good guy and save her from Heero, and I turn out to be the bad guy as she turns and tries to save Heero.

I close his door quietly and walk down to Trowa's which is next door. My fingers graze the locked doorknob. Sure, I have the keys to get in…but do I really want to go in? It's like I'm saying my goodbye to him then…but I don't want to say goodbye… I don't want to loose all my faith yet… but…just incase of loosing him…I should. But still…

Bronze. That's the color of his doorknob. It reminds me of the color of his one lion. The lion. He's at the circus. The circus, that's were I went to bring Trowa back when we lost him that one time… I don't want to loose him again. He's family…

Funny. I'm the only with the most faith all the time. So optimistic. But I know what they're against…and I'm falling yet rising at the same time. I bring my keys out and slowly put the right key in, turning it with no hurry. I just want to see…

(_~*';.;'*~_)

End of Chapter three! So whacha think? Eh? Eh? =^-^= is it okay? C&C are welcomed as usual =^_^= note on progress on finding the storyboard: I CAN'T FIND IT DAMMIT! Grr bu~t, I did find my favorite shirt in da whole wide world!!! Whichilostlike2monthsagol… ^^;; well, I'll let ya go for now. I hope that you've enjoyed the story so far. Even though it's kinda sad right now… so what do you think that Duo's gonna do? Say Goodbye for the last time? To Trowa? Heero? Or both? *grin* and are the other two done? Hm…

Love,

Mckayel