Here we are again then. Chapter 5 this time round. I think I will get Lindsey (with 7 letters!) into the story in one of the next 2 chapters. I hate to repeat myself but please, PLEASE review. You have no idea how grateful I am for all the reviews I received so far! I love you all!

I have no idea when this is set. Conner isn't around though.

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"So we got invited to a party." Cordelia told Wesley and looked into the review mirror to see what had caught Wesley's attention.

"Really." Wesley said without an ounce of enthusiasm.

"Yeah." Cordelia said narrowing her eyes. "Fancy dress. I said we'd go as pink fluffy bunnies. Or as hookers. Both of us."

"That's nice." Wesley said. "Wait, bunnies?"

Cordelia grinned triumphantly as he came out of his trance.

"I'm sorry," He said ruefully as he swung the car down the left turn off. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Want to share?" Cordelia asked tentatively although she already knew he would decline her offer.

"I won't trouble you."

****

I

Wesley ushered Gunn into Cordelia's apartment and shut the door firmly behind them. Gunn walked straight into the kitchen and fell into a chair. His body slumped over until his head was resting on the table. Wesley tried not to look to alarmed when Gunn repeatedly started banging his head on the table.

Wesley tapped gently on Cordelia's bedroom door. She didn't speak but he could hear tell tale sniffling.

"Gunn's here.. I have to talk to you soon Cordy." He said and left her alone.

He groaned and sank deep into the couch trying to shut out bad memories of the past two nights. They weren't going anywhere. With a heavy sigh he realized he still had a spell to do. He was already worn out.

He thanked the gods the spell wasn't that complex and began to rummage in the bag he had brought along with the spell ingredients inside.

After he had performed the spell he sank back into the couch and buried his head in his hands. The spell had drained his last traces of energy, now all he wanted to do was curl up and sleep.

Slowly a tear trickled down Wesley's face and the horrifying events of the night caught up with him. Fred.. She was an amazing woman. So beautiful and so clever. He had adored her.

Tears started to fall in a never-ending torrent, he made no effort to calm himself down, he was crying for the ultimate loss now. Why Fred? She hadn't deserved to go out like this, she deserved better. He hated to think of her suffering and hurt. He had never met another person like Fred before. He cried until his eyes were red and sore and until the tears disappeared. He couldn't cry anymore. Wesley curled himself up into a tight ball and closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep. Tangled images of Fred and Cordelia plagued his dreams.

*

Cordelia debated whether or not to make the call. She hadn't slept again. It was beginning to show. Big bags circled her eyes and her face was unusually pale. She looked like death warmed up.

She looked at the phone again and her hand hovered over it. She picked up the receiver then threw it down again. What was she thinking? She wasn't ready to talk to anybody yet.

"This is not going to destroy you Cordelia Chase." She ordered herself. But it was hard; it had been insanely difficult lasting this long, each minute a constant battle. Who was she kidding? His actions had already destroyed her; everything she had ever loved and believed in had come crashing down around her. There was nothing left in this world for her.

Cordelia had never thought about suicide before, but now, now it seemed like the only way out. That scared her more than anything. She wanted desperately out of this world of hurt and pain, this was a living nightmare. It wouldn't even be cowardly, she realized now it would take courage to take your own life.. end it, put a stop to your own living. Cordelia shivered.

She wanted to be rid of these thoughts, but you didn't just decide you didn't want to feel that way anymore.

"This is NOT going to destroy you." She repeated through clenched teeth and picked up the phone and pressed in the numbers.

"Hello?"

"Hi. It's Cordelia. Is Willow around?"
*

"Wesley?" Gunn said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Yes?" His friend said, fumbling around for his glasses and shoving them hastily onto his head.

"I'm going to kill him. Then I'm leaving." Gunn told him and sat down in a chair. Wesley paused before saying anything, letting this news sink in.

"I think I will be doing the same." Wesley said carefully. "Angelus is strong, and he's clever. We have to think about this first."

"I've killed enough vampires, I don't see why he's any different." Gunn said stubbornly.

"Maybe we should ask Cordelia what she wants to do,"

"Why?"

"She was. in love with him, so it would seem."

"So? I was in love with Fred! Doesn't that mean anything? He killed her! He doesn't deserve to stay! She's dead; she's never coming back, ever. But Angelus, he'll just be hidden away for a while. He could come back. No one should have to go through this."

"I know! I don't care what happens to Angelus, we can kill him or we can get Angel back. I don't care, but Cordelia does."

They sat in silence for a few seconds.

"Fine," Gunn snarled. "We'll ask Cordelia."
It was an hour later; the three of them were gathered together in the kitchen. Empty beer cans littered the area around the bin.

"Could you clean that up Dennis?" Cordelia asked rubbing her eyes.

"Cordy, we have to decide what we're going to do about Angelus." Wesley said gently. She stared stonily at him then sighed deeply.

"Shouldn't we wait for Fred and Lorne? This should be a group decision."

"This is the group. They're both gone." Gunn said bitterly. Wesley looked up, startled. He had forgotten about Lorne in the horror of the situation.

"Gone? Gone where?" Cordelia asked, not wanting to hear the answer.

"Lorne, he got away. He pretended he was Angel again, God we were stupid! We thought the spell had worked, the orb thing glowed. Then he came back, saying sorry all over the place!"

"Where's Fred?" Cordelia asked urgently.

"Cordelia.I'm afraid I have bad news." Wesley said. "He killed her."

She stared at her hands that were folded neatly in her lap. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Gunn.I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

"Don't say that," Wesley said. Gunn didn't look at either of them. He turned away and concentrated on the tap, every so often a drop of water dropped out making a noise, he stared hard at it.

"I called Willow." Cordelia said, trying to remain calm. They had to be strong. She wanted to stay strong, when this was over, then she would cry. If she started crying again she would never stop.

"Willow?" Wesley repeated.

"Yeah. Only now I don't care if we Angel back, I don't think I could ever talk to him again."

"Don't think about it yet. Is she coming to LA?"

"Yes. She'll be able to do the curse. She'll be here in the next hour I guess."

"Is that what you want? Angel back?"

"No. I just don't think it's up to us whether he should live or die."

" I beg to differ." Gunn murmured. "He killed Fred and he hurt every single one of us. It is up to us."

"Angel's a champion. He's saved a lot of people. And there are a lot of people he still needs to save. I just don't want to be a part of it anymore."

"I don't think any of us do."
*

Willow knew as soon as she stepped into the apartment that something terrible had happened. She knew better than to ask.

"Hi Cordelia," Willow greeted the brunette and reached out to hug her. She had never hugged Cordelia before, she had never wanted to, but now she wanted to be a friend. Willow didn't even want to imagine what had happened to her. Cordelia was Bruised and battered, broken.

"Hey, thanks for coming." Cordelia said, mustering up a smile, but it was weak.

"Is everybody here ok?"

Cordelia shook her head, tears brimming. She closed her eyes and counted to ten.

"No. One's missing, he kill- he killed somebody." Cordelia said and looked away.

Willow clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Oh Cordelia, I'm so sorry." She said. "I wish I could have done something sooner."

"It's not your fault. It's mine. Let's just do this."

Cordelia lead the red head into the kitchen where Gunn and Wesley were sat. Gunn ignored her but Wesley stood up and smiled, just as weakly as Cordelia.

"Hello Willow."

"Wesley."

"This is Charles Gunn." Wesley said gesturing to Gunn.

"Hey." Willow said nervously.

"Hi." Gunn said, speaking just above a whisper.

"I'll get started then. I'm going to need some space." Willow said.

"Of course, yes." Wesley said and prodded Gunn's shoulder.

"You're the chick who brought Buffy back?" Gunn asked. Cordelia and Willow exchanged nervous looks.

"That's right. But I couldn't do it again. Believe me, I've tried." Willow said and set a few candles on the table.

"Can't blame a guy for asking." Gunn shrugged and left the kitchen.

"I'll need you to do some herb throwing, again, Cordelia." Willow said and passed her a bag.

"This isn't going to almost kill you again is it?"

"It didn't almost kill me," Willow said indignantly. "Just made me a little sleepy. And I'll be fine this time, I've come along way."

"I trust you." Cordelia said sincerely.

*

Angelus was strolling through the streets of LA, deciding which unsuspecting passer by would be his next victim. He was torn between the pretty blonde who was stood obviously waiting for some one, an impatient look on her face and the teenage girl who kept shooting him confident smiles and flicking her hair around a lot. She reminded him of a seventeen- year-old Cordelia. Baring this is mind, he stood up and started to head in her direction.

As he was doing so, his chest tightened up and he felt like throwing up, it was like something was been forced down his throat and it tasted disgusting. He stumbled forward and fell onto his knees.

It was ending, he knew it now. He took a last look at the world and closed his eyes. When he opened them the teenager was looking down at him.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"I'm.fine." The word was a mask, it portrayed no emotion.

"I saw you heading over, what's your name?"

"Angel."

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Longer than usual. NOW REVIEW! And wave goodbye to Angelus kiddies.