Title: The One With The Flashforward
Disclaimer: I do not own Friends. I have a couple friends, but I don't own them. And I don't own the TV show. Man, I just get weirder and weirder. Won't it suck when it's over???
~~~~~~~~
Scene: Monica and Chandler's. The girls are at the kitchen table talking and Joey and Chandler are in the living room reminiscing about the duck and chick. Ross enters with a huge cardboard box and all we see are his legs.
Chandler: Look, hon, it's that box with legs we ordered!
Ross: (straining) Can...someone...maybe...help...me?
Everyone: Oh, yeah, sure!
Ross passes the box to Chandler, who can hardly hand it to Joey, who has a hard time giving the boc to the girls. The girls easily carry the box over to the coffee table using one hand each. The guys notice this, but prefer to ignore it and instead turn to Ross.
Chandler: So, what's in that box? Bricks?
Joey: Yeah, or, like, other boxes? (Chandler and Ross both look at him like he's crazy for a minute and then shake their heads)
Ross: Well, it's my latest book. It just got published! (Rachel groans and hits her head on the table)
Joey: How many books are in there?
Phoebe: Yeah, and why is Rachel trying to make the coffee table and all the books fall down?
Rachel: This book is sooo long! He's been working on it forever and now it's like seven thousand pages!
Monica: (to Ross)What did you write seven thousand pages on?
Joey: Dead dinosaurs? (laughs)
Ross: (glaring at Joey) Yeah, actually. And just to let you know, Rachel, it's seven thousand, nine hundred, fifty-three pages.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, that matters.
Ross: There are five books in that box. One for each of you!!!!!
Joey: (panicked)Do we have to read it???
Ross: Yeah, and there's even a quiz in the back!
Joey: Bye! (runs out the door)
Phoebe, Chandler and Monica: Wait! (all rush out after him)
Rachel: Well, I have to go to the bathroom. (walks toward the bathroom and on the way she passes the window and looks out it) Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Why can't I see out apartment?
Ross: (going over to the window) What do you mean?
Rachel: Instead of being able to see through the window into our living room, there's like brown stuff covering the window. What is that?
Ross: Yeah, um. It's actually a funny story. (laughs)
Rachel: Yeah, what's so funny about it?
Ross: Um, well, you see. Ha. Well--Wait up you guys! (rushes out the door.)
~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica and Chandler are playing Foosball, Ross and Joey are playing Cups (yep, cups!) at the counter and Phoebe is sitting on the couch playing her old songs.
Phoebe: New York City has no power/and the milk is getting sour/but to me it is not scary/cause I stay away from dairy/Lalalalalala
Joey:No!
Ross: Ha!
Monica: What?
Ross: I got the D Cup again!
Monica looks at Chandler while still being intent on the game.
Monica: I have no idea why you made up that game, and I don't know how to play it, but for some reason I think that I should be mad at you about it.
Chandler: Nope, you shouldn't. (they play for a minute) Ha!!!! I scored on you again!
Monica: Shut up, Chandler! I hate this stupid game!
While everyone pulls all dishes away from Monica, Rachel bursts in the door.
Rachel: Ross!
Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe: Uh-oh!(they all retreat to the couch while Ross stays at the counter cowering under Rachel's glare.)
Rachel:Ross, why the hell are all those damn boxes in our apartment?
Ross: What do you mean?
Rachel: I could hardly get in the door! If there's five books in each of those boxes, there's still at least five hundred books!
Monica: Oh, my god!
Chandler: I didn't realize five hundred people wanted to be bored to death.
Joey: I'm not gonna hve to read a book, am I?
Phoebe: Hey, guys, listen to my new song! I just thought it up. (starts to sing) So no one told you life was gonna be this way(claps four times)Your job's a joke, you're broke/Your love life's D.O.A.(spoken)That's Dead On Arrival. (sings)It's like you're always stuck insecond gear/When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year.
Monica: That sounds familiar.
Phoebe: Shh! I'm not finished!
Monica: Oh, okay.
Phoebe:Shhhhhh! (shoots an evil look at Monica and then continues singing) But I'll be there for you/When the rain starts to pour/I'll be there for you/Cause you're there for me toooooo.
Rachel: Wow, Phoebe. That song was really good. Are you gonna put it in your act?
Phoebe: No.
Joey: Why not? It's great.
Phoebe: I'm bored with it now.
Everybody: Oh, okay.
Phoebe: Listen to this one:(sings) The other day, I was in the coffee shop/Sat on my butt, and got quite a shock/Turns out I sat on someone's spilled drink, yes me!/That's really good, cause I thought it was--
Ross: (interrupting) Yeah, that's enought Phoebe.
Phoebe: Okay. (goes back to playing her old songs)
Rachel: Ross, what are you gonna do about those boxes and all those books?
Ross: Well, I was gonna give them to all my friends and family, but as someone (looks at Chandler who ducks away in mock embarrasment) pointed out, apparently they don't wanna read it. So, I don't know.
Rachel: Well, you better do something, and you better do something quick or else you're gonna find yourself divorced from me for the third time.
Ross: I'll be right back. (rushes out door)
Joey: Hey, Chandler, we better get going if we're gonna (looks at Monica) be doing what we were gonna do.
Chandler: Ok. (as they head out the door Chandler leans over to Joey and says sarcastically) Wow, that was the best excuse she's ever heard. No way will she be suspicious now!
Joey: (all proud) I know. I try.
They leave.
Phoebe: Parading goats are parading/Parading down the street/Parading goats are parading/Leaving little treats.
A knock is heard. Monica opens the door. It is Courtney, Emma(who is eleven and blonde), and Ben(who is eighteen and blonde). Courtney is not surprised that her mother answered the door and no one who lives in the apartment is there.
Rachel: Hi, sweetie. (hugs Emma) How was the movie?
Emma: Oh, it was good.
Phoebe: Really? Cause I heard that it sucked.
Ben: Yeah, it did.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Hey! Have you heard me sing?
Ben, Emma, and Courtney: Yes.
Phoebe: Okay, well I'll sing for you anyway! Any requests?
Emma: Ohh! Little Tony Tarzan!
Phoebe: Okay! (sings) Little Tony Tarzan/Swinging on a nosehair/Swinging with the greatest of ease...
~~~~~~~~~
Scene: The hallway. You know which one. Joey and Chandler are coming back from getting the duck and the chick. Joey is carrying the chick and Chandler is carrying the duck. Then Gunther runs up carrying a pigeon.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Hey, Joey! So are we giving these birds to Rachel?
Joey and Chandler just stare at Gunther.
Gunther: Oh--Okay. (runs away)
Joey and Chandler start to go into Joey's apartment, but they notice Monica and quickly close the door.
Chandler: What is she doing over there?
Joey: I don't know. How come none of us ever lock our doors?
Chandler: Except when people have to get it.
Joey: Yeah. Hey, remember when Rachel was gonna go skiing on Thanksgiving and then she got locked out?
Chandler: Yeah, what was that, the first season? (looks offscreen and gets nervous.) I mean, that was really funny.(does his work laugh)
Joey: Yeah, that was funny.
The guys both laugh. Monica opens Joey's door and stares at the two of them. After a while Chandler turns around to go into Joey's apartment and notices Monica. He does that startled thing that he does so well.
Chandler: Bah! Hi, honey. (tries to hide the duck behind his back.)
Monica: Why do you have a duck?
Chandler: What? What duck?
Monica: The duck behind your back.
Chandler: I don't have a duck behind my back! Are you feeling alright? (goes to feel her forehead and brings his hands from behind his back. He's still holding the duck)
Monica: A-ha! You're holding a duck!
Chandler: You caught me. You caught me. Joey and I got a chick and duck. Don't worry, they'll be staying at his apartment.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because you don't like things that make messes. You're Monica, not Joey.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Well, think about it!
Monica: Courtney probably wouldn't mind a pet. She is nine, you know.
Chandler: So, I can keep the duck?
Joey: Oh!
Chandler: What?
Joey: You're right, I'm kinda messy.
Chandler: O-kay. So, I can keep the duck?
Monica: Yeah, sure.
Chandler: Cool!
Joey: Hey, can we maybe share?
Chandler: HOw do you mean?
Joey: You know, you get the duck and chick for a week, I get the duck and chick for a week.
Chandler: Sure.
Joey: Okay, cool! (they hug)
~~~~~~
A/N: Sorry it was so long. I got carried away.
Disclaimer: I do not own Friends. I have a couple friends, but I don't own them. And I don't own the TV show. Man, I just get weirder and weirder. Won't it suck when it's over???
~~~~~~~~
Scene: Monica and Chandler's. The girls are at the kitchen table talking and Joey and Chandler are in the living room reminiscing about the duck and chick. Ross enters with a huge cardboard box and all we see are his legs.
Chandler: Look, hon, it's that box with legs we ordered!
Ross: (straining) Can...someone...maybe...help...me?
Everyone: Oh, yeah, sure!
Ross passes the box to Chandler, who can hardly hand it to Joey, who has a hard time giving the boc to the girls. The girls easily carry the box over to the coffee table using one hand each. The guys notice this, but prefer to ignore it and instead turn to Ross.
Chandler: So, what's in that box? Bricks?
Joey: Yeah, or, like, other boxes? (Chandler and Ross both look at him like he's crazy for a minute and then shake their heads)
Ross: Well, it's my latest book. It just got published! (Rachel groans and hits her head on the table)
Joey: How many books are in there?
Phoebe: Yeah, and why is Rachel trying to make the coffee table and all the books fall down?
Rachel: This book is sooo long! He's been working on it forever and now it's like seven thousand pages!
Monica: (to Ross)What did you write seven thousand pages on?
Joey: Dead dinosaurs? (laughs)
Ross: (glaring at Joey) Yeah, actually. And just to let you know, Rachel, it's seven thousand, nine hundred, fifty-three pages.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, that matters.
Ross: There are five books in that box. One for each of you!!!!!
Joey: (panicked)Do we have to read it???
Ross: Yeah, and there's even a quiz in the back!
Joey: Bye! (runs out the door)
Phoebe, Chandler and Monica: Wait! (all rush out after him)
Rachel: Well, I have to go to the bathroom. (walks toward the bathroom and on the way she passes the window and looks out it) Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Why can't I see out apartment?
Ross: (going over to the window) What do you mean?
Rachel: Instead of being able to see through the window into our living room, there's like brown stuff covering the window. What is that?
Ross: Yeah, um. It's actually a funny story. (laughs)
Rachel: Yeah, what's so funny about it?
Ross: Um, well, you see. Ha. Well--Wait up you guys! (rushes out the door.)
~~~~~~~~~
Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica and Chandler are playing Foosball, Ross and Joey are playing Cups (yep, cups!) at the counter and Phoebe is sitting on the couch playing her old songs.
Phoebe: New York City has no power/and the milk is getting sour/but to me it is not scary/cause I stay away from dairy/Lalalalalala
Joey:No!
Ross: Ha!
Monica: What?
Ross: I got the D Cup again!
Monica looks at Chandler while still being intent on the game.
Monica: I have no idea why you made up that game, and I don't know how to play it, but for some reason I think that I should be mad at you about it.
Chandler: Nope, you shouldn't. (they play for a minute) Ha!!!! I scored on you again!
Monica: Shut up, Chandler! I hate this stupid game!
While everyone pulls all dishes away from Monica, Rachel bursts in the door.
Rachel: Ross!
Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe: Uh-oh!(they all retreat to the couch while Ross stays at the counter cowering under Rachel's glare.)
Rachel:Ross, why the hell are all those damn boxes in our apartment?
Ross: What do you mean?
Rachel: I could hardly get in the door! If there's five books in each of those boxes, there's still at least five hundred books!
Monica: Oh, my god!
Chandler: I didn't realize five hundred people wanted to be bored to death.
Joey: I'm not gonna hve to read a book, am I?
Phoebe: Hey, guys, listen to my new song! I just thought it up. (starts to sing) So no one told you life was gonna be this way(claps four times)Your job's a joke, you're broke/Your love life's D.O.A.(spoken)That's Dead On Arrival. (sings)It's like you're always stuck insecond gear/When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year.
Monica: That sounds familiar.
Phoebe: Shh! I'm not finished!
Monica: Oh, okay.
Phoebe:Shhhhhh! (shoots an evil look at Monica and then continues singing) But I'll be there for you/When the rain starts to pour/I'll be there for you/Cause you're there for me toooooo.
Rachel: Wow, Phoebe. That song was really good. Are you gonna put it in your act?
Phoebe: No.
Joey: Why not? It's great.
Phoebe: I'm bored with it now.
Everybody: Oh, okay.
Phoebe: Listen to this one:(sings) The other day, I was in the coffee shop/Sat on my butt, and got quite a shock/Turns out I sat on someone's spilled drink, yes me!/That's really good, cause I thought it was--
Ross: (interrupting) Yeah, that's enought Phoebe.
Phoebe: Okay. (goes back to playing her old songs)
Rachel: Ross, what are you gonna do about those boxes and all those books?
Ross: Well, I was gonna give them to all my friends and family, but as someone (looks at Chandler who ducks away in mock embarrasment) pointed out, apparently they don't wanna read it. So, I don't know.
Rachel: Well, you better do something, and you better do something quick or else you're gonna find yourself divorced from me for the third time.
Ross: I'll be right back. (rushes out door)
Joey: Hey, Chandler, we better get going if we're gonna (looks at Monica) be doing what we were gonna do.
Chandler: Ok. (as they head out the door Chandler leans over to Joey and says sarcastically) Wow, that was the best excuse she's ever heard. No way will she be suspicious now!
Joey: (all proud) I know. I try.
They leave.
Phoebe: Parading goats are parading/Parading down the street/Parading goats are parading/Leaving little treats.
A knock is heard. Monica opens the door. It is Courtney, Emma(who is eleven and blonde), and Ben(who is eighteen and blonde). Courtney is not surprised that her mother answered the door and no one who lives in the apartment is there.
Rachel: Hi, sweetie. (hugs Emma) How was the movie?
Emma: Oh, it was good.
Phoebe: Really? Cause I heard that it sucked.
Ben: Yeah, it did.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Hey! Have you heard me sing?
Ben, Emma, and Courtney: Yes.
Phoebe: Okay, well I'll sing for you anyway! Any requests?
Emma: Ohh! Little Tony Tarzan!
Phoebe: Okay! (sings) Little Tony Tarzan/Swinging on a nosehair/Swinging with the greatest of ease...
~~~~~~~~~
Scene: The hallway. You know which one. Joey and Chandler are coming back from getting the duck and the chick. Joey is carrying the chick and Chandler is carrying the duck. Then Gunther runs up carrying a pigeon.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Hey, Joey! So are we giving these birds to Rachel?
Joey and Chandler just stare at Gunther.
Gunther: Oh--Okay. (runs away)
Joey and Chandler start to go into Joey's apartment, but they notice Monica and quickly close the door.
Chandler: What is she doing over there?
Joey: I don't know. How come none of us ever lock our doors?
Chandler: Except when people have to get it.
Joey: Yeah. Hey, remember when Rachel was gonna go skiing on Thanksgiving and then she got locked out?
Chandler: Yeah, what was that, the first season? (looks offscreen and gets nervous.) I mean, that was really funny.(does his work laugh)
Joey: Yeah, that was funny.
The guys both laugh. Monica opens Joey's door and stares at the two of them. After a while Chandler turns around to go into Joey's apartment and notices Monica. He does that startled thing that he does so well.
Chandler: Bah! Hi, honey. (tries to hide the duck behind his back.)
Monica: Why do you have a duck?
Chandler: What? What duck?
Monica: The duck behind your back.
Chandler: I don't have a duck behind my back! Are you feeling alright? (goes to feel her forehead and brings his hands from behind his back. He's still holding the duck)
Monica: A-ha! You're holding a duck!
Chandler: You caught me. You caught me. Joey and I got a chick and duck. Don't worry, they'll be staying at his apartment.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because you don't like things that make messes. You're Monica, not Joey.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Well, think about it!
Monica: Courtney probably wouldn't mind a pet. She is nine, you know.
Chandler: So, I can keep the duck?
Joey: Oh!
Chandler: What?
Joey: You're right, I'm kinda messy.
Chandler: O-kay. So, I can keep the duck?
Monica: Yeah, sure.
Chandler: Cool!
Joey: Hey, can we maybe share?
Chandler: HOw do you mean?
Joey: You know, you get the duck and chick for a week, I get the duck and chick for a week.
Chandler: Sure.
Joey: Okay, cool! (they hug)
~~~~~~
A/N: Sorry it was so long. I got carried away.
