Author : Wild-Melody

Disclaimer : I don't own 'em, though sometimes I wish I did.

Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance

Song used : My Heart Will Go On, by Celine Dion

Summary : Jag reflects on Jaina and his brief relationship, before her death.

A/N : I'm glad everyone is liking this story so far, hopefully I can keep up with your expectations. If there is anything you would like to see happen, just let me know. I'll see if I can make it happen somehow. There is an insert from 'Rebel Dream' midway through this chapter, so a spoiler warning is in effect. Thank you to all who have reviewed so far.

STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER

I'LL BE MISSING YOU

Chapter 3 : My Heart Will Go On

Jag contemplated the coral skipper as it touched down on the fire-ravaged ground of the kill zone. He knew her should be feeling something other than sorrow at the moment, Jacen Solo had been returned to them. He couldn't help feeling that it should have been Jaina instead.

He watched as Luke Skywalker's X-Wing blew debris and dust up into the air, then finally settled down on the uneven terrain. Jag sighed to himself and switched his clawcraft off. He recollected his dream from the previous night. A dream about Jaina.

She's come to him, a vision of white light, a beautiful Angel. Her hair had billowed around her face, blowing from an unfelt wind. She'd smiled at him, her brandy colored eyes sparkling with a happiness he hadn't seem in them, not since before Anakin's death, the downfall of Ithor. Or Jacen's death, Jacen's supposed death it seemed now. Was that why she had looked so happy? Did she know her brother had not died as it was assumed?

She'd come to him, wearing a sparkling white gown embroidered with gold. Breathtakingly beautiful and dazzling to the eyes. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, didn't close them lest she be gone when opened them. She's smiled at him, her face pristine, her lips pale. She had been a vision of loveliness. Hello Jag, she had said to him, her voice carrying on that unfelt and unseen wind.

Jaina, he'd known not what else to say. His heart was stuck in his throat.

I know, she had said as she walked up to him and placed two fingers against his lips, her lips soon followed. I too, could never say goodbye. I love you Jag, always will. I'll forever be in your heart, just look for me there and you will find me.

Her image had shimmered then dissolved and once more she was gone. Rage soared through his heart followed by blinding anger, then sorrow swallowed up his heart and he woke up in a cold sweat.

Anger and hate are the road to the dark side Jag, her voice echoed through his mind, through his room. Please don't follow me down that path, please!

Every night in my dreams

I see you

I feel you

That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance

And spaces between us

You have come to show you go on

Near

Far

Wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

She faced him, hoping that what she was feeling wasn't reflected in her expression. "I know what you're going to say." She told him.

"I don't think you do." Oddly, his face was not the stern mask she'd expected. If anything, he looked uncertain, unlike the Jag Fel she was use to.

"You're going to tell me that I screwed up. You're going to elaborate until you're certain I can't take it anymore. Then you're going to leave." Her voice grew high in pitch.

"No. We both know that your command decisions were far afield of common sense and effective strategy. We don't even have to discuss that. What I have to know…" He paused, suddenly exploring uncharted territory and not 100% sure how to proceed. "What I have to know is this: Why did you do it?"

"I don't know," came her answer and he was suddenly starting to feel desperate.

"You do know. You have to know. Nobody else but you could know." He leaned in closer, trying to get a better look into her eyes. Hoping against hope that he would find the answer written there. "Answer me."

"I…I…" Her voice hoarsened, sounding like it was clogged with unshed tears. Perhaps I have pushed her to far, he thought dismally as she started to speak again. She sounded like a lost little child. "Everyone is going away." She blinked back tears. "They keep going away and I can't stop it. I didn't want you to go away."

The tears did come then, rolling down her cheeks unchecked. He took her by the shoulders and pulled her to him, drawing her head against his chest, resting his own head atop hers. He was hoping she wouldn't pull away, relief washed over him as he felt her lean against him, a half collapse, her legs no longer willing or able to bear all her weight. Though she did not sob, her tears ran freely down her face and soaked into his uniform.

"I won't go anywhere," he said.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why won't you go anywhere?"

"Because I don't want to." He tilted his head down then and hers up and suddenly he was kissing her, she was holding onto him like there was no tomorrow.

So, that had been their first kiss. Their actual only kiss, except for those in his dreams. He had thought there would be plenty more. He thought they had all the time in the universe. He'd forgotten to figure the Yuuzhan Vong into that equation.

He wished he had just one last time with her, just to tell her how he felt. He wasn't sure, but he though that he had perhaps fallen in love with Lt. Jaina Solo.

Now he would never know.

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you,

One true time I hold to

And my life will always go on

Near

Far

Wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

He watched as the coral skipper was surrounded by the security forces…or what made up for them on this backwater military base. The pilot had not yet emerged, but they were taking no chances, just in case it wasn't Jacen Solo flying that skip. Blasters were drawn as Wedge Antilles and Gavin Darklighter approached the skip.

There was a hushed silence as the canopy on the enemy fighter popped open. Brown hair was visible, plaster from sweat to the forehead. Brown eyes stared out angrily from a sallow face covered with bruises. A jagged cut was visible running down the left side of the face.

Brown eyes stared out accusingly at the crowd. Angrily out at the crowd. Despair, fear, anger…these were all apparent in the whiskey brown depths of those eyes staring back at him. Directly at him.

You're here

There's nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We'll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on

What a place to stop it at, huh? Review and we'll see how long it'll take me to get chapter 4 done and posted.