Title: The One With The Flashfowards
Chapter 6
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gilmore Girls. Oop, wrong story! I do not own Friends. I do own the Gilmore Girls. No, I don't I swear it's true! Don't arrest me officer!
I am writing this in my prison cell. Mindy lent me her cigs, and I sold them to Tiny, and she got me Courtney Cox Arquette's address, and since I'm a southern girl like her she sent me a desktop computer. So I sold that, gave Mindy about twenty packs of cigs, and bought a laptop. Anyway, you don't care about me! Okay, on with the story. Oh, and the name? I got it when I wrote it on the Friends Message Board and I couldn't think of any names, so I asked for help and that was the best one I got.
~~~~~
Scene: Ross's. Emily and Conner are helping Ross unpack the books and squash the boxes. Ross is telling them all about what has happened in the sixteen years since he last saw Emily.
Ross: And after Pheebs found him getting a massage from another woman on her table, she broke up with him. And since she performed a ritual to keep bad men away from her, she has no love life. And oddly enough, she can't stand to be in the room with me for longer than half an hour. Whatever.
Conner: I think that I'd like to meet your friend Pheebs.
Emily: Yes, me too. I hardly remember her.
Ross: That's probably cause we only knew each other for a month before we got married. Oh, and Pheebs was pregnant with her brother's triplets at the time.
Conner: She was pregnant with her brother's triplets?
Ross: Yeah, she was a--(Rachel bursts in the door.)
Rachel: Ross! Hi, sweetie! My husband! (goes over and hugs him. Emma stands in the doorway for a minute before Rachel looks pointedly ar her and then Emma runs over and hugs Ross too.)
Emma: Daddy! My one and only daddy! The one I give father's day presents to!
Rachel: (coming out of the hug) Oh, look! It's Emily, your second ex-wife.
Emily: Hi.
Emily reaches out her hand for Rachel to shake. Rachel ignores it and starts talking to Ross. Emily then awkwardly shakes Conner's hand.
Rachel: Look, honey! It's like a reunion! (gestures at Emily) Your second ex-wife and her child, (gestures to herself) Your third, fourth, and almost fifth ex-wife and her child. Now all we need is Ben and Carol!
Ross: Yeah. Look, Rach, there's something that you should know.
Rachel: Oh, you mean about Emily's son being your son too? Oh, I figured that out ages ago.
Ross: And you're not mad?
Rachel: No, not at all.
Ross: Rachel?
Rachel: (looks at Ross) Mm-hmm?
Ross leans in to hug Rachel, but she walks away towards Conner. That joke is from TOW No One's Ready in the third season.
Rachel: (to Conner)So, what's your name?
Conner: I'm Conner.
Rachel: Oh, great! I'm Rachel. I'm your dad's wife, your stepmom, I guess, and the mother of your half-sister, Emma. You also have a half-brother. He's the son of lesbians.
Conner: Oh, really?
Rachel: Yep. You see, Ross married a lesbian. To make his sister, your aunt Monica, look good, right Ross?
Ross: (sadly) Yeah.
Rachel: Yep, and then she found out she was a lesbian-Carol, Ross's first wife, not Monica-and so they got divorced. Then Carol turned out to be pregnant and then Ben was born. I think he's about four years older than you.
Conner: Mum, you didn't mention how weird and complicated my family history is now.
Emily: I think I forgot most of that.
Rachel: Yeah, well, I think we all try to forget that.
~~~~~~
Scene: Central Perk. The gang is there and they are talking about Ross and Rachel and Emily. Joey needs the most filling in; he was with Felicity for a long time.
Joey: So all the kids get along well?
Ross: Yeah, it's kind of amazing. They all act like they've known each other for their whole lives.
Chandler: Well, three of them have.
Ross: Still. I mean, Conner fits in. No one is excluding him. (A/N: Oh, I thought of a good reason Conner's name is Conner! Emily has no imagination! Sorry.)
Rachel: Can we please stop talking about hter?
Monica: Yeah, guys. This can't be easy on Rachel.
Rachel: Thank you Monica.
Rachel gets up to get more coffee and the other five all start whispering about it.
Chandler: Courtney acts like she absolutely adores her new cousin.
Phoebe: I know, I was talking to her and she couldn't stop raving about him and his accent.
Monica: Emma mentioned she likes his accent too.
Joey: Where are Emily and Conner staying, anyway?
Ross: Well, Emily and her sister are staying with their uncle.
Joey: (suggestively) Yeah, I already knew where Felicity was staying.
Monica and Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: What? I did!
Ross: Anyway--
Monica: (interrupting) The uncle is the one who works at Bloomingdale's.
Phoebe: Still? That's a long time!
Joey: I know! And how old is that guy, anyway?
Phoebe: Oh, he's gotta be at least a hundred.
Joey: I wonder if he calls it Bloomie's.
Joey and Phoebe giggle. Ross clears his throat and glares at them.
Joey: Never mind about that. Where is Conner staying?
Ross: Well, Emily said that I needed to get to know him, so he's sleeping on our couch.
The other four: (really loudly) REALLY??
Rachel rushes back over.
Rachel: What? Really what???
Joey: Oh, it's REALLY, REALLY hot in here. (winks at everyone else)
Rachel: No, really. What were you yelling about?
Phoebe: We wanted to know if it would make you run over here if we yelled really. And it worked! High five! (goes to high five Rachl, who does not look happy. You've seen the face) Or, not.
Rachel: Really, really, what were you yelling about? Were you yelling about Emily? Or the fact that Conner is staying on our couch just because Emily said that she thought it was a good idea? Or were you yelling about the fact that Ross is obviously still in love with the little British chippy? Well, you know what?
The other five: What?
Rachel: I'm fed up with it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I am going to take Emma and we are goign to visit her grandmother. I don't even want to think about anything remotely British. (starts to leave when some guy spills tea right in front of her) Yeah, you either! (the guy starts to say something) Nope! Just shut up! (finally makes it out the door)
Chandler: Well, that was a scene, wasn't it, Monica? (turns to look at her, but she's talking to the tea guy about getting tea stains out of clothes while scrubbing the floor clean. Everyone looks at her for a minute and then just ignore it.)
Joey: Yeah, but I can't believe what she said about Ross still being in love with Emily. I mean that can't be true, can it?
Phoebe: Yeah, there's like, no way. You've always been in love with Rachel, right Ross?
Ross is silent.
~~~~~~
Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica, Chandler and Courtney are there. Chandler is sitting on the couch reading. Monica and Courtney are running around cleaning. Rachel comes in and stands behind Monica while she's scrubbing the top of the cabinets in the kitchen. Then Monica turns around.
Monica: Bah! (that's right, she acts like Chandler)
Rachel: The two of you have been living together for too long.
Chandler: Really? Cause, um, I don't act like her. I don't participate in her "daily cleaning ritual." (makes air quotes)
Rachel: Well, that's because she's compulsively neat.
Chandler: Yeah, except for-- No, she is.
Rachel: Yep. That's why you're not her yet.
Chandler: Oh, okay. (goes back to reading)
Monica: What about you and Ross? You've been living together almost as long as we have.
Rachel: No, see, that's where you're wrong. See, we've always had that whole on-again, off-again relationship, but after we got married and divorced, and then we had Emma, and then we got married again, it resulted in about six years of living together. And then, of course, Ross got all jealous of Gunther, and he couldn't trust me, and we didn't live together for about four months, and then we got divorced again.
Chandler: (still reading) Still can't believe you kissed Gunther.
Rachel takes the magazine out of his hands, rolls it up, slaps him on the head, and then hands it back to him.
Rachel: Anyway, then, a year later, we got married again, and it's been four and a half years, so all in all, that's ten and a half years.
Monica: Wow, that was a long and drawn-out explanation.
Chandler: (not looking up from the magazine) Maybe you are turning into Ross. (Rachel moves to take the magazine again, but he protects it.)
Monica: So what are you doing over here? I thought you were leaving for your mom's.
Rachel: Yeah, about that. I need to ask you a favor.
Monica: Sure, whatever you need.
Rachel: Okay. Um, can I take Courtney with me to my mom's house?
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Well, when I told Emma we were leaving she, like, got all mad at me and told me that the only way she would go is if she got to bring Courtney along. So, can I? Please?
Monica: Well, I don't know if she would want to go.
Rachel: Well, ask her. Jeez!
Monica: Okay, okay.
Monica walks over to the living room area where Courtney is straightening up the coffee table.
Courtney: Dad, could you be any messier?
Rachel overhears and bursts into laughter. Monica and Chandler glare at her and she points at the label on the water bottle in her hand.
Rachel: There's a water.com.
Chandler: (jumps up and goes over to Rachel) Really? (Rachel shows him the label) I gotta try that out. That's gotta be cool. (Rachel, Monica, and Courtney all stare at him) I mean, uh, uh, that's so stupid! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! (the girls stop staring at him and he looks very relieved as he sits back down on the couch to continue reading.)
Monica: Courtney, could I ask you a question?
Courtney: Sure, Mom. What is it?
Monica: Well, what would you think about going with Emma and your Aunt Rachel to Emma's grandmother's house?
Courtney: Would you be going?
Monica: Well, I can if you want me to.
Courtney: NO! That's okay! I wouldn't want you to miss a day of cleaning. Anyway, it'll be sooo cool! Can I go? Mom, Dad, can I go?
Monica: Okay, sure!
Chandler: Wait a minute! Don't I get a say in this?
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Of course you do.
Chandler: Okay, good. (goes back to reading his magazine. The rest of them stare at him) Oh, that's all I wanted to say.
Chapter 6
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gilmore Girls. Oop, wrong story! I do not own Friends. I do own the Gilmore Girls. No, I don't I swear it's true! Don't arrest me officer!
I am writing this in my prison cell. Mindy lent me her cigs, and I sold them to Tiny, and she got me Courtney Cox Arquette's address, and since I'm a southern girl like her she sent me a desktop computer. So I sold that, gave Mindy about twenty packs of cigs, and bought a laptop. Anyway, you don't care about me! Okay, on with the story. Oh, and the name? I got it when I wrote it on the Friends Message Board and I couldn't think of any names, so I asked for help and that was the best one I got.
~~~~~
Scene: Ross's. Emily and Conner are helping Ross unpack the books and squash the boxes. Ross is telling them all about what has happened in the sixteen years since he last saw Emily.
Ross: And after Pheebs found him getting a massage from another woman on her table, she broke up with him. And since she performed a ritual to keep bad men away from her, she has no love life. And oddly enough, she can't stand to be in the room with me for longer than half an hour. Whatever.
Conner: I think that I'd like to meet your friend Pheebs.
Emily: Yes, me too. I hardly remember her.
Ross: That's probably cause we only knew each other for a month before we got married. Oh, and Pheebs was pregnant with her brother's triplets at the time.
Conner: She was pregnant with her brother's triplets?
Ross: Yeah, she was a--(Rachel bursts in the door.)
Rachel: Ross! Hi, sweetie! My husband! (goes over and hugs him. Emma stands in the doorway for a minute before Rachel looks pointedly ar her and then Emma runs over and hugs Ross too.)
Emma: Daddy! My one and only daddy! The one I give father's day presents to!
Rachel: (coming out of the hug) Oh, look! It's Emily, your second ex-wife.
Emily: Hi.
Emily reaches out her hand for Rachel to shake. Rachel ignores it and starts talking to Ross. Emily then awkwardly shakes Conner's hand.
Rachel: Look, honey! It's like a reunion! (gestures at Emily) Your second ex-wife and her child, (gestures to herself) Your third, fourth, and almost fifth ex-wife and her child. Now all we need is Ben and Carol!
Ross: Yeah. Look, Rach, there's something that you should know.
Rachel: Oh, you mean about Emily's son being your son too? Oh, I figured that out ages ago.
Ross: And you're not mad?
Rachel: No, not at all.
Ross: Rachel?
Rachel: (looks at Ross) Mm-hmm?
Ross leans in to hug Rachel, but she walks away towards Conner. That joke is from TOW No One's Ready in the third season.
Rachel: (to Conner)So, what's your name?
Conner: I'm Conner.
Rachel: Oh, great! I'm Rachel. I'm your dad's wife, your stepmom, I guess, and the mother of your half-sister, Emma. You also have a half-brother. He's the son of lesbians.
Conner: Oh, really?
Rachel: Yep. You see, Ross married a lesbian. To make his sister, your aunt Monica, look good, right Ross?
Ross: (sadly) Yeah.
Rachel: Yep, and then she found out she was a lesbian-Carol, Ross's first wife, not Monica-and so they got divorced. Then Carol turned out to be pregnant and then Ben was born. I think he's about four years older than you.
Conner: Mum, you didn't mention how weird and complicated my family history is now.
Emily: I think I forgot most of that.
Rachel: Yeah, well, I think we all try to forget that.
~~~~~~
Scene: Central Perk. The gang is there and they are talking about Ross and Rachel and Emily. Joey needs the most filling in; he was with Felicity for a long time.
Joey: So all the kids get along well?
Ross: Yeah, it's kind of amazing. They all act like they've known each other for their whole lives.
Chandler: Well, three of them have.
Ross: Still. I mean, Conner fits in. No one is excluding him. (A/N: Oh, I thought of a good reason Conner's name is Conner! Emily has no imagination! Sorry.)
Rachel: Can we please stop talking about hter?
Monica: Yeah, guys. This can't be easy on Rachel.
Rachel: Thank you Monica.
Rachel gets up to get more coffee and the other five all start whispering about it.
Chandler: Courtney acts like she absolutely adores her new cousin.
Phoebe: I know, I was talking to her and she couldn't stop raving about him and his accent.
Monica: Emma mentioned she likes his accent too.
Joey: Where are Emily and Conner staying, anyway?
Ross: Well, Emily and her sister are staying with their uncle.
Joey: (suggestively) Yeah, I already knew where Felicity was staying.
Monica and Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: What? I did!
Ross: Anyway--
Monica: (interrupting) The uncle is the one who works at Bloomingdale's.
Phoebe: Still? That's a long time!
Joey: I know! And how old is that guy, anyway?
Phoebe: Oh, he's gotta be at least a hundred.
Joey: I wonder if he calls it Bloomie's.
Joey and Phoebe giggle. Ross clears his throat and glares at them.
Joey: Never mind about that. Where is Conner staying?
Ross: Well, Emily said that I needed to get to know him, so he's sleeping on our couch.
The other four: (really loudly) REALLY??
Rachel rushes back over.
Rachel: What? Really what???
Joey: Oh, it's REALLY, REALLY hot in here. (winks at everyone else)
Rachel: No, really. What were you yelling about?
Phoebe: We wanted to know if it would make you run over here if we yelled really. And it worked! High five! (goes to high five Rachl, who does not look happy. You've seen the face) Or, not.
Rachel: Really, really, what were you yelling about? Were you yelling about Emily? Or the fact that Conner is staying on our couch just because Emily said that she thought it was a good idea? Or were you yelling about the fact that Ross is obviously still in love with the little British chippy? Well, you know what?
The other five: What?
Rachel: I'm fed up with it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I am going to take Emma and we are goign to visit her grandmother. I don't even want to think about anything remotely British. (starts to leave when some guy spills tea right in front of her) Yeah, you either! (the guy starts to say something) Nope! Just shut up! (finally makes it out the door)
Chandler: Well, that was a scene, wasn't it, Monica? (turns to look at her, but she's talking to the tea guy about getting tea stains out of clothes while scrubbing the floor clean. Everyone looks at her for a minute and then just ignore it.)
Joey: Yeah, but I can't believe what she said about Ross still being in love with Emily. I mean that can't be true, can it?
Phoebe: Yeah, there's like, no way. You've always been in love with Rachel, right Ross?
Ross is silent.
~~~~~~
Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica, Chandler and Courtney are there. Chandler is sitting on the couch reading. Monica and Courtney are running around cleaning. Rachel comes in and stands behind Monica while she's scrubbing the top of the cabinets in the kitchen. Then Monica turns around.
Monica: Bah! (that's right, she acts like Chandler)
Rachel: The two of you have been living together for too long.
Chandler: Really? Cause, um, I don't act like her. I don't participate in her "daily cleaning ritual." (makes air quotes)
Rachel: Well, that's because she's compulsively neat.
Chandler: Yeah, except for-- No, she is.
Rachel: Yep. That's why you're not her yet.
Chandler: Oh, okay. (goes back to reading)
Monica: What about you and Ross? You've been living together almost as long as we have.
Rachel: No, see, that's where you're wrong. See, we've always had that whole on-again, off-again relationship, but after we got married and divorced, and then we had Emma, and then we got married again, it resulted in about six years of living together. And then, of course, Ross got all jealous of Gunther, and he couldn't trust me, and we didn't live together for about four months, and then we got divorced again.
Chandler: (still reading) Still can't believe you kissed Gunther.
Rachel takes the magazine out of his hands, rolls it up, slaps him on the head, and then hands it back to him.
Rachel: Anyway, then, a year later, we got married again, and it's been four and a half years, so all in all, that's ten and a half years.
Monica: Wow, that was a long and drawn-out explanation.
Chandler: (not looking up from the magazine) Maybe you are turning into Ross. (Rachel moves to take the magazine again, but he protects it.)
Monica: So what are you doing over here? I thought you were leaving for your mom's.
Rachel: Yeah, about that. I need to ask you a favor.
Monica: Sure, whatever you need.
Rachel: Okay. Um, can I take Courtney with me to my mom's house?
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Well, when I told Emma we were leaving she, like, got all mad at me and told me that the only way she would go is if she got to bring Courtney along. So, can I? Please?
Monica: Well, I don't know if she would want to go.
Rachel: Well, ask her. Jeez!
Monica: Okay, okay.
Monica walks over to the living room area where Courtney is straightening up the coffee table.
Courtney: Dad, could you be any messier?
Rachel overhears and bursts into laughter. Monica and Chandler glare at her and she points at the label on the water bottle in her hand.
Rachel: There's a water.com.
Chandler: (jumps up and goes over to Rachel) Really? (Rachel shows him the label) I gotta try that out. That's gotta be cool. (Rachel, Monica, and Courtney all stare at him) I mean, uh, uh, that's so stupid! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! (the girls stop staring at him and he looks very relieved as he sits back down on the couch to continue reading.)
Monica: Courtney, could I ask you a question?
Courtney: Sure, Mom. What is it?
Monica: Well, what would you think about going with Emma and your Aunt Rachel to Emma's grandmother's house?
Courtney: Would you be going?
Monica: Well, I can if you want me to.
Courtney: NO! That's okay! I wouldn't want you to miss a day of cleaning. Anyway, it'll be sooo cool! Can I go? Mom, Dad, can I go?
Monica: Okay, sure!
Chandler: Wait a minute! Don't I get a say in this?
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Of course you do.
Chandler: Okay, good. (goes back to reading his magazine. The rest of them stare at him) Oh, that's all I wanted to say.
