Author : Wild-Melody
Disclaimer : You know the drill, I don't own 'em, though sometimes I wish I did.
Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance
Song used : Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith
Summary : The pilot's identity is finally revealed.
A/N : In case you haven't noticed, I apparently like to use music in my fics. This is a habit I just recently acquired. I've used music sporadically in some of my other fics, but not as much as in this one. The songs carry a lot of weight with them, giving an added idea of what the characters are feeling, and this song will be no different. Hope you enjoy…chapter 5 hasn't even been thought about yet, but I have a few ideas but I'm not sure yet, if anyone wants to throw a few of their own ideas toward me, I'd appreciate it. Thank you to all who have reviewed so far, and those that will.
STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER
I'LL BE MISSING YOU
Chapter 4 : Heartstricken
A gasp of disbelief came from the crowd once the canopy on the skip had fully opened. This drew the pilot's attention to the crowd that had gathered around the coral skipper. A lanky body stood up within the skip, hands planted slightly apart on the outside of the craft as the pilot leaned forward, glaring dangerously around at those in the crowd.
Eyes slipped away, refusing to meet the glacial stare coming from what had once been sparkling, bright brown eyes. A feral snarl crossed the pilot's face, like that of some wild and primitive animal.
The Vong had managed to convert the young Jedi into a dangerous creature filled with hate and some other unknown emotion, was the collective thought of most of the crowd as the brown eyes of the lost Jedi surveyed them.
The pilot somersaulted out of the cockpit, landing in a defensive crouch. Brown eyes stared wildly out at the crowd. The pilot knew all the people assembled, but seemed to recognize none of them. Dark brown hair flew wildly around, the pilot pushed the offending locks out of her face. Her eyes darted around the crowd, like that of a caged animal. Teeth bared in a feral snarl, she lunged at the nearest person, a person who had happened to be stupid enough to try and approach her.
Mara drew back, quickly side-stepping her niece's primal attack. "Jaina!" she said softly. "We're all your friends, we aren't going to hurt you!" What had those monsters done to her? Mara wondered, her heart crying out for the injustices done to the young woman, the young woman they had all thought was dead.
The young woman's eyes darted dangerously around, sizing up everything and anything, as if taking inventory. Her eyes paused on Leia, momentary recognition flashed in her eyes, then passed just as quickly. Her gaze swept over everybody, landing suddenly on Jag. She stared at him, as if trying to place him, trying to remember how she knew him.
She shook her head, trying to clear it as a soft growl floated up from her throat. Mara tried to move closer again and once again Jaina lunged, her teeth bared in warning.
"Jaina," this time it was Leia who spoke, her voice laced with worry. "What happened to you?"
The young woman's eyes flew over to Leia and again she growled, the sound even more threatening than before. A warning to stay back, not to come to close. "What did they do to you?!" Leia cried in anguish.
Jag stepped forward, as if daring this wild creature to try and attack him. She took the dare and rushed toward him, her fingers bent into claws. A wild cry escaped her lips as she rushed him, but he wasn't there anymore. He sidestepped her at the last possible moment and in one fluid motion grabbed hold of her in a strong embrace. She struggled against him, trying to scratch his face her fingers. He easily subdued her hands and pinned them down at her sides.
"Jaina!" he said harshly, his face just inches from hers. "Look at me, you know who I am." he fairly pleaded with her. How is this possible? I saw her X-Wing destroyed, this just isn't possible. It has to be some form of a Vong trick.
She struggled harder and tried to bash her head against his. She wasn't tall enough and he lifted his head out of the way and took the full force of the impact against his chest. The force made him stumble but he remained on his feet, with her still in his fierce embrace.
The wind began to howl, rushing through the trees lining the kill zone. "Watch out!" Mara suddenly cried, her eyes wide with horror. Jag didn't understand what was going on till he felt Jaina quit struggling. He looked down at her, her eyes were closed, the garish bruises dark against her pale skin. Her eyes were closed in concentration, she was summoning the Force.
"She's calling a Force storm!" Mara cried out as she ran toward Jag and Jaina. The winds picked up in velocity, becoming raging gales. Lightning crackled in the sky as thunder boomed in the distance.
Jag did the only thing he could think of to do, he bent his head and kissed the ethereal creature in his arms. Her eyes shot opened and she gazed up at him, recognition dawning in her eyes. "Jag?" her voice was soft and cracked, as if she hadn't used it for quite a while.
"Yes," he confirmed just as her body went limp and she fainted. The winds died down and the storm dissipated. What happened to you Jaina? He wondered as he picked her up in his arms and turned to look somewhat puzzled over at her mother and father.
"Is…is it really her?" Han asked, afraid to hear the answer yet at the same time needing to know. It could be some Vong trick…a look alike in one of the ooglith cloakers.
Mara's eyes closed in concentration, her brows knitted together. A harsh breath left her body as she turned to look first at Han and Leia then over at her own husband. She could tell by the look on Luke's face that he had surmised the same thing she had. "It's Jaina," Mara confirmed. "She's in a dark place right. She's struggling with her identity, trying to remember who and what she is. She was caught somehow, by the Vong…" Mara left it at that. She hadn't been able to get much more from her niece. Jaina had her experiences with the Vong bottled up tight, as if she were trying to forget what had happened. Or perhaps trying not to relive them. Had she seen Jacen? Does she know what his actual fate was? Mara wondered silently to herself.
She turned to look over at Luke, she could read the same questions in his eyes.
******
Jag laid Jaina down on one of the beds in the infirmary of the biotics facility. Her flight suit barely covered her anymore. It was ragged and torn in so many places that it was almost unrecognizable, all except for the tell tale bright orange of the suit. She whimpered softly in her restless sleep, her hands suddenly flying to her middle as if someone had hit her.
Is she reliving what happened to her? Reliving what turned her into this…? Jag wondered as he stared down at her. The cut on the left of her face was opened once more and was bleeding. She must have tore it opened struggling with him. A deep sorrow rocked his heart as he watched her, wishing there was something he could do for her. Anything at all.
"Excuse me sir," a medical droid said as it approached the med bed. "Captain Solo and Ambassador Solo wish to speak with you outside Colonel Fel." the little green droid relayed to him.
"Thank you," Jag said to the little droid as he took one last look down at Jaina, not wanting to leave her. Then he swiftly turned on his heel to leave but paused to look back at the little droid curiously. Captain Solo and Ambassador Solo? Are they still going by those titles? Jag shook his head, it really wasn't important. What was important is Jaina getting better. I'll be back, he thought toward her.
I know you will. He almost swore he heard her voice reply. He looked sharply at her, there didn't appear to be any change in her condition, but she wasn't tossing and turning anymore. There actually appeared to be a small smile trying to spread across her cracked and bleeding lips.
Jag sighed and walked out to talk to her parents.
******
Jaina's mother and father were waiting for him just outside of her room, so were her aunt and uncle. He nodded his head to them, not sure of what else to do. "Thank you," Han Solo said as the infamous Solo grin spread across his face.
"For what?" Jag asked.
"For helping her," Leia said. "She's lost right now Jag, and I'm afraid none of us will be able to bring her back…you may be the only one able to do it."
"Sorry ma'am, but I really don't see how-"
"She trusts in you…" Leia said, a note of sorrow lending itself to her voice. "After Anakin died, she changed…then the possibility of Jacen being dead too. It sent her over the edge, it was too much for her to bear. She snapped under the pressure…we all tried to help her but she refused us. She just pushed us away, not allowing anyone to close."
Everyone is going away. They keep going away and I can't stop it. I didn't want you to go away. Her words suddenly blasted through his thoughts. She was so scared of anyone else leaving her that she had started to push them away, preparing either them or her for the possibility that someone wouldn't be coming back. Whether it was her or not, it didn't seem to matter.
But she had let him in, had trusted him enough to let her barriers down. When she would let no one else in she had let him, had trusted him more than he had ever known.
"I'm just asking you to be there for her Jag, nothing more." Leia said. "She's going to need someone and right now you seem to be the only one that she's willing to trust. She'll let her guard down with you."
The kiss, Jag thought. He'd kissed her right there in front of everyone. He hadn't intended too, but it had seemed right at the time. "I'll try my best," Jag promised.
"That's all we can ask." Leia said, her eyes were dark with grief, but suddenly there was a new light forming in them. All because of Jaina's return.
******
He watched her as she slept, her chest rising and falling gently. They had removed the tattered remains of her flight suit. Now she was wearing a simple white gown, she would have looked like a vision if it hadn't been for the bruises and cuts that covered her.
The lights went down in the infirmary indicating that the base was entering its night stage. Most would be going to sleep right now, but he wouldn't. He was determined to stay with Jaina until she woke. He'd watch her while she slept, calming her fears with a simple caress against her cheek.
She began to whimper again, suddenly curling up into a tight ball. Her eyes were tightly closed as if she were trying to hide from whatever it was she was seeing. "It's alright Jaina," he said softly, gently running his fingers down across the broken skin of her cheek. "Your safe now, no one is going to hurt you again." He leaned down and placed a soft hiss again her lips. "I won't let anyone hurt you again."
He knew the promise was futile but he still said it anyway. It seemed to ease her fears anyhow for she quit whimpering and returned into a somewhat more peaceful sleep. If it was because of his promise or the sound of his voice he couldn't be sure. Maybe it wasn't either one, maybe it was just the fact that he was there with her watching over her.
He gently placed a kiss against each of her closed eyelids and watched as an actual smile formed on her lips. His heart swelled with an unknown emotion.
I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing
Watch your smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
You see this dream would never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
She woke up sometime later that night, the nightmare still fresh in her mind as her eyes sought out anything within that dark she found herself in once more. Her breathing was rapid, tears stained her cheeks and her hands tightly gripped the bed sheet that had been placed over her. A soft whimper escaped her lips as she sat up in the bed, dreading the return of her captors.
A soft footfall behind her drove her into action. She dived off of the bed, automatically dropping into a defensive crouch. Her eyes wildly sought out the form that had made the noise, fully expecting to see the garish form of one of her Yuuzhan Vong captors.
Instead her gaze was meant with the worried face of Jagged Fel. Is this some sort of trick? Crossed her mind as she stared wearily at the man before her. Her heart tried to tell her that it was impossible, but the Vong had managed to conjure up images of this man before. Could this be just another one of those illusions? Another one to torture her already suffering mind?
She snarled low in her throat, her teeth clenched together. He took a hesitant step toward her, his hand reaching out to touch her face. "Don't," she bit out between her clenched teeth. "So help me, if you come any closer I'll rip that cloaker right off your revolting hide!"
"Jaina," he said softly, his voice an identical match for the actual Jagged Fel. She violently shook her head, trying to quiet her rebellious heart. He took another step closer to her, but was still hesitant.
"Stay back!" she growled.
He threw his hands up in the air to show that he was no threat. "Jaina, it's me Jag."
"NO!" she cried. "You're not real. They took you from my memory to confuse me. You're not real…" her voice quavered as she looked up at him hopefully. "Are you?" her voice was soft and sounded like that of a child's asking for comfort and to be told that everything will be alright.
"I'm real Jaina," Jag said softly and walked closer to her, stopping just in front of her, waiting to see if she would except him coming that close. Her eyes softened up and she looked up at him with a saddened expression on her face. He bent down and pulled her into his arms, "You're safe now Jaina. No one is going to hurt you again. I won't allow it."
"How can you prevent it?" She asked. "They'll try to get me back. You know they will."
"They'll have to get through me first," Jag answered as he looked down into her eyes.
They were sparkling with unshed tears, shimmering in the dimmed light of the infirmary. He lowered his face till it was just millimeters from hers then he kissed her. Her arms snaked around his neck, holding him tightly to her as if she feared letting him go. He deepened the kiss, a soft groan rising in his throat. In that instant he realized he loved her more than he thought was humanly possible and he knew that he would do anything to protect her.
She pressed against him, her body molding to his. He clasped her waist between his hands and hauled both of them up to their feet, never breaking the kiss. She clung to him like he was her lifeline, her hands running through his dark hair. He hugged her close like he couldn't get enough of the young woman in his arms.
Finally she broke the kiss, gasping for air. She looked up into his eyes then shyly looked away, down at the floor. He tilted her face up so he could look into her eyes once more, "What's wrong?" he asked when he saw the uncertainty reflected in the whiskey depths of her expressional eyes.
"I…this," she said motioning to the two of them.
"I'm sorry," he began, thinking she was referring to their passionate kiss.
She looked up at him and smiled, actually smiled. "Not that…" she said, unsure of how to put her emotions and uncertainties into words.
"Then what?" he asked, cupping her face between his hands. "What bothers you?"
"I've…I've actually never really did this before…" she said weakly. She tried to stifle a yawn, but he saw through it and smiled at her.
"You're tired," he said. "Your body is steal healing, you should be resting."
The change of subject was greatly appreciated but they both knew that they would have to talk through what was happening between them. "I'm…scared to. The dreams, nightmares, will come back and I don't want them to."
"I'll be here with you Jaina, you have nothing to fear." Jag said softly as he bent his head to kiss her again. She lifted her face, her lips gently meeting his. Her arms went back around his neck as his went around her waist, drawing her closer. She snuggled into his embrace, feeling somewhat safer, but even he couldn't chase away the shadows that played at the edges of her consciousness.
"Back to bed," he commanded once he let go of her lips. Both were feeling lightheaded and dizzy from the effects of those few kisses. She looked up at him wearily. "It's alright, I'll be right here if you have another nightmare."
"What if the Vong attack?"
"It's alright. Both your uncle and my uncle have given me a few days off so I can keep an eye on you." He smiled down at her and gently took her hand and led her back to the medical bed.
"Jag…" she hesitated and looked up at him curiously. He raised an eyebrow, prompting her to continue. "I'm scared…would you mind…" her cheeks turned a bright red and he thought maybe he knew what she was asking of him, but he wasn't sure.
"Would I mind what?"
"Would you…sleep with me?" she said quickly, in a rush.
He looked at her, then over at the small bed, "Jaina, I really don't think there is enough room for both of us on that bed." He said softly. Being that close to her, holding her…surely it would drive him crazy.
"I know, I'm just scared. I don't want to be alone right now."
"You won't be. I'll be right here."
"I'd…I'd feel much safer if you were there with me." She said quietly.
"If it'll help you sleep, then alright." It was a battle he couldn't possibly win and they both knew that. He only hoped he could win the battle against his body having her so near.
They laid down on the bed together and Jag pulled her tightly into his embrace. His head rested against hers, his arms wrapped tightly around her in an attempt to keep the two of them on the small bed, which was definitely not made for two people.
Soon she was asleep, he could hear her rhythmical breathing, feel her heart beating against his and he sighed in contentment. I could get use to this, he thought.
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
I don't want to close me eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
You see this dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
The lights turned brighter, indicating to Jag that morning had arrived. He was loath to let ago of the sleeping beauty in his arms but he knew the dire consequences if anyone should see them in such a position. True, her parents had asked him to keep an eye on her, to help her through what she was going through, but he didn't need them getting the wrong impression.
A shuffle at the door indicated to him that someone else was in the room, he looked up into the eyes of Leia Organa Solo. This is not good. He felt Jaina stir and looked down into her face. She smiled up at him and quickly kissed him on the cheek. He indicated with his eyes that she should look toward the door.
Jaina rolled over in his arms and looked up into the sparkling eyes of her mother. "Mom!" she shouted and climbed out of the bed and ran to her mother, throwing her arms around the other woman. Emotions ran rampant through Jaina's heart. Regret at the way she had been treating her mother. Love and thankfulness for having one more chance to tell her that she loved her. "I'm sorry Mom," she said softly, her voice muffled by Leia's blouse.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Jaina," Leia said as she ran a hand consolingly down her daughter's hair. "Nothing at all."
"Yes I do!" Jaina exclaimed. "I know I told you before that I was so sorry for the way I've been treating you and I still am, so very sorry Mom." Tears silently ran down her cheeks. "And all the pain I put you through, if I could, I'd take it all back."
Leia looked over at Jag and smiled at him, silently thanking him for bringing her daughter back.
Jag stood up, preparing to leave.
"Where do you think you're going?" Leia asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"To leave you two alone." He answered. "You have a lot to talk about and you don't need an audience."
"Thank you," Leia said quietly as he walked past the two women.
I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
When I just want to be with you, right here with you
Just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time
Later that day Jaina and Jag stood outside of the biotics building staring up at the sky, a brilliantly bright sky, one Jaina had thought she would never see again. She turned in Jag's embrace so that she was facing him. "You know something?" she asked quietly, placing a soft kiss against a corner of his mouth.
"Hmmm?" he replied, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"Even in the darkest times of being held by the Vong, there was only one thing that kept me going."
"And what was that?"
"You. Thinking of you." She answered as she kissed him again, this time fully on the mouth. "As long as I was thinking of you I knew that everything would be fine. You were my sanity in a very insane world. You drug me back from the darkness and for this I thank you."
"Anything for you," he said as he pulled her closer. He bent to kiss her once more but she pulled away.
"I love you Jag Fel," she said.
He looked deep into her eyes and saw the love sparkling there in their depths and he knew that somehow, everything would turn out right. Call it fanciful thinking but somehow he new that things would turn out fine as long as he had her by his side.
"And I love you Jaina Solo, more than you will ever know." He said and once more lowered his face to kiss her. She didn't stop him this time, she kissed him back with a passion born of being separated and unsure of what the future would hold.
Now that future looked stunningly bright.
Don't want to close my eyes
Don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
You see this dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Han and Leia stood in the distance watching their daughter and Jag Fel, Leia wrapped her arms around her husband and sighed contentedly. "It's good to have her back, actually have her back." Leia said wistfully.
Han looked down at his wife and smiled. "Never doubted it for a minute." He said roguishly.
The future looked bright and somehow Leia knew they would get through this mess with the Vong. She was saddened by the thought that her two sons wouldn't ever get to see that day but she knew they would be happy with the knowledge that it would happen.
She felt a tingle in the Force and turned around to see Anakin standing there, the typical Solo grin spreading across his face. Jaina must have felt it too for she was turned around looking in the same direction as Leia was. Anakin raised his hand in a final farewell then turned around and walked away, disappearing in a brilliant flash of light.
Both Leia and Jaina were painfully aware of the fact that Jacen hadn't been with him and a small seed of hope sprouted in their hearts that he was still alive.
Should I continue with it or does this seem like a nice place to leave it at? I know, continue…right? I'll have chapter 5 out in a while if you want it. Just let me know. Any suggestions would greatly be appreciated. Till we meet again, May the Force protect you.
