Author : Wild-Melody
Disclaimer : You know the drill, I don't own 'em, though sometimes I wish I did.
Class/Genre : Drama/Angst, maybe a little romance
Summary : After the fighters return from the latest battle, Jag and Jaina have a heart to heart talk in which Jaina reveals what happened to her during her captivity by the Yuuzhan Vong.
A/N : Hmmm, nothing to note really. Least not yet, that could change by the time I'm finished with the chapter though. Like I said, that could change by the time I'm done with the chapter, I used part of Jaina's captivity with the Vong from Edge of Victory 1 : Conquest. You may recognize it as Tahiri's captivity. Hope you enjoy the story.
STAR WARS : THE NEW JEDI ORDER
I'LL BE MISSING YOU
Chapter 6 : A Light In The Darkness
Jaina stared up into the brightening sky, looking for any sign of the returning fighters. She held Ben carefully in her arms, the little boy fast asleep, his head resting against her shoulder. She smiled down at him, Must be nice, not having a care in the world. She thought as she looked down at her peacefully sleeping cousin. To be that young again… she thought wistfully. But my childhood was not exactly the safest, and yours probably won't be either. Savor it while you can kid.
She heard the distant thunder of the starfighters, but they still weren't visible. She squinted her eyes, hoping to get a better view of the approaching fighters. Still nothing, she reached out with the Force and could instantly sense her uncle and aunt. Her father was apparent also, as was her mother. She didn't sense Jag and that caused her worry. Surely nothing had happened to him.
The fighters became distant specks on the horizon, their engines blazing a fiery orange. Suddenly she could sense him, his cold determination. She smiled to herself, once more he was the arrogant, cocky pilot she had come to know and love. He was sunshine to the darkness of her heart.
"They're back," she said softly to her little cousin. Ben didn't wake up, he didn't so much as move. She smiled as the fighters drew closer so that she could just begin to make out their silhouettes. She saw the Millennium Falcon, a half dozen X-Wings surrounding it, smoke trailing from behind. Her father would be highly pissed if the damage was extensive.
She could make out Kyp's X-Wing, not far from it was Jag's clawcraft. She watched as their silhouettes became larger and larger, their markings becoming more apparent. The group of rag tag fighters circled the biotics building, then some of them sat down in the kill zone while those that were damaged landed in the special operations bay. She watched as the Millennium Falcon headed in the direction of the Spec. Ops Bay, the bluish-gray smoke spiraling out from behind it. The damage didn't look too extensive, at least what she could see of it from her position.
Jag and a few of the other pilots landed their craft almost directly in front of her, their fighters sending clouds of dust and debris sailing up into the sky. The noise caused little Ben to wake up from his short-lived nap. He lazily opened his eyes and blinked away the sleep from them, then started to cry. Way to loud, was Jaina's opinion.
"Shh," she said to him, gently bouncing him on her hip.
"You'll make a fine mother some day," someone said from behind her. She jumped and whirled around, coming face to face with her Aunt Mara, with her father standing right behind the older woman, and slightly to the left.
"No time soon I hope," Han put in. His tone was dead serious, but Jaina could catch just a hint of a smile behind his eyes. He wasn't quite ready to become a grandfather yet, but he wasn't totally against the idea either.
She smiled at both of them, "How did it go?"
"We came back, didn't we?" Mara asked as she reached for Ben and took the little boy out of Jaina's arms. "I hope you weren't to much trouble for your cousin." She said to her son and kissed him gently on his forehead. Ben reached for her golden-red hair, which Mara quickly tossed, out of his reach. "Not this time young man," she said and kissed his forehead again.
Jaina smiled. "Yes, you did come back." She said. "And no, he wasn't that much trouble."
"But." Mara said and quickly glanced at her niece. "I sense a but in there."
Jaina blushed. "You're going to have to teach me about diapers if you expect me to watch him again."
"Diapers?" Mara looked at her curiously. "What about them?"
"Um, well, how to change them."
Mara started to laugh then quickly checked Ben's diaper. "Looks like you did a pretty good job."
Jaina smiled, her cheeks once more were tinted with pink. "Yes, well…"
"What's the blush for?" Someone asked from behind her.
Jaina turned to face Jag. She heard her father answer his question, "Oh, nothing much. Jaina was just getting a lesson on how to change diapers." She could hear the laughter in his voice.
"Diapers?" Jag asked, a perplexed look crossed his face.
"Yes, diapers." Jaina said then pointed toward Ben and Mara. "I had to get a quick lesson on how to change diapers since all of you went up and had fun and left me planetside to baby-sit." She said, adding a note of annoyance to her voice just to make the gripe seem real.
"I'm sure if you really wanted to go up with us, no one would have minded." Mara said as Luke and Leia walked up behind the group.
"Now what's the problem?" Leia asked, looking from her sister-in-law, to her husband then over to Jaina.
"Jaina got an impromptu lesson on how to change a diaper," Mara answered, trying to keep the laughter out of her voice. She didn't succeed very well and Jaina glared at her. "I don't think she liked it to much actually."
"I'm glad all of you thinks its funny," Jaina huffed. "Not like I've ever done it before."
Both Leia and Han broke into laughter, which earned them a glare from their daughter also.
"I can't imagine it would be that hard," Jag said from behind her.
"You think not?" she said as an evil grin spread across her face. "Next time he has an accident, I'm going to tell Aunt Mara to call you so you can come over and change it."
Jag walked up so that he was right behind her then put his arms around her. "Shouldn't be that hard." He said and kissed her on the cheek.
"So you're volunteering?"
"Maybe, maybe not." He said.
Han cleared his throat as he watched his daughter and the son of Baron Soontir Fel. He'd known that there was something going on between the two, he just wasn't quite certain what. Maybe I'll have those grandkids a lot sooner than I though. He looked over at Leia and found that she was watching him, one of her delicate eyebrows arched, as if she were silently asking him a question.
He smiled at her and returned his attention back to Jaina and Jag. Both were watching him too. "Something on your mind dad?" Jaina asked.
"Nope, not really." He answered. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I think that I just might need to go and clean up a bit. If you'll excuse me?" Han walked over and took Leia's hand in his then walked back toward the biotics building. "What exactly did I miss between those two?" He said to her as they left.
Leia just shook her head.
"Figure in about two hours Fel," Mara said.
Jag looked up at her, a questioning look on his face. "Figure what?" He asked.
"Ben should need his diaper changed by then." Mara answered.
"Oh."
"Come on," Jaina said and grabbed hold of his hand. She started to pull him in the direction of the biotics building, following the path her parents had just taken.
"Where to?"
"For a walk." Jaina answered.
"Ok."
******
They were walking slowly, hand in hand, neither one saying a word. The hallway they were walking through led back toward the general quarters, back toward where Jaina seemed to spend most of her time lately. Very rarely did she come out of her rooms anymore, she preferred to be alone, except for the time she spent with Jag.
She usually always saw him at night, just when the nightmares would start to haunt her dreams once more. He didn't seem to mind her late night visits, he always seemed to be waiting for her, as if he were expecting her. She was walking silently now, as if her mind were a million light-years away.
He stared down at her and found himself staring into her eyes. She must have sensed his gaze and turned to look at him well, what he saw in her brown eyes gave him cause to worry. Her brown eyes held a look of worry, she looked almost pleadingly up at him. Pale green stared into dark brown, Jag felt his forehead crease in a frown as he gently laid his hands on her shoulders. Her bottom lip quivered, as if she were fighter for control, trying not to cry.
But he could see the tears shimmering in her eyes, the tears held tentively at bay. "Are you all right Jaina?" he asked. That seemed to be how most of their conversations began here as of lately. 'Is there something bothering you?' or 'Do you want to talk about it?'
"No," she finally said as a single tear winded its way down her cheek.
He drew her to him, resting his chin against her head. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly into her hair. "You know I'm here anytime you want to talk."
"You won't always be," she said bleakly.
"What's that suppose to mean?" He asked, drawing her away from himself and looking down into her shimmering eyes.
"Once this war is over with, you'll leave and I won't ever see you again." Jaina said quietly, the tears evident in her tone.
"I'm not leaving you," he said. "Besides which, I believe we have already had this discussion, haven't we? And like I told you the last time, I'm not going anywhere, I don't want to."
"You can say that now Jag, but what about when this war is over with? What about your father, your family? What about your mother? Can you honestly tell me it wouldn't bother you not to see any of them ever again?"
Jag looked down at her, not really certain where this was all coming from. He saw the fear written plain as day on her face, and realization suddenly dawned on him. "What's this really about Jaina?" He asked. "This isn't about the possibility of me leaving, I already told you that I wouldn't leave, that I love you. What is this really all about?"
Jaina looked up at him, the fear in her eyes leaping out at him. "I really have no idea what you are talking about," she said quietly.
"Oh, well I really don't believe that," he placed one of his fingers beneath her chin and gazed lovingly into her eyes. He kissed her, his lips just barely touching hers. "You know Jaina, you can tell me anything, I love you so much." This was said with his lips just barely an inch from her own, his breath fanning across her cheek.
"I know Jag, it's just that-"
"Just that what?" He interrupted.
"I'd had a talk with Ben earlier-"
"Your cousin Ben?" Again he interrupted.
"Yes."
"How could you have a talk with Ben? He's only a baby."
"I know that," Jaina said, becoming exasperated. "I talked, he pretty much just listened. One thing about a baby is they can't interrupt you while you're talking." She said, looking at him pointedly.
"All right, point taken. I will not interrupt again till you are done." He said as he smiled down at her. They were standing just outside of her quarters now and he watched as she punched in the security code on the pad just to the right of her door. The door slid opened and they both walked inside, Jag just slightly behind Jaina. She turned around to face him, her arms going up around his neck and bringing his face down to hers for a brief kiss. Jag smiled against her lips, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer to his body. "I could get use to this," he said against her lips.
"Me too," she said.
He broke away from her and led her over to one of the couches in the room. Sitting down he pulled her onto his lap, his arms once more going around her waist. "Ok Milady, explain away." He said and smiled roguishly.
She smiled back up at him, "Explain what?"
"You know what," he said.
She sighed. "All right. I was telling him about my capture and time with the Vong," she looked down at her hands on her lap. They were clasped tightly together, the knuckles turning white. Jag took her hands in his and gently kissed her cheek, urging her to go on. "He couldn't judge me or ask questions-" Jag opened his mouth to ask something else, but Jaina cut him off. "Nor did her interrupt me. You promised remember?"
"Sorry," he said. He let go of her hands and held his own up in front of himself.
"I never got to finish the tale." She said quietly.
"Would you like to finish now?" He asked. She looked up at him and he raised his hands again, "Sorry."
"No, it's all right. I do need to talk about it. And actually, I'd much rather prefer to talk to you about it." She looked up at him and smiled sadly, and began her tale once more…
…day ran into night and night ran into day. There was no difference between the two, she had no idea what part of the day it was. Or if it even was day. It could've been night for all she knew.
The Vong's first attempt at this sacred battle between twins had not worked out as they had planned, far from it. She had managed to get through to Jacen, had gotten through whatever the Vong had down to him. Would she be able to next time? Or the time after that, or the one after that?
These were questions she did not have the answers for. And she dreaded finding the answers out for them. Would she survive the next staged battle? Would Jacen?
She stared around the room they had put her in after her failed battle against Jacen. They had not put them back in a room together, they had separated them.
She knew the reason behind separating them, knew what they hoped to accomplish. Jaina only hoped that they wouldn't accomplish what they were trying to do. The door irised open and a large warrior stood framed in the living entrance. She stared up at him, searching her memory she couldn't find him in it. She had not seen this particular warrior before. "What do you want?" She asked defiantly, putting as much disinterest in her voice as she could muster.
"Come." He commanded. His eyes were living pools of coal, dark as the darkest night. His teeth flashed white in the pale illumination of the living ship. White and pointed. She shivered as he bared his teeth when she showed no inclination of getting up. "Come Jeedai," he ordered, making a single step back toward the door, as if he were going to come into the room after her.
"What do you want?" she repeated again, refusing to allow him to see her fear.
He paused a moment, his eyes taking her in. She was proud and defiant, she showed no fear even though he knew her heart should be feeling it. Everything should fear the glorious Yuuzhan Vong, but for some reason fear did not radiate off of this simple infidel. A soft growl erupted from his throat, "Come Jeedai, NOW!" He commanded, putting as much anger into his voice as he could.
"And if I wish not?" she asked, she was lazily gazing at her fingernails. She did not look up at him, did not show him the slightest interest.
"If you wish not?" This puzzled the warrior. No one had ever refused to do the bidding of the Yuuzhan Vong before. Could there be truth in the rumors surrounding this infidel girl? Could she really be associated with Yun-Harla? He shook his head, their gods and goddess' would have nothing to do with these infidels. They had after all promised this galaxy to the Yuuzhan Vong. They would not side with the infidels that lived here…would they?
The Jeedai girl got up and walked past him, without even so much as a glance. As if he were not worth her time. "Are you coming?" she inquired as she turned around to look at him. "I haven't got all day you know."
******
The young jeedai fell, her body gripped with convulsions. A strangled cry filled the vivarium.
"Interesting," Nen Yim said, watching the reaction. She turned to one of her adepts, "Do you see, Adept, that-" She paused as the young jeedai began to groan and attempted to get up. "Hmmm, her level for withstanding pain is at a higher threshold than was the last jeedai we attempted this on."
"We?" the young Adept asked, her headdress supplicating as she addressed her Master.
"Yes, my former Master." Nen Yim turned her attention back to the Jeedai. It is interesting because the provoker spineray causing her pain has been designed to do so selectively," Nen Yim explained. "One nerve at a time. What we have just seen is a reflex unknown in Yuuzhan Vong. We may now confidently map a part of the human nervous system that has no counterpart in our own."
"And this is of what use?" The Adept asked, she did not meet her Master's eyes and feared punishment for her questioning her Master's actions.
No punishment was going to come, Nen Yim responded to her Adept's question. "We cannot shape what we do not know. Although I have worked with a jeedai before, this species is still new to us."
She turned her attention back to the spineray and the young jeedai. Suddenly she felt something pressing her entire body, as if she were deep underwater. Her lungs labored to draw in the syrupy air and her pulse hammered. She'd felt this once before, but realization was slow to dawn on her oxygen-deprived brain.
Through flashes of blue and black she saw her adepts were also struggling to breath.
The pain increased sharply. Soon her eyeballs would collapse, then her heart. Striving for calm, she spun her failing gaze around the room. Suddenly realization hit her.
The young jeedai stood at the side of the vivarium, hands pressed against the transparent membrane. Her brown eyes blazed and her teeth were drawn back from her lips in a snarl of fury. Nen Yim saw murder there, and suddenly understood.
She had seen this once before with the captured jeedai girl called Tahiri. The ol-villip that controlled the provoker spineray had fallen from her hands, Nen Yim took it up and stroked the variable tissues, all of them at once.
The jeedai screamed and began to pound on the membrane, and for an instant pressure actually increased, crushing so hard that Nen Yim couldn't breath at all. Then, more suddenly than it had come, the uncanny pressure relented, and her lungs jerked in a much-needed breath.
The jeedai writhed on the floor of her chamber. Nen Yim watched her, reaction starting to set in. She glanced at the ol-villip in her hand then at the jeedai in the room before her. Nen Yim adjusted the ol-villip in her hands until the jeedai stopped her contortions and succumbed to unconsciousness. She glanced around to look at her adepts as they began to get to their feet. "Find out what is happening with the other jeedai!" she ordered.
"What-" the adept closer to her paused, afraid to continue.
"Go on Adept." Nen Yim ordered.
"What happened here Master?" The adept asked.
"You know of the heresy of the jeedai and their power, correct?" Nen Yim looked at each one of her adepts, all six or seven of them. Each nodded their heads but refused to look their Master in the eyes. "Good, then you also know that this one is being associated with one of our gods. Yun-Harla to be exact." Again all heads bobbed the affirmative but no one made move to issue direct eye contact with the Master Shaper. "She used her jeedai powers to compress the molecules in the air around us."
"She tried to crush us with our own air?" One of the adepts dared to voice her question.
"I thought the other jeedai was suppressing her link to this thing they call the Force?" Another adept spoke up. Nen Yim turned inquisitive eyes to him, but he refused to meet her gaze.
"You're name Adept?" she questioned.
He still did not look directly at her. "Yarha Lah," the adept responded.
"You may look upon me Adept," she commanded. "You are from the same line as Tsavong Lah? Are you brethren?" She asked.
"We are related yes," the young shaper responded.
"Are you here really as a shaper or to keep a watchful eye on us shapers to make certain there are no more setbacks?" she asked. All of the other adepts had quit what they were doing to listen to the conversation that was unfolding directly in front of them.
"The Warmaster would not dare to second guess the Supreme Overlord's commands." Yarha responded. "I am here as a shaper, as you are here too." His coal black eyes rose to meet those of Nen Yim. "I do as you command Master. If we are to bring either of these jeedai to the glorious cause of the Yuuzhan Vong than that is what I am here to do Master." He lowered his eyes, daring not to meet those of Nen Yim any longer.
Nen Yim smiled to herself. This adept was well trained, surprising though that he would be thrust into the role of a shaper instead of that of a warrior. "Then let us get back to work. Have we contacted the others yet? Have we found out what is happening with the other jeedai?"
One of the other adepts stepped forward, "Yes Master. Master Seinna Kwaad is waiting to speak with you."
"Good, give me just a moment and we will continue with our experiments." Nen Yim commanded. She returned a moment later, a frown creasing her tattooed face. "The other jeedai has broken from his shapings, he is once more in communication with his twin. This will once more set us back…she has command over what they refer to as this Force." Her eyes darted dangerously back to the still unconscious form of the young woman lying in the vivarium.
The jeedai watched as she approached, almost as if the infidel understood what was going to happen next. No fear showed in her eyes and this pleased Nen Yim. The jeedai's brown eyes were the only thing that moved, they followed Nen Yim closely, like one beast seeking the soft throat of another. This reminded Nen Yim of another time and another jeedai, a time that seemed like millennia ago.
"I would advise you not to attack us with your jeedai tricks," Nen Yim cautioned. "The provoker has been told to stimulate you to great agony if we are afflicted in any way. Though in time you will come to understand agony, at the moment you seem to dislike it, and it clearly disrupts your concentration. There are far worse things that we could do to you."
The jeedai's eyes opened wide in disbelief or shock. "I can understand you," she said. Then she stopped, looking even more confused. "I'm not speaking Basic. This is-"
"You speak our language now, yes. Just as the one you call Tahiri does," the Master shaper said. "If you are to be one of our gods, you must speak the sacred tongue."
"Be one of your Gods?" The jeedai sneered. "I am already one of your gods, or have you not heard the rumors?"
Nen Yim regarded the young jeedai for a moment. "I have heard the rumors as you say, as well as the heresy. You are not one of our true gods yet, but you will be. Then Jeedai, then you shall embrace the pain."
"What do you want from me?" The jeedai asked.
"We want nothing from you, it is what you will do for us." Nen Yim responded. "You and your twin brother will be our ultimate sacrifice to the true gods, then they shall permit us to conquer this galaxy and reshape it into our image, the way it should have been to begin with."
"If you think that is true then you have a lot to learn about us 'infidels'." The jeedai sneered.
The master's headdress rearranged itself into an expression of mild anger. "Memory is a most malleable commodity," Nen Yim said. "It is mostly chemical. For instance, you now know our language. You did not learn it."
"You put it there," the jeedai said.
"Yes. Your memory of the words, the grammar, the syntax. All introduced to you. We have done this to one other jeedai before you…things did not turn out quite as well with her as they are with you."
"Tahiri," the jeedai said quietly.
"Ah, she still lives then?" Nen Yim said, already knowing the answer to the question.
The jeedai's brown eyes narrowed and dark energy began to crackle around her. "I have heard," Nen Yim began, "That the one called Anakin Solo died…I believe he was brethren to you, correct?"
The energy was released, just as Nen Yim knew it would be and she watched with satisfaction as the young jeedai began to writhe in pain on the floor of the vivarium. It would not be long until they were able to bring this one to their side as they had the other young jeedai. Nen Yim smiled in satisfaction. If all went right she would have a positive report to give to Overlord Shimrra.
******
Jaina sighed in her sleep, she was trying her hardest to fight the conditioning that the Yuuzhan Vong were putting her through but it was becoming harder and harder. Her spirit was almost broken, and it was as if this Nen Yim could sense that. She did not know how much longer she would be able to hold out and knew that she must escape soon.
A spike of pain drove through Jaina's forehead, so unexpected and strange that bile rose up in her throat and she had to fight not vomit. She was instantly awake and taking in her surroundings. Her hands went up to her forehead, it felt as if someone had gashed a hole from her hairline to the bridge of her nose. The blood stung her eyes and brimmed her nostrils.
But when she brought her hands down to inspect them she found no trace of blood. Cautiously she felt her head again. The pain was still there, but now she felt only unbroken flesh.
The pain reverberated behind her eyes, fading a bit and she looked groggily around, not really understanding what was happening. Once the pain had diminished a bit more she began to pick the details through the static of her mind.
Not her forehead, not her blood, not her senses. It was Jacen who had been cut. Scarred like a Yuuzhan Vong. She shuddered with the revelation.
What are they doing to you, Jacen? She wondered, and will I be next?
Jaina calmed herself with a few cleansing breaths then reached for Jacen. He was still alive, she could get that much, but more distant than the stars.
Almost as if he were fighting contact.
She shook her head and sighed as sleep once more claimed her.
******
The jeedai's eyes had lost much of their focus: she no longer glared like a predatory beast. Instead she stared for long hours at nothing, a look of puzzlement on her face.
"She looks stunned," Yarha noticed as they once more walked into the vivarium.
Nen Yim signaled the vivarium to become opaque to sound. "She can hear us and she knows the tongue of the gods. Even in that state she might remember anything we say. Or nothing."
"She is being drugged?"
"Not precisely. We are altering her memories."
Yarha nodded his head in understanding. Although he had been with this particular shaping since it had begun he wasn't actually certain what it was they were trying to do to the jeedai. "The protocol of Qah?" he questioned.
"No," Nen Yim answered. "Not exactly. That protocol is ineffective on her human brain. Did you not study the finding of the other jeedai?"
"Not entirely Master."
"I will explain then, but you will study the findings for the other jeedai." Nen Yim commanded. Yarha's headdress showed his acceptance. "It is a simple biotic protocol in which clumps of memory neurons are introduced into a Yuuzhan Vong brain. The Jeedai's brain is too different."
"And yet you are modifying her memory?"
"A bit at a time. Soon we will be able to do so much more efficiently." Nen Yim sighed and looked at Yarha. "We have setbacks, she manages to undo most of we manage to do. We do not understand yet how she does this. But we will."
******
Jaina jumped as Jag's comlink sounded. He looked apologetically down at her. "Colonel Fel here," he said into the tiny transmitter.
She could hear a staticy reply and watched as Jag shook his head. He turned to her, "Doesn't seem like you'll get to finish this this time either. That was Uncle Wedge. He's calling a meeting and wants both of us there."
"But I've been taken off the line." Jaina said.
"I know, but he said he still wants you there. There may be a few things you can bring into the light for us concerning the Vong."
Jaina sighed, "All right."
"You will finish this later. I want to know what happened to you Jaina." Jag said as he got up off of the couch and helped her up.
She nodded her head and they both walked out of her quarters, hand in hand.
Ok, I know I'm mean. But I really needed to wrap this chapter up, it was getting way to long. I'll have the next chapter out just as soon as possible and hopefully it will have the explanation of how Jaina escaped and what has happened to Jacen. Don't worry, I will tell you this much, he is still alive.
Plus, later in the story I may have a nice twist for Jaina and Jag. How does a little Fel running around sound to everyone? May the Force protect you and as always, review!!
