Chapter Six: The Kiss

About an hour later, the basement door opened, and Gunn yelled down the stairs, "Hey, vampire. You down there?"

"Bloody . . . hell," Spike cursed to himself. He put down the half-empty bottle in his hand - the one Faith had left - and stared up toward the voice. "Yes?" he hollered.

Gunn descended a few steps and then leaned down to see Spike, who was sitting on the cot, his back up against the wall. "Buffy wants you. Final plans and all. She told me not to take no for an answer."

"Or what? She'll stick the Scoobies on me? Or better yet, maybe she'll send someone else down to talk me to death."

"Okayyy," Gunn said slowly. "Just, when you're ready? Buffy wants you." Gunn moved up the stairs, leaving the door open behind him.

"Right, Buffy wants me," Spike said, pushing himself off the cot. "Never happen."

Spike crossed the floor and mounted the stairs. As soon as he reached the main level he was instantly assaulted by a stale rush of warm air, and the sound of twenty voices talking at once. The whole tribe was spread throughout the house, but the air was still buzzing with noise and energy, and it was quite disorienting, after the relative quiet of the basement.

Spike pushed his way passed Andrew and Dawn who were arguing in the kitchen, and made his way to the dining room. He didn't think anyone noticed him enter.

Buffy noticed.

Buffy's skin suddenly felt tingly, and she looked up to see Spike entering the room. She tried to smile at him, reassuringly, but he wouldn't look at her. He took up his previous place against the wall, and just stared straight ahead.

A moment later, Faith joined the group. She sauntered in and perched herself on the edge of a side table, several inches from Spike. Buffy noticed the sly smile on Faith's lips. One she had obviously meant only for Spike.

Buffy could feel a hard knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Seeing them together, she finally realized that she hadn't seen either one of them in hours. What the hell had they been doing?

"Well, good," Wesley said, when Faith finally got settled, "Faith is here. Spike," he nodded at the vampire. "Now we can finalize the battle plan."

Buffy took a deep, steadying breath. She could feel Angel at her side, his hand resting on her elbow, for support. It wasn't helping. She felt like the floor was going to cave in. "All right," she began, "this is the plan."

* * *

Several hours later, the strategizing in the dining room, finally came to an end.

"I think that's the best we can do," Buffy said, standing up from the table wearily. "We don't have much time left. If we don't get some sleep now, we'll never be up to strength to go into battle tomorrow. This is it."

Buffy watched as the would-be Slayers crowded their way into the doorway between the living room and the dining room. She turned to address them. "I know you're tired. And I know you're scared. We have a battle before us tomorrow. One we may very well lose. But we have to try. We have to fight. If we don't, we die. Now," she moved around the tabled and stepped closer to them, "you know that not all of us are going to make it. This may be our last night on this earth, so do whatever it is you have to do, before that happens. Call your families. Let them know that you love them. This is it. No regrets."

Buffy heard a door close somewhere behind her. The basement door. Spike had left, she could sense it. She wanted to turn around, but couldn't.

"Maybe, if we're lucky, some of us will actually come out of this in one piece." Buffy turned her back toward them in dismissal. "Goodnight."

She heard the collective sound of a dozen or so girls mumbling "Goodnight." Then, they shuffled back into the living room and began chattering amongst themselves.

"That goes for us too," Buffy said, addressing the leadership of her little army. "Whatever you have to do, do it tonight." She looked up at Angel. "There may not be a tomorrow."

Buffy made her exit as quickly as possible. She didn't want to be around them, any of them. They would die - probably most of them. What comfort could she give? What good was being their fearless leader, if she couldn't offer them any real hope, just bitter consolation the night before their gruesome deaths? Oh God, how were they ever going to get though this?

Buffy was pacing nervously again, when she heard a knock at her door. The door opened before she could reach it.

"Can I come in?" Angel stuck his head inside the room and looked at Buffy.

"Yeah, sure." She sighed.

Buffy slumped down onto the corner of her bed and stared up at him, as he closed the door and crossed into the room.

"Do you mind if I . . .?" he asked, gesturing toward the bed.

"No. Sure. Go ahead," Buffy said flatly, her eyes staring listlessly ahead.

He sat on the opposite corner. "This is nice," he said, nodding his head. "Not bad at all."

Buffy turned a little and looked at him. "What do you want?" Her tone was anything but playful.

Angel sobered up. "To talk. Buffy, do you trust me?" he asked.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course." She shook her head in slight wonderment at his question. "I wouldn't have asked you to help me save the world if I didn't."

"Then why didn't you tell me about Spike?"

Buffy's blood froze in her veins. "Spike?" her voice squeaked a little.

"Why didn't you tell me he had gotten his soul back? Isn't that the kind of thing I need to know?"

Buffy searched her brain for some answer. He didn't know about her and Spike? Oh thank God. What was she going to tell him? "I honestly wasn't even thinking about it."

"What?"

"Well, you know, it may be news to you, but it isn't news to us. This isn't just a recent development. He's had the soul for months now. Since he came back from Africa."

"And what was he doing in Africa?" Angel's voice was hard.

"That's where it happened. Where he got the soul back. Angel," she shifted toward him a little more, "it isn't important. Not now. Spike has a soul, which makes him a valuable ally. He's a good fighter, and that's all that's really important right now."

"Fine. I won't argue with you, if you're so damned determined. But," he said with emphasis, "if we do live through this, don't expect me not to give you hell for it, when it's all over."

"Well, if you don't mind standing in line, you're welcome to it."

"Buffy, there's something I have to tell you." His tone changed slightly. Suddenly he became even more broody and serious.

"I already know," she said, getting up from the bed and taking a few agitated steps away.

"No. I don't think that you do."

"Connor is your son." She turned around to face him. "I know. I found out this morning."

Angel stared at her for a long moment. "That's not it." He got up from the bed and came to stand in front of her, their bodies separated by mere inches. "There's something else Buffy."

"Something bigger than Connor being your son?"

"Yes."

Buffy could feel her muscles tensing. What could be bigger than Angel having a son? "Well," she pulled away from him, "maybe I don't want to know."

"You have to." He followed her. "If the world does end tomorrow, you have to know this."

"Why?" She turned around to meet his gaze. "Why is it important that I know? Don't you think I have enough of the weight of the world on my shoulders for right now?"

"Buffy," he grabbed her by the arms to keep her in front of him, "the curse. It's gone."

"What?" Buffy tried to pull away, but he held her firm. "No. That's not possible."

"Buffy, look at me." He shook her slightly to get her attention. "It is. It's a long story, but essentially, the gang had to remove my soul, so we could get some information out of Angelus. Releasing my soul, released the curse. Now, I'm free. Buffy, I'm free."

Buffy looked up at him, her eyes filled with disbelief. Was it true? How could it be true? "How can you be sure?"

"The monk who restored my soul told me. He's one of the good guys Buffy, he wouldn't lie. And Cordelia . . . well," he broke her gaze, "Cordelia can see things. She knows. She told me herself."

Angel loosened his grip and Buffy was able to slip away. Her mind was whirling with unexplored possibilities. "So you . . .?"

"Yes, Buffy, yes. I can be with you." He took a step closer to her. "Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

Buffy stared up into his eyes, lost in the depths of his dark orbs. Was it? She couldn't remember. What did she want? Her head was spinning. She was exhausted. Restless. Her mind hungry for any kind of relief. Finally, a single word escaped her lips, "Yes."

"Buffy," he whispered her name, as he drew her closer and brought his lips down to hers.

Buffy nearly fainted at the sensation. Angel was kissing her. Oh God, she had thought she'd never feel that again. How many times had she dreamed about being with him again? It felt so wonderful to be in his safe, strong arms. It was so comforting. Reassuring. There was nothing complicated about it. It was just nice, and soothing, and . . . terribly wrong.

Buffy instantly broke the kiss and tore herself away from Angel.

"What's wrong?" he asked, genuine surprise apparent on his face.

"I . . ." What was wrong? What could she say? That it really was nice kissing him, but that he just didn't do anything for her anymore? That he was safe, but she didn't want safe? That she wanted something else. She stared back at him, at a loss.

"Buffy, I thought this was what you wanted? That speech you gave, about having no regrets? I thought . . ." Angel paused, lost for a moment in thought. "Is there someone else?"

Buffy took in a strong, slow breath and faced him squarely. "Yes," she said, without apology.

"Then why did you come up here? Why did you let me in?"

"Because it's easier."

"What's easier?"

"You." She turned away from him. "I know what I said downstairs, but . . ."

"Buffy. If there's someplace you need to be, you should go. I won't stop you. I love you Buffy, you know that. I always will. But if there's someone you'd rather spend tonight with than me, I have no right to hold you back."

"You're not." She moved to face him again. "I am. Angel, so much has changed. Everything has changed. I'm not the girl you knew. I've grown up. Things are different now. You have no idea what I've been through. The torment I've suffered. The little day to day things that have been so impossible for me the past couple of years. I've barely survived it. Sometimes, when I look back, I realize that just one thing got me through. One . . . person."

"Then you should go to him."

She shook her head. "I can't. It's not right. Not with the girls here, and everything."

"The girls?"

"Yeah."

"He's here?" Angel stared at her quizzically. "Somewhere in the house?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows at him and bit her lower lip in confirmation.

"Tell me it's not Xander."

"No, it's not Xander." She sighed.

"Giles?" he asked, his voice slightly apprehensive.

"No. It's not Giles, or Andrew, or Wesley, or Gunn, or Lorne, or Connor" she rambled, naming every male in the house save one.

"Or Spike?" Angel asked, his tone suddenly icy.

Buffy looked away, confirming Angel's worst fear.

"No. I won't believe it."

"It's the truth. It's time that you knew."

"No. This, I don't want to know." He turned and headed toward the door.

"I love him Angel." The words just came out, even surprising Buffy. She had never admitted it out loud before, not really. She loved Spike. Loved him in a way that went beyond her feelings for Angel. It was time the truth finally came out.

Her words stopped him cold. Angel swung around and glared at Buffy. "You don't know what you mean."

"Yes I do." She fought back, coming forward and stopping just inches in front of him. "I love him. I don't expect you to understand it, or accept it, but it's the way I feel. It's the truth. Do you think I like it? Do you think it's easy for me, wanting him? Loving him? It's hard, and it's complicated, but it's my life Angel. For better or for worse, even if the world ends tomorrow, Spike is my life. I'm sorry."

"So what? You've done this before? You and he . . .?"

"Not in a very long time."

"Buffy!"

"Angel, I'm sorry."

"I don't believe this." He pulled away and began walking circles on the floor. "You and Spike? You love Spike? You want Spike over me?"

"Egotistical, much?"

"That's not what I meant." He stopped to stare at her. "Buffy, what if the world doesn't end tomorrow? What if you both survive this?"

"Then I cross that bridge when I come to it. I have to see him tonight." She moved toward the door.

"Buffy." Angel reached out and stopped her. "Are you sure you know what you're doing? If I had had any idea that it was Spike you were talking about I would never have--"

"I know. I have to tell him Angel. I have to. He deserves to know."

"You never even told him?" He searched her eyes disbelievingly.

"No. But I have to. Tonight."