Enormously, Obscenely Long Author's Note:
In response to some reviews…
1.) It is possible to have warm'n fuzzy feelings towards more than one person at a time. (Done it myself, dontcha know. T'was the tragic story of my life about a year ago… bygones.) Peter is in love with James, but he is attracted to Remus because sweet Merlin, how could someone not be attracted to Remus?!?!? *clears throat* Sorry. Remus was there for him, and even though it wasn't true love when they kissed, it was comforting and nice and what Peter needed at the moment. Aww.
2.) It's probable that Sirius and Remus, if they did have a relationship in school (which I am inclined to believe *wink*) they would have been more cautious and shy about broadcasting that fact to the public. However, we also do not know how the wizarding world views homosexuality. It seems to have its own set of prejudices and not dwell on the ones Muggles tend to dwell on. So who knows? Maybe the wizarding world actually has some sense and doesn't make a big deal of it at all, in which case Sirius and Remus would be as open as any straight couple about their relationship. Just a thought. (And also…this is comedy, folks, I'm not trying to be realistic! It seems like entirely too many people take me way too seriously! Had this problem with Love&Longing as well. ^_~)
3.) *giggles* Sure, Mundungus Fletcher could have been in any of the Houses. He is mentioned…three times, I do believe, in the books so far, and yeah, haha, he does seem to cause some trouble. That incident with the falling stars was just him being overexcited…*giggles again* My point is, we don't know anything about him. He's probably like eighty years old or something. ^_~ We'll see when the next book comes out (if it ever comes out. Yeesh.) For some reason, I've always pictured Lily as a sort of Ravenclaw nerd, and the Head-Girl-Hermione type. We actually don't know for sure what houses any of the MWPP generation were in, except for James and Snape – hell, Sirius and Remus and Peter could all be in Slytherin for all I know. But I have my reasons for putting everyone in the houses they are in. *wiggles fingers* Wooo! ^_~
4.) Eeep! It seems that the legal drinking age in Britain is really 18…ignore what I said earlier. *sweatdrop* Maybe it's just in the Caymans that the age is 16. I mean, that's the reason 90% of my class went there over spring break. (I didn't go. I'd rather be writing slash fiction about a children's book than out drinking and shagging a complete stranger. Call me batty.)
PS: Eh heh, sorry if it sounds like I was being snippy with anyone…reviews are such a terrible means of communication – not that I'm complaining about getting reviews or anything, quite the contrary! – but I go crazy if I can't explain my reasoning for things that people criticise. Just me being neurotic…So, sorry if I'm sounding snappish or sarcastic. And oh, gosh, thank you to everyone who's given me such glowing reviews!
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Chapter Eight: Dropping Off, Dropping Hints, and Eavesdropping
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thursday afternoon
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"C-Can I take a picture of you?" said a little second-year girl wielding a camera nervously to Remus just before he was about to mount the staircase to his dormitory.
"Why do you want to take a picture of me?" Remus said, puzzled.
"Anna thinks you're cute!" another little girl crowed from one of the chairs in the corner, surrounded by her friends, who giggled en masse.
Anna, as Remus assumed her name was, blushed scarlet. "Keely's the one who put me up to this! She likes you too!" The little girl who had announced Anna's infatuation went red.
Remus chuckled and patted Anna on the shoulder. "I don't mind, take a picture if you want." He smiled that heartbreaking smile of his that could melt the heart of anyone within a twenty-foot radius, and Anna smiled back, love-struck, still blushing furiously.
Click, whirr. Anna lowered the camera, but seemed loathe to stop staring at Remus.
"Nice doing business with you, Anna." Remus put out his hand, and the little girl shook it, hand trembling slightly in Remus' much larger one.
"Ha ha, Keely, you owe me a Galleon! You didn't think I'd do it, did you?" Remus heard as he continued on up the stairs. He could just imagine the little brown-haired, pigtailed girl sticking her tongue out at her friend.
When Remus opened the door to the sixth-year dormitory, he was greeted with silence.
Which was, to say the least, unusual.
The young werewolf moved into the room, shutting the door softly. That was when he noticed that Sirius' bed curtains were closed, and upon closer inspection the other boy seemed to be taking a nap.
Remus tried to force himself to just get a book and sit on his bed and read, or to start his homework early, but it was a lost cause. The undeniable urge to go and watch Padfoot sleep was overpowering.
So he tiptoed over, pulled back the curtains ever-so-slightly, and peered in at the unquestionable sleeping beauty.
Sirius was turned on his side, facing Remus; his mouth was open slightly, but instead of this looking silly like James always claimed it looked, in Remus' opinion the way his lips were slack and pouty made him look very precious and very kissable. His hair was out of its ponytail and was spread over the pillow, several strands crossing Sirius' cheek like streaks of ink. His eyes were closed, thick dark lashes shadowing his skin, deep blue eyes moving almost imperceptibly behind their lids.
It was too much. Remus moved around the bed, kicking off his shoes, taking off his school robe, and loosening his tie. He crept carefully into bed behind Sirius, tenderly putting an arm around him and touching his lips lingeringly to the back of the raven-haired boy's neck.
"Love you," he whispered, and Sirius, wakened slightly by the change in his environment, sighed contentedly.
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"Ah, geez, Padfoot…" James let the bed curtains swish shut as he smacked a hand to his forehead. "I really didn't want to see that."
"See what?" Sirius said innocently, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and tugging on Remus' hand. "You're acting like you've never seen anyone snogging before."
James glared. "You're my two best friends. What you do is your business, I just don't want to see it."
"Then you shouldn't have gone peeking past my bed curtains, eh?" Sirius stuck out his tongue. "And speaking of things no one wants to see, is there any particular reason you dragged her up here?"
"Who, me?" Lily pointed to herself, smiling innocently.
Sirius grinned knowingly and began to pace the area in front of his bed, reminding Remus of a lawyer he'd seen on Muggle television once. "Ohhhh, I get it, Prongs, you're perfectly able to bring the lovely Miss Evans up here for a bit of 'tête-à-tête', if you know what I mean, but I am not allowed to lightly snog my own boyfriend in my own dormitory? Am I right?" Sirius held up a finger and poked James firmly but good-naturedly in the chest with it. "Tsk, Prongs, you selfish deer, you."
James looked rather sour. Lily trotted up and linked her arm with his. "I think silencing charms all around would be a satisfactory solution, don't you?" she said, voice tinged with humour.
Sirius grinned charmingly. "You are one step ahead of me, darling. I knew there was a reason I liked you." Sirius bowed chivalrously, dropping a friendly kiss on the back of Lily's hand. James glared daggers as his girlfriend giggled. "Well, see you later, dear friends." Sirius suddenly leapt on Remus, pushing him back onto the mattress. "Mm, Remus, you lovely wolf, we most definitely will need that silencing charm once I'm through with you."
Remus laughed. James twitched. Lily giggled.
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Peter was curled up in the window seat of the library, reading a novel. He didn't usually haunt the library like some did; it was quiet, however, and unpopulated, and probably the last place anyone would look for him. (That last thought was tinged with a subtle flavour of bitterness on Peter's part.)
There was a romantic scene coming up, Peter could feel it. He caught himself several times skipping whole paragraphs in his eagerness for the two main characters to kiss, but forced himself to go back and read them. This had to be the moment…every other moment had been thwarted – attacks by bandits, sudden illness, ravaging wolf packs, and a forest fire had all, respectively, interrupted such romantic notions. But Peter had high hopes for this moment.
"Daphne," Alan said as he took her hand, leading her into a patch of moonlight that dappled the ground in silver patches. "You have no idea how my heart yearns for you…"
"Oh Alan, I do…for my heart yearns for the same thing…" He pulled her into his arms, untying the ribbon surrounding her waist-length raven hair. Perfume surrounded them as he kissed lightly at her forehead, her cheekbones, the corners of her lips…"[1]
Peter suddenly stiffened in surprise, recognizing the footsteps and voices of the acting nemeses of the Marauders.
Slytherins were approaching, and fast.
Being a member of a species that is known for its immensely satisfying reactions to ribbing and inability to put up any sort of a fight at all, Peter chose the only option available to him: he ran.
In the space of a heartbeat he had transformed into a plump, grey rat, and was just about to make a mad dash out of the library when he remembered – his book.
Torn between his desire to get as far away as possible and his desire to find out what happened to Alan and Daphne, Wormtail cowered behind a bookshelf, whiskers twitching and tiny heart beating a mile a minute.
"Oh, come on, Evan, there's no way this plan of yours is going to work!"
"Shut up, Wilkes, I want to know what he's going to say."
Wormtail snuffled in his corner. A plan? He peeked out just in time to see the familiar gang of Slytherins congregating at the window seat he'd just occupied. With as much indignation as a rat could muster, Wormtail watched Evan Rosier pick up his book.
"Escapades Under the Moonlight? What the hell is this?" He laughed tauntingly and tossed it to the side.
Thomas Avery came trotting around the corner of the bookshelves, mean grin plastered on his face. "It's all clear. No one can hear us."
Severus Snape chuckled mean-spiritedly. "Then there won't be any idiotic, pig-headed Gryffindors to keep us from our revenge this time." His grin would have frightened a fully-grown werewolf.
"I still say there's no way it'll work." Lestrange had his arms crossed over his chest, looking burly and uncrossable. "It'll be completely obvious who did it. All Black and Potter have to do is squeal to a teacher, and we're through."
Snape smiled again. "But, you forget that both of them will take it as a direct insult to their House, and thus their honour. They won't go anywhere near a teacher – they'll want to sort things out themselves. Plus, I happen to know that the sixth-year Gryffindor boy's dorm will be completely empty tonight between the hours of 9:00 PM and 1:00 AM."
Evan Rosier sat gracefully on the window seat. "Not to mention that I managed to get a pathetic first year to tell me the password to Gryffindor Tower. We're all set. It can't fail."
Wormtail's small body trembled.
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Five students were already busy at work when Peter finally came stumbling into the hospital wing.
"There you are, Mr. Pettigrew! I was beginning to think you wouldn't honour us with your presence at all," Poppy Pomfrey said disapprovingly, shooing him towards a large basket and a thin, sour-faced Slytherin girl.
"But, but Madame Pomfrey! Please let me talk to James, it'll only take a moment…"
"No! You're late already; whatever you feel you must tell him can wait until after your detention," she clucked, her shooing becoming more and more insistent.
"Please! It's important! Would you just let me…" Peter said, trying to get past Madame Pomfrey, nearly whining in frustration.
"What was that all about?" James muttered to Sirius as Peter was finally pushed out the door with the laundry basket and the Slytherin girl. They were mopping the floor as quietly as they could; a screeching Madame Pomfrey had forbidden them to make any noise above a whisper after Sirius and James had gotten into a raucous (and rather destructive) "fencing" duel the instant they'd been handed mops.
"Damned if I know," Sirius whispered back, avoiding mopping a rather dodgy looking corner.
Remus and Severus Snape were at a small folding table Madame Pomfrey had set up, and were carefully slicing and bottling different herbs.
"Lucky bastards," James said wistfully. "We're over here breaking our backs at sweeping and scrubbing and mopping, and all they're doing is cutting veggies." (Madame Pomfrey, of course, was loathe to let the two black-haired boys anywhere near a sharp object, much less entrust them with the cutting and safekeeping of her valuable herb stores. Some things are just common sense.)
"It's 'cause you're clumsy and Pomfrey doesn't want you around a knife."
"Is not!" James hissed.
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Not!"
"Too!"
Remus was pointedly ignoring the quiet argument going on several meters behind him.
"How do you think you did on the Potions test last Friday?" Snape set his knife down as he filled a small jar with spearmint.
"I'm not sure. Fairly well, I think, though I was nearly stumped by the last two questions – you know, the ones about the actual mechanics of the Aging Potion."
"That's fairly simple." Snape launched into an explanation, and Remus carefully plucked the leaves off every stem of thyme. "…So, in overdose, the potion can seriously harm the body because it slows the production of cells as well as dulling the electrical impulses in the brain."
"Fascinating." Remus tipped his handful of thyme into the small, correspondingly-labeled bottle.
"I've never understood why you're not better at Potions. You've a mind for logic and riddles." Snape smiled darkly, blade of the knife in his hand reflecting the room at large.
"I love riddles, and that is the most interesting part of Potions. I…I just can't keep all the characteristics of all the ingredients in my head. They all fly out during tests." Remus smiled sardonically.
"I could help you. I'm sure we could find a way to help you remember. And before you ask, I can assure you that my intentions are entirely above-board." Snape pulled three cinnamon sticks out of their water bath and began to slice them in fourths.
"It hadn't even occurred to me that your intentions would be dishonorable. And yes, I would like that."
Snape glanced pointedly at Sirius and James, who had finished their mopping and were beginning to scrub the back wall. "Somehow I don't think your…friends…would approve."
"Would yours?" Remus said pleasantly over the rhythmic snick of his knife.
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"Argh!!" James swore as quietly as he could, fishing the dirty, wet sponge out of his hair. "What did you do that for, Padfoot, you wanker??" The bespectacled boy glared at his friend, only to find Sirius staring, with a murderous expression on his face, at Remus and Snape, who were having an animated conversation.
"I can't believe he's talking to…oh, the nerve of him…" Sirius spluttered.
"Are you talking about Remus, or Snape?" James asked, scrubbing hard at one section of the whitewashed stone wall.
Sirius didn't answer, but turned, grabbed his sponge from James' outstretched hand, and began savagely attacking a stain with the soap and water allotted them. He forced himself to keep his eyes off the two boys cutting the herbs, fighting the urge to look over every second or two with righteous indignation. However, the desire soon became overpowering. So Sirius looked…and nearly dropped his sponge on James' head a second time.
That…that Slytherin was holding Remus' hand in both of his!
Sirius nearly launched himself across the hospital wing, but James grabbed him quickly by the back of his robes. "Stop it, Padfoot! You're going to get us into trouble!"
Sirius growled and fought (as quietly as possible), but soon lost his immediate desire to tear Snape limb from limb and sat huffily down on the floor in a sulk.
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"Wait!! Don't go in there!! I…" Peter yelled up the dormitory stairs, but it was too late. Sirius had opened the door.
"What the bloody hell…?!?!" Sirius' jaw dropped, and James fought past him to stare at their dormitory.
Everything was green. The bed curtains were all in Slytherin colors, and wooden snakes coiled their way around each bed post. A large flashing banner in green and silver proclaiming that "Slytherins Rule" was suspended on the wall above their beds.
"I tried to warn you," said Peter sadly.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph," James said, aghast.
Remus bustled past them. "Come on, I'm tired, let's just go to bed."
Sirius' hackles raised. "I am not sleeping in a Slytherin bed!!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Please. Let's just tell Professor McGonagall and go to sleep."
Sirius and James looked scandalized. "Tell Professor McGonagall??" Sirius said, "we can't!! This is a House matter of the gravest kind! The only way to defend the honour of Gryffindor is to get them back ourselves!"
"Hear, hear," said James.
Remus pushed back the (now green) curtains of his bed and sat down, bouncing slightly. "You do have to hand it to them. They either used Transfiguration or Switching spells, and it was all very skillfully done. Look at the carvings on the bedposts. I don't think even James could do better. Not to mention the fact that they had to figure out when we'd all be gone, get the password, and sneak up here without being noticed. I'm rather in awe, actually."
"Well, look at Mr. 'I'm All Buddy-Buddy with the Slytherins' here," Sirius growled.
"Oh, come off it, Padfoot. They're not all bad. Severus is a rather engaging conversationalist, as a matter of fact."
"Oh, so it's 'Severus' now, is it?" Sirius had stalked across the room, arms crossed, back to Remus.
Remus sighed and got up, striding over to Sirius and putting his arms around the taller boy's waist from behind. "Why are you so jealous?" he murmured. He noticed bemusedly that James and Peter had silently backed out of the room.
"He was holding your hand," Sirius snapped.
"That was because I cut myself, you great git." Remus knocked his forehead hard into Sirius' back for emphasis.
Sirius was silent for a moment. "O-Oh."
"Anyway, how could you even think I'd cheat on you like that? How could I ever want him when I've got you?"
Sirius suddenly turned, burying his face in Remus' soft, chestnut hair. Remus' eyes widened in shock as something that was definitely not Sirius' hipbone pressed into his lower stomach. "Sirius?"
"Yeah?"
"Being jealous turns you on, doesn't it?"
Sirius laughed. "Please don't test this theory on a regular basis, Moony, I implore you."
Remus glanced over at the bathroom door. "Shower?"
Sirius ruffled his boyfriend's hair. "Yes, shower, great idea."
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(swish and flick)
Finitum Part Eight!
To be continued…
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[1] – Escapades Under the Moonlight isn't actually a real book or anything (thank god). I made it all up. ^_^
