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Prologue: I Keep Telling Myself
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The song is Twilight by Vanessa Carlton.
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***
twilight
I was stained, with a role,in a day not my ownbut as you walked into my lifeyou showed what needed to be shownI always knew, what was rightI just didn't know that I mightpeel away and choose to seewith such a different sight
***
Russia is colder than any other place I have ever been in my life. When sleet falls onto your skin, it numbs it completely. Nothing can be felt where the sleet has fallen. It is like, for just that one little moment, that part of your skin does not exist, it is foreign to your body.
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight
***
Sometimes, I wish the ghostly sleet would fall onto my heart. Those sometimes are usually the times I am alone, with only my thoughts as company. My thoughts are those containing the memories of the past eight years. I recall the day I was recruited by SD-6, the day I met Danny, the day he proposed, and the day I told him the truth, all ending with the visual memory of Danny's limp body strung across the bathtub.
Next, I recall a string of memories of Vaughn. The day we met when I walked in to the CIA LA office, the day he gave me the Christmas present of the charming frame, the picture memory of his face behind the glass in Taipei, this string always ending with the last day I saw him, the day I broke my mother out. And I think about all the things in my old life that I have left behind in vain. I know it was selfish of me to do what I did, but, for once, I did something I believed was right for me, I took a risk for me, and me alone.
***
never cared never wantednever sought to see what flauntedso on purpose so in my facecouldn't see beyond my own placeit was so easy not to behold what I could holdbut you taught me I could changewhatever came within these shallow days
***
Sometimes I wish I were somehow forced back into my old life. I dream that Vaughn comes and sweeps me off my feet, or my father pulls up in his old, traditional black CIA issue car, pulls me into his protective arms, and everything seems to be right and good in the world again. But then, I always wake-up and realize that those dreams are really nightmares.
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight
***
Mother says I am only having a little difficulty separating my good and bad feelings. She says that, "in time, I will come to realize that my new life in Russia with her and Sark is the good part, and the rest are all just bad nightmares that are only in my head because of my guilt." Every night I pray that she is right, that the dreams will subside and the sickly feelings I get when I think of LA, Vaughn, my father, or my CIA career will disappear and never haunt my mind again. I want to be happy here. I am desperate to be happy with the life I have chosen.
***
as the sun shines through it pushes awayand pushes aheadit fills the warmth of blueand leaves a chill instead andI didn't know that I could bebut as illusion diesI see there is so much to be revealed
***
Here in Russia, I have my mother back, a nice new boyfriend, and the luxuries of a princess.
Sark, or Anthony, as I call him by his given name, is a real platinum guy. He pampers me endlessly and caters me to my every need. Most of all, he loves me in a way I never thought was possible, and so does my mom. And this sincere love is something I have craved for a lifetime.
Mother says Anthony and I work and get along well with each other. She even speaks of her dreams for us to wed and help to keep the organization up and running. When she speaks of this, of us together, she gets an unusual glint in her eye that I know to be only one thing. A glint of hope and fondness and strong motherly affection.
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight
***
The only thing wrong with her prospective dreams for us is my strange feelings. When I look at Sark, I can't help but wish his eyes were green instead of blue and he possessed dirty-blond hair instead of his spiky golden hair. But Vaughn and I were never really meant to be together. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. And every night, I pray to believe it.
***
I was stained, with a role,in a day not my ownbut as you walked into my lifeyou showed what needed to be shownI always knew, what was rightI just didn't know that I mightpeel away and choose to seewith such a different sight
***
When I miss my father, I only have to remind myself of his little "Project Christmas" scheme that he devilishly subjected me to when I was only a child. My mother tells me that "it was his selfish desires to have a perfect spy that drove him to vandalize his only daughter's life." She calls him pathetic and worthless on a daily basis.
Russia may be cold, but here I have a life that suits me. I don't need my old life anymore. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself....
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight.
***
REVIEW!!!!~~~~!!!!
*
TBC
*
Prologue: I Keep Telling Myself
*
The song is Twilight by Vanessa Carlton.
*
***
twilight
I was stained, with a role,in a day not my ownbut as you walked into my lifeyou showed what needed to be shownI always knew, what was rightI just didn't know that I mightpeel away and choose to seewith such a different sight
***
Russia is colder than any other place I have ever been in my life. When sleet falls onto your skin, it numbs it completely. Nothing can be felt where the sleet has fallen. It is like, for just that one little moment, that part of your skin does not exist, it is foreign to your body.
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight
***
Sometimes, I wish the ghostly sleet would fall onto my heart. Those sometimes are usually the times I am alone, with only my thoughts as company. My thoughts are those containing the memories of the past eight years. I recall the day I was recruited by SD-6, the day I met Danny, the day he proposed, and the day I told him the truth, all ending with the visual memory of Danny's limp body strung across the bathtub.
Next, I recall a string of memories of Vaughn. The day we met when I walked in to the CIA LA office, the day he gave me the Christmas present of the charming frame, the picture memory of his face behind the glass in Taipei, this string always ending with the last day I saw him, the day I broke my mother out. And I think about all the things in my old life that I have left behind in vain. I know it was selfish of me to do what I did, but, for once, I did something I believed was right for me, I took a risk for me, and me alone.
***
never cared never wantednever sought to see what flauntedso on purpose so in my facecouldn't see beyond my own placeit was so easy not to behold what I could holdbut you taught me I could changewhatever came within these shallow days
***
Sometimes I wish I were somehow forced back into my old life. I dream that Vaughn comes and sweeps me off my feet, or my father pulls up in his old, traditional black CIA issue car, pulls me into his protective arms, and everything seems to be right and good in the world again. But then, I always wake-up and realize that those dreams are really nightmares.
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight
***
Mother says I am only having a little difficulty separating my good and bad feelings. She says that, "in time, I will come to realize that my new life in Russia with her and Sark is the good part, and the rest are all just bad nightmares that are only in my head because of my guilt." Every night I pray that she is right, that the dreams will subside and the sickly feelings I get when I think of LA, Vaughn, my father, or my CIA career will disappear and never haunt my mind again. I want to be happy here. I am desperate to be happy with the life I have chosen.
***
as the sun shines through it pushes awayand pushes aheadit fills the warmth of blueand leaves a chill instead andI didn't know that I could bebut as illusion diesI see there is so much to be revealed
***
Here in Russia, I have my mother back, a nice new boyfriend, and the luxuries of a princess.
Sark, or Anthony, as I call him by his given name, is a real platinum guy. He pampers me endlessly and caters me to my every need. Most of all, he loves me in a way I never thought was possible, and so does my mom. And this sincere love is something I have craved for a lifetime.
Mother says Anthony and I work and get along well with each other. She even speaks of her dreams for us to wed and help to keep the organization up and running. When she speaks of this, of us together, she gets an unusual glint in her eye that I know to be only one thing. A glint of hope and fondness and strong motherly affection.
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight
***
The only thing wrong with her prospective dreams for us is my strange feelings. When I look at Sark, I can't help but wish his eyes were green instead of blue and he possessed dirty-blond hair instead of his spiky golden hair. But Vaughn and I were never really meant to be together. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. And every night, I pray to believe it.
***
I was stained, with a role,in a day not my ownbut as you walked into my lifeyou showed what needed to be shownI always knew, what was rightI just didn't know that I mightpeel away and choose to seewith such a different sight
***
When I miss my father, I only have to remind myself of his little "Project Christmas" scheme that he devilishly subjected me to when I was only a child. My mother tells me that "it was his selfish desires to have a perfect spy that drove him to vandalize his only daughter's life." She calls him pathetic and worthless on a daily basis.
Russia may be cold, but here I have a life that suits me. I don't need my old life anymore. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself....
***
and I will never see the sky the same way,and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterdayand I will never cease to fly if held down,and I will always reach too high cause I've seen,cause I've seen twilight.
***
REVIEW!!!!~~~~!!!!
*
TBC
*
