A/N: WARNING! WARNING! MAJOR OOC-NESS ALERT! So if you can't handle that, then DON'T read! We don't want to get ANY flames telling us that the characters would never say or act like that, because really, we know! That's part of why this has been stuffed in the *humour* genre, not angst...
To make you understand better: Once upon a long time ago in the X-universe, Victor Creed told his arch-nemesis Logan that he was the proud father of a runt that wanted to kill him. (In other words: that Sabretooth was Wolverine's father.) Don't ask why he did that. The X-Men later discovered that Creed was lying. (As if THAT hasn't happened before...) Now, what Fata Morgana and I later discussed, was what would happen if Sabretooth hadn't been lying... And we're very sorry about the Queenmother.
Fata Morgana and aurora borealis co-operations proudly (?) presents:
The Family Chronicles
Chapter one: Meet Daddy
Logan wasn't quite sure why Creed had asked to meet him, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Usually Creed would just have sought him up – he would never *ask* for his permission... Actually, Logan was a bit glad that Sabretooth had called for him. He needed to vent out some anger...
"You're late," a growling voice said from the shadows of a tree. Logan didn't flinch – he had scented Sabretooth long ago. He took a step back, and turned towards Creed.
"What did you want?" he asked, crouching down in an attack position.
"Relax," Sabretooth said with a feral smile. "I just want to talk." Logan snorted. It was a wonder Sabretooth COULD talk with his IQ… They glared at each other for some time.
And then some more. None of them said anything, but both were wary of each other.
Logan wondered if Creed would ever *do* anything. Suddenly he spoke, almost startling Logan. "They never told you who your father was."
Logan frowned. "I don't *remember* my father."
"*I* am your father."
"NOOOOOOO!" Logan made a grimace that would even make Luke Skywalker green with envy. "That can't be true!"
"But it is! Search your feelings – you know it to be true!" Sabie-baby urged him.
"No!" Logan cried. "My dad should be big and strong and... like...me..." He paused, then threw himself into Creed's arms. "DAD!" he screamed. Creed winced.
"Not so loud – you're not the only one with a good hearing," he said, and hugged Logan back.
"Oh, dad! We have so much to DO!"
"Yeah, ru- son," Sabretooth said, rubbing Wolverine's head with his knuckles and making his hair stand up even more. "We have."
***
"Logan! Is that you?" Ororo called as the door slammed.
"Yeah," he grunted, coming into the kitchen and getting two beers from the fridge. "Like it cold?" he asked someone out in the hallway. He was replied with an affirmative grunt.
"Uh," Hank said, turning from his porridge with a smile. "Did it go okay with your...meeting?"
"Yeah," Logan said with a smile – and it wasn't his usual Wolverine-smile. Hank's faltered. "Hey, people," he said. "I want you to meet my dad."
Suddenly he had the attention of all the people in the room. He motioned for the person in the hall to come inside the kitchen. "Hi," Sabretooth said, grabbing the beer from Logan and popping it up with his claws. The X-Men stared at him. He sipped his beer and smiled at them, making them goggle even more. "The runt said that you have a nice basketball court," he said, emptying the beer and crushing the can with his hand. He tossed the tiny cube into the dustbin with surprising accuracy.
The X-Men stared again.
"Daaad!" Wolverine said, blushing. "You *promised* not to call me that!"
"Sorry, son," Creed said, sounding as if he actually *meant* it. "It just slipped out of me."
"Well, you promised!" Logan said, on the verge of tears. He ran from the room.
Victor sighed and looked at the wide-eyed X-Men. "Kids, you know," he said, and walked after Logan.
The X-Men stared after them. "I think I'm going to faint," Scott said. And promptly did so.
***
"You okay, son?" Victor asked Logan when he found him outside in a tree.
"What does it look like?" Logan asked sullenly.
Creed sighed. "Do you want a punching bag?"
"I had one once," Logan said. "It didn't last after the first beating."
"Yeah, well, you could use me."
Logan looked up with hope in his eyes. "You *mean* that?"
"Yeah." Creed smiled. "That's what dads are for, after all."
"Oh, dad!" Logan cried as he punched him. "You're so nice to me!"
***
After Logan had let out his violent energies, they sat together on the dock by the side of the lake. "What are you thinking about, son?" Sabretooth asked, his arm around Logan's shoulders.
"Well..." Wolverine said, not a little embarrassed. "I was just thinking about mom..."
"Your mother?" Sabretooth was surprised. "What about her?"
"Well, I mean, since *you're* so tall, but *I'm* so short, she had to be really small, hadn't she?"
"Maybe you haven't stopped growing yet," Creed tried.
"Oh, come on, dad, not even *you* can be so stupid," Logan said. Creed decided to let that pass. "I'm almost as old as you! I was a covert agent in World War II! And who knows about the *first* World War!"
Victor sighed. "Your mother was...a midget."
Logan gasped. "PUCK?!"
"Puck's a guy, Logan."
"Oh." Logan's face fell. Then he lit up again. "The queenmother?!"
"...of England?"
"Yeah! She's small!"
"That's because she was 101 years old, son."
"Oh." Logan sighed sadly. "Do you *know* who my mother was, dad?"
Sabretooth sighed. "I was...young. She...was...young, too."
"And...?" Logan prodded.
"Are you sure you want to know this?" Logan nodded eagerly. "Raven."
"Raven?"
"Raven Darkholme. She had morphed into someone small."
"MYSTIQUE?!"
"I didn't know that until later." Sabretooth crossed his arms, looking very childish.
"I don't care about THAT!" Logan said excitedly.
"You don't?" Sabretooth un-crossed his arms in surprise.
"That means Nightcrawler's my BROTHER!"
A/N: You want to read more? Are you SURE about that?!
Coming up next: Nightcrawler, I'm not your mother...
