A/N: Sorry this took so long. To make it up to you, this is the most INSANE chapter yet. And we HATE not having italics. Capital letters look so. barbaric! Grrr!

Disclaimer: We don't own anything, thank God. Please don't sue.

Now, we present to you... (Tiny starts his drum roll again)



What has MR. SINISTER got to do with all of this?



The Big Guy clapped his hands. "Now, we have a grand revelation to make!" He snapped his fingers, and with a faint *pop* Sinister appeared in the room, looking slightly bored.

"Oh, we've come to this," he said indifferently. The X-Men and Summers clan stared at him.

"You? What are YOU doing here?" Rogue snarled.

"It is time to reveal the truth," the Big Guy announced pompously. He pointed at Mr. Sinister. "There is a very close relation between Nathaniel Essex and," the X-Men held a collective breath, everybody hoping it wouldn't be them, "Remy LeBeau!"

Gambit groaned. "Let me guess. I'm your son?"

"Well, you DO have similar eyes," Storm pointed out. Gambit glared at her.

"No," Sinister said, "*I* am YOUR son." Rogue gasped and glared at Gambit.

"Oh, great. Who's your mum?"

"You are."

"No way! Then who's your dad?"

"You are."

"What?" Remy squeaked.

"Let me explain," Big Guy said.

"Yeah! Do that!"

"It's really very simple. Two years from now, you will stumble upon a rift in reality. At the same time, your female counterpart in a parallel dimension will do the same. You will meet in a pocket of reality where you will conceive Nathalia. After that, you will travel forward in time to raise your daughter."

"Wait a minute," Gambit interrupted. "NATHALIA?"

"We're getting to that," Tiny said impatiently.

"In the future," Big Guy continued, "a twelve year old Nathalia will meet Belladonna, who by now is 153 years old, who will hit on her. After that traumatic experience, Nathalia decides to change sex and travels back in time."

"I went back to thirty years before my parent was born, and took the name Nathaniel," Mr. Sinister said. "After ten years I realised that if I didn't create a rift in reality, I'd never be conceived. So I did that and settled it at a very special place, which you will find in two years, parent."

"Meanwhile," Tiny interrupted, "Gambit and Gambit fell into a well where they got a curse called "Obliviate" cast on them by Little Purple Girls, and got sent back to one minute after they had stumbled upon the pocket of reality (in their real dimensions, of course). They remembered - uh, will remember - nothing."

"But this can't be true!" Remy protested. "He doesn't look like me!"

"You had him with yourself!" Big Guy scolded. "This will be a very bad case of inbreeding!"

"You've cheated on me!" Rogue yelled.

"You mean I WILL cheat on you. With myself."

"Uh. Right. Forget it."

"Was I any good?" Gambit asked, interested.

"YOU thought so," Big Guy replied.

"Neat." Gambit looked very smug.

"Talk about narcissism," Logan muttered.

"Okay! I've had enough of this!" Scott said angrily. "Who ARE you?!" He pointed accusingly at the two persons dressed in white robes.

The two looked at each other, then at the assembled people. "Who we are?" Tiny whispered. "Are you SURE you want to know? Our story is not for the faint of heart."

"Just drop the robes and SHOW US!!!"

"You were always so forward, Kitty," Big Guy smiled fondly through his hood. He took off his robes, to reveal..

"COLOSSUS?!" Everybody shouted.

"And John Proudstar!" Storm added, pointing at the small figure on top of Colossus' head.

"Why are you so small, John?" The Professor asked.

"Ask Saint Peter," John said sulkily. "And no, I don't mean HIM." He stamped his foot on Colossus' head.

"So, Colossus," Jean said, "why are you really here?"

"I have to see this through," Piotr said importantly. "And then, I have a message. FROM GOD!"



A/N: *gasp!* This took even US by surprise! (Well, technically not, we have a certain plan, but.) So, what is Colossus' message? What could God possibly have to say to mankind?! And bear in mind, we are one atheist and one agnostic. So. Do you want us to continue?

(A mad uncle to everybody who recognises the parodies in this chapter. X- Men not included.)



NEXT: Not another Summers!