A/N: And the little, blue puppies turned to big balls of happy fluff. It's time for another chapter.
Our excuse for not having written this before, is: We have contributed to school theatre life in Bergen. So there. And we're lazy. So there.
Warning: Just like the previous chapters, this has not been Beta-read. Dedicated to the last third of The Black Gang, Waterfall, who has no idea what's going to happen. (BWAHAHA!)
Disclaimer: Do we really have to go through this again? NOT OURS!!! The Marvel characters belong to Marvel. The President belongs to…his wife? And God belongs to everybody and nobody (there, wasn't that poetic?).
Now, Tiny- sorry, John Proudstar, is happy (??) to start his drum roll…:
PROUDLY PRESENTING:
The Family Chronicles, chapter five: Not another Summers!
Everybody stared at Colossus and Thunderbird The First in awe. "A message from God?" Kurt whispered.
Colossus looked uncomfortable. "Don't get your hopes up," he said. "But first we have to finish this farse. Professor!" He looked at Charles. "It is time you tell Scott and Jean the truth."
Charles got a panicky look. "Do I have to?" he whined. "I don't wanna!"
"You have to," Colossus boomed.
"Ain't he a little over-dramatic when he does that?" Rogue whispered to Kitty, who just sighed dreamily and shook her head.
Professor X took a deep breath and sighed resignedly. "Oh, all right. Scott, Jean," he looked at them, "I'm your son."
Jean fainted. Scott just sighed, resigned to the fact that he had the craziest family in the universe and would never be able to faint when he really needed to. He got a drink, downed it, and took another one.
"And you never saw fit to tell us that before?" he asked mildly. The Professor started to answer, but was interrupted by an enthusiastically beaming Corsair:
"Hey, Charlie, I'm your granddad! I get to feed you candy and bring weird toys whenever I come to visit!"
"Christopher…"
"Grandpa."
"Grandpa, I'm older than you."
Corsair waved his hand. "Beneath my notice."
The Professor shook his head and chose to answer his father's question. "I didn't dare. How was I supposed to function as your teacher if you knew I was your son?"
Scott sighed. "You're probably right. So, how did this happen?"
Colossus answered. "You and Jean actually had Charles two years ago. The problem was: you were both stuck in time-shifting mud. The powers that bee," he was momentarily cut of by a loud summing coming from Proudstar, "decided that this was too messy so when Charles was accidentally sent back in time they wiped your minds. But, Professor X, being the most powerful telepath in the known universe, resisted the mind-wiping. So he knew the truth about his originins."
"But he was a baby!" Jean protested. She had just woken up from her fainting spell.
"Not at the time of the mind-wiping!" Colossus said.
"I don't want to know! I don't want to know!" said Alex. "Scott, you have the messiest family in the world!"
"This coming from my brother, who is stuck in another dimension while being in a coma back here," Scott snapped. "Besides, he's your nephew."
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!" Alex kept chanting.
"Whiner," the third Summers brother muttered, and was promptly shut up again.
"So, uh, the message from God?" Kurt asked, trying to find something positive in all this mess.
"Oh. Right." Colossus took a deep breath. The drum roll started, rising to an inferno. A light began glowing around the two messengers. In a voice that seemed to fill every fibre of their being, He said: "SCREW Y'ALL. I'M GOIN' GOLFING!"
And they were all filled with awe at the wisdom of the Almighty - until they thought of what It had actually said.
"Wha'?" Beast said. He looked as if someone had put him through a car washing machine, except that he was dry.
Colossus lost the glow. "God says; 'Y'all got into this mess, y'all get outta it. Screw y'all, I'm goin' golfing.'"
They didn't quite know what was the worst part: The message, or the accent.
"Well, at least it is all over now," Storm sighed, secretly relieved that she had been spared.
"That's what you think!" Proudstar BOOMED before he and Colossus escaped in a blink of baby pink light.
A/N: Are you all horrified now? We are! (Oh, allright, we are laughing our heads off.) Coming up next:
Storm/Kitty scenarios! It's not what you think! And it's all Magneto's fault! Including a special treat: The Avengers!!!
