THE JOYS OF A BEARD
by Soledad
Disclaimer: Not mine, all Tolkien's, except the Mary Sue and the weird plot. Sue me, and you'll be given the Sue – pardon the really bad pun.
Rating: PG-13, for stomach-churning sweetness. Hey, too much sweets are not healthy! And I really went over the edge this time… meaning the sweetness, of course. Get your minds out of the gutter!
Summary: While our heroine is recovering, two secret lovers use the break for some much-needed cuddling. With other words: we come to the slash part of the story.
Author's note:
You really thought that Legolas and Gimli only became friends in Lothlórien? All of a sudden, with no earlier history? Well, think again…
To Gimli's appearance. I happen to dislike the casting choice of the movie – I simply can't buy John Rhys-Davies being a Dwarf. Sorry. So, since – according to early rumours – originally excellent character actor Jeffrey Combs was also considered for the rôle, I chose him as my Gimli. For Trekkies among us: he is the guy playing the Vorta Weyoun and the Ferengi Brunt in DS9.
This chapter has no HoME-quotes. Tolkien never wrote anything like this. Thank the Valar.
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''If the Elves knew the joys of a beard, no dwarf would be safe.'' – Legolas, in ''A Diamond Between Wood and Stone'', the most poetic Legolas/Gimli story I've ever read. Written by Pythoness, may the Valar bless her.
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CHAPTER 2: STOLEN MOMENTS
When Elrond had looked after the Princess, he announced that she would be fine in a few hours but needed rest. So, instead of a short break, the Master of the House adjourned the Council til the next morrow – reluctantly, for the matter of the Ring was pressing, yet he did, for no-one wanted the lovely Engwatalmaiel(1) any harm.
Frodo was surprised by the eagerness Erestor offered to watch her recovery, since he knew form Bilbo that the seneschal of Rivendell was not a healer. He was about to ask his uncle about it, when – all of a sudden – realization hit him like a brick wall: 'Twas Erestor whom the Princess was meant to wed. It had to be him! Erestor was a kinsman of Elrond, after all, one of the half-elvish Children of Lúthien, just like the Master of the House. Therefore a marriage bond between him and the Princess would also mean a strong alliance between Rivendell and Mirkwood.
This saddened the hobbit greatly, for though Erestor seemed grave and noble to him, not to mention fair as all Elves were, he also seemed cold and aloof, and Frodo doubted that he would make the sweet Princess happy. Oh, how much she would deserve it! But Elves, more so the Kings among them, cared little for the happiness of their children. Certainly less than for the good of their realms, and Thranduil of Mirkwood was widely known as a stern and sometimes cruel father.(2)
Bilbo joined him, and they went for a stroll in the garden, talking about small things that hobbits like so much: about food and songs and the recent events in Hobbiton, avoiding carefully to mention Frodo's adventures on his way to Rivendell, for those memories were too dark to be pleasant. And then they heard a clear, lonely voice raising somewhere above them, singing an old chant in the Ancient Elvish tongue(3). It sounded like the ringing of silver bells on a merry feast.
Elbereth
Gilthoniel
sir evrin pennar oriel
dir avos-eithen miriel
bel daurion sel aurinon
penanros evrin ériol.(4)
The sweet syllables fell like clear jewels of mingled word and sound, and they halted for a moment, looking towards the East where they seemed to come from.
''That is the opening of the chant to Elbereth'', said Bilbo. ''They will sing that and other songs of the Blessed Realm many times tonight.''
Bilbo led Frodo back to his upper room. There they sat for some while, looking at the bright stars through the window, and talking softly. They spoke no longer of the small and happy news of the Shire far away, but of the Elves, and of the wide world, and its perils, and of the burden and mystery of the Ring.
At last there came a knock on the door.
''Begging your pardon'', said Sam, putting in his head, ''but I was just wondering if you would be wanting anything.''
''And begging yours, Sam Gamgee'', replied Bilbo. ''I guess you mean that it is time your master had some rest.''
''Well, sir, the Council will set on again early tomorrow, I hear, and he only got up yestereve for the first time.''
''Quite right, Sam!'' Bilbo laughed. ''Though I never expected to live long enough to be ordered about by Ham Gamgee's boy. Bless me, I am near 150 and old enough to be your great-grandfather(5).''
''No sir, and I never expected to be doing it.''
''It is Gandalf's fault'', said Frodo. ''He chose Sam to be my companion in adventure, and Sam takes his task seriously.''
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In the meantime, in a porch higher above, adjoining the east wing of the Last Homely House, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood let his sweet voice trail off and simply sat there, gazing longingly out into the garden. His keen Elven eyes had long detected the short, stout form of a Dwarf who tried his best to make his approach casual in the eyes of a chance observer. Finally, he reached the porch where Legolas was waiting and stepped in.
He was young for a Dwarf, about mayhap 140 years, and a strong warrior of his people, therefore wiry and well-muscled – someone who was used to bear great hardness with ease. His small, round dark eyes searched the porch suspiciously, til he finally discovered the graceful form of the Elf, hiding in the shadow of a slender, tree-shaped pillar.
''Here you are'', he grunted with a satisfied grin. ''I was afraid you would be held to take care of your brat sister.''
''Sssssh!'', Legolas warned nervously. ''Let no-one hear you speak of her in this manner – the least herself. She possesses great powers and could cause you considerable harm if insulted. But worry not about her, Erestor offered to take care of her.''
''He seems to be quite smitten with her'', the Dwarf grinned, grabbing he slender hips of his Elven lover and pushing him down on his knees so that they could be at equal height. ''Some people are too blind to see where true beauty lies – luckily for me.''
With that he lifted Legolas' sculpted chin and captured the soft Elven lips in a heated kiss that could put the furnaces of the Dwarves under the Lonely Mountain to shame. The Prince opened for him at once, granting access to the moist sweetness of his mouth, and their tongues duelled briefly for dominance, but as always, Legolas submitted quickly to his sturdy Dwarf(6). The coarse, curly beard of Gimli chafed on his delicate skin excitingly, sending tiny hot jolts directly to his groin, and when the short, calloused Dwarven fingers began to play with his extremely sensitive ear-tips, he nearly fainted from the sheer pleasure of it(7).
''Oh Gimli, what havoc you wreak in my breast!(8)'' he moaned softly, when they finally had to break the kiss in order to breathe. ''How I have missed you in all those endless moons when I was unable to sneak away from my princely duties in Mirkwood! Oh, beloved, cold and empty and so very lonely my nights have been without your strong arms holding me and without the mighty weapon of your love filling my emptiness.''
''I, too, have longed for sheathing my weapon in its only true sheath, my dear, silly Elf'', Gimli murmured, his broad hands slipping under Legolas' tunic and caressing the soft skin of the Prince's chest. ''Too long it has been that I was allowed to enter your inmost garden through the back door. And I have missed that slender arrow of yours that is poking my secret quiver so excitingly every time we lie together. How long can you stay?''
''Til sunset, if you want me'', Legolas murmured, ''then I shall have to look after Bragolthangiel(9), for Erestor will need to go after his duties. How about you?''
''Father expects me to have dinner with him, but other than that I am free all day'', Gimli answered, tearing open the soft leather tunic of the Elf impatiently and tugging on the silk shirt beneath it. ''I shall have more than enough time to explore your sweet inner depths once again ere I would be missed. Let us not waste precious time!''
Legolas laughed sweetly, the sound making Gimli think of silver and precious jewels in all the colours of a soft rainbow, and slipped off both his shirt and his tunic, offering the passion-clouded eyes of the Dwarf free sight of his smooth, marble torso. His breast was heaving with passion, too, and the apple blossoms of his nipples already hardened to perky little peaks.
''I wish we were in Dale, in our secret love nest'', he said, casting a rueful look around the porch, the only piece of furniture of which was a low wooden bench; ''but even without the softness of our own bed, the sweet fire of our love will burn as brightly as ever.''
''I care not for small matters of comfort'', grunted the Dwarf, hurriedly peeling off the many layers of his clothing, including the short mail shirt he never left his home without. ''I shall take you every time and every way I can. And as uncomfortable the surroundings might be, at least no-one would find us here(10).''
''Luckily for us, all are occupied with the welfare of my sister'', Legolas sighed longingly, ''and while I wish her no harm, I do hope she will keep them worried enough for the rest of the day, so that no-one would miss us. Should we do this on the bench or on the floor, beloved?''
''I shall not suffer the indignity of falling from a bench in the sweetest moment!'' the Dwarf grumbled. ''You long people have queer ideas about making comfortable furniture.''
''Fine, fine'', laughed the Elf, spreading his cloak on the stone-paved floor, ''the ground it is. But come not to me later, whining that the stones had bruised you all over your body.''
''Dwarves are used to stone'', Gimli exclaimed proudly, ''and trust me, I shall not be the one with bruises all over his body when we are done.''
Legolas grinned in anticipation, arranging his long, slender – and now completely bare – limbs on the cloak in the most appealing manner, so that Gimli became cross-eyed with desire at once.
''Well then, my dear, sturdy Dwarf, I shall take you by your word. Now come and ravish me, for I have gone without those bruises for too long a time.''
And so, while Elrond's whole household was worried sick over the welfare of the lovely Princess, her selfish brother spent long hours of pleasure in the arms of his Dwarven lover, getting ravished so thoroughly that he had great pains sitting through the rest of the Council on the next day.
TBC
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End notes:
(1) Yeah, this is her name in the current chapter. One of her names, anyway. Elven customs, you know? They love to use different names every time it occurs to them The name was created by typing the words ''Thranduil's Daughter'' into the name-generator at barrowdowns. Oh, and they had to adjourn the Council! It's a rule that the needs of a Sue come before everything else. Do not shoot me! I make not the rules!
(2) At least in all those sappy, horribly clichéd, utterly OOC Thranduil fics I had the bad luck to come across.
(3) Please don't come to me with the argument that a Wood-Elf would not sing in Quenya. I know that, all right? But I have certain rules to follow here.
(4) The words of the chant to Elbereth were different in the earlier texts from the form in FOTR.
(5) This was replaced at the time of writing by the ending in FOTR. Bilbo was in fact 128.
(6) Of course he did. He always does, no matter whom he gets paired up with. What else could we expect from a 3,000-years-old Elf warrior? snerk And if he were ''only'' 500, that would not change the whole thing a bit.
(7) Well, we could not go without the Erogenous Elven Ear, now could we? Or the nearly fainting, utterly girlish Legolas. They are obligatory ingredients of any bad slash.
(8) I must profusely apologise by the highly talented Athea from whose sweet and smutty Gimli/Legolas AU series ''Beneath it All'' I have lifted this single sentence. It is out of context and does tell nothing about her story – which is really lovely, and I like it a lot. But the sentence matched so well with the overall tone of this dialogue that I could not resist.
(9) This particular name of our heroine was created by typing in ''Legolas' sister''. Not that it matters, really. Sue names are exchangeable. So she had two different ones in this chapter.
(10) Sure. Why would anyone find them in an open porch? Bleh. Fortunately, the natural laws of bad slash would spare us the worrying about that part.
