Sorry bout the wait I got writers block, but anyway here's chapter 4 in Marks POV again.
The view is exactly as I remember it, incredible seeing as last time I was here I was fourteen, wow two years ago, and to think I used to come here all the time.
I found it just after we moved here from Edgewood, Royal Oak I think it was about two weeks after Randy came back from Costa Rica
I can't remember who said most people have a thinking spot, sounds like a Walt Disney or a Spielberg idea to me, but it's true, up here on the bluff I can really think it's about two miles past Logan's point the major make-out point of Bloomington, Indiana.
If you're thinking I ran all the way here you'd be dead wrong, no I caught a bus then had to climb up here man that was a hike I don't wanna do again. But being up here had the desired effect.
I cleared my head, the whole climbing up here, sure got my mind off everything – except of course the pain in my calf's, man I need to get back in shape maybe I should take up track or tennis or something.
I've got pretty much a perfect view of Bloomington up here, but that's not why I'm here, I'm here for the stars, I can see The Big Dipper, Orion's Belt, Polaris and I think that's Mars but I'm not wearing my glasses or my contacts so I can't see very well but I love being out here because I feel like I'm right in the middle of it you know? The skies, uh, lack of a good word here, ummm, bigness, I guess.
And while I'm here I can forget all about everything.
Not being as smart as Randy, or as athletic as Brad, or as popular as either of them.
And I can forget, even if it is just for a little while.
It sure is high up……….
If I fell I could scream five times over before I hit the ground.
And if I jumped? I'd have time to reconsider and change my mind before I landed.
I stood up and walked slowly to the edge, scuffing my sneakers against the side I sent a gritty shower of pebbles and dirt to the ground below. I knew what was down there shrouded in shadow and night at the moment, but still there, a baseball pitch, used for the little leaguers.
I lifted my arms above my head and raised my face to the sky, suddenly something hit me, and I stumbled.
Reality.
Damn it.
Tears fell from my blue eyes, so like Randy and Brads, I remembered standing exactly here exactly the same way a year ago.
Tears had flown easier then, tears of fear and remorse and just plain confusion.
It was when Randy had been in that crash and mom had picked up the phone and just stood there, dad had to carry her to the couch.
Explaining in short sharp snatches of words, Randy had got a lift home from a party from a guy on dope.
The car had flipped over, Bryan, Randys friend had died on impact, Randy though hadn't been hurt, miraculously, other than a head wound and short-term amnesia, his long term memory was sharper than ever, he could not remember the crash why it happened or anything else pertaining to the event.
I heard dad say it I saw mom cry and I saw Brad just kind of fold over on the floor, his head on his knees his arms wrapped around his shins, at the point we didn't know who was dead, Randy, Bryan, Bryan's twin brother - whiz-kid Jesse or Bryan's girlfriend, a dancer, who couldn't dance anymore, Sara.
I ran
I ran up here and stood just like this scared he was dead and hearing his voice over and over again in my head, "When I go to a party I like to have fun not sit in the corner contemplating the meaning of string." He'd said it to Brad when Brad got caught with drugs.
So why'd he get in the car with Bryan?
When I found out he was okay I cried tears of joy and when he opened his eyes the next day, Brad cried with me. Then I felt close to them, and I didn't even like him, but I loved him.
I loved Randy and Brad; it's an unconditional love that you can't understand.
If I died would they feel it too?
Something inside me told me they would.
As these thoughts dashed through my mind at a million miles an hour, my footing got worse and my left foot slipped I was falling……
Would they find my body on the pitch below? They'd probably have to call off the game on Saturday, geez I sure feel bad about ruining their fun. I thought as only a human mind can think, somehow out of sync with the real world and rest of reality.
"NO!!" I blacked out as someone grabbed me around the waist, saving me in that moment it took to reconsider.
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