Disclaimer... Belongeth to the JKR. Belongeth not to me. I is poor of money and grammar.

Dedication... Who else? My Sarah. My Sarah. Who else could understand?

~ Chapter 12 ~

Sirius lay in bed with only his boxers on, quilt pulled up to his chin. He felt as though every muscle in his stomach was trying to twist inside out and force his heart out through his mouth. Why was it that every time things might just be going his way, fate stepped in to rip it all away?

He tried to sleep. He had come upstairs over two hours ago and still there was no sign of Remus. Every time he heard a noise his ears pricked up, but he knew Remus must have gone to Joanna's room by now. Probably to mate. He tried to push the pain away but it screamed at his insides. He would have got dressed, changed into the dog and left if it had not been for his sense of obligation. Dumbledore was relying on them and he wanted to do Harry proud. He tried to ignore the small part of him that still hoped he could be near Remus, even if he could not be with him. He tried to bury his head under the pillow.

The door opened. Sirius had left it unlocked and he looked up to see Remus silhouetted in the doorway. His heart leapt in spite of himself but he forced himself to lie back and close his eyes. He listened to the door close, the sound of clothing against skin. He was confused. Remus was undressing.

The light stayed off but eventually Sirius felt the quilt lift and the bed dipped as Remus climbed in. He shifted across the bed, seeking Sirius and wrapped his arms around him. He was naked. Sirius stiffened and he heard Remus sigh.

"Nothing happened Sirius. I haven't seen her in seven years." Sirius could hear the slight rebuke in Remus tone and it angered him.

"Maybe not, but you were quick enough to go all starry-eyed Remus. You can't deny that."

Remus sat up, abandoning his pretence that everything was fine. "Can't deny what? That I was drawn to another wolf close to the full moon? You know I can't help that. It was nothing."

Sirius sat up too. If he concentrated he could just make out Remus' outline. "Nothing? If it was nothing then why did you deny what was happening between us?"

Remus spoke quietly. "You know why."

Sirius felt his anger consume him. "Well I tell you what Remus, we can only have a relationship if both people involved are willing to admit that they are, in fact, involved. It doesn't work if one person is just thinking 'this is great to pass the time until I find a nice girl to settle down with and have a real family." Remus began to protest but Sirius cut him off. "So I'll tell you what, when you feel that you want to be in a proper relationship with me, let me know, but until then we are only working together ok?" Sirius climbed out of the bed and dragged off the top blanket from the quilt. He managed to find the dilapidated chair in the darkness and settled into it. Remus' voice came through the darkness.

"Sirius, come on, please. Just come back into the bed." Sirius could hear the pain in his voice but he could not back down. Not on this.

"Friends don't usually sleep together Remus." He answered. Remus sighed heavily. Neither spoke again that night.

*

Sirius woke up on the chair with a crick in his neck. It had taken him hours to fall asleep and had woken often. He had listened to Remus tossing and turning, so many times almost climbing back into the bed and wrapping himself in the other man's arms, but he had resisted.

Remus stirred on the bed and he eyes immediately sought Sirius' in the dim light. Sirius pushed off the blanket and stood up, stretching.

"We should get going. Get to that address early." Remus continued to watch him.

"Sirius." Sirius turned to look at him, still lying in bed. "Nothing happened. We talked and I told her that I couldn't get back together with her."

Sirius watched him for a moment and had no doubt he was telling the truth. "Did you tell her why?" Remus shook his head. "And that's the problem. She isn't the cause of this Remus, she's a symptom of something that's been here all along. She is just a catalyst to show that you haven't been honest with me, and not about me either. You're embarrassed by what you feel, and about what you have with me. We can't live like that." Sirius paused. "I can't live like that. I'm not expecting you to shout it from the rooftops, but I deserve some respect." Sirius turned away. "But we haven't got time for this now." He pulled on his clothes swiftly, turning to lean against the wall, arms crossed to wait for Remus. Remus finally pushed out of the bed. Sirius' breath caught at the sight of his beautiful and strong naked body, but forced himself to look away. On this thing he could not compromise.

*

They left the bar quickly, handing back the keys to the room and Remus leaving a message for Joanna that he would keep in touch. Out of sight in an alley Sirius became Padfoot, a situation that he was fine with as it meant there was no way to make conversation with Remus. They made their way through the streets of Glasgow towards the address given on the letter. Dumbledore had already been informed of the situation and had promised to round up some Aurors who could step in if things got out of control, but no problems were expected.

The two men stood outside the tall, Georgian house with a couple of broken windows and graffiti on the front door. It did not look very habitable. Remus walked up to the front door while Sirius sniffed the air. There was a magical feel to the place, but not more than would be expected from a wizard werewolf living there. He trotted into the overhanging porch and transformed back into his human form. Remus looked at him.

"Shall we?" He held up his wand. Remus nodded. Sirius pointed to the lock. "Alohomora!"

The door creaked open. Sirius chuckled at the cliché, adrenaline pumping through his body. In spite of his mental reassurances to himself, he could not help but feel something was wrong. They both stepped in, wands at the ready, geared to aparate should the slightest problem come up.

Crumbling stairs lead away up to their right. As they passed Sirius glanced up, seeing nothing. They continued through into an old lounge, the fireplace dusty and spilling out ash. There was one battered old sofa, green and mouldy. It was hard to believe that someone had been living here.

Sirius and Remus both realised it at the same time. Something was wrong. They looked at each other, and by unspoken agreement the tried to aparate. No success. Sirius cursed as he ran to the door, bumping straight into a tall and broad wizard. Ropes coiled from the corners, binding both men tight, the ties about their legs causing them to trip. Sirius knew he could transform into a dog, throwing off the ropes, but with the room full of wizards as it was there was no way he could save Remus too. Better to wait until there was more of a chance. A familiar voice from the shadows made his freeze. A wizard in dark robes stepped out. McNair.

"What's this? We set a wolf trap and catch a fugitive to boot. Bargain." He steepled his fingers. Sirius tried to suppress a laugh. Had he been watching too many muggle films? There seemed to be five more wizards in the room, too many to take on at once. There was no choice but to wait and see why and how the Death Eater had brought them here.