This story is for Messenger, because she wanted more Snape (sheesh, don't we all? ;)  Thanks to all my reviewers, I think my writer's block is over (at least for this chapter and the next), so I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Nineteen

Reflections

Reign left the Great Hall just as alone as when she entered it.  But this time there were no eyes staring at her, wondering, inspecting.  In fact, there was no one...anywhere.  She stood in the foyer at the top of the steps and wrapped her robes around her; her eyes darting back and forth, contemplating which direction she should take.  She decided to walk down the steps, so that's just what her mind commanded her feet to do.  They carried her angelically down the steps and out onto the front lawn of Hogwarts.  Yet again there was another bright day waiting for her.  She thought it rather odd that every day she had been here had been a beautiful one, but she wasn't about to complain.  Once she was outside she stopped again.  Where now?  A cool breeze whispered to her as it blew softly through her hair.  Left, it said.  So she turned left, and her eyes met Hagrid's hut.  Now her feet took control and carried her down the grassy slope.  The fresh air felt wonderful as it filled her lungs.  The birds were singing their soothing tunes and the water of the lake glistened underneath the mid-morning sun.  Even the most beautiful of paintings would not do this day justice, she thought as she strode toward the paddock at the back of Hagrid's cabin.  As she came around the corner, Cypress drew back from the fence where he had been feeding, startled by her sudden appearance.  But the shock immediately resided, and it seemed a small smile crept over his massive face as Reign raised her hand and stroked his cheek. 

            "Is Hagrid still here?" she asked the horse.  He responded with a shake of his great head and turned it toward the forest.  Through the trees Reign could make out the faint white glow of a unicorn—surrounded by several short, darker figures, and one very large one. 

            "I see.  Well, I guess it's just you and me then, old friend."  She smiled, and the horse responded by nudging her shoulder affectionately.  The elf took the reins hanging on the edge of the fence and placed them on Cypress.  After opening the gate she led him to the lake.  The soothing thud of the horse's hooves gave her a sense of familiarity that she was grateful for.  Upon reaching the edge of the lake the woman removed the reins.  The horse did not move, however, but remained by her side; a look of confusion perplexing his powerful face. 

            "Go on," she urged, "go get some exercise."  She slapped the horse on the haunches and he sprang to life in an instant.  Reign smiled as she sat down on the grass to watch Cypress gallop across the lawn, darting in and out of his own steps, rearing on its hind legs and showing off for the elf.  She stopped watching after awhile, and turned her attention to the waters of the lake.  They swirled where the giant squid disturbed them, and she fell into the swirls as her mind drifted. 

            What was she supposed to do now?  Her life seemed to have no meaning.  She had destroyed her home, even if it was indirectly, and now she was left with nothing.  And the only man that she thought might let her live his life with him despised her.  Or at least acted like it.  She had a sudden urge to go give a piece of her mind to Severus.  Damn him for the way he shut himself away from the rest of the world.  If things didn't go his way then things didn't go at all. 

            She also had a sudden urge to leave.  Cypress darted across her line of vision, disturbing her thoughts.  She had half a mind to jump atop him and gallop off to...wherever.  Preferably, she yearned to go back to her village.  Survey the damage, try to find survivors, perhaps even start over.  But that seemed impossible.  The destruction was so massive that it seemed permanent.  So she didn't get up. 

            Because she was scared.  Scared to even move, to even live the rest of the day.  She was scared of what she would find if she went back: of what she wouldn't find if she went back.  It was an adventure she wasn't about to take part in.  So she sat by the lake, and Cypress came to her with that smile on his face.  And she replaced his reins and walked him back to the paddock.  And after closing the gate her feet carried her back up the slope, into the castle, through the halls, and to her rooms. 

            And she was amazed at how fast she had gotten back.  It was that feeling she sometimes got where she was walking but she didn't know why or where, or even how.  She was just walking.  But here she was in her rooms, and she had no idea what to do now.  She was alone again, and she wished desperately that she wasn't.  It would have been fine even with Lucius there.

Lucius.

He didn't seem like himself that morning.  The way he insulted that poor boy made him look so mean, so...unprofessional.  It made him look ugly.  And Reign didn't like it.  And once again she was frustrated because she didn't know what to think of him. 

***

Dinner seemed to drag on forever.  She reluctantly passed up the famous trio's offer to sit by them and was dragged instead to the staff table by Helena.  The atmosphere in the Hall was—for the most part—pleasant.  But Reign could feel the icy stare coming from the other end of the table—the cold but slightly saddened look emanating from the Potions master.  The feeling was gone as soon as it came, but her appetite left with it.  As she poked the food on her plate Helena spoke to her.

            "Reign, you should really eat something.  You're looking thin."  She was right; Reign hadn't eaten a decent meal in days, and it was starting to take its toll on her.  So she slowly raised a stalk of celery to her mouth.  It stayed in there for a long time as she chewed it to the consistency of applesauce.  After swallowing she went for her goblet.  The pumpkin juice was almost too sweet for her, but she sipped it anyway.  Despite the urging of Helena to eat, she still didn't consume as much as either of them would have liked.  So when they walked up to Helena's rooms together, Professor Saxon pulled out two small tablets and handed them to Reign.

            "What are these for?"

            "Just some nutrients and vitamins.  I'd rather you get them from food, but until you get your appetite back you can have these."  When they got to their destination Helena fetched a glass of water from the bathroom and Reign gulped it down with the supplements.  After a few minutes she began to feel more alive.  She thanked her friend as they sat next to each other by her fire. 

            "So what's bothering you?  Besides the obvious."  Reign shot her a look of shock.  "I mean…shit.  I'm sorry, Reign.  I didn't mean it like that."

            "It's all right," she replied, turning to gaze into the flames.

            "I really am sorry about what happened.  Dumbledore informed the staff right after you told him.  That must have been so horrible for you."     

            "It was," Reign said with an icy tone, not in the slightest grateful for Helena reminding her.  The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher shifted uncomfortably in her seat. 

            "But really, what else is bothering you?"  There was a long pause.

            "Did I ever tell you about Professor Snape?" she said with distant eyes.

            "What about him?"

Reign spent an hour explaining her former relationship with Severus, and the whole time Helena was the quietest the elf had ever seen her.  After the story was told Professor Saxon sat back in her seat, exhausted from all the listening she had to do. 

            "Wow," was all that escaped her lips. 

            "Yeah," came the reply.  "So what do you think?  Is he overreacting?  Or am I under reacting?"

            "I really can't say.  I mean, I guess I can see where both of you are coming from."  Reign sighed as she slumped against the back of her chair.

            "Sometimes I wish my life was just…over."

            "Hey," Helena snapped as she grabbed Reign's arms, "don't ever say that."  The reply she got was a smile from the elf. 

            "I'm sorry.  I just feel like my life has no purpose anymore.  That my immortality could be used more wisely and effectively by someone else."

            "Oh nonsense.  There is a plan for everyone.  Yours is just longer than most."

            "Whatever you say, Helena."  The women smiled at each other.  Reign then removed herself from her seat and said goodnight to the professor.  Before she went out the door, however, Helena took hold of her arm.

            "Promise me you won't do anything I wouldn't do."

            "What do you mean by that?"

            "Just remember that there is a plan for you.  Don't cut it short."

            "I won't.  I promise."

***

Seven minutes later Reign was on top of the Astronomy Tower, standing on the ledge, looking out into the night as it crept over the land.  Tears were streaming down her face as the winds blew her hair and thrashed her robes.  She looked down at the ground; it didn't seem that far down.  But it was dark, and her tears obscured her depth perception.  She wiped them away and breathed deep in order to calm herself down.  A promise—that's what she made to Helena.  She wasn't about to break it; she was just thinking, that's all.  And crying.  And shaking.  And wondering how far she could fly before she fell.  And jumping out of her skin as a voice called to her from the darkness.

            "Reign?"  Severus Snape stepped out from the shadows and stopped.  The creature standing before him was not the elf he once knew.  He could not see her contorted face, her disturbed mind; all he saw was her hair being played with by the now tranquil breeze and her robes floating about her legs.  The night was calm as the clouds rolled in, but they left a space for the moon to pour through.  It fell upon Reign and illuminated her in a most beautiful angelic fashion.  He was breath-taken by her appearance, remaining fixated in his spot as he watched her on the ledge.

            Reign did not turn to look at him.  Instead she stood motionless, hoping to disappear with the breeze.  But it would not take her.  As Severus crossed his arms and walked toward her, the sound of his boots on the stone did not move her. 

            The Potions master peered over the edge of the Astronomy Tower a few feet from the elf.  The ledge itself was not a small one by any means.  It was three feet wide, but one could still fall if they were to slip.  When he pulled back he spoke sarcastically.

            "Wouldn't this be classified as the easy way out?"  There was no reaction from Reign.  The man's lip twitched as he waited for her to speak.  It wasn't until he was lost in the clouds that she did.

            "Perhaps to some," she said, still trapped in her own oblivion.  Her voice was soft and her eyes were distant as they stared straight ahead.  "But it is harder than most seem to think."  She gathered her robes and pulled them tight to her body.  "There is a lot to think about before you jump," she said as she took a step forward.  Severus moved forward also, prepared to grab her if she tried.  But she didn't.  Pulling back, she began again.  "A lot to remember...as you try to forget."  It was then that she looked at him.  The pain in her eyes pierced his heart, making him want to run to her and hold her in his arms, and relieve all the pain.  But he stood fast.  Reign looked away and lowered herself to sit on the ledge.  "I wasn't going to jump," she said softly but defiantly.  She waited patiently as Severus walked slowly toward her.  As he sat down next to her, he said,  "Wouldn't have worked for you anyway."  Reign looked up at him, the pain still plaguing her youthful face, making her look years older than she was.  "Elves are immortal, right?" he said, trying to answer her silent question.  She looked away.

            "I suppose you could say we are immortal.  We can never die, unless we are killed.  And if we are killed, we die."  If she would have turned to her right, she would have laughed at the confused look Severus was wearing.  "So in a sense, we are immortal as long as we hide from those who endanger our immortality.  I prefer not to be such a coward."  She paused, playing with the hems of her robes.  "It just doesn't seem fair if you don't do anything with it.  It's every man's dream, and every lonesome elf's curse."

            "Surely it isn't that bad."  Reign snorted.  What did he know?  Nothing about immortality.  So she would have to enlighten him.

            "I assure you it is not all that it is cracked up to be.  It's not worth it, unless everything and everyone you knew was also immortal.  If that is not the case—if you form relationships with mortals—your life is already ruined.  You have to watch them pass through your life like a raindrop," she brought her hand up to wipe her eye, "or a tear.  And when the tears are wiped away, you are still alive; but you are alone.  And a little piece of you dies.  A hole forms in your heart.  And that hole grows larger until it has consumed your heart, and you become lost and depressed."  Severus felt the analogy was oddly familiar.  "Then it moves into your mind and drives you insane.  And when that is done it slithers inside your soul."  Her tone became very solemn.  "But it just sits there, nibbling away at you for all eternity.  And you are much worse than dead."  Reign's story was finished, and as she sat—still staring off into some invisible world—Severus sat uncomfortably on the hard stone, not knowing what to do or say.  Luckily, he didn't have to do anything.  Reign started to speak again.  "Why are you here?"

            "I come up here to think," he said, looking up at the clouds.

            "Ah, a dangerous pastime."  Reign was suddenly awake.  She leaned back on the ledge and waited for Snape's response.

            "How so?"

            "Well, thinking is the root of all destruction."

            "Then why grant us that privilege?"

            "Because thinking allows us to analyze and make ourselves better people and the world a better place."

            "I see no harm in that."

            "There is none unless we do it for too long—if that is the case, we start to linger on everything that is evil in the world and in our lives.  We destroy ourselves and others: for all destructive thinking comes last in the process.  Just think about it."  She smiled.  "When you first saw me, when I was beaten and broken, at first you felt sorry for me.  But then you started thinking.  You thought about all the pain I caused you and how your life has been destroyed because of me."  Severus did not respond.  He folded his hands and waited until a clever response came to him.

            "But do we not imagine and create while thinking?"

            "Create, yes.  And therein lies the paradox.  Imagine, no.  We imagine in our dreams."

            "When did you become so wise?"  Reign turned to him and her eyes burned into his.

            "When I stared death in the face and beat him at his own game—and lived to see that others had not."  She got up from the ledge.  "I know you are hurt, Severus.  And I'm sorry.  But I'm hurt too."  Reign didn't wait for a response.  She turned on her heel and left Severus alone on the ledge.