Light Magnet

How did I let this happen?  I'm not supposed to be like this, not supposed to care.  But in that soft light you resembled something insubstantial, ethereal …beautiful.   Not perfect by any stretch of coherent thought…that is, except in the possessive corners of my mind that finagle around the logic and intelligence to chain me in their depths.  These whispers in my brain--forcing me to stare at you at inopportune times when I'd rather do anything but—turning what should have been harmless friendship into an unhealthy obsession.  I'd gladly toss away like decaying trash everything I've searched so hard for.  None of those things hold my attention like they used to….   

There you go again, floating away on the indecisive wind, leaving me to the lonely night while you revel in your semi-conscious dreams.  Every fucking time you say, "See ya tomorrow," but don't return for a week.  I almost wish I could die…swift and painless …just so I would not be caught with this continuous sequence of gut-wrenching apprehension when you're away from me.  It's confusing, this feeling I have. I don't know what to do with it, or even what to generally make of it.  Maybe I should be avoiding you; it can be awkward sometimes, but the oppressive space hanging before my eyes can never obscure the light magnetizing to your body.  "Captivating" I supposed I could call it.  Tearing my eyes away would be the worst hurt I, or anyone else could possibly inflict upon me.  If I don't see you tomorrow…if you run away like you always do….  Could you stay here with me?

 …Would you…if I asked?