THE JOURNAL
Chapter 2
By: BadMomma
Notes at the bottom.
Helena's thoughts
Journal Entry: 11.15.AC214
"You can be as stubborn as your father!" she told me today, letting out her breath and shaking her head ever so slightly. Wow, I didn't know how to react. It was the first time she'd mentioned him in months and to be honest I don't think I remember the last time she actually initiated a reference to him. Of course she hadn't initiated the conversation (that was me) but I didn't care, I was so excited about his mention that all I could think to do was smile. I needed to think of the right response – and quickly. We hadn't talked about him in what felt like ages and I wanted to veer the conversation in that direction before I lost the opportunity. She must have read my mind because the next words out of her mouth were "and don't try to change the subject on me, he always tried that one too and it never worked . . . well, not usually" then a sweet little smile threatened to turn up the corners of her mouth. This was almost too much to bare, we were talking about him sort of and she was smiling; no pain, no far-off looks, no hint of tears anywhere! The next words from her mouth shook me from my reverie and almost left me passed out on floor of her office. "We can discuss him in a minute, first we finish the matter at hand".
The matter at hand! You would have thought I was suggesting she allow me to get my own apartment in town and that she continue to support me financially! All I had asked was if I could spend the night at a friend's, my best friend's. Katie had been my best friend since we met in fourth grade. Mom knew her family well, both of Katie's parents are in the diplomatic corps and we'd often played together when our parents attended official dinners or held late working meetings; they had been over to our house on plenty of occasions for birthdays and barbeques. Katie's parents were probably the only friends mom had that weren't from the time of turmoil. They were good decent people and I don't know why she objected to my spending the night.
My girl friends and I wanted to go out and catch a film, have some dinner, maybe do some shopping or go to the arcade and then have a sleep-over. Five teenage girls giggling and talking about boys, a night of total girliness, and Katie's mom had agreed to host it. It would be my last night out with my friends in a while and they just wanted to celebrate my birthday, it was no big deal. Duo would be arriving late that same afternoon, but he'd be heading straight for the Preventers' base to spend the night there after his meetings. I'd be back by the middle of the next day, it's not like I'd be neglecting my guest. Well, guests actually, Quatre had called in the morning and said he would be in town, so we invited him to come stay with us for the remainder of the weekend. It's weird now that I think about it, they've talked about how they weren't really a team, they were never meant to act together, but they always ended up as a group. It's natural that my aunt and uncle are always around since they live on the property, but it never ceases to amaze me how someone always casually turns up when one of them decides to come visit, and Sally and Wufei are never too far behind. I don't think it would surprise me too much if Trowa mysteriously showed up for the weekend, too. Though I doubt that. There's something not totally right between him and mom. I guess it's another question I'll have to have answered, just one more.
But that's not important now. I won. I don't know if I convinced her it wouldn't be that bad to let me go for the night or if she just realized how silly she was being, but she agreed. I could spend the night at Katie's as long as I promised to be back in time for lunch. When we were done I almost expected her to rush me out of her office so she could get back to work but she turned to her computer and shut it down, filed a few papers from her desk, and informed her secretary that she would be unavailable for a little while. Then she looked up at me with a determined smile, let out a quick breath and said "let's go for a walk".
One of the good things about her having an office at the house is that we had a place to go where we could instantly be alone. We walked for a bit in silence in the general direction of the big oak by the side of the lake. She startled me by starting without any prodding. "You know you really are a lot like him in so many ways, aside from your looks that is." My looks, I had heard it so many times before. I had her complexion and plumbing, but that was pretty much it. I had his mouth, his nose, the same hoarse quality to my voice, the same color and shape eyes. And then there was the hair, the unruly brown hair, a few bangs in the front but long in the back. Just past my shoulders, that way I can wear it in a pony-tail, tied at the base of my neck or with two braids on the sides and pulled back – similar to how she used to wear it when she was younger. Sometimes I opt for what we've come to call the 'baka-look'.
I remember the day it earned that name. Hilde and Duo were visiting, he had come for a conference or something and Hilde had spent the day with mom. I was just getting home from school when I heard a car pull up behind me on the driveway and saw it was Duo. I dropped my school bag and ran to him jumping up into his arms for a big bear hug. I love him so much He's funny and silly, always cracking jokes, always trying to pull a fast one on somebody. He's like a big kid! He carried me in the bear hug all the way to the door, picking up my bag as we passed it. At the front door he shifted me to a piggy-back so we could pass through the door safely and he could see where we were going. The doorman said that 'the ladies' were on the veranda, so that's where we headed. 'Thee vuraahnduh' he kept repeating, imitating the doorman's quirky pronunciation, we laughed all the way there as he came up with every imaginable sentence in which to use the words.
I guess they must have heard us coming because by the time we got to the door they were both looking in our direction. He quickly dropped me down in front of him and we said 'hiya!' at exactly the same time. A brief silence followed, then mom and Hilde just burst out laughing! They couldn't control themselves, I thought mom was going to fall off her chair. They were rocking back and forth in hysterics, gasping out 'oh my god' and 'it's so . . . they're so . . .' Duo and I just looked at each other, what was so funny all we did was say hello? Hilde had started to regain her composure and finally giggled out "They could be twins!" We looked at each other again, shrugged and turned our attention back to them. We looked nothing alike, what were they talking about? Duo took a little step forward to stand next to me, put his hand on my shoulder and asked Hilde what was so funny. Mom was the one to respond, "look at the two of you, in your little uniforms, with those silly looks on your faces, and your braids hanging over your shoulders." Duo's braid of course was considerably longer than mine, but she had a point. He stared at me for a moment and with something like paternal-pride said, "Hey, are you going for the wonderful, handsome, killer-sexy look like your old Uncle Duo?" The comment elicited an even stronger wave of hysterics from the two women sitting in front of us, so much so that mom had to grab the arm rest to avoid falling out of her seat. Suddenly Hilde started, "yeah . . . sure . . . if . . . if . . . what . . .she wants . . . is the . . . the . . . the baka look!" He returned her that cute pouty-lipped 'I'm so hurt' look and then we all lost it. That afternoon they told us Hilde was pregnant.
. . . I love you and Helena, I always will . . .
"I'm sorry" her words startled me back from my memories, "sorry that we don't talk about him that often." I looked up and noticed that we had reached the big oak. She took my hand and pulled me down to sit at the base of the tree. She looked out over the lake but her eyes didn't see it, there were other things in her sight and I hoped against hope that the sad look would not overtake her face, if it did this conversation would be over quickly. She continued, almost as if pushed from behind to speak. "It's not that I don't think about him, I see him every day, every time I look at you." The words had no sting, but I cringed a bit anyway. "Do you know that you walk like him. I've watched you when you're in the garden, or when you're coming in from school, or just walking around the house. The fall of your steps has the same rhythm, it's really incredible." She looked at me a bit nervously and giggled, "Oh it's not like I mind, I love the sound and the look of it." She paused a moment, looked back up and then continued unfazed. "We used to come out here all the time, we'd sit under this tree and just stare out over the lake. Sometimes we talked, well mostly I talked, about my job, the paperwork, the meetings, the petty people who frustrated me and he would just listen. We would hold hands or play with the grass as we sat cross-legged facing each other. Some days he'd wrap his arms around me and pull me back so that my head and shoulders rested against his chest. We were in our own universe, defined by his embrace."
She had stopped again when the slightest bit of color came to her cheeks; she noticed I was watching her and with a chuckle she leaned over and said in a hushed tone, " 'talk' wasn't the only thing we did out here." I guess the shock of her statement was betrayed on my face, she returned the look with mock-shock and said. "What!?! You don't actually believe you were the product of a virgin birth, do you? . . . It's funny, he was so stiff and serious with everyone else and yet with me he was so kind and gentle. Not at first though," she continued with a smirk "I thought we would never get past those sweet little kisses I'd get from him right before he disappeared from sight. I began to wonder if I was the only 17-year old in the universe that had never been properly kissed!" She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, stretching her back as she did. I was afraid to move, didn't want to break her concentration or stall the memories that were being shared. I had wanted to hear these things for so long. I knew they loved each other; but we had never really talked about their relationship, how they'd gotten together, what they were like with each other. This was something new and wonderful and I wasn't going to jeopardize it by distracting her.
We talked almost until sunset. She told me how it had taken him almost 3 months to loosen up enough to hold her hand in the presence of others after their first real kiss. After that it took another 2 months before he stopped taking or making up assignments to avoid attending functions with her. They hadn't really start living together until about four or five months after their first night together. She had been living in the main building on the estate back then, with an army of servants and a full wing of staffed offices. They had only been caught a few times in slightly compromising situations, nothing major, but it was still embarrassing enough to have your secretary and your future-sister-in-law interrupt a passionate kiss on the credenza.
Apparently the servants were having trouble adjusting as well; the maids kept entering her room in the morning to layout fresh towels for the bath without knocking. If they were still sleeping it wasn't too bad, but the last straw was the time they had been coming out of the bathroom together without the benefit of much cover, that's when they decided they needed some privacy. Within the week, they had moved into the house we live in now. They had opted for few servants and no one stayed overnight in the house. A doorman/butler, a cook who handled the daily meals, and a maid that arrived with the cook. No one was scheduled to work the weekends unless specifically engaged for some event. This allowed them the option to sleep in undisturbed on Saturday and Sunday mornings or to wake in the living room in front of the fire after having spent the night enjoying the warmth and each other. She talked about their rendez-vous by the fountain out behind my uncle's house. They were young and in love, she mused, they would go there to have a quiet dinner alone and often made love under the stars, it was relatively secluded so they knew there would be no interruptions. She admitted that she still goes there sometimes, when she wants to feel close to him.
Journal Entry: 11.16.AC214
What a day. I was welcomed home today by the faint sounds of friendship. Passing into the foyer, I could hear the multitude of voices, I couldn't make out what they were saying but I could hear laughing, gasping, a brief silence and then an exclamation of mock-insult, followed by more laughter and clapping. It had been a while since there was so much noise in the house, it was nice. They were probably in the smaller dining room adjacent to the kitchen, that's where we usually congregated when it was just close friends.
I bolted towards the stairs to drop my things in the bedroom, as I approached I could make out some of what they were saying. I called out to let mom know that I was home and that I'd be right down, she pointed out that I was a little late, and I apologized explaining that I'd had a wardrobe emergency. Duo yelled to hurry cause he was starving. Sally commented on how unusual that was and again the room erupted with laughter. They were in a good mood. As the voices trailed off I noticed Hilde's voice in the mix. I was glad she had come, maybe we'd get a little birthday-clothes shopping done before we left, mom's taste tended to be a bit frilly and conservative and I liked my stuff more modern and casual. This was going to be lots of fun.
I dropped my bags and considered changing my top but decided against it. I had spilled some breakfast on myself so I'd borrowed a top from Katie. A quick peek at the mirror and I nixed the idea, I looked fine. I decided to go down the back stairs, the 'look-out stairs' I used to call them. They lead directly to the back of the kitchen and from just the right vantage point you could not only eavesdrop on conversations, but you could get a pretty good view of the dining room. I came down stealthily and instantly heard the low rumblings of my uncle's voice, ". . . and apparently my beloved Noin wants another one. How are you making due with three Hilde?" "Oh, just fine I guess," she began to answer "the twins have always been a handful, they're mini-Duos with energy to burn, but the baby is quiet and she doesn't fuss at all. Quite different from the first time!" By now I had positioned myself where I could see most of them. Mom was at the far end of the table, to her left were Duo and Hilde, then Quatre. Lucrezia was sitting opposite mom at the near end with Milliardo sitting close to her just around the corner to her left, next to him I could see Sally's arm which meant that Wufei was sitting to the right of my mom.
Duo made some comment about how he had done all the work when the twins were little and Hilde gave him a quick tug on the braid and called him a baka, he just winked back and gave her a peck on the cheek. I'd worn my baka-look today just for him, it always made Duo happy, it was something we shared and he loved to play with it. Just then Duo piped up again, "so how many do you have now Quatre, 12, 15?".
"No Duo, there's only eight. We both come from big families so it just seems natural to us. After all we haven't been married that long!" he replied.
It was Wufei's turn to chide Duo, I couldn't see him but there was no mistaking the voice "Really Maxwell, they would have had to wait a while after marrying, anyway it's like a Winner-anniversary tradition, 'Attention everyone: we've been married another year and we're having another baby'. Remember the year they married, subtract one and that's the number of children! Even an idiot like you should be able to manage it." Wufei was quite adept at saying the funniest things without actually intending to. Quatre turned all shades of red, everyone laughed and Milliardo reached out to grab his wife's hand as he raised his eyebrows repeatedly at her in a sly inviting way. I heard the sound of flesh against flesh, a slap, and then the retort: "Woman, stop striking me! It is very annoying." Sally's only response was that maybe he and she should reconsider their relationship and start producing children because at the rate everyone else was going they would never be able to catch up. Wufei responded rather matter-of-factly that based on Trowa's prowess in the dating department she had nothing to worry about, they both would have another decade to find partners and Trowa still wouldn't catch up. Again the laughter ensued and this time I couldn't control it, I had given myself away.
"Is that you, Helena?" mom asked in the general direction of the stairs, a few heads turned as I came out of the shadows. Mom and Milliardo knew exactly where to look, they had found me eavesdropping there before, once a few years back my uncle had even had to carry me up to bed because I had fallen asleep in the process.
As I stepped into view the room went silent, with the exception of a few gasps, you could have heard a pin drop. The faces of the few people looking my way was sheer and utter astonishment, the others reacted to their shock by turning to see what it was all about. I stopped in mid-step, what had I done? Why were they all staring at me? Mom was the first to recover, "come on in honey, we've all been waiting for you". As I made my way around the table distributing hugs and kisses I caught them exchanging strange glances but no one said anything, it was really strange. I finally got to where mom was, gave her a quick hug and looked back around the room.
No one had spoken yet and I couldn't take it anymore, so I asked "do I have a horn coming out of my head or something, why are you all looking at me like that?" Again it was mom who reacted first, "well honey I don't think anyone was quite prepared to see you that way. Remember what I told you yesterday about resembling your father, I think you just proved my point!"
At that Duo jumped in, "yeah, for a minute there I thought you were Heero, only you're prettier. He used to wear jeans and a green tank top like that one all the time, you almost made the God of Death have a heart attack". He leaned over from where he was sitting and grabbed my braid to pull me towards him. There was a collective sigh of relief around the room, as he scooched over to offer me a corner of his chair. Nervous chuckles began to fill the room and little by little everything returned to normal.
We spent most of the afternoon in the dining room even after we had finished eating lunch. The day was spent reminiscing about their youth, though I wouldn't have thought that a very pleasant subject. But it seems that their lives and happy memories all began after the wars. Most of the funny stories they told were about odd situations they had gotten into because they weren't accustomed to acting like normal teenagers or about how - because they were teenagers - they found themselves surround by adults who didn't seem to want to acknowledge their abilities. It's amazing how they all accomplished so much at such a young age.
Quatre had taken over running his family business pretty much all by himself within a year of the end of the Mariemaia conflict. And while he sometimes didn't immediately get the respect he deserved from his business associates, his astute business sense and strategic abilities quickly won them over. Duo and Hilde had taken to running their scrap business as a side source of income, because they were both involved with the Preventers. But within a year or two the business, which is now called Resource Reclamation, was taking up a lot of time so Hilde quit the Preventers altogether and concentrated on the company which they merged with a couple of Duo's old Sweeper buddies. Duo continued to do double duty. She now mostly handles the financials for their small conglomerate, which allows her to work from home and spend time with the kids. Sally, Wufei, Milliardo and Noin are still full-time employees of the Preventers. Sally and Wufei are part of the Investigative branch, they train new recruits and handle missions and operations, Milliardo is in the Diplomatic Liaisons Corps and Noin is involved in the administrative aspects of the agency working under Lady.
It was nice to hear them all laughing and talking about the things they had done, they even told a few stories about my father, never once hesitating at his mention. I couldn't have asked for a much better day. I guess the only thing that could have made it better was if he was here to share it with.
~~ to be continued ~~
AN: If you're still reading then, thanks. I guess that means you liked it, so I hope you continue to read. Please write to let me know what you think of it. I'm trying hard to keep everybody IC, but matured (the guys'd be about 34 here). If you can just drop me a note to tell me what you think. Thanks again to LooneGirl. Take care ya'll. Write me at: BadMomma64@aol.com
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, GundamWing does not belong to me.
