A Wounded Soul
By: crushedx34
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: SM is not mine. Too bad…
Alternate Universe
Author Notes: This was originally written in the format of CCS. I'm going to see which one gets more reviews, and then I'll decide which to keep. No one reads angst CCS fanfics! I know there's a lot of SM angst so this will just be an addition.
Prologue~
I watched the blood creep down my arm in shock. Never in my life have I done something so reckless and insane. Nevertheless, I did not regret my actions.
The crimson tears trickled down my wrist and onto my palm. Curious, I silently gazed at it. It was such a delightful shade of red. At this point, it was my favorite color. Red, the color of blood and love. Its strange how such diverse things can be categorized together.
I shook my hand from side to side, watching the opaque liquid flow from the sides of my palm, wincing as the dried gash from my arm tore apart. It was okay. Pain, just pain. Pain was good as long it wasn't emotional. I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I was never one for feelings. I felt most at ease with a sweet smile plastered across my face. Yes, it was sweet, but false. Have I ever truly smiled before? I wouldn't know. I find myself asking a question. What is happiness? Is it even real?
Another cut. This one was deep. I smiled. Was it a true smile, you ask? Perhaps it was. Each cut meant another reason to conceal myself. I would have to wear a long blouse tomorrow. My friends might notice.
I have to say, I do envy them. It's just that I feel ostracized at times. Even more so… now. While they're together having the time of their lives, I contribute a weak smile or two. They'll always have each other. Who do I have? Will anyone ever be there to comfort me? Ever? I didn't think so.
I seek for attention through my klutz attacks, and unfortunately, the attention is not what I need. Doesn't anyone realize that it's not natural for a girl of 14 to stumble through the streets of Tokyo? Blind… they are so blind. So damn oblivious to anyone but themselves…
Flashback…
"...Happy birthday to me… happy birthday to me… happy birthday dear me…" I stared at invisible cake. "Happy birthday to me…"
A single tear rolled down my cheek and paused at the curve of my chin. I shivered. The droplet was cold. No, it was freezing. Was it that cold in my room? I didn't notice.
Ding Dong…
The doorbell rang. I hastily wiped the tear off my chin, and rinsed my face of any trace of tears.
"Usagi! Rei is here for you!"
"Coming okaa-san!" I was anxious. So someone DID remember.
As I arrived to my living room, I was surprised to see a very ruffled Rei.
"Usagi! Oh Usagi! I can't believe I forgot!"
"Oh… don't worry Rei… it's okay… Everyone does once in a while." I managed to choke out.
"No it isn't! Mamoru's birthday is coming up in a month and I have nothing to give him!"
I blinked. So it wasn't even me she forgot. It was her boyfriend's…or in other words, my arch enemy's birthday.
"Don't worry about it Rei, you have plenty of time to spare." I breathed. That's right Usagi, breathe.
"Do you really think so? I don't know what to do!" she wailed.
"Yes, I am sure."
"Are you really sure?"
"Of course."
"Are you really really sure?"
"Yes."
"Are you really really really sure?"
"YES I AM! I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY SURE!" That was it. I finally cracked. It was a mistake, and I knew it.
Rei gasped. I had never flown into such a rage it before. Okay, I admit, I was never really composed with Rei, but then again, I was never serious about our many petty fights either.
"I'm sorry Rei. I don't feel too well. P-please, just leave me alone." I pushed her out the door, not even waiting for an answer.
My father was on a business trip. He didn't even bother to call. It doesn't really matter. I don't care. It's only my father. Him and his stupid business trips… he never used to go away for so long. What's luring him away from his very own family? I really wonder.
End of Flashback.
The mere thought of that memory sent shudders of sorrow down my spine. We were never the same again after that day. And that day was exactly four years ago. I have new friends now. New and better friends. Yet no matter what I do, I can't forget them. No comforting will ever mend this aching soul.
My chest felt heavy and tense. One more cut. Just one more. I slid it across my wrist. Nothing happened.
I took a glance at the scissors I used. The blades were getting too dull.
"Time to go scissor shopping…" I whispered, not noticing the wet stain on my cheek.
Author Notes: Yeah, I know I know, Rei isn't that annoying. I just needed someone to make Usagi go to the brink of her sanity. And no, this is not a Mamoru and Rei fanfic. … That would be wrong.
I'm definitely changing the title, 'cause it sounds way too cliché. Any suggestions?
Review, Review, and REVIEW.
I want to get at least 10, but I can settle for 5.
...10's too much isn't it?
