The Journal, Chapter 11
By BadMomma… thoughts
***** . . . ***** "live" action that takes place.
Notes at the bottom.
Journal Entry 08.18.AC215
Well, well, well. It's been three months since the last time I had a chance to update my journal and there is so much to tell I almost don't know where to begin.
At the beginning would probably be the best place, I guess. OK, here goes.
I'll take it slow and try to remember everything in order. The first important thing that happened was that mom was able to convince Katie's mom that they should spend their last few days here with us. Then, by some act of God or who knows what they dropped the bomb. A pleasant bomb, but a bomb nonetheless. Katie would be staying with us for two weeks after her mom left and then we'd both be going to L4. Our moms had decided that we deserved a little time to ourselves and that it would be nice for me to come visit with them for a little while to get a feel for their new home. I guess they figured I'd feel a little better if I'd actually been there.
At first I wasn't sure if I really wanted that or not, it seemed like prolonging the inevitable. I thought it might be better if we didn't see each other for a while and then were able to get together again – like at the end of the summer or something, but in the end I think it worked out for the best. And for reasons I'm not ready to explain – yet.
The two weeks we spent here on earth after Katie's mom left gave us time to plan our time on L4. We were able to search the net for information on her new school – things like the curriculum, clubs, how their sports programs fair against their competition; Katie's one of the best swimmers at school and she's on the varsity volleyball team – she's quite the athlete really – and these things are important to her. Since her new school doesn't have a swim team we looked into whether there was a local competitive swim club, which there's not, so I guess she'll have to stick to volleyball, they're not bad at that. We then looked into the things we could do in her new neighborhood once we got there, we wanted to try to figure out where we could go while I was there for the following two weeks. We came up with plenty of things for us to do and made ourselves a schedule of activities. I think we kind of over-planned, but we figured we could always drop a few things from the list if we wanted to. And boy did we ever, how does that expression go 'the best laid plans of mice and men'? Yeah, right! The rest of the time we spent acting like two vacationing teenagers girls. We went to the movies, we swam in the lake out back, we took a day trip to the beach with some of our girlfriends, painted our nails, talked about dying our hair, entertained ourselves with fantasies about movie stars and rock singers; just the usual stupid stuff we do when we're on vacation.
When the time came to go, mom drove us to the shuttle port and waited til she'd watched us board. Like the good mom that she is, she made me promise to behave, keep out of trouble – as if – and to call her every couple of days. Apparently, she and Uncle Mill had had a little argument over whether it was wise of her to let me go on my own or not and he'd made her promise to get me to call every couple of days. It wasn't until then that she told me about the other things that were going on last December while I was caught up in the whole mystery of my dad. I was so wrapped up with the chest and the disk that I had forgotten the other part of that cryptic conversation between Duo and Trowa at the terminal on L4, about 'the transmissions'. Seems the transmissions were about some anti-government group or something that had decided that the mom, Mill, Lu, Lady and a few other people – all who'd been born on earth or were on that side of the conflict all those years ago, were a threat to the continued relations between earth and the colonies. I'm not sure I'll ever understand what makes people think that way but, whatever. I guess that's why the Preventers are still around, cause you're always going to have a few crazies out there who think someone's trying to ruin their way of life or something. Anyhow, she assured me that everything was fine and Mill was just being a little overprotective, but to be sure to keep Katie's mom and dad in the loop on all we were doing and not to be too adventurous since we'd both be new to the area. Little did I know that we'd never even get the chance.
We hadn't been on L4 more than 48 hours when Katie's dad told us that we'd be attending some fancy dinner party being held by the Diplomatic Corps for some local dignitaries and their families. Katie's mom, who's temporarily on leave from the job, took us shopping for some new outfits to wear to the party the next day.
At the party we met a bunch of the other DC kids, turns out a few of them attend the same school Katie'll be at and we hit it off with quite a few of them. We spent most of the night at a table we confiscated for ourselves doing the meet & greet and getting to know them. They even offered to take us around the next day and show us some of the hot spots they hang out at and what places to avoid. It took a while but one of them finally put together a few facts: what my last name was, who I looked like, where Katie's family had come from - and therefore me by extension – and eventually who I was. I'd kind of hoped that no one would make the connection and when it didn't come up in conversation after the first hour or so, I figured I'd be OK. But when Rachel Simmons' eyes started glazing over while looking at me and she lowly uttered 'Oh my God, Helena Yuy… that means you're… you're her daughter, THE daughter…' Can we say I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me??? What surprised me was that they did not have that same awe-of-God reaction some of my long-time school friends have about who my mom and her friends are. I got the usual questions like, 'wow, what's she like to live with', 'is she really as nice as she appears to be', 'you must know the other pilots', 'is your uncle as handsome in person as he is on the vid-reports', 'have you ever met (fill in your choice of famous person)'. Like I said, the usual, but they were much more cool about it. None of them got weirded out with me or treated me any differently, they just thought it was cool. I guess being a diplomat's kid makes all the difference, they had met some of the same dignitaries that I had, one of the guys had met my mom when he'd gone to some conference with his parents, stuff like that. And then Rachel's boyfriend, Tom, dropped the summer's second bomb when he says 'Hey, you know, I think Mr. Winner's here tonight! Didn't you say you knew him? My mom's company does business with him and I think she mentioned to my dad that he was coming.'
Well damn, Uncle Quatre was there! I hadn't seen him since the weekend of my birthday and I figured it would be real nice to see him again. So we split up into two groups to go ask the parents if anyone knew for sure. When we ran across each other after a few stops, we found out that he was there but the other group had been admonished not to disturb him. Of course, knowing that he was there just meant we were determined to find him, and we did, after only about 20 minutes. We approached the group of men cautiously, they seemed to be having a serious discussion. We hovered close by for a little while before one of them noticed us – imagine a group of like nine teenagers huddled around and only one guy notices us. But when he did all attention shifted to us and as soon as Quatre saw me, it made my day. His face lit up with the biggest smile I'd ever seen and he practically spilled his drink when he jumped forward with his arms out to pick me up in the kind of bear hug I only ever get from either Duo or Mill. He spun me around like three times before he finally put me back down and started asking what I was doing there, if mom was with me, how I'd managed to grow so much since the last time he saw me. (RIGHT!) Anyhow, after a while he seemed to get himself under control again and he introduced me to the men he was speaking to; I in turn introduced them to Katie and our new friends. He told me that he was going to be around for at least another two or three days and said he wanted to see me again. We exchanged phone numbers and he promised to call to make arrangements to get together again before he left and we talked for a little longer before I excused myself, so he could get back to whatever he'd been doing before we interrupted. As we walked away I heard one of the other men ask him if we were family or just friends and I don't think I'll ever forget what he said. "Family, unofficially. Despite the fact that I have several children of my own, I love that girl like a daughter. I consider her father to be one of my closest friends ever and I owe him my life, I'd do anything for her and her mother. He was like a brother to me, so… yes, I guess we are family."
I was hmmm pleased? Not really shocked or overwhelmed, but umm touched, I guess. I know that he and all my other 'uncles' really care about me, but I guess I'd never thought about it that way, he said it with such emotion and conviction, I just, I don't know, it affected me. I mean, yeah, I know Duo feels that way and I love him like that right back. Now that I've gotten to know Trowa, I know he cares a great deal for me and mom. And while Wufei's a bit tight-lipped and all, I know he had great respect for both mom & dad and he, in his own words, "is honored to be a part – however small or insignificant - of my life" and that I "should never hesitate to call upon him for anything". I think I still have that birthday card around here somewhere
Anyhow, I guess it was obvious how much it had affected me because before I realized it, Katie was walking right up along side of me, giving me a reassuring squeeze and a smile and nod of understanding. She'd heard it too and she told me that night when we were getting ready for bed that I should consider myself the luckiest person in the universe cause sometimes even 'real' family members aren't that passionate about their own. She's right, I am rather lucky in that.
The next day we were off exploring. Rachel, Tom, Kelly, Annie, Antonio and his sister Clara, all came by in the morning to take us out on the town. They drove us around for a few hours just showing us where they usually hung out, the best places to eat, the malls, the arcades, the movie theaters; everything and anything. Early in the afternoon, we stopped at the biggest mall around and hit the food court, then spent a few hours window shopping. We took in an early movie, then they showed us were the best clubs were and finally brought us back to Katie's. We were both so exhausted that we went straight to bed that night. They'd already planned out the next day for us, they would drive us by the school, just to show Katie where it was, then we were going to Rachel's house to spend the afternoon in the pool and have a barbeque that night. Apparently Rachel's mom works with Katie's dad, so the parents would be at the barbeque also. It was while we were out that day that Quatre called.
Katie's mom had invited Quatre over for dinner the following day, it seems mom had introduced them on one of his visits to us and Katie's mom thought it would be nice to see him again. Most of that day we spent recovering from all the activities of the previous days; we lounged around the house a bit and finished straightening out all Katie's knick-knacks and books and stuff. It was great to see Quatre and be able to spend some time with him in a more casual environment. We updated each other on what had been happening in our respective lives, he showed us pictures of the new baby and the rest of the kids, we talked a bit about Michael and what he was doing for the summer, and how long I'd be staying with Katie's family. He invited me to spend a few days with him before returning home and even offered to call mom and ask. Before he left that evening he pulled me aside to tell me that he'd been in touch with Duo and knew what was going on, he said there was no new news from my dad but they were still trying, he had joined the cause and was 'doing what he could to help out'. I told him how much I appreciated what he and the guys were doing for me and that I'd never be able to repay them their kindness. He looked at me sadly and raised a hand to his chest, I thought he was going to get down on his knees and swear an oath or something, when he said that he knew, deep in his heart, just how I was feeling and that there was nothing for me to repay him, it was the least he could for me. He kissed me on the forehead, ruffled my bangs a bit and then sighed and said, "you so remind me of your father, Helena, and we miss him so terribly badly, I just wish I could fix this, I wish I could bring him back."
I almost cried right then, I don't think I'd ever seen Quatre so sad, and for some reason it just broke my heart. The memory of the day we watched the vid from my dad came flashing back into my mind, how broken and helpless they had all seemed, mom, Duo, Trowa, even Mill was upset and I know he and dad were never the best of friends. What was it about him that inspired such fierce loyalty in his friends and loved ones. As soon as he left I felt very tired and excused myself to go to bed. I think I missed my laptop that night, more than any other day I was gone. I desperately needed to get out my emotions and this journal has become such an easy and fulfilling way to do it, instead I cried myself to sleep. Now that I think about it, maybe this is why dad wrote and drew in his journals, to be able to let loose the things he was feeling. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for him, after all those years of bottling it up, no wonder he had so much to say. That night I cried, not just for me or mom or dad's friends, but for him as well; how sad must he have been when he was my age, how hard must it have been not to have someone to talk to, how alone must he have felt with no one to love or to guide him. No wonder they all admire him so much and have forgiven him so completely, I think now I understand a little better who he was.
I love you dad, I won't give up on you, I'm going to bed now, I think I need to cry a little more
Journal Entry 08.19.AC215
To Whom It May Concern:
My apologies for the way I ended my last entry.
HY.
What am I doing, apologizing to my journal? I think I'm losing it!
***** CTRL-A DEL*****[1]
Journal Entry 08.19.AC215
OK! Another day, another journal entry! Today, we pick up the saga of the eternally depressed and morose Helena Yuy, someone with much to live for who insists on depressing herself for no better reason than that she can. SNAP OUT OF IT CHICK!
***** CTRL-A DEL*****
This is getting seriously weird. Concentrate. It's OK to get the mopes once in a while, but they're over now and you still have a lot of catching up to do. Good thing there's no rule that says I can't erase what I've written. Alright, get a grip, Quatre came over for dinner, what happened after that.
Journal Entry 08.19.AC215
Picking up from where I left off: The next few days were spent like the ones before, we hung out with our new group of friends, we hung out at Katie's and helped out with the last bit of settling in, we talked, we goofed, we basically did what we'd always done when we were together, we acted like morons. OK, maybe not morons, but we acted our age. While we were watching a movie a few days before I was supposed to leave, we remembered some joke that Michael had told that one day we all hung out at my house and realized that we both kind of missed him, so we went to Katie's room to send him an email. Turns out he was on line and so we set up a chat between us. He said he'd been wondering if he'd offended me in some way since I hadn't replied to any of his emails in the past week and a half. We laughed and brought him up to date on what we'd been doing. He was off doing some summer studies in England – something he hadn't planned to do - and was having a great time, he wouldn't be home until right before school started up again. which reminds me, when does he get back again? Oh tomorrow, great! I told him that I'd seen 'our' uncle and he'd invited me to go stay with him and Michael encouraged me to take him up on it. He said Quatre had the coolest home, the kids were great and that his aunt was one of a kind, he thought we'd 'get on famously'. It was funny the way he worded things some times, and I told him so, then he pretended to be completely offended and swore vengeance in the form of ruining my academic record and reputation. I told him that he'd need to be a cut-rate computer hack to do that and therefore I knew he wouldn't be able to. That ended that line of threatening. I told him I'd get in touch with mom and let her know why he hadn't been by for dinner, lest she be offended by his absence, then we talked for a while longer. We ended up logging off when it was time to go to dinner. I promised to let him know where I'd be, and he promised to try to keep in touch.
After dinner it occurred to me that I hadn't checked my emails in almost three weeks so Katie and I headed back to do just that. We'd been so wrapped up in our travels and explorations that we hadn't used the computer at all until we emailed Michael. There was nothing pressing or important waiting for me in my email, even though I'd almost worked myself into a frenzy worrying about what it. I called mom after that, since it was my scheduled night to call, and we talked for a bit before the subject of Quatre's invitation came up. She said he'd already called and that it was up to me, if I wanted to I could, he'd even managed to work an appointment planet-side into his schedule and had offered me a ride home on his private shuttle. With an offer like that, how could I refuse, so when I was done talking to mom, we called Quatre and let him know, we made arrangements for when and where to meet and my travel plans were readjusted. The rest of the time spent a Katie's was uneventful, well, not totally, seeing as we had plenty of events to attend, just nothing stellarly mind-blowing or even earth (or colony) shattering happened. We were both a bit sad when it came time for me to leave, but you know what, the moms were right. I think both Katie and I felt a lot better knowing that she was going to be OK, since we'd both had a chance to check out her new home and new friends together. I felt like I was leaving her in good hands, and the gang promised to keep in touch through email whenever they could.
Michael was right, by the way, Quatre's was a great place! First off, the place was HUGE! Palatial, even. Apparently it was Quatre's family's home when he was a kid, and being that the guy has like a million sisters, well, I guess they needed the space. I think it's even larger – square footage-wise – than the Peacecraft Estate, yeah we're talking BIG here. I have no idea how many rooms it had, but it had like two kitchens and two formal dining rooms that seat like 30-40 people each, an informal dining room, the kids had two playrooms one each on the first and second floors. There were two recreation/relaxation rooms on the first floor alone, one had a pool table, a ping pong table and games tables of all sorts; the other was like the entertainment center – talk about a home theatre! – you could have fit like fifty people in there sitting down. There were bathrooms and closets and libraries and offices everywhere you turned. At one point when Aisha was showing me around I asked her if the house had once been a school dormitory and she laughed at me saying that with 30 children it'd have to be like a small dormitory. Wow! 30 children, I can't even begin to imagine. I remember thinking Quatre's mom must have been a saint to have and raise that many kids. Unbelievable!
By the way Michael was right about everything else, too. Aisha and I did get along great and I told him so the third night I was there when I emailed him from one of the kid's computers (the kids have two). They're smart little buggers, too, Hassan, who' s 8, and Mohsen, 7, are absolutely amazing; they are currently being home schooled by a tutor – apparently a Winner family tradition – and it's incredible how smart they are. All the children are friendly, adorable, polite and just perfect. And Quatre is unbelievably sweet and attentive with them. In the whole time I was there he never came home later than 6pm, of course he left for work by 5:30 every morning, but he was always there to spend time with them before and after dinner, and Aisha says that's the way he always is. He also found time to spend alone with me. I felt kind of guilty that we were leaving Aisha out when we did have our little evening talks but she said she didn't mind, she'd graciously excuse herself to tend to other things so we had some time to ourselves.
We had some very nice talks. Nothing as shocking or mind blowing like when I'd talked to Trowa those two times on L2, but I guess once those cats were out of the proverbial bag, there wasn't much left to shock me with. We did talk about my dad a lot. I asked him the same thing I'd asked Duo, if he thought dad was ruthless, machine-like. He said that at first he had, not really ruthless just hard and cold; but that during the time they spent together dad had helped him. He'd seen that there was more to him than just the soldier. He was kind and considerate, he encouraged Quatre not to give up hope, not to lose his perspective, and most importantly Quatre found that he was selfless to a fault. It seems that in that time dad did everything he could to keep Quatre and mom and Aunt Lu out of battle. He recklessly ran around trying to solve the problems that presented themselves and to keep anyone else from getting hurt, more than once risking his own life.
He also told me a little about that Zero System Duo had mentioned, explained a bit what it was and how it worked, which was kind of scary; he told me about how he and dad had come to earth during that time that Trowa had amnesia and how they as well as the other pilots had sort of floundered around trying to find direction in their lives for a while. He told me he and dad had disagreed on what they should be doing, his experience with the Zero System had had a profound affect on him and Quatre had been doubting what his continued role in the conflicts should be. Dad had decided that he needed to continue fighting to protect the innocent people being bullied and manhandled by Oz and Romafeller, regardless of who he was fighting with. Innocent people were being used for political gain and he refused to stand around and do nothing. It was a confusing time when no one was certain who was in the right and who was in the wrong. Mill had recently parted ways with Oz, Gen. Kushrenada had been placed under house arrest, the Sank Kingdom, under mom's direction, was trying to convince nations across the world to adopt a pacifist stance, Lady had been seriously injured and with the exception of him and dad, none of the pilots knew where the others were.
Eventually they all went back into space for what would eventually be the final show-down of the Eve Wars and I was surprised when Quatre explained that it was the first time the pilots had really acted as a cohesive group. He said it was those last few days of battle that eventually made the difference in their friendships. My dad, Quatre said, was the one that made them realize that unless they acted in a concerted effort they would never be able to end the conflicts and while he kept the last piece of the Libra from crashing to earth, my dad never considered himself to have been single-handedly responsible for saving the planet as so many claimed. Quatre says dad once argued that despite his reckless disregard for his own safety in the last moments; without Wufei retrieving the buster rifle, without Duo getting the scientists to the Peacemillion, without Trowa dismantling the Mobile Dolls Controls, Quatre and the Maguanacs blowing up everything in sight, without all of them working together the conflicts could have raged on. My dad just had a way of being the one who most frequently put himself in the most immediate danger. A beautiful person, a heart of gold, a selfless and dedicated soul, that's what Quatre remembers most about my dad.
Selfless and dedicated, makes me wonder how someone who'd apparently never been given much love or affection could have learned those two most humane traits. Not all our conversations were that heavy, but it was nice to have another person to talk to who knew him well and loved him dearly. I am so glad that I took up Quatre's offer to come visit, I might never have learned about that side of him. It's kind of funny actually how each of his friends took away such a strong impression of him and how those impressions differ from person to person, yet how deeply he affected them all. How could he not have realized how important he was to these people, how could he not have realized what an effect he had on them and how beautiful and precious he was to them, how could he have spent so much time trying to find meaning and purpose in his life when he had shared so much with so many. I guess we never really know how deeply our own actions affect the people around us. I am so sorry he never learned, I am so sorry we will not get to teach him.
So here I am, back at home, waiting for school to start up again. Michael gets back tomorrow, school starts in just over a week, my senior year in high school, my last year as a "child".
*****
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Helena, sweetie, Michael's on the phone for you."
"I'll be right there mom. Thanks."
"OK, I'll be reading in my room if you need anything. G'night"
"'Night mom"
*****
Well, I guess it's time to go again. Don't know when the next entry will be, I imagine things will get a bit hectic again for a while.
*****
SAVE
EXIT
Hello, Michael?
Hey! how are you, I didn't expect to hear from you tonight….
*****
Journal Entry 10.26.AC215
Oh good God, I can't believe I didn't think of this before. I am so excited I can't wait to hear back from one of them. I'm sure they'll want to talk to mom about this so rather than calling, I emailed them both the same note. I hope they don't take their time responding, I don't think I can wait very long without busting a gut. OK, but in the mean time I have to think about what I want to say, what should I say – man I never really thought about this, what does someone say to their father after all this time.
OK calm down, think rationally, you have to be ready for some possible resistance, get your thoughts together, make a plan, explain yourself
First things first. I love Michael Faroq. Let it be duly noted that the man is a GOD in my book. OK, so he's good looking, but that's not I'm talking about here. Michael came to spend the weekend, Mom and I picked him up at the airport on Friday, we hung out all day Saturday, we went to the movies that night, we stayed up talking til all hours of the morning, and on Sunday we spelunked. Alright so he wanted to see the infamous chest and the notebooks and the pictures and I hadn't quite recovered from my slight case of spelunking-withdrawal from the summer, so on Sunday right after lunch we hit the chest with a vengeance and while we're talking he innocently says to me, 'so have you tried contacting him yourself?' He asks like it's the most natural question in the world, right? So I get a little miffed, I mean he knows the score, he knows there's no way for anybody – let alone me – to get a hold of him. We'd been sitting shoulder to shoulder looking through some pictures, so I lean away from him and I'm just sitting there staring at him incredulously when he says, 'don't look at me like I just grew an extra head, did it ever occur to you to contact him yourself?'
So I tell him 'What are you, nuts? Don't you think that if we could just get a hold of him we would? Haven't you been paying attention here? The man is hiding out, his friends have been actively trying to get him to respond to their transmissions, messages, notes, valentines, miss-you-grams, whatevers, for months and he hasn't replied to any of them! What the heck do you expect me to do, huh?' Then it's my turn to get the you-just-grew-an-extra-head look, and he says 'send him a note, dummy, from you not them, you send a note, valentine, miss-you-gram, whatever.'
I'm about to object to being called a dummy when I realize what he's suggesting, and then I realize that it never even occurred to me. Or Duo, or Trowa, or Quatre, or Wufei – yeah he knows, or mom or anybody else, HELLO! Can we say, dingbats! I mean for God's sake, how could it not have occurred to any us that if after all this time he wanted to make contact with me, he risked hurting all these people and risked being seen – he was in town and there are lots of people here who know him – then it must be because he felt very strongly about it. And if he felt so strongly about it, then I might be the one to get a reaction out of him. I mean, granted, we don't even know if he's getting any of the messages they're sending him, but it cant' hurt, right? So before he leaves for the airport, Michael and I go up to my room and send an email to Duo and Trowa. He says what I need to do now is give some thought to what I'm gonna say to my dad if they all agree to let me contact him. Right now I'm not sure if I want to go for the jugular and hit him with an all-out guilt trip, or go the demure route and do the beg-and-plead on the heartstrings things.
Did I mention that I absolutely love Michael Faroq. He's the best, a genius, as a matter of fact, I think he should be heralded as one of the great minds of the universe and his picture should be posted across the galaxy as one of the most wonderful men alive. OK, so I'm going a little overboard but I can't help it, I'm excited. I couldn't ask for better friends, he and Katie are the best friends a person could ever have. I sent her an email right after I sent the guys' email, just to let her know what was happening.
And now, I wait. Michael left for the airport an hour ago. I'm here all by my lonesome again; mom had a dinner to go to, Katie's on L4, Michael's on his way back to London – oh, I didn't mention that did I, he decided to take a position at a very prestigious school there for the year, but he should be coming back for the winter break – so I'm on my own and I have no one left to talk to right now. I think I need to start getting used to this.
~~ to be continued ~~
[1] CTRL_A DEL: She was deleting what she'd written. Control_A = selects all text.
Notes:
First, I just realized that I made Helena a 16-yr-old HighSchool Senior, may be a tad on the young side, sorry I goofed somewhere, let's just blame it on the advancements in technology & education in the AC Universe!?!?!?!.
Thanks again everybody for the encouraging emails (Storm/Kate, CeremonialBlood, Vetgirl, KatYuy, DruidKeep); and thanks to the ff.net reviewers for your comments (WingZero, PatateYuy, KnighteWolf, TinaYuy, BlazeWing, GrazingGoat). Sorry for the looong delay between postings, things have been a little hectic with work and I was suffering from a mild case of writer's block, every time I sat down to write what came out was definitely NOT Scottish – it was all CRAP! (I love that lineJ) I may be adding one more chapter - a side story type, I think, for the next part. Please feel free to let me know what you think of this: BadMomma64@aol.com
Disclaimer: Oh yeah, have I mentioned they're not mine?
