The Journal - Chapter 14 By BadMomma (badmomma64@aol.com)

Note 1: I've done this chapter a little different than the rest so a quick note here at the start. This is the beginning of "the grand finale", thank you all for your support, encouragement, emails and reviews (and mild harassment, DK). This chapter will include some JEs, some POVs, some 3rd person and a ~something else~. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I never imagined when I started that it would take this long to crank out or turn out this involved. Thanks guys, and Happy New Year! (a little late, I know, gomen nasai) Ja! Note 2: Special thanks to DK & Faya for reading and rereading and making suggestions. If it sucks, I know who to blame! Just kidding. Note 3: To Ceremonial (sorry, I lost your email), Syren, KnighteWolfe and WingZero (my first) and everyone else at ff.net that's been reviewing, ONE MILLION THANKS!!!! You have been very encouraging and I am truly grateful. And I do apologize for how it's taken me to get this up.

Warning: "bad" words (i.e. cursing) *** *** denotes a change in action or POV
Journal Entry 12.26.AC216

I sent it today. My ultimatum.

Meet me at Liberty Square Park, by the Tomb of the Innocents, on January 1st at 2am. If we're going to continue this relationship, I must be allowed to see you. I promise it will only be me. Michael has agreed to accompany me to the park and see me home, but he will leave the area as soon as you approach. If you can't bring yourself to show up then please don't email me again. I cannot bear to live with the knowledge that you are out there close by, that I can email you and talk to you but that I cannot see you. It's killing me. I need more than just a ghost in a machine, I need my real, live, father to hold on to, it's not fair to me otherwise. I can't continue like this, father, I must see you!

That was it, no other guilt ridden appeals and no middle ground. Now I have to wait to see what happens. I can only hope and pray that it will have a positive result, because if it doesn't I think my heart will shatter into tiny little pieces and it will be a long time before I can put it all back together again.

*** *** ### 01.11.217, Tuesday afternoon, Peacecraft Estate ###

She's strong, I'll give her that much. Apparently much stronger than me. She's made me do something I never thought would happen again.

I surrendered.

Surrendered to her logic, surrendered to her wants, surrendered to her demands, surrendered. to her blackmail. But most of all, once again, I surrendered to my heart.

What was it my old friend used to say? I may run and hide, but I'll never tell a lie. Well if I were him, I'd have to admit that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it, too. In all honesty, I've wanted this since the day I left, since the day I decided I'd do more harm by staying than I would by leaving.

I just didn't think I could do it.

I'm standing here by the lake, waiting for my judgment. Waiting for her to bring two of the people who could make or break this tentative arrangement. Everything depends on how they react. She assures me this will be a success. I have my doubts.

Can she pull it off? Can I?

Three weeks ago she made a demand. Laid down the law and told me how it was going to be. I either met with her in person or I could take a hike. Granted, she didn't use quite those words, but she might as well have told me I could go to hell. Because if I didn't do what she wanted, that's where I would've been. In hell.

I swear to all the gods that my friends believe in, I've never been so scared in my life. Me! A thirty-six year old man who had done more dangerous and potentially deadly things in the first 10 years of his life than most normal people would be capable of in three full lifetimes. I'd put together and put to use explosives capable of taking a sizable chunk out of any colony. Taken down the enemy of the moment with a gun, rifle, bazooka, grenade or blade - whatever I'd had at my disposal. The only thing I hadn't done at that point in time was pilot a mobile suit. And I did enough of that in the six years that followed my first ten, that it would have taken another three people a few more lifetimes.

I had always been the invincible one; the strongest physically, the most single-minded, the most ruthless and the most cunning. A real badass, that's what I was. And for what? To grow up and reach the grand old age of 21, at which point I ran and hid like the little kid I'd never been. Out of fear. And now after years of loneliness and solitude, of being a wraith in the shadows of their lives, to once again be afraid. of what my daughter expected of me. So now I'm standing here, about ready to piss in my pants at the thought that my once two best friends might not stand the sight of me. If it weren't so sad, I think it'd be funny.

Thank their gods that Relena's not here; I don't think I could stand to face her first.

They should be here soon, I've been out here for almost an hour. She'd said they would be here by now. I don't remember whether she had said she would tell them before bringing them out here or let them find out on their own, when they saw me. I don't know which is worse, the waiting or the thought of actually having to face them. I've been walking around in circles, sweating despite the chilled air, physically trying to calm myself down by shaking loose the muscles that keep bunching up in my arms and legs. I've rolled my shoulders, shaken my hands, stretched, twisted, stood and sat in every place and position possible. I even hid behind the damn oak tree at one point. This is really, really ridiculous.

Oh shit, it's him, Duo. I hear his voice and I'm hiding behind the stupid tree again. I could just take a quick look around it before revealing myself. I should be able to gage their mood from that. I don't hear Trowa but that's not unusual, he hardly ever gets a word in edgewise while Duo's around. Hell, nobody does. There's Helena's voice, telling him to just be patient, that he'll find out soon enough. Funny, she doesn't sound at all nervous. Too bad I can't say the same for myself. All I have to do is stand, stand and walk away from the tree, then it'll all be over. One way or another.

They're only about halfway down the lawn. Don't know if I'm ready for this. Kami, Allah, Nataku, Jesus; whoever's up there, help me out please. Here's goes nothing and everything.

*** ***

A figure stepped away from the trunk of the big oak, half hidden in the shade of the tree.

/God it couldn't be/ Trowa's stride faltered, then he came to an abrupt stop. /No, not possible, just not possible./ He stood rooted to the ground, staring straight ahead. His heart was racing, but his mind just couldn't catch up.

His companions were momentarily unaware that he'd stopped moving and they turned to look at him as their conversation trailed off. Helena watched him carefully, looking for a sign, any indication of what might happen next. She was so busy watching for Trowa's reaction that she almost missed what happened next.

Duo, in typical fashion, was in the process of making a joke about Trowa seeing a ghost when he turned to follow his friend's line of sight. He froze momentarily and blinked a few times, as if unsure of what he was seeing. He squinted briefly, leaning his head forward to peer more carefully at the figure still standing with one hand on the trunk of the huge oak. The figure stepped away from the tree and Duo took a tentative step forward. His ever animated body had gone almost completely still. He was moving forward slowly, mumbling something so quietly that, despite the fact that he'd only moved a few feet away, Helena couldn't hear him.

Her father finally cleared the shade of the huge old oak and stood, stock still, facing them. He made no move to advance or say a word, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, his face lifted just enough to see through the wild strands of hair in his face. Duo, however, broke into a full on run. He was a blur of blue and red, a long tail of brown flying behind him. He left the ground in a flying leap, at such a distance from his target that what followed seemed impossible. He tackled Heero to the ground.

As the now reanimated Trowa and Helena approached the two who were still on the ground they could hear Duo's voice loud and clear, he was in full tirade mode. He sat straddling Heero's stomach and appeared to be alternately smacking his friend, prodding at him and pointing an indignant finger in his face. Heero for his part was attempting to protect himself from the abuse behind a raised arm.

"You asshole! You god-damned son of a bitch! Don't you ever do that again. I can't believe it's you! You bastard! It is really you? You're an asshole you know that. Listen to me you son of a bitch, if you ever pull a disappearing act like that again, I'll freakin' hunt you down and kill you." He fisted the front of Heero's shirt and jerked it around a bit. "Do you know what you put us through, you jerk! You're not getting away with that shit again, brother. I'll kill you, do you hear me? Omae o korosu[1] you bastard, te mato[2], je te. te. damnit Trowa, what's the word for kill in French?"

"Tuer" three voices answered and followed it with a bout of laughter.

"This is NOT funny!" Duo glared at the two people standing above him for only a moment before realizing the body beneath him was shaking with mirth too. He turned his attention back to Heero and smacked him on the arm once more. "And you! You motherless son of a bitch, I swear, I don't care what it takes, you ever leave us again and I'll find you and kill you. Dead - do you understand me, jerk. You'll be dead cause I'll damn well kill you. I will never forgive you. Don't laugh at me, you asshole. I'm pissed as hell right now and Shinigami ain't got nothing on me when I'm pissed." Duo firmly sat back then, crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head to the side, raising his chin in righteous indignation. It was a signal that the tirade was over. Perhaps.

When Heero had sufficiently recovered from the laughter and the beatings, he put a hand up over his eyes to shade them from the sun and looked over at Trowa who had remained in relative silence the whole time. Heero had a pretty good idea where he stood with Duo; who was mad but seemed to have - wholeheartedly - accepted his return. Now only Trowa's acceptance remained for him to survive this trial.

His tall friend regarded him without any reaction for a good long time and Heero began to worry that Trowa might not be as forgiving as their braided friend had been. Just when Heero was becoming uncomfortable with the scrutiny, the other man uttered a single word that made all the remaining tension ease away. "Ditto." He said and then smirked at the prone figure of his long lost friend.

Giving his daughter and his old friend a lopsided grin, Heero made to sit up but was prevented by the man still sitting on his stomach. "Uh Duo?"

The braided man just raised his chin a little higher and muttered "I'm not talking to you." then as an afterthought ".bastard."

"Well, my questionable parentage" he raised an eyebrow "and your homicidal tendencies aside, I'd like to get up now and greet Trowa properly." His other eyebrow joined the first, "If that's OK with you." He waited a moment more and when no reaction was forthcoming he bucked his prone form slightly, unsettling the other enough to allow him to sit up. Duo was now firmly planted on his thighs, arms still crossed, head still turned to the side.

Another minute passed before it occurred to Heero that Duo wanted something, the question now, was 'what?' "Are you going to tell me, or are we going to stay like this until I figure out what it'll take to make you move?" Duo continued to look everywhere but at his friend.

Father, daughter and green-eyed friend looked at each other puzzling over the situation they were in. At last the youngest of them spoke. "Uncle Duo, don't you think you should let my dad get up now."

"I think he owes me something, before I truly acknowledge his presence."

That earned a bark of laughter from Trowa. "Oh so tackling him to the ground, cursing up a storm and smacking him around is not acknowledging his presence?" All it got him was a 'hmph' from Duo. They waited. "Alright Duo, what does he owe you?"

"I would think." the violet-eyed man began, giving Trowa and Helena a meaningful look, "it would be painfully obvious. He owes me - and you guys - an apology for being an ass. You can't let people go around disappearing on you without an explanation and then just popping up out of nowhere years later like nothing happened without at LEAST an apology. We'll just skip over the whole details thing for now. But an apology, I cannot go without." He hmphed again and, impossible as it seemed, raised his chin another notch.

"Duo!" Helena couldn't believe her ears. "Would you please just get up! You haven't even given him a chance to breath. I'm sure dad'll tell you whatever you want to know! Jeez, can we please act like adults here?" Realizing that she'd just committed him to something he'd not yet agreed to, she eyed her father warily. He just smiled and nodded tightly in return.

"I'm waiting! And I'm quite comfortable at the moment." He bounced lightly on Heero's legs. "Matter of fact, I could stay here all day." He uncrossed his arms and clasped his hands behind his head, turning from side to side, looking for all the world like nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

Heero took a deep breath and shook his head minutely. If an apology was all it would take he was more than willing to comply. "Duo." He waited for an acknowledgement but continued to be ignored. "I'm sorry, baka."

That got him a reaction.

Duo's head shot around so quickly his braid nearly flew in his face. "Baka! Baka? Oh, I'm a baka? Let me define for you what a baka is, my old friend." He punctuated each of the last three words with a solid poke in the chest "A baka is a jerk who runs off and leaves behind everyone who cares about him without telling them why." He pushed at Heero's shoulder roughly and got in his face a bit more. "A baka is a twit who runs around tailing those same people for the next umpteen years but doesn't have the guts to just walk up and talk to them. A baka is the guy who pops outta nowhere after all that time and just expects everybody to act like they saw him last Saturday. So who's the baka here and what exactly are you supposedly sorry for, huh?" He poked Heero square in the chest one last time.

He was angry. Really and truly angry, but more than anything else he was hurt. And if he was completely honest with himself, more than just a little scared that this was another one of those strange dreams. He hadn't had one of those in a long time. The truth was he feared that at any minute the alarm clock would go off or the boys would make a kamikaze dive onto his bed and send him flying into consciousness. "Duo." Oh here it came, someone was calling his name. "Duo." there was a hand on his shoulder.

"Duo, I'm sorry, for leaving, for staying away, most recently for asking for favors when I really had no right to; but most of all for not trusting you, any of you." he looked up at Trowa then, to make sure the man understood that the apology was intended for both of them, "to help me make it through." He looked back at Duo, hopeful.

Duo hesitated only a moment, then stood fluidly "Well." he drawled and extended his hand down towards his friend, a slight curve etching the corner of his mouth, "in that case, apology accepted." He nodded minutely when Heero took his hand and helped the other man to his feet, then without missing a beat, pulled him into a hug and clapped him firmly on the back. "God almighty, it's good to see you!" He pulled back and smiled a full- blown grin, still clapping his friend on the shoulder.

Trowa, who had waited just about as long as he was going to interrupted, "Alright, that's enough. What do you think, you're the only one that missed him?" He shouldered Duo out of the way and embraced Heero tightly. When they broke apart, they both turned to see Duo pulling Helena by the shirt sleeve and throwing an arm around her.

"You are in so much trouble right now, little baka. I expect a full report on just how long you've known and exactly what you thought you were doing by not telling me! I KNOW he didn't just waltz in here this morning."

Trowa decided he needed to get a little teasing in too. "Considering that she called to get us here almost a week ago, I'd say she's known for quite a while. You have a lot of explaining to do young lady." He gave her a stern look to which she responded by lowering her head and shuffling her feet.

"I bet that boyfriend of hers knew too, eh Tro. I'm sure MICHAEL knew exactly what was going on. But does she tell old Uncle Duo? Oh no~o~o~o, not Uncle Duo! He only helped change her diapers and clean her up when she made a mess of herself. Taught her how to braid those lovely locks, carried her around on his back like the little monkey she was." He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head feigning disappointment.

"Well, I." Helena stuttered, not sure what she should say. How could she defend her actions of the last few months.

"I asked her not to." Heero interrupted. "It's my fault you guys didn't know. We've been emailing each other for a few months now, but I honestly didn't think it would come to this." He smiled and turned a knowing glance at his daughter. "She was very. persuasive in her arguments for making this happen. You could say I, uh. got an offer I couldn't refuse." /There, that would do for now./

Duo and Trowa exchanged a glance, wondering what-all their friend's remark meant. All in good time though; there was so much to ask, so much they wanted know, so much they needed to say. But most of all, there was so much hope that their friend would be around for many years to come.

The silence stretched as three old friends eyed each other, unsure of what should happen next. It was again the youngest of the four that broke the silence. "Why don't I go in and fix us some coffee and a light snack, you guys can, uh, maybe go for a walk and talk a little. I'll call you when it's ready?"

Green and violet eyes turned to regard their niece and smiled their acceptance of her offer. Blue eyes matching her own turned to her with nervousness, unsure. She reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it minutely, then gave her father a brief hug, whispering, 'you'll be fine' as she released him.

He answered by kissing her forehead and running his hand down her shoulder length hair. "We'll be back in a little while," he said to her then turned to his friends, motioning towards the tree he'd been at just moments before and the shore of the lake beyond it.

She watched as the three men walked away, joy growing exponentially in her heart.

*** ***

MISSION CASE FILE

FOLIO STATUS (OPEN/CLSD): OPEN FOLIO OWNER: UNE FOLIO STATUS LAST UPDATED: 02/17/202 NEXT REVIEW DATE: 02/17/217 REVIEW SCHEDULE: ANNUAL

FOLIO#: JLV83259-L1.2573389 CASE#: L1.2573389 RELATED FOLIO #: JLV83259-L2.5943395, JLV83259-L2.5943394,

JLV83259-L1.2573302, JLV83259-EA.8779421

OPERATIONS MODE: COVERT OPERATIVES REQUIRED: 1 ASSIGNED AGENT: ICE OBJECTIVES (SPECIFY): Access TARGET headquarters. Extract data from TARGET server. Neutralize immediate TARGET threats. Neutralize TARGET production equipment. Neutralize TARGET base. COMPLETION STATUS: PENDING MISSION GO: SUCCESSFUL MISSION STATUS: SUCCESSFUL MISSION OBJECTIVE: SUCCESSFUL MISSION REPORT: RECEIVED MISSION DEBRIEF: PENDING AGENT1 STATUS: UNKNOWN AGENT2 STATUS: N/A MISSION RESULTS: OBJECTIVES ATTAINMENT %: 100 EVIDENCE LOCKER#: N/A CASUALTIES/TARGET: 24 ADULT/M 4 ADULT/F 0 MINOR/M 0 MINOR/F IDENTITIES: SEE FOLIO JLV83259-L1.2573389-CT CASUALTIES/VICTIM: 3 ADULT/M 2 ADULT/F 1 MINOR/M 0 MINOR/F IDENTITIES: SEE FOLIO JLV83259-L1.2573389-CV SPECIFY: 1. Based on Mission Report (JLV83259-L1.2573389-MR) data, presence of 1- TARGET and all (6) VICTIM casualties are presumed to have been unknown to agent. Remains were found in 2nd sub-basement. Clarification pending DEBRIEF. Post mortem analysis has confirmed identities of 3 ADULT/M VICTIM, 1 ADULT/F VICTIM casualties as "business associates" of TARGETS. Post mortem analysis has confirmed identities of 1 ADULT/F VICTIM, 1 MINOR/M VICTIM as immediate family of 1 ADULT/M VICTIM 6 VICTIM casualties were determined to be deceased prior to explosion. 27 TARGET casualties were determined to be deceased prior to explosion. 1 TARGET casualty was determined to be alive prior to explosion. CASE OWNER NOTES: Based on the information ascertained from the mission report, the mission was completed successfully. In the absence of a debriefing, due to the Agent disappearing shortly after mission completion, there are points that still need to be clarified. It appears that the Agent successfully gained access to the Target base of operations. He successfully accessed the Target server and downloaded proof of the suspected activities of Target crime ring, which has ties to other known crime rings. Previously documented activities included gun- running, drug trafficking and extortion in various sectors of L1, L2 and Earth. Extracted server data revealed Target was financing the development and production of multiple prohibited technologies: laser weaponry, portable thermo-nuclear devices and volatile chemical compounds (purpose suspected, but unconfirmed). The Agent encountered no resistance throughout the first phase of infiltration and data gathering. Agent was proceeding to second phase when discovered and detained. Agent identity was ascertained by Target. In the course of attempting to escape, Agent neutralized 27 Targets, 23 adult males and 4 adult females. Agent carried out the second phase of the mission, unaware of additional Target and Victim presence in second sub-basement; this is believed to account for the difference in casualty count between Agent report and post mission data. Mission report was received via secured electronic means three days after mission completion. No subsequent contact with Agent. Agent appears to have been unharmed in the completion of this mission. Agent whereabouts are as yet unknown. Reasons for disappearance are as yet unknown. Special Note on Victim Casualties: All victim casualties have been identified through post mortem examination, pertinent data can be found in Folio JLV83259-L1.2573389- CV. Details confirmed with 92% accuracy, condition of mission site precluded higher accuracy. 2 adult males and 1 adult female, known criminal elements, had a history of business with Target in areas under the jurisdiction of local law enforcement. All three were believed to have been tortured and neutralized prior to mission completion, 1 of above males is believed to have been deceased a minimum of 3 days prior to mission completion. Copies of police records pertaining to all 3 are included in Folio JLV83259-L1.2573389-CV. 3rd adult male casualty, 2nd adult female casualty and single minor male casualty have been identified as a family unit. Adult male was determined to be a local mechanic, known to have been contracted to work on production design, possibly on prohibited technologies, it is believed that he was neutralized after the other members of his family unit, all are believed to have been neutralized prior to mission completion. Special Note on 2nd Sub-basement: Sub-basement was not on any known schematics of Target base at the time the mission commenced. It is believed, based on the analyzed remains of the area and information gathered post mission completion, that the sub-basement was secured via electronic means, with limited and concealed access. It is reasonable to assume the Agent would have had no visual indication of its existence. (Pending debrief)

Mission case file will remain open until such time that a debriefing is possible. All inquiries regarding this and related files should be directed to Folio Owner on record.

[3] *** ***

Journal Entry 01.14.AC217

They've been getting together for the past three days and everything seems to be going fine. That first afternoon here they talked for hours by the lake. I never did get around to calling them in when the coffee was ready, they seemed so immersed in their conversations. It took both Duo and Trowa almost two solid days to convince my dad that he needed to call Wufei and Quatre right away and let them know he was back. Yesterday they spent the day at dad's apartment but came by the house for dinner. I don't know what they've been discussing these last three days, but I know that it will take quite a while to work everything out between them. At first I was jealous, as if he'd been taken away from me again but I realized that I had been the same way those first few days with him. I had wanted nothing but to spend time with him. And we did. We spent the first four days of the new year practically holed up in this place, just talking things over. I still haven't seen the apartment he goes home to every night. I'm hoping I will soon and that it'll be because I'm helping to pack up his things so he can return to where he belongs. Here. With mom. With me.

Today he met with Lady in the morning so he could be debriefed on his last mission. Seems kind of strange to me to be doing that so many years later, but what would I know about that kind of thing. The only thing I do know is that Wufei and Quatre are expected to arrive here tomorrow morning, Quatre needed time to rearrange his schedule and hop a flight here, and Wufei is returning from an out of town meeting tonight. All of them will be staying through the end of Sunday.

Lu and Mill already know he's here, it would've been kind of hard to hide it from them since they live on the estate. My announcement was met less than enthusiastically on Uncle Mill's part, but all he said was that he would reserve judgment until mom got back and he'd be there for us should we need him. I'm not sure he knows how to react. He and dad were never the best of friends and while he had never spoken badly about him to me, I don't think he trusts dad. Lu has reassured me that he'll come around, that it's just his concern for his sister that makes him reticent to be accepting. To him it would be a betrayal to accept Heero's return without first knowing his sister's heart.

The only one left to find out is mom. I'm almost glad that she wasn't around when all of this was happening. I don't think I could have managed this as well as I have and I don't think dad could've handled meeting with her first. I don't know what that's going to be like. It's not like I'm afraid mom will refuse to see him or turn him away, but there must be so much hurt built up between them that it's bound to be a difficult reunion. Oh well, only time will tell and that should be in about three days. We're expecting her back early in the afternoon on Monday.

All in all I think things are working out great.

I was so afraid when I sent him that last email that the results would be disastrous. I was sure that I'd pushed too far, especially as the days grew in number from when I'd sent my ultimatum. Each day that passed with no response left me a little more frightened. I kept wondering if he had read it and already decided to abandon me for good. It's not like I told him he needed to reply, I just told him to show up; but in those moments of insecurity I was hoping that he'd reply. It was a hard hope to hold onto.

It came in the morning hours of New Year's Eve. I stared at that one line in my inbox, afraid of its contents. I was afraid to open it only to find that my greatest desire would be denied, that my father had refused, and that I would never see or hear from him again. I cursed myself for stupid ten times - for having made the ultimatum and then for being afraid of its outcome. I'd move my cursor over it to open it and then move it away again out of fear. There was only one way to find out what his decision had been. After much deliberation I opened it.

What I found was not what I had expected - good or bad. What I found was a confession of sorts; an appeal for understanding and forgiveness, an explanation of what had kept him away and a ball placed firmly in my court. What I found broke my heart as it was true remorse and self loathing that oozed from the page.

Blind rage; mechanical, uncontrolled, automatic and in his eyes unwarranted. That is what had made him leave. What in his opinion made him a monster, in my opinion made him a fallible human being.

Without divulging too many details, he did explain that he'd been discovered, identified and threatened during the course of his mission. He was not threatened with his own life or safety, but with mother's and mine. As options were delineated to him, he entered a state of total blind rage and eventually mowed down everyone in his path. It had been within mission parameters that he might need to kill to escape, but according to him what he did was unacceptable if for no other reason than because he'd done it without conscious thought.

He said he'd snapped, entered a zone, where he reverted to his "old" ways, to the days of the war where the only thing that mattered was accomplishing the one task at hand, getting out and leaving no witnesses. Within the span of an hour, he'd killed 27 people then destroyed the building and all the computers and hardware within. That too, apparently, was part of his mission, though it was supposed to have been done after the building had been vacated.

He regretted becoming the judge, jury and executioner of those people, but pointed out that they had not been 'nice people' and would likely have ended up that way sooner or later. They were known criminals, part of an organized crime ring. He confessed that it was not so much the deaths, but the uncontrollable reaction that had frightened him the most. He believed himself to be a direct threat to mom and me. He was afraid that his actions, if they were found out, would make others go after him and possibly put us in harm's way. Most of all, his inability to possibly control his rage in the future made him fear for our safety. For those reasons he fled.

He ended his email by saying that I deserved to know the truth, that I deserved the right to reconsider my request. He would fully understand if I chose not to meet him now, with the knowledge of what he had done. He said he wouldn't blame me if I could not bring myself to welcome him into my life, so he was leaving it in my hands to decide. 'If you can find it in yourself to forgive me, then I will see you there at 2am; if you do not show up, I will never bother you again.'

Despite it being the early afternoon I tried to reply to tell him that what he'd done did not change how I felt. I knew he had killed before, they all had during the wars and this had been his job after all. If I could love my uncles, real and otherwise, despite their actions; why couldn't I still love him? It was not for me to judge his actions. It didn't change my need for him.

My message was returned, undeliverable. The email account had been deactivated. This was his ultimatum. He would wait for me at 2am, if I showed up it would be his answer. Without knowing it, he had just given me mine - he would be there. I had rolled the dice and I'd won!

I don't know how I made it through the rest of that day without going crazy. Michael and I left the house early that night because I couldn't wait to be 'on my way' and was mortally afraid that something would happen to delay us. I didn't want to take a chance that I'd miss him and that he'd go away thinking I didn't want him around anymore.

Michael and I rang in the new year, danced and watched the fireworks from the other end of the park, then leisurely made our way to the Tomb of the Innocents. The area surrounding the Tomb saw very little traffic on New Year's Eve unlike the week before when well-wishers and survivors left flowers, cards and candles to mark the anniversary of the end of the conflicts all those years ago. It was while waiting for him to appear that I thought of the irony of meeting there. It was the death of not-so- innocents that had driven my father from me.

We had been snuggling on a bench beside the memorial when we saw someone approach just before two o'clock. We stood and I didn't think I could hold my excitement, I knew instantly it was him. He stopped a few meters away and we regarded each other in silence. Michael bent to my ear and said 'go, I'll be waiting for you at the fountain' then he left us alone. It was another minute or two before he moved again and came to stand before me. He reached out as if to touch me and then hesitated, it was all the invitation I needed. I lunged at him and the fear and anxiety that had been churning inside me turned to overwhelming joy as tears streamed unchecked down my face and I embraced him for the first time. After a few minutes of quiet contact he pulled back and led me to the bench where I'd just been sitting. And then we talked.

I made him promise not to disappear again. He promised to try to make it up to me. We talked about my journal entries and what he thought about them, what he had learned about how his friends saw him. He expressed doubt at their assessments, but accepted them for what they were, opinions and perspectives that he'd never had the opportunity to learn about. He also expressed fear and concern over how the others would react to seeing him. He was afraid that they could not, or would not, trust him again; that they would reject him. I tried to reassure him that it wouldn't happen. He hadn't seen their renewed hope at finding him or their pain at not succeeding. I made him agree to meet with his friends, his family, in the days to come. Then I made him promise again that he would never disappear on me.

We talked until it was very nearly sunrise, all the while his arm was around me, holding my hand, stroking my hair. Finally, we decided to meet again later in the day, and spend some more time alone. He walked me to where Michael was waiting for me and thanked him for being there to support me. We had many more plans to make and they have almost all come to pass.

Now, there is only one more hurdle to jump and she won't be home soon enough.

*** ***

### 01.14.217, Friday afternoon, Heero's Apartment ###

Two men entered the small apartment and shrugged off their coats. The shorter of the two threw his lazily on the arm of the couch continuing on his way to the kitchen. "Coffee? Or tea?" he called back.

"Uh, coffee." The taller answered, while closing the door behind him and tossing his coat on top of his friend's. The. unusual. pattern of the sofa's upholstery catching his eye once again. He shook his head ruefully and made his way to the small kitchen. His friend was already setting the fresh grounds to brew. The tall one was taking a look around the kitchen again when his attention was drawn by a grunt. He looked over and had to wonder at the sight. "What are you doing, Heero?"

"Huh? Oh," he straightened from his position half curled around the fridge door. "trying to put this damned thing back in place. It slips off the hinge at the bottom sometimes." He waved a dismissive hand at the article in question. "Piece of shit." he mumbled as he resumed his attempt to get the thing back in order.

Trowa took a seat at the small table, the one farthest from the offending appliance, and studied his surroundings. He, Heero and Duo has spent the better portion of the last three days here, but it had never struck him just how. shabby this place was. It was just so unlike Heero to live in this. this.

"It's a dump." Was the monotone answer to his mind's meanderings. Heero was leaning back against the counter, arms crossed, scowling at. the room in general it seemed.

At a loss for anything more pleasant, the green-eyed man had to agree. "Yeah, it's pretty nasty." Another quick glance around prompted him to ask. "Why are you living here, exactly? It's not like you can't afford a better place." He continued to look around, noticing for the first time the hairline fissures that ran through a considerable amount of the plaster, the truly horrific material covering the couch /tacky, just tacky/, the exposed light fixtures on the ceiling.

Heero grunted, taking the seat across the table from him. "It was all I could find on such short notice. I usually plan my moves with a lot more time, I've only been here three months. You don't know how many times I've thought about just moving into a hotel. Screw the deposit." He shook his head; whether it was out of disgust at his current abode or disbelief at his peculiar situation, was unclear.

"Why'd you have to move on short notice?" It was obviously going to take a lot longer than three days to find out all of what his friend had been doing for the last several years.

"They sold the building I was living in, some developer wants to tear it down and build something a little more upscale." He shrugged. "Guess they figured they could get a lot more people to buy in to a new high rise than some old converted warehouse. I only had two weeks notice before I had to get out. I was in the middle of a job, I couldn't really take the time out to go looking for anything."

Turning to take another sweeping gaze at the place Trowa couldn't help but ask, "So how'd you find this place?"

"The want-ads."

Heero got up and headed for the coffee pot, pulling two mugs from an overhead cupboard, the hinges on that looked a little unstable, too. Trowa was about to ask if he'd checked for references when a resounding crashing and crunching noise made him shoot out of his seat. His friend had already run from the kitchen to the solitary bedroom in the apartment.

"Damnit!" bang, crunch, swoosh "Son of a bitch, not again!"

He popped his head quickly in and out of the doorway to the bedroom, afraid at what might lie within. Also slightly afraid that he was taking his own life into his hands; an angry Heero was not something to take lightly. "Heero, you OK in there?"

bang "Piece of shit" crunch "aaaaaaaargh!" crunch "shit!" bang "IT BROKE! THE DAMNED THING BROKE!"

Deciding he would be in no serious danger since it sounded like his friend was occupied, he stepped into the room and struggled hard to contain the laughter that instantly built inside him.

Standing in the middle of a modest closet was Heero; draped in, standing on, and shoving aside what was apparently the better part of his wardrobe, hangers, computer disks and several upended storage boxes. He held out for the other man's inspection the now ruined bar that had formerly supported his clothing.[4]

"IT BROKE! The damned thing broke! That's the fourth time this stupid shelf has fallen and this time it broke the damned bar. I swear, if I get my hands on the super I'll wring his neck. I called the idiot two weeks ago and told him that stupid thing was coming down again. He's already tried to fix it twice. Do you know what he told me?" Heero looked about ready to snap what was left of the one-inch-diameter wooden bar into splinters.

Heero was looking a bit perturbed, so Trowa decided to play along, "he uh. he. couldn't make it?"

"He'd put it on his list!" Heero continued grumbling as he made his way out of the melee, dropping the useless rod and dragging several articles of clothing with his feet.

His tall friend regarded him for a moment and decided that instead of giving in to the little remarks struggling to escape him, he'd opt for being helpful. "You should probably just take everything and organize it out here, so he has space to work when he does get here."

The Japanese man looked up from the task of untangling a shirt-sleeve from his ankle. "What?"

"I said we should just empty out the closet." Trowa motioned in its direction and moved to begin doing just that. "If you clear out the space he might fix it right this time." He picked up some of the displaced clothing and made his way to dump them on the bed. Heero followed his actions without any further commentary; well, except for the occasional expletive.

When they had successfully shoved or carried everything from the closet they set about folding the clothes into neat little stacks and returning the spilled contents to their now-empty boxes. As the work proceeded Trowa came across something that nearly bowled him over. He stood slowly from his crouched position and lifted a pair of shiny, black, paten-leather shoes. "These shoes."

"Huh?" Heero looked over from where he was sorting through some loose papers; thinking his friend was looking for their destination he sought out the appropriate box. Motioning with his chin to a box by the door he replied "Grey box over there, the one with the black pants and the white shirts in it. The lid's underneath, go ahead and close it, nothing else goes in there." He'd already returned his gaze to the papers in front of him by the time the other reached the box.

Just as Trowa had suspected upon finding the shoes, the box had a neat stack of familiar clothes, comprising of 3 pairs of black uniform pants and 5 neatly folded white shirts. Non descript, total ordinary, very commonly used, the clothes from. "the vid disc" his whispered and turned to face his friend who was oblivious to what he'd uncovered.

Just as he was about to ask Heero about the contents of the box, the front door opened and in walked Duo. "Lucy, I'm ho~ome!" he shouted making his way to the room. He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight that greeted him. Even to the Master of Disaster, as Hilde had affectionately dubbed him, it looked like a hurricane had hit. "Whatever happened here, it wasn't me. I haven't been here since last night and it was neat and tidy when I left. I wasn't even in the neighborhood." He held up his hands in a sign of surrender and took a tentative step back, then nodded acknowledgements at the two men staring at him.

"Baka" Heero chided "have you got a guilty conscience or what?" He chuckled and turned back to sort his papers.

"You know some people say 'offense is the best defense', well sometimes DEFENSE is the best defense. I roomed with you before, remember, I don't want any misunderstandings." He looked over at Trowa who was still standing by the grey box with the shoes in his hands.

He nodded at the article in hand. "Not quite your style, bud, but if you really like 'em I'm sure he'll lend 'em to ya'" he grinned and then, for the first time, really SAW what his friend was holding. At the urging of a pointed finger, he looked in the box and understood why his tall friend was pursing his lips like that.

They shared a look and Duo charged ahead with a new topic of conversation, "Uh Heero, why do you have these?"

The Japanese man had just put the last of the documents into a neat little pile and stood while turning to address them. "What? Oh those, just some uniforms I bought to." He stopped and looked at the - sarcastically - expectant gazes directed at him. He quirked a hesitant, and quite unnatural, fake smile in response.

"To, to, to what?" Duo prompted, shaking his chin a little in a questioning motion.

"For work." Heero responded dryly and turned to find something else to occupy himself with.

"WORK?" the other two chorused almost immediately.

Heero grimaced at the reaction but wasn't ready to face the music yet.

Trowa continued unfazed. "Work, huh? I thought you told us you were doing contract work for a company that ran network security assessments for their clients. What could you possibly need uniforms for? To sit at your computer?"

"In your own home?" Duo chimed in. They shared another knowing look then both turned gazes at their friend.

Heero grimaced again, couldn't hurt to try: "You don't really wanna know." He shook his head briefly and attempted to get back to the task at hand, whatever that had been.

Four eyebrows shot up into two unmistakable sets of bangs, they looked at each other again in disbelief then turned back to their friend.

"Really." Trowa stated, the sarcasm so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Gee, I don't know," Duo began and tapped an index finger to his chin, "I think I do wanna know. Cause if it's what I think it is, all I can think to say is I promise not to hit you" then after a brief pause, "too hard!"

Heero huffed a breath, closed his eyes and rolled his head a full two times before dropping to sit on the bed with a contrite look. "I bought them a little over two years ago, I was working on a job for a company that was nearby and figured I could do the onsite work myself." He shot a look at Trowa. "You know how easy it is to get access into places you shouldn't be with just a uniform."

The green-eyed man just stared back for a moment then nodded his concession, "True enough, go on."

"Well, I bought it for that." He shrugged, hoping they'd just drop it. He felt bad enough about what he'd done, he didn't really want to air it all out.

Apparently Duo did want to air it all out. "You bought 3 pants and 5 shirts for a one-time security breach? Oh pu-lease! Give me a freakin' break! You bought the damned things so you could conveniently leave them out, next to your computer, while you recorded your little messages, with them in the background. You were banking on one of us noticing it and trying to track you down!"

He took a deep breath and rose from the bed, facing his friends squarely. "Yes. Alright, yes. What I said before was true, but, yes." He held up a hand to forestall interruptions. "I deliberately planted the clothes in the background of the recording so that one of you, NO so that you, Duo - cause I knew, I just knew, Relena would show it to you - so you would see the stupid uniforms and go hunting for some kind of connection. I'm sorry, but I needed time. I didn't know that Helena was leaving with you for L2 the next day. I figured if I gave you enough stuff to chase, I'd have time to get everything in order and be out of sight by the time you figured it out. I didn't realize she'd take so long to tell you. I'd already agreed to meet that kid the next morning and give him the box with the vid disc in it. I knew it wouldn't take that long to figure out the thing with the sign. And since I expected that you'd still be around I didn't want to take any chances. I'm sorry." He raised his arms from his sides, palms facing upward, a sign of supplication. "I really am sorry. I never would have sent you on a wild goose chase if I'd known I had enough time." He dropped his hands and shook his head.

Trowa just continued staring at him. It was understandable, he guessed. Had he been the one in that situation, he likely would have done the same. He nodded his understanding at Heero and dropped the shoes in the box, placing the lid on top and ending that discussion. As far as he was concerned.

Duo, however, was another matter. The other two men watched as his animated face worked through the problem. He seemed to be going through various internal considerations; a grimace, a raised eyebrow, a pursed lip, eyes narrowed then widened, eyebrows shot up again, a pout of sorts, one expression flowed into the next. Finally the face relaxed into a more natural countenance. He nodded succinctly, "Fine. But no more bullshit, alright Heero." He pointed a finger sharply at his friend. "I ask a question, I want a straight answer. I'm not saying that you have to tell me everything I wanna know, but the least you can do is be straight with me. Tell me what I want to know or tell me it's none of my business, but no more beating around the bush. We never lied to each other before, there's no reason to start now."

Heero nodded contritely, "Fair enough". He hesitated, he'd already apologized, but it didn't seem to him to be enough. "I really am sorry, I. I don't understand why you still bother with me. You should just "

"Don't go there again." Duo told him sharply and Trowa nodded his agreement. "We're friends. We promised a long time ago to be there for each other and I, for one, meant it. You have no idea the amount of stupid shit I'm willing to put up with from you. So just. just don't go there. Alright?" Heero nodded once. "Great, now let's clean up this mess, even I couldn't live like this."

The three men continued to organize and situate the contents of Heero's closet. After a while they took a short break to fix themselves a round of coffee then attacked the mess again. Within a couple of hours the room had been returned to its near pristine state and the friends just lounged around; catching each other up some more on what had happened in the one man's absence and rebuilding the fragile bonds of a friendship long neglected.

The lost boys would, eventually, find their Neverland again.
The End (pending The Epilogue, of course)
Notes:

[1] I'll kill you in Japanese.

[2] .and in Spanish

[3] First off, I made this whole report up (obviously), including the format and information provided. I have no idea what would or would not be found in a report/file of this kind. While I've done plenty of filing and collating and organizing of data, I just wanted some points to get across. Like that the bad guys had 'prisoners' in the basement that had been killed off, prior to Heero's blowing the place up, by the one live target (affectionately referred to by me as the goon) - making the bad guys even badder, cause they'd captured and killed the wife and kid of one of their customers. OK, so most of that's just extra shit, but I wanted it as part of the story.

Also, the 'testing' I referred to is assuming that post-mortem use of DNA, tissue typing and things of that nature will have progressed to a point where it would be possible to gather all the info I cited from the remains of the bodies. OK, so most of that's just extra shit, too. So sue me!

So while we're on the subject of 'extra shit', here's some anal retentivity to go with it: A Folio# would be like a master case number. Hence the related Folio's all have the same first part (JLV83259-) then an individual case number for the second part. The individual case numbers actually have some meaning, the first part (L2-, L1-, EA-) refers geographically to where the case originated or is based (Colony L2, Colony L1, Earth); hence Heero's case/mission (L1.2573389) took place on L1. Does this all matter in the greater scheme of things. No. I just wanted to share.

If you have any other questions regarding the bad guys or the mission, email me. I have it all plotted out in my head, I just don't think any more needs to be said about it here.

[4] Faya, this one's for you! We been there, we done that! It's a terrible thing to have happen to you and a pain to have to clean up.

Disclaimer: After all this time and effort, they still do not belong to me.