Disclaimers are currently taking their 12 yearly first aid courses - they should be back in time for the next episode :)



Hermione sighed dramatically, as she swivelled on her bed, and picked up one of her pillows and proceeded to throw it very hard against the wall.

"Hmmph, Gay my arse !" She smiled happily to herself, as though her pillow tossing antics had somehow confirmed her complete and utter straightness.

However her smile soon turned to a frown when she noticed the direction the pillow had taken.
"Oh No!" She screamed in horror, as she watched it slam into the life sized Weird Sisters poster hanging above her bed.
She quickly threw herself across her bed, and gently stroked the beautiful haggard faces of the three, scantly clad sisters.
"I am so sorry." She told the poster sincerely.

"Okay so their last album wasn't exactly their best yet, but really 'Minoe that's a bit harsh." A highly amused voice told her sternly.

Hermione froze mid stroke.
"Gin, Hi." She replied, thoroughly embarrassed.

Suddenly something occurred to her.
"Ginny Weasley, shouldn't you be in the infirmary ?!" She asked, worry having overridden her embarrassment.

"Apparently they make you leave when you get better." Ginny stated sadly.
"The injustice of it all ......" She continued, valiantly trying not to smirk.

"So your okay then ?" Hermione asked tentatively, as she jumped down from her bed and crossed the floor to stand beside her friend.

"I was okay in the first place !" Ginny grumped to herself.

"Gin ? " Hermione questioned quietly.

"I'm fine, don't worry." Ginny reassured the older Gryffindor.

"Good, I was so concerned." Hermione said, as she grabbed the younger girl in a very big, slightly too long, hug.

"So we're okay then ?" Ginny asked nervously.

"I .............." Hermione stammered uncertainly, as she backed out of the hug and looked at Ginny apologetically.

"Cause the way you ran out of the infirmary, well I ....." Ginny faltered.

"I ...... its just ...... Gin, I'm sorry but I'm just not gay." Hermione stated sadly.

"I'm not asking you to be." Ginny replied quietly.

"Really ?" Hermione enquired hopefully.

"Yes." Ginny whispered.
"I just want to be your friend." She finished

"Good, cause that's exactly what I want." Hermione exclaimed happily, hugging her younger friend again.

"Ahh Hermione ....." Ginny interrupted, as something suddenly occurred to her.
"Where are your clothes ?!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Harry mate, good to see you again !" Ron smiled, slapping his friend rather hard on the back, as he took a seat beside him, and a now fully clothed Hermione.

"Oww !" Harry complained indignantly.
"And can I just add that I am no longer talking to either of you." He continued.
"There I was, lying on my death bed ......" He started dramatically.

"So Hermione" Ron interrupted, completely oblivious to his winging friend.

However Ron never got to finish his sentence, as the sound of swishing robes soon announced the arrival of their teacher.
"Drat! " Ron exclaimed unhappily,as he hastily began to pull his potions books and notes out of his bag.

"Good Morning Classsssssss." A sinister voice announced.

"WHAT THE ?! " Harry screamed as he stood and pointed, thoroughly stunned, at a very different looking Professor Snape.

"Ahh Mista Potter, we meet again." The very different looking Professor Snape stated.
"Do sit down." He commanded.

Harry sat down.

"Now some of you may be wondering were your normal Potions Master is hmmm ?" Voldermort continued.
"Well as you know Professor Snape was to have taken up the position of School Counsellor next term and I was to be your replacement teacher. Well I'm afraid to say I got bored - I killed him so I could start a little bit earlier." He finished.

Ron decided that Harry's eyes could definitely have been said to have bugged out about then.

"Ha ha ! Just joking." Voldemort laughed.
"I like to start my classes off with a bit of humour." He commented.
"Actually Professor Snape is currently in Acapulco on his Honeymoon, So I will be starting with you all a bit earlier than expected." He stated happily.

"Right" He stated, as he began to pass out a piece of paper to everyone.
"Today we will be making the Deadly Dark Deleterious Potion." Voldemort smiled maliciously.

"Ahh that's not dangerous or anything is it ? " Ron quickly asked, after all Potions masters had a habit of being slightly mean - it was best to be a little bit suspicious of them.

"Ahh ........ NO ! ........ of course not ......" Voldemort lied, his left eye blinking rather rapidly.

"Anyway once you have all made your potions we will test them out on a volunteer to see how well they worked ........Ahh Mista Potter how about you then ?!" Voldemort asked rubbing his pale white hands together gleefully, as he cackled quietly.

"?!" Said Harry as he very quickly fainted.'

"Drat !" Voldermort stated disappointedly.

"Right then, any questions ?" He asked tersely.

"Yes Miss Granger ?" He sighed.

"Well I was just wondering why my recipe is completely different from Ron's ?" Hermione asked confused.

"Oh Professor Snape specifically requested that you be allowed to make that one." Voldemort replied.

"Ohh ?" Hermione stated rather shocked.
"Why ? ........." She queried.

"Ohh because ....... ahh ....... well ....... its ahh more advanced ? Yes that's it ! He ahh wanted to give you more of a challenge!" He answered quickly, rather pleased with his swift thinking.

Hermione looked down at her piece of paper, noting that the title of True Love Finding Potion had been crossed out and replaced with Deadly Dark Deleterious Potion Mark II.
She smiled to herself as she quickly grabbed an ounce of rose petals, a teaspoon of chocolate syrup and a handful of fairy dust from the potions shelf.
Perhaps Professor Snape wasn't really that bad after all, of course the mark I potion was too simple for the likes of Hermione Granger !


TBC .............