Eriol was in one of his favorite places. Up a tree. Yue stood on the branch next to him. Li was cradled in Yue's arms.
"This should be interesting," Eriol noted as he looked down on Kerberos and Sakura. Kerberos had asked Sakura to meet him at the Penguin King park for a private conversation. Of course, with Eriol around, there really was no such thing as a 'private conversation'.
"Kero-chan?" Sakura asked.
"It's funny how this park never changes. Well, now that is," Kerberos replied.
Sakura eased a little. Whatever Kero-chan wanted to discuss couldn't be too bad for him to be so calm about it. Kerberos noticed.
"Oh, it's nothing bad.
I just wanted to talk with you away from the others. It's a pretty
unique opportunity for me, you see," Kerberos reassured.
Sakura smiled.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Oh...that's the hard part. It's just..." Kerberos paused, deep in thought. He paced nervously.
"If Clow had made me this way...with a human form, like he did with Yue...I would..." he stopped, and blushed furiously.
"Kero-chan?"
Kerberos glanced up. Abruptly Sakura recognized the expression on the face Kerberos had inadvertently borrowed from Li. Her eyes widened. Li's did too as he realized what Sakura's Sun Guardian was about to do.
"No, no!" Li moaned in Yue's arms. "He doesn't! He isn't! This isn't happening!"
"Shh, Li-kun!" Eriol ordered. "Listen!" Yue, though he still held Li in his arms, tightened his hold. Li knew if he tried to fly down to stop what was about to happen, or if he tried to call out, Yue would stop him.
"I...I...love you, Sakura," Kerberos admitted in a low tone. "As your Guardian, certainly, but I wish..."
"Oh, Kero-chan!" Sakura exclaimed, reaching forward abruptly and hugging him. Kerberos carefully hugged her back. She thought about what he just admitted.
"Nooooooo!" Li moaned softly. "This can't be happening! She's hugging him!"
"Yue!" Eriol commanded. Yue placed one hand firmly across Li's mouth and glared down at Li. Li couldn't help the tears of frustration that started in his toy-like eyes. He also couldn't help that his attention was irresistibly drawn to the conversation below.
"I learned...with Yukito-san, that hearts are free. Yuki had been made by Clow to help me with Yue, but also to fall in love with me, so that I would never be as lonely as Clow was. But, even though he had been made to be that way, Yukito-san's heart was free to choose his own love. I do love you, Kerberos. For all kinds of reasons, some serious and some silly, but my heart...my heart chose Syaoran," Sakura told Kerberos softly even while she embraced him.
Yue released Li's mouth certain that he was too stunned to shout out.
"I know," Kerberos told her. "But you had to know, just once, how I wish it could have been."
"Are you sad, Kero-chan?"
"No. I see that you are happy with Li and it makes me happy too." Kerberos told her honestly.
"R, Really?!" Li demanded. Both Eriol and Yue nodded.
"True love helps you to be happy for the one you love, whenever that person is happy. Even if that person is most happy with someone else," Yue noted softly.
"Kerberos loves Sakura truly, but he knows she is most happy when she is with you. Obviously, he wanted to tell her, just once, how he felt. Who knows, if Clow had made him the one with a human form, things might have turned out quite differently," Eriol teased. Li bristled. So did Yue.
"Why do you tease Syaoran so much then?!" Sakura demanded as she pulled back a little from the embrace.
"Ha, ha! Because he's so much fun to tease! He's too serious, sometimes!" Kerberos sobered again. "I can see that your heart made a wise choice, Sakura-chan. I tease him, but he really is good for you."
Kerberos released his light hold on Sakura and walked a bit away from her before posing dramatically.
"Not as good as I would be, of course, but then how could he be? I'm so wise and powerful and cute and witty..."
"And modest," Sakura added wryly.
"Thank you! And modest and..."
Suddenly, Kerberos turned serious again. "...and I love you. Though most of the time I'm a silly-looking toy, I love you with a lion's heart, Sakura-san. I'll never let anything happen to you." Kerberos paused. "And because he loves you, and you love him in return, I'll never let anything happen to Li. Though if you tell him that, I'll deny it!"
Kerberos grinned and grabbed Sakura's hand.
"Ice cream! I want ice cream!" he demanded.
Sakura giggled as Kerberos hauled her away. "Some things will never change!"
"And they shouldn't," Eriol agreed, athletically tumbling from branch to branch on his way down to the ground.
"Today is Li-kun's day, right?" Eriol asked Yue as Yue floated down beside him. Yue nodded.
"Then I will see you later!" Eriol waved as he dashed off.
"My day?" Li asked.
"To see how well you've learned Kerberos' magic," Yue agreed.
"Doesn't that mean you are are going to...attack me?!" Li asked nervously.
"Yes." Yue opened his hands indicating that Li should float on his own. Reluctantly, Li did.
"Oh," Li said in a very small voice. He wondered if it would hurt when the stuffed toy body that he was trapped in exploded into a pile of fluff under one of Yue's attacks. Then, since he was gone, Sakura would eventually (he hoped it would take her a little while to forget him at least!) fall in love with Kerberos in his body and...
He scrunched his eyes closed tight and shook his head at the awful images playing in his mind.
"Li?" Yue called to get his attention.
"Y,Yes?" Li wondered if it was going to be quick. Surely Yue wouldn't make him suffer too! He looked over at the stern Moon Guardian's face. Something flew at him.
The rock that Yue had thrown at him bounced away in the air as a giant spectral shield appeared and deflected it.
"I had Sakura use the Shield Card on you this morning," Yue told him. "And I asked her to make it as strong as she can manage since I hurt Kerberos last time. Normally Shield can't deflect merely physical attacks. I'll scale the power of my attacks down too, so that you don't get hurt."
Li felt relieved that Yue wasn't actually trying to kill him, to get him out of Kerberos' way, but he was still apprehensive. The one and only time he had ever faced Yue in a fight was during the Final Judgement. Then, he had felt confident, in the height of his power and ability with the Elemental Cards, and strengthened by several of the Clow Cards as well.
Yue had shrugged off his strongest attacks, even turning his most powerful, the Time Stop of the Clow Card, Time, against him. Yue had then stripped him of the Clow Cards he had gained and casually, almost as an afterthought, returned him unharmed to the others. Li had wanted to die. It was bad enough he had been so easily defeated, but to have it witnessed and to be treated as if he had not been a challenge at all, made him wish Yue had killed him.
The horror of that defeat was made even more bitter when Li remembered that Yue was actually the true form of Yukito. It was almost as if all the kind attention Yukito had given to him was all just a lie, as in a way it was Yukito himself who had defeated him so easily.
"I...I don't want to do this," Li admitted.
Yue stared at him for a very long time.
"All right," he agreed. "We can talk instead."
"Talk?"
"Yes. You heard what Kerberos told Sakura."
"About how he feels about her? Yes! Since you and Eriol forced me to!" Li cried out.
"Aside from that!" he snapped. "About you, that you are right for her. And that he would protect you also."
Li thought back to the conversation under the tree he'd been forced to eavesdrop on.
"Yeah, he did say that too, didn't he?" he realized softly.
"Kerberos didn't appoint you, and I didn't judge you, but we feel it is out duty to make certain that the people and relationships in our Card Captor's life are good for her. You have Kerberos' approval..."
Li looked up suddenly into Yue's sternly impassive face.
"...and you have mine too. You are good for Sakura. She is my first duty, but I feel as Kerberos does, that I should protect you too."
"I think we should have talked a long time ago. The Final Judgement worked out well for Sakura, in the end, but Yukito thinks...I think that it caused more damage to you than I realized."
Li just gaped at Yue.
Yue pulled his knees up and hugged them to himself, even though he still floated in the air. Li had never seen the Moon Guardian look so vulnerable before.
"I...loved Clow. He was my maker; he was my world. Kerberos and the Cards were there, but Clow was the center of my universe. What he wanted was most important to me. Making him smile, making him happy was my only goal in life. If he was happy, I was happy too."
"We lived together for many, many years, all of us, Clow, Kerberos, the Cards and myself. At first, it was always happy. Wherever Clow was, there was magic. It delighted him. There were people in his life, drawn to his power and his personality. He was...content."
"But...his magic continued to grow. His face would become sad during the day. He'd wake up at night choking back screams. Toward the end..."
Li just listened, amazed at all Yue was revealing to him.
"Toward the end, the only way Clow could sleep at all was leaning against Kerberos' side or..." Yue stopped and looked up into Li's eyes. His eyes were full of distress, remembered pain and helpless love. Li knew the image of Yue's stricken face would etch itself so deeply in his mind that he'd never forget it.
"I'd cradle him in my lap, rock him gently and wish with all my might I could make his nightmares go away."
Yue stopped for a long time while he gathered his composure again.
"His dreams were of the future. Most magicians must work very deliberately to glimpse briefly into future happenings. Clow was forced to dream them, in almost perfect clarity, since his power was so great. He told me once it had almost become a game, to see if he could change the future he'd seen, do something capricious or cruel, where what he'd dreamed showed him he'd been predictable and kind. He was afraid..."
"Afraid?" Li asked.
"Afraid that he would change...trying to change the futures he'd seen."
"The most awful day of my life was when Clow told us that 'this day' was the day he would die. He was so serene about it, telling Kerberos and me that we would have a new master...I didn't want to hear it. I refused to listen."
"He just smiled, that wonderful, gentle smile of his, and told me that since I felt so strongly, I would be able to judge the new master. I told him I would never choose, that no one would ever pass my judgement."
Li was startled to see tears flowing from Yue's eyes.
"Then that last embrace, the last, powerful touch of his magic and I slept, I slept blissfully unaware of my loss until I woke at the time of the Final Judgement."
Yue slanted a look over at Li. "To me, I woke to feel echoes of that beloved magic in the keeping of two children. I found I had memories of helping both of those children as 'Tsukishiro Yukito', but that didn't matter to me. I was determined to bring about the disaster of the world rather than choose a new master. Only Clow himself would ever master me. Either the disaster would let me forget all about him, or let me sleep again in peace on his book until the last echoes of his magic faded and let me sleep forever. That's what I thought."
"Kerberos was tender-hearted as always. I could tell he was already fond of Sakura. I wondered how he could have forgotten Clow so easily. Now I know it wasn't that he'd forgotten, it was that he knew Sakura better than I did. So even though the Cards had not been gathered by one person, Kerberos insisted I conduct the Final Judgement."
"I remember that," Li said.
"I could tell you were a descendant of Clow. I probably never told you that before. I wondered why you weren't Kerberos' Appointed," Yue told him.
"Really?" Somehow, that comment comforted Li.
"Of course, as you'd had no training at all, you didn't know how to defeat me. In accordance with the Final Judgement, since Kerberos had Appointed Sakura, I broke the bonds of the Clow Cards to you and gave them to Sakura. I was determined to best her in a true Final Judgement so I would never have to worry about it again."
"That's why you took the Cards away when you beat me," Li finally understood.
"The fight against her was just as easy for me as the one with you. I wondered if Kerberos, despite acting as if he wanted a new Master, didn't want her to succeed as he really hadn't trained her well at all. When she used the Wood Card against me...Wood is so gentle and so firmly under the aspect of the Moon there's no way she'd ever hurt me," Yue explained.
"Sakura was so distressed that she had lost. I was as gentle as I could be, since she was just a child, but I was relieved that she had failed the Final Judgement. I could return to sleep and never worry about anyone other than Clow being my master again."
"She surprised me when she almost broke Wood's bonds, but still, she was only a child and had at that point had the full power of the Clow Cards for only a short while. She didn't quite have the strength."
"So what finally changed your mind?" Li asked.
"The Bell. The Moon Bell. I helped Clow to make that Bell, so it held some of my power in it. When Sakura failed the Final Judgement and I declared it, I could feel my memories, my most cherished but painful memories start to slip away. I hoped that once they were gone I could sleep forever and never care for anyone again. I think that's what would have happened."
"When the Bell was rung, I felt my power reverberating in time with Clow's in that sound. It reminded me of my happiest day."
"Your happiest day?"
"It was the first day of spring. Clow had told Kerberos and me to wait beneath the tree in the very center of his garden. We waited and waited, talking and getting a bit bored I suppose, wondering why Clow wanted us to wait."
"What happened?"
"Suddenly we could feel his magic swirling around the dormant tree bringing it to full bloom in just a few seconds. A new Card spirit formed in front of us. She wore a dress the same color as the cherry blossoms she'd caused to bloom on the tree and she was smiling at us. Clow approached in that silent way of his then, picked up her hand, kissed the back of it and told her that her name was 'Flower'. He thanked her for causing the tree to bloom. Kerberos asked what her power was. Clow told him she could produce flowers. Kerberos, tactful as always, said it was a rather weak and useless power. Flower seemed sad at that. Clow smiled and told Kerberos he was wrong. He said that the Flower Card had tremendous power, that she could make people feel happy with her beautiful flowers."
Li considered that.
"He also told Flower that she was special since she was the first of his Cards to share both the sun and the moon aspect equally."
"That's pretty cool....but what made it your favorite day?"
"Afterward, Clow was looking at the blossoms of the cherry tree and smiling. I walked up to him and asked why he made the Flower Card. I thought she was kind of weak too, you see. He turned and told me he wanted to give Kerberos and me something special, a special Card whose only purpose was to make us happy. Because he loved us and wanted to give us something beautiful. Dark and Windy are the most powerful Cards under my aspect, and I care for them, but I care for Flower more deeply, because...Clow made her just for us."
"So I recalled that day, a day when my heart was overflowing with love, when the Bell was rung. Do you remember the costume Sakura wore during the Final Judgement? It's the same color as a cherry blossom. And her name means 'cherry blossom'. When I heard the Bell, and remembered that day and Clow's gift to us...I didn't want to win the Final Judgement anymore."
"You didn't? Why?"
Yue smiled. "You must promise to never tell any of this to Sakura." Li nodded. "When I heard the Bell, I knew that Clow had seen into the future far enough to know what would happen when I woke for the Final Judgement. He had known how I would feel. He had known I wanted whoever had been Appointed to fail. He made the Bell, with some of my power, to give not only Sakura a second chance, but me too. To let me reconsider what I would be losing and what I would be taking away from other people too. Once I realized he cared enough, that though he could never really meet her, he loved Sakura enough to give her that second chance, only then did I realize how much Clow had truly loved me. He wanted me to be happy too, even if it wasn't with him. That's why...that's why there had to be a Final Judgement. It really wasn't for Sakura at all...it was for me."
Yue cast his mind back to the moment when the Bell had sounded and he became aware all he was going to give up. He realized that he was going to make others suffer too, to lose that most special feeling, loving one person best in all the world. His eyes had closed in time with the sound of the Bell and he felt as though he had tumbled headlong through the air.
Strong arms caught him. Familiar arms, exactly echoing his final embrace from Clow Reed.
"Yue."
That was all. Just his name. It broke him.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Can I take it back?! The disaster of the world! I don't want to forget you! I don't want anyone to forget their deepest feelings of love!" Yue had cried out, desperately clutching the arms holding him. He opened his eyes.
Clow smiled. Clow appeared faint and ghostly, though his arms around Yue felt solid enough.
"It's taken back. You, more than anyone except Kerberos, know how much I like to thumb my nose at fate!"
"Will you accept Sakura-san as your new Master in my place?"
Yue nodded.
"Willingly?" Clow insisted.
"Yes, Master."
"Then look," Clow threaded his arm across Yue's shoulders between Yue's head and wings and turned them around. Yue watched as Sakura experienced one day of the world without love. Yue's heart went out to the little girl. She was so confused, sensing that something was wrong but not knowing what it was. Sensing also that somehow she had to make it right, and not even knowing how to begin.
"She can break the disaster of the world if you will let her," Clow told Yue. "She is weak now, but she can be even more powerful than I was...and she won't be harmed by that power as I was...if you and Kerberos are at her side. And not just with your power, but with your heart as well. She must become your true Mistress, Yue."
"I...I don't want her to live in that bleak and hopeless world," Yue admitted.
Clow smiled at him. "Your heart has always been proud. Too proud, as it turns out. You like thwarting fate even more than I do! But when you do love, it is deep and true. You've been resisting all the feelings inspired by my 'Moon Castle' haven't you?"
"He is weak, silly and useless," Yue told Clow.
"Sakura, Li and Touya don't think so," Clow countered. "Yukito's heart is not only different from yours, it is different from what I designed it to be. No matter. He was simply going to disappear once the Final Judgement was completed, but I think this will be even more amusing." Clow lightly touched Yue right over his heart. "It will be hard on you having two separate personas, but it will help in the end."
Clow had embraced him one more time, touched him again with that magic and broke the barrier Yue had made against Yukito's feelings. Suddenly, Yue was on a hill, just touching the trunk of a tree with his left hand, under a rain of cherry petals. He heard a noise behind him and turned to see Sakura, with the most delighted smile on her face, running up the hill.
"If you do indeed accept her, send her to me at the end of the Final Judgement," Yue heard Clow's final command in his mind. Somehow caught up in Yukito's feelings, he smiled as Sakura ran toward him. The vision faded.
Yue was in the air, looking down on Sakura again, one part of his mind listening as Mizuki-sensei explained about the Bell, struggling to find his bearings in the shifting realities he'd just experienced. He'd somehow met Clow, been in Sakura's vision and...
He was Yukito. Now, not only did he know everything that had happened while he had been Yukito, he felt Yukito's emotions too. Yukito's rush of tender feelings for Sakura reinforced his fledgling decision to let Sakura win at this second chance. Trust Clow to do something so bothersome to him! It was going to be hard to reconcile his feelings with Yukito's!
Although, he reflected...perhaps not so hard after all. That had been when the sky started raining stars at him.
Yue suddenly noticed Li looking at him. He realized he'd been silent for several minutes remembering all that had happened to him during those crucial moments of the Final Judgement.
"I...I could have broken Windy's hold, if I had tried," Yue admitted to Li.
"Really?! Even against Sakura's new power?"
Yue smiled. "It's true Sakura had changed her wand, but it didn't change Windy's basic nature. She is still a Card under the aspect of the Moon. I let Windy catch me. It wasn't until Sakura said she wanted to be, not my Mistress, but my friend, that I really made up my mind to let her win."
"So I realize I was more brutal with you during the Judgement than I should have been," Yue admitted. "I never did tell you I was sorry."
"Do you remember the teddy bear?" Li asked suddenly.
Yue narrowed his eyes and nodded. A teddy bear had given Sakura and him a world of grief not soon after.
"You made up for it then. If you hadn't explained why I was so attracted to Yukito, I never would have admitted to myself that I love Sakura."
Yue smiled. "Well, I am sorry about how I treated you during the Final Judgement. I am glad I was finally able to tell you and clear the air."
"So...you threw the Final Judgement, huh?" Li cupped his chin in one hand and thrashed his tail about. "Does Kero know? Is it really a valid Judgement if you weren't really trying?" Li teased.
"Hush, you!" Yue glared at him. "Of course it was! I accepted Sakura after all. Nothing said she actually had to beat me into submission!"
Li held up both hands in surrender. "Teasing! I'm just teasing, Yue!"
Yue grinned at him. "I know. Hey, are you sure you don't want to test how well you've learned how to use Kerberos' powers?"
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Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get!
stargarde@stargarde.com
Next chapter teaser - A Day in the Sun
