Chapter 8 – That won't finally fade

Rory's POV

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Gilmore Girls. I also don't own any book or author references.

A/N: Okay, I think Literati fans will like this chapter, but I won't tell you why here! I thought this was going to be really hard to write, but I actually like the way it ended up, and I hope everyone else does. Thanks to everyone for the reviews! I already have through chapter 11 written. Unfortunately, after chapter 12, there are no more lines to the song I'm using for the chapter titles! So if you have any ideas for another song I should use, or if you think I should make them up after that, please tell me! Again, I explained about the Jess-out-of-character thing. This starts right after Rory leaves the diner in the last chapter. Enjoy!          ~Arianna

"Now you do your end of the deal!" Mom shouted as I walked into the house.

"What deal? What are you talking about? Why didn't you come back?"

"I left you alone with Jess. So in return, you tell me what happened."

"Mom! I asked him his ideas for the book list!"

"And?"

"And I argued with him about Hemingway and Eudora Welty."

"How can you like him if he doesn't like Eudora Welty?"

"Goodnight."

"It's eight-thirty!"

"True." I picked up the copy of Farewell to Arms that my grandpa had given me, one of my few unopened books. For now. Then I went to my room, smiling as I opened Farewell to Arms, thinking about Jess.

Mom came in. "Rory…"

"What?"

"Hmmm. Hemingway. You never read Hemingway."

"I am now. What is it?"

"Rory, just talk to me, okay?"

"Why?"

"I think we need to talk about Jess."

"Uh huh."

"Be honest. How do you really feel about him? Because—"

"I really don't know right now," I said. "But…but whether or not I like him like that, I think he needs a friend. He—no, I—I can't."

"What do you mean you can't tell me? Rory, what is going on?"

"Jess trusted me. He doesn't usually tell people anything and he told me. If I told anyone…it would ruin any chance of ever being together, plus our friendship. I can't do that to him; I wouldn't do it anyway." Well, he didn't really tell me anything, I thought. But he told me more than he'd tell anyone else. As much as Jess acts the rebel-without-a-cause, he needs someone to care about him…

"Okay then," Mom said at last. "We're good." I smiled.

"Night, Mom."

"Night, Rory."

I got up kind of late the next day. There wasn't enough time to go to Luke's, but I had plenty of time before my bus to Hartford. I grabbed my backpack and headed to the bus stop. Checking my watch, I realized I had more than fifteen minutes. So I pulled out my book.

"Rory?" I turned around.

"Hey, Dean!" He sat down next to me.

"Rory, uh…I had no idea you liked the lake so much."

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded.

"I saw you, Rory. At the bridge. You and Jess. His arm around you. You leaning on him." Dean looked away. "You talking to him like you never did with me."

"Dean, it wasn't that. It was…" I had no idea what to tell him. How could I say that I had been crying because I thought Dean and I were…

"You know what it was," Dean said flatly. "You like him. He likes you. Everyone knows."

I had to do it now. Because I'd never have the courage to do it again. "Dean, I…" I felt my eyes fill with tears. "Maybe we should—"

"Break up," he said. "Be honest, Rory. You don't want to be with me anymore."

I couldn't lie. Not now. "That doesn't make it hurt any less!" I almost cried. "Can't we…does it have to happen this way?"

"Listen, Rory. You don't really want to be with me anymore. And if you don't…then we're not together. That's all."

"Dean—"

"You really hurt me," he said. "Bye, Lorelai Gilmore."

The bus arrived. I got on and stared out the window for the whole ride, concentrating on holding back the tears.

Paris and I were assigned to the same study group again in history class. Afterwards, I followed her down the hall, not listening to her talk. I hadn't been able to concentrate all day. Paris stared at me, but I didn't notice.

"So, I've decided to fail all my tests and quizzes next week, cut class tomorrow, put graffiti on the walls, and tie bows on everyone's locker," she said.

"That's great, Paris," I replied absentmindedly.

"What happened to you?" she asked.

"I broke up with Dean." I slammed my locker door.

"Rory…" I couldn't wait for school to end. As soon as the last bell rang, I stuffed my books in my backpack, took the bus, and ran all the way to Luke's. Surprisingly, the only one there was Jess, cleaning the tables. I went up to him, meaning to tell him what had happened. Instead I started crying. Jess leaned forward and put his arms around me. I cried into Jess' shoulder, shaking, while he tried to comfort me.

Still crying, I looked up. "Jess—"

"Wait," he said, leaning over to write: Gone, be back soon –Jess on a napkin. He left it on the counter for Luke, and led me to the bridge, making sure no one else saw that I was crying.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"I broke up with Dean. This morning. It's been two years and it's over."

Jess tightened his arm around me. I was shocked that he was being so understanding. He seemed to know what I was thinking.

"You think I don't know what it feels like?" he said. "Losing someone you really, really like?" He was looking right at me.

"Jess—" I tried again.

"Don't worry about it."

"I bet you didn't cry," I said at last.

"I did, actually," he admitted. Wow, a new side of Jess.

"Listen, Jess—maybe by now I didn't really, really like Dean."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"You wanna be alone?"

I shook my head. "Not really." Jess smiled at me.

"So, want some coffee? On the house."

"Jess, this is the third time in a row!" I protested, starting to feel better.

"It is not. Those were for helping me. This is because any Gilmore under thirty who's crying automatically gets free coffee."

"So, just me, huh?"

"Basically."

This was incredibly unlike Jess. But I definitely didn't mind. And I knew he was trying to cheer me up. I grinned slightly, and we both stood up to go to the diner.