Chapter 12 – It never was there
Rory's POV
Disclaimer: As everyone reading this story has read over and over again, and are probably not reading anymore, because all my disclaimers say the same thing: I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls, the chapter titles of chapters 1 through 12, or any book or author references.
A/N: I know it's been a while since the last chapter, because I was on vacation for a week. However, I have now finished writing this, but it's gonna take a while to type it all. Hopefully not too long. There are several more chapters after this one. I hope you all like this. More will be up soon. I also wrote another shorter fic, which should also be up soon. I'm trying to start yet another (writing these is really fun, actually), but I can't think of anything, so if anyone has any ideas, please tell me! FYI, this starts immediately after chapter 11 ends. Thanks for the reviews, and enjoy! ~Arianna
I admit, I was shocked when I saw Dean. Standing there, watching Jess and I kissing. Maybe…maybe he did miss me. But I realized—I was happy with Jess. Really happy. And my mom said that was what was important…I still hated that I'd hurt Dean.
After Jess telling me that story...that meant he really trusted me. I was—am—so sorry for him. I can't imagine growing up like that. My mom has always been my best friend. And Jess…he had no one to talk to, no one to hold him while he cried, no one to tell him it was going to be okay. No one really cared about him at all until he was sixteen.
Nobody else in Stars Hollow knew that. They just thought he was a screwed up kid.
Then another thought struck me. Someone saw us. By the end of the day, everyone in town is going to know. Oh well. I could deal with that.
We walked back to the diner, Jess' arm around me. It felt good. It took me a while to admit it to myself, but it felt better even than Dean had made me feel. Both of us were quiet, understanding. I didn't know that I could have told anyone that story Jess had told me, if it had been me.
"Jess?" I said at last.
"Rory?"
"The way you sounded…"
"When?" Jess said quietly.
"No Harvard," I whispered. Jess just looked away and didn't say anything. "You want it, don't you?" I said.
"What?"
"Harvard. Yale. A future to look forward to…"
"I've got that."
"Not the way you could have it," I told him.
"What is that supposed to mean?" His eyes flashed.
"No, Jess, please don't be mad."
"I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"Not at you."
I smiled. "You've got a whole summer before the SAT's. And who would you rather study with?"
"Ah, Rory…" I didn't look away, just stared straight into his brown eyes. He gave up. "No crying this time, I promise," he said.
"I don't mind. Hey, you agreed! After less than a minute! It's a miracle! It's—"
Jess laughed. "Okay, I thought you hadn't had coffee yet."
"So you will?"
"Yeah," he said. "It couldn't hurt. I will." He kissed me again, quickly, and we walked into the diner together.
"Jess. Rory. Upstairs." Luke slammed down his tray and pointed up at the apartment. Jess and I glanced at each other.
"Okay, okay, we're going!" Jess told him. Luke watched us go up the stairs.
"This is weird," I said.
"It's Luke."
"Can you take over for a minute, Caesar?" we heard Luke yell. Then: "Yeah, it's an emergency!"
Jess groaned. I looked at him curiously, but didn't have time to say anything before Luke came upstairs.
"Okay, Jess, the chair. Rory, the couch," Luke ordered. "No, Rory, not this couch, that one."
"Hey Luke, I'm sure I'll be fine here," I said.
"You guys listen, I'll talk. What do you think you're doing? As if no one's gonna see you on the bridge!" I stared at Jess, horrified.
"Already?" I said.
"Yes already!" Luke yelled. "Everyone in Stars Hollow knows that you're together!"
"Why is that a problem?" Jess demanded. Luke ignored him.
"You are to stay three feet apart whenever you're alone," he informed us. "I will request people to watch you all over town, I promise. The minute you do anything, everyone will know. You—"
"Luke!" Jess interrupted. He said more softly, "I'm not going to do anything. I wouldn't do that."
"I know you wouldn't," I told Jess. He smiled at me.
"You wouldn't?" Luke said, rather skeptically. Jess looked hurt.
"Yeah, he wouldn't," I said. Both Jess and Luke turned to me, surprised. I gave Jess an apologetic look before saying, "I trust Jess. And I'm still Rory, Luke. Nothing will happen. I promise."
Luke stared at me for a long time, then at Jess, without saying anything.
"Everyone in town is gonna be watching you two!" he said finally. "Everyone will want to know. They already do."
Jess, who had been turned away ever since I'd said I trusted, looked up. "Check up on us if you want!" he said, annoyed.
"But after you go back downstairs, you know what we're gonna do?" I said quietly to Luke.
"Stuff I don't want to know about," he said grimly.
"Start studying for the SAT's," Jess told him.
"You're kidding."
I grinned. "No." Jess got up from his chair and came to sit next to me. Luke sighed.
"I mean it," he told us.
"We know," I replied. Luke left. Jess and I looked right into each other's eyes, the happiness in mine reflected in his. He kissed me, and I kissed him back.
"Did you mean that?" Jess asked.
"Mean what?"
"When you said you trusted me. Even…thanks for saying it."
"Yeah, of course I meant it!"
"Why?"
"Because you let me see Jess, even when I first met you. Not the rebel, too-cool-for-school guy, just Jess. I told you—I know you wouldn't hurt me! Really."
"I…don't know what to say right now."
"So which of the Ivy League schools are you planning to apply to?" I got up to get paper and a pen, and I sat down, leaning on Jess. He put his arm around me and listened to me talk about calculus.
After a while, I saw Luke glance into the room, watching us. He didn't think either of us had seen him, and I didn't point him out to Jess. He watched us for a while, sitting close together, talking and occasionally laughing, both of us having fun. And I saw Luke smile slightly and go back downstairs to the diner.
I couldn't help thinking about that movie night. My first date with Dean. I heard his words over and over in my mind: "You really hurt me, Lorelai Gilmore."
"You're upset," Jess said.
"N-no, I'm fine."
"It's about him."
"Jess…"
"You wanna tell me what happened?"
"Don't tell anyone."
"I won't."
"Okay." I began the story. "I was waiting for the bus, and he came up and I said hi and started talking and he said we should break up…"
"Oh, Rory."
"He said I really hurt him, and he left, and I cried." I started to cry again, silently. Jess pulled me closer.
"Shhh, it's okay."
"Jess…"
"It's gonna be okay, Ror."
"Thanks for listening." I couldn't stop crying. Jess just held me. I was really glad he was there.
"Hey, Rory."
"Yeah?"
He smiled; didn't let go of me. "I've been thinking. Harvard, Yale, maybe Columbia and Princeton. I mean, it doesn't matter if I get in, at least I'll have applied." That got me to stop crying. I grinned at Jess.
"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?"
He grinned back. "Maybe."
