Chapter two

You've Been Elimidated

He could hear someone calling his name. At first it was muffled, but then it became louder and clearer. "Mr. Cage. Mr. Cage, wake-up!"

Xander Cage awoke to find himself seated at a round, black lacquer table along with three other men, as several others holding TV cameras walked about getting ready.

"Where am I?" Xander asked groggily, rubbing his eyes, trying to get his bearings.

"You're on Elimidate man, and I'm gonna beat your ass," a rather over- zealous, overly gelled man answered, pointing a finger in Xander's face.

Despite being unconscious for twelve hours, Xander exhibited quick reflexes as he grabbed the man's finger and twisted his hand sharply. "I'm sorry, did you say pull my finger?" The man just cried out in pain. "Point that finger in my face one more time, and I'm going to throw you a beating."

A loud voice called out, "Ok people, we're on in three minutes! Let's get into our places. Come on people!"

Upon releasing the pain stricken contestant, Xander asked the other two men, "Any you boys happen to see a black guy with some serious scar action on one side of his face?" With wide eyes, they only shook their heads.

"Gibbons!" Xander looked around anxiously for his boss. "Gibbons!"

"Two minutes people, let's move," came the boisterous voice once again.

"Gibbons! I don't know what you're trying to prove, but I don't play this game! You hear me?"

"I have no idea who your boyfriend Gibbons is," interjected a man holding a powder brush and sporting aqua colored vinyl pants, "but honey, this shirt is so last season"

"Sorry, I must've missed last month's Vogue," Xander sarcastically retorted.

After a quick flutter of powder on Xander's face, the make-up artist flittered off and the rest of the men were lined up beside him. "Who are we playing for anyways," he asked, despite the shushing of one of the crew members.

The theme music for Elimidate could be heard, followed by the familiar voice of the show's announcer, "Who will it be? Brian, Steve, Guido or Xander? Find out when we return."

"Hey, guess what you guys! I'm going to Elimidate myself outta here. Guess I failed this one huh, Gibbons? Sorry Fruity, you're just going to have to powder someone else's nose." Just as he was about to walk out, a brunette with the hair color of mahogany and eyes dark brown like Brazilian coffee beans walked elegantly past Xander, giving him an amazing view of her slender, tanned legs and feminine curves.

"Mr. Cage? You can exit now. We don't need you in the shot anymore," the producer whispered.

"Exit?"

"Yes," replied the producer, "you said you wanted to drop out?"

"No, that was gel-boy over there," Xander corrected, motioning towards the man who had pointed his finger at him earlier.

"So what is this chick's name?"

"Allesandra."

"Great name."

"So Mr. Cage, you aren't eliminating yourself I presume," asked the producer.

"Does it look like I'm going anywhere to you?" giving the confused man a look of annoyance.

"No, I guess not. My apologies." Slightly embarrassed, the producer slowly backed away.

Giving his competition the once over Xander egotistically announced, "And you call this a challenge? My Superman drop spin was a challenge. Yo Mr. producer! You may as well just send me and Allesandra on our date right now. Never mind Gel-boy, or Fred the caveman over here," Xander pointed to the burly red-head Steve.

After Round One (to the camera):

Allesandra: "I chose to eliminate Steve. He just didn't seem to be very into me. I need a man who's going to give me the attention I deserve."

Xander's comments: "Geeze Steve, you looked like you were more interested in the dog shit stuck to the bottom of your shoe than this amazing woman right in front of your face. Three words for you buddy, buy some glasses."

After Round Two (to the camera):

Allesandra: "After this round I had to eliminate Brian. He was just a little too conceited for my liking. I mean, the stunt he pulled on the bar, dropping his pants to show all the ladies his package? That was just wrong!"

Xander's comments: "Sorry Gel-boy, what you got in those boxers wouldn't impress a woman with a magnifying glass. Do yourself a favor and buy some more gel for your hair. It's the only thing you'll ever get stiff."

After Round Three:

Allesandra: "Well, this was a hard decision. But in the end I chose to eliminate Guido. He had the bod and such a sweet smile, but he kept staring at my chest all night. Xander on the other hand, has this bad boy look about him. And those arms, oh my God, they are amazing!"

Xander: "I had a cousin named Guido. He liked to wear ladies pink panties and lacy bras under his clothes. I don't even want to know what you got going on under those sorry excuse for leather pants."

After the show finished taping:

"Xander, I can't believe you're single. You are simply delicious," Allesandra purred while stroking his tattooed arms.

"Actually," he began, but was quickly interrupted by the sound of someone clapping behind them.

"Congratulations Triple X, you passed the test with flying colors."

"Excuse me for a minute doll," Xander said to Allesandra before making his way towards Gibbons who sat a few feet away, a rather amused expression on his face. "Brian, Steve, Guido? You got to be kidding. I knew the girl was for real, but those other bozos? Where'd you find them? A reject warehouse?"

"It's comforting to me to see that you haven't lost your edge."

"What I'd like to know is what I'm doing on this sissy game show, when I should be back in Bora Bora with Yeleanna?" By now Xander was in Gibbons' face.

"What I can't believe is that this girl actually picked him," piped in Gibbons' assistant, giving Xander his usual look of disgust.

"You're really starting to piss me off," Xander threatened.

"What a shock."

"I'll give you a shock," he lunged towards the unimpressed assistant who was hiding slightly behind Gibbons.

"Mr. Cage," Gibbons calmly interjected, "I needed to be sure that you are capable of handling your next mission. More specifically, your new partner."

"Partner? I work alone."

"Not this time. I believe our jet is ready," Gibbons stood up and motioned for others to follow, "let's get going."