If you haven't guessed by now, the chapter titles are all lyrics to Creed's song "Freedom Fighter". So... I don't own them! ^.^
VII
In Life There Are Many Quotients, I Hope We Find The Mean
The tap of two pairs of boots was the only sound audible in the huge University library. It was the only place the two could safely discuss the matters at hand and not have their involvement discovered. Neither one of them wanted to be here really. There was a sort of hatred between the two of them. It wasn't shown, but it was keenly felt in the tension in the air. One strode through the halls with an accustomed and natural grace, her long cape gliding a few inches off the floor in her wake. The other with more authority in her walk, her antennae perked up and her back perfectly straight.
"Well?"
"I said I'd tell you in due time! You young ones are so impatient..."
"Feh. You're hardly older than I am. And I'm taller."
Swar flicked her antennae. "In this University, I am second to the boss. You, my dear Lidge, I doubt have ever set foot inside a library. If you continue to berate me so, I will leave you to wander these halls alone until you find someone willing to help you," she said. In their library, their domain, a scholar was filled with confidence. It was almost as if the towering shelves and countless texts brought gave them a great sense of security. The meekest of all scholars, when placed in their library, could become the bravest of all Irkens.
"Hmpf. Fine..." Magenta eyes studied the vast room. "I see though, that you scholars are not choosey in who you allow access to these books."
"What?"
A black-gloved hand simply pointed across the room to one of the many tables scattered at intervals throughout the library. Even from this distance, it was easy to see the red uniform, graced with three horizontal black stripes. Both pairs of eyes narrowed. This Soldier was hunched over something intently, his antennae flattened to prevent small noises from distracting him. A Soldier...? In a library...? Could Soldiers even read...?
Swar swallowed the disgust rising in her, striding over to where he sat, Lidge not far behind. As they got closer, the Soldier got smaller. Smaller and smaller until he was barely three feet tall... if even that! The book he hunched over was one of the oldest texts that the library kept on the uppermost shelves. How this midget had gotten his Soldier claws on it was another mystery to Swar Aman. She quietly slid up next to him, peering over his shoulder at the book-actual book-he was engrossed in.
" 'The Mother Of Irk: The true story behind the goddess'," she announced, reading the title in a voice loud enough for only the three of them to hear. "Interesting choice for one of the Soldier Class. Normally, the books you read, if any, are the gory ones. Those are on the bottom shelves." Her tone only betrayed a slight, mystified disgust with this short Soldier.
He jumped, slamming the book and standing rigidly to attention before her. "Sorry Ma'am!" he rapped out with a smart salute. "Since the death of my CO, Rikea, in the battles against the Upriser traitors, my squad has had leave until there is a replacement!"
"Who are you, Soldier?" Lidge barked, folding her arms defensively. Her antennae flicked back.
"Soldier Zim, ma'am!" Another salute. "Apologies if I am disrupting any of your conversations, Miss Aman and companion!"
It shouldn't have bothered Lidge that this Zim knew Swar on sight and had no idea who she was, it meant she and her Unit were safe. But it bothered her. Just because Swar's student had suddenly had a freakish growth spurt, she was suddenly one of the most recognized faces on Irk. Jendai had grown like that too, and he'd been banished, not celebrated. She growled softly, adjusting her stance. Zim's antennae were flat against his head, respectfully. "Who let you in?" Swar asked, breaking into Lidge's thoughts.
"More importantly," the mechanic piped up. "why are you in a University instead of a Soldier tavern drinking up what wages you get?"
"Lidge!"
"What? It's an honest question. Don't you snap at me Swar..."
Zim's eyes darted from female to female, unsure of what he was supposed to say. When they both looked at him, demanding an answer, he finally spoke up. "I'm avoiding my squad members, Miss Lidge," he said, inclining his head towards her slightly. "They are not the most choice Irkens to be around, to put it mildly. And, to be honest, those taverns are not as welcome to shorter personnel as they are to tallers."
"Not good enough. Why didn't you just go back to your barracks instead? Should I call the general responsible for your barracks?" Lidge snapped, her magenta eyes hard.
"No ma'am!" Zim snapped to attention again. "That's unnecessary. The barracks are being cleaned at the moment... so... I..." He fidgeted uncomfortably. "came here..."
Lidge opened her mouth to berate him some more, but a look from Swar quieted her. She felt sorry for him. He was so respectful... in an age where Soldier usually put themselves above Students even taller than they were. Such a thing was rare. Such a thing was almost singularly found in Rael. The older female knelt to Zim's height, staring him in the eyes. She'd seen the same signs of the same treatment so many years ago. The same signs in Kasden. Zim looked away quickly. Yes... Swar's guess was right. What was it like to be so small...? Swar would never know. She, quite honestly, didn't want to know. "Your reasons for being here don't need to be made public, Soldier," she said gently. "All I am going to ask is that you are more careful with that book than with anything else you have ever had in your possession. Understand?"
Red eyes widened at this sudden change. The small Soldier gave a hasty nod and salute as Swar rose, taking Lidge by the arm. "Thank you, Miss Swar..." She nodded, leading the stunned Lidge deeper into the library.
When they were far enough away, Lidge pulled her arm away from the other female, indignant. "What was that!?" she snapped. "You! Swar Aman! Kind to a Soldier?"
Swar had to take a deep breath at Lidge's tone. "Lidge Tikem... you're disgracing your name acting like that!" She faced the Boss, fragile hands on slender hips. "I cannot believe you didn't see it, when your own 'great cause' is dedicated to eradicating that sort of thing!"
"What do you mean...?"
An exasperated sigh from the scholar. "You saw how short he was. You saw how he flinched every time you raised your voice. You heard what he said about how the Soldier bar goers treat shorties. You were there, blast it!" Swar took a deep breath. "Can't you put it together?"
It clicked. Lidge slowly nodded. "But still..."
"No buts, Lidge. All right?" Swar pulled a chair out from a nearby table, motioning Lidge to sit as well. "We have a lot to discuss. Sit. Let's see if we can't get some details cleared up." Finely boned hands were spread, fingers outstretched. "Shoot."
"Tell me everything the Tallest have decided on so far!" Lidge had to quiet her voice mid-sentence. No one could hear them here, as the high shelves muffled speech with their numerous volumes. Still, it paid to be cautious.
Swar sighed. The younger female's impatience was almost intolerable. Though the few weeks of battle had toned her somewhat, both physically and mentally, Lidge would never be one who could sit through a long speech or anything that required being patient for extensive periods. She always would have to be doing something. "Nothing," the scholar announced with another sigh. "They have decided on nothing."
"WHAT!?" The single word seemed to fling Lidge into a standing position, her antennae flicking in angrily. Her heavy fists banged against the table, their solidity in stark contrast with Swar's frail-looking hands. "How can they have decided nothing! It's been three weeks since we made our demands known! Three weeks and twice that many battles-two thirds of which WE have won! Three weeks since Students first proved themselves on the battlefield! How can they have decided on nothing!?"
It was Swar who rose next, completely calm against Lidge's rage. "You forget that the Tallest have other matters that are just as important to them as settling the Uprisings is. Things such as the launch of Impending Doom." Light blue eyes regarded the synthetic wood of the tabletop. Trees were too rare on Irk to use for such things as library furniture. They were too rare to do any more than protect. Swar doubted she'd ever see one in her lifetime. "The Uprisings are more heavily on Tallest Purple's mind than Tallest Red's, Lidge. Each of them is just as important as the other." She met the hot magenta gaze and looked back down.
Lidge paced now, boots clicking against the tiled floor. "Blast it! We're being wounded, we're dying, we're even winning out there and those two idiots only care about their blasted Impending Doom scheme and their slarking Empire!" There was enough venom in her voice to wipe out half of said Empire.
"Don't you dare say that about Kasden..." Swar hissed, rising herself. "I didn't raise my Kasden to be an idiot. I raised him to be a Student and to be loyal to his Class. If you want to insult someone, Lidge Tikem, because you're frustrated and can't get what you want, insult RED, you smeet! Irk knows how he was raised. But my Kasden Aman..." Scholar fingers clenched. "This meeting is over, Lidge. Get out of my library before I throw you out."
The mechanic stood. She could have easily beaten Swar in a fight, easily broken her fragile bones. She didn't. She just turned on a heel and stalked off in the opposite direction. Watching her go, Swar started shaking. The scholar shook so badly she all but fell into her chair. She needed amrinae, iaka, anything warm or soothing. Anything to calm her... anything at all. Nothing was going to come though. There wasn't anything in this building that could calm her. Everything was so different now...
Swar lay her head on the table and shook, her tremors giving way to soft, muffled sobs.
~~~~
The somewhat cheerful smell of take-out food had done something Kaml never thought any smell could. It had overpowered the too-clean smell of the med center room. Not to mention it tasted better than anything he'd ever eaten. Although that was probably due to the fact that he hadn't eaten much of anything the last few weeks, other than the rations the med center handed out every day. Even Soldier food might have tasted good to him right then. "Min, when I get out of here, you're giving me this place's address," he announced, slurping some soup. It had the spicy tang of the north side of the city. "If you don't, Lidge is going to find she has to cook every night."
Min looked up from situating Pira with her dinner. Her large turquoise eyes were brimming with happiness at her teacher's visit. The young female's hip injury was healing slowly, but there were no problems, which made for a smooth recovery. Her teacher sat on the edge of her bed, digging her favorite foods out of the large bag in front of him, passing a few more items to Kaml and setting even fewer aside for himself. Recently, Min hadn't been eating much, claiming he wasn't hungry. So much like his teacher... For all his struggles to be different, Min had absorbed more than anyone had thought of Jendai. His habits... his work... even parts of his personality.
Kaml shook his head and went back to his bowl. The noodles were still hot, spicy and exactly what the orange-eye loved. He glanced over at Pira. She was carefully devouring a few pastries with varied fillings inside. There were small flecks of each smeared around her mouth. Min watched her too, absently munching some nachos, a soft smile on his face. Every so often, he'd point to his own face, to show his student where the worst concentrations of food were, and little Pira would hastily wipe her mouth. Kaml had to smile. It had been a while since he'd seen the child happy. She usually spent most of her days in the med center hunched over her datapads, sketching whatever came to mind. Her talent amazed the mechanic to no end.
"It's a little place on a corner... I forget the street names," Min answered finally. "Pretty good, isn't it? Cerol mentioned it once or twice." The gray-eye paused to swallow a cheese-covered chip. "I think he had a thing for the owner's student for a while... until both of them went on their own." A casual shrug of thin shoulders. "Never asked him about it though."
"Cerol... that's a face I haven't seen in ages..." muttered Kaml. "He's come in a couple of times... always seems so withdrawn though. Like he's hurting."
Gray eyes blinked, thinking this information over. "Have you noticed how he's always just... I don't know... there... when thing[s] happen?" Min waved off his surrogate teacher's puzzled look. "I mean... when Pira... yeah, he was the first to know. He actually came and told me... Hey, knock it off Pintsize." The last said with a smile at a reassuring nudge from the child's toe.
The orange-eye set his empty bowl aside, reclining against his pillow. He missed Shil... actually, he felt she should be involved in this conversation. It felt wrong to talk about Cerol like this without his old teacher here to either back him up or agree. "It's probably just something to do with that eye of his, or maybe someone said something to him before he came to you," he said at last.
"True... anyway, I should probably get home..." Min mumbled, rising.
"Teacher Kaalae..."
He turned. "Yeah, Pintsize?"
"Could you stay the night...? Or do you have to work tomorrow...?"
Min smiled widely, kneeling down next to Pira. "Tomorrow's my day off. So, sure. I'll stay with you. Why? Scared of Kaml?"
She giggled. It was a bright sound. "Nah, I just miss you." Pira found herself embraced in gray-clad arms. She returned the hug, smiling all the while.
"I'll be back soon, Pira, I just have to check with the head worker here," he muttered into the top of her head. "Make sure they don't mind my being here tonight. Okay? I'll come right back." Min gave his student's fingers a soft squeeze. "Be back soon, both of you." He turned to leave then.
"Hey, Min."
Gray eyes turned to face orange pools.
"Watch out, Pira says I snore louder than a broken voot cruiser."
"You do! Teacher Kaalae! Bring a recorder chip! Then you can show him!"
Min left, laughter in his throat. Things were almost normal in that room, despite the décor, monitors and too-sanitary smell. You couldn't feel the fear, the tension, of the streets there. There were no broadcast screens or holo sets to tell one what was happening on [in] the outside world. You could almost forget your troubles in there, almost lose yourself in Pira's innocence or Kaml's good humor. You could almost forget the battles, the screams of pain, the blindness of the smoke from blaster fire, the stale, metallic scent of fresh blood. You could almost forget who you were in there... Almost forget you were a Kaalae... obligated to be reliable, to be the one Irkens looked up to for guidance, bound to duty...
Almost.
The minute one stepped back into the chill of the main hallway, reality came back with the dull sting of cold. Min almost wished he had a cape like Swar Aman. That way, he could wrap up in it and keep his body from shivering too much. He could probably hide in it as well. It smelled worse in the hallway. Too clean. Too clean, even by his Irken standards of cleanliness. Med workers hustled by him, jarring him sideways at times, nodding heads at him, helped patients along, mainly just doing their jobs, even at this time of night.
He tried to stay out of their way. He kept his head down, trying to avoid eye contact with the patients. Their pain bothered him. The feeling that he was responsible for their suffering, no matter how slight, haunted him, often leaving him awake long into the night. Another reason he hoped no one would mind his presence in Pira and Kaml's room. His student was soothing to his nerves, as was his old surrogate teacher. He loved them so dearly... if anything worse should happen to them because of this stupid war...
Right. He had to tell Lidge. Tell her that he was through. That she could do what she liked to him as long as he wouldn't fight again. No more battles.
The memories surrounded him at the mere thought of fighting. He was back on the walkway, the first battle. Back slipping in the rose blood, back choking on smoke, fighting nausea as well as Soldiers. The crack of blaster fire all around. Bodies, both wrestling and lying on the walkway, were packed so tightly around him, Min could barely breathe. He clutched his chest, stumbling against a parked black voot. His breath came in harsh, quick gasps that had to fight to get out of his throat. Noise, screams of pain, blaster cracks, voot engines, war cries, it all drowned out any sanity he had left. The smoke was so thick it burned his eyes. He had to get up, had to keep fighting, had to do something. The Soldiers closed in. They didn't care that he didn't want to be here, they didn't care that he was half-dead from the smoke and noise alone. All they wanted was to kill him, to separate him from all he loved and cared about. That was all they wanted. Min grabbed his head and screamed.
"Sir!? Sir!? Are you all right!?"
Min whirled, expecting the battle scene to remain and a Soldier facing him, blaster drawn. Instead, it was only a young med worker, her pink eyes wide and frightened. She gaped for a moment at his face, then calmed herself. Min could only nod at her, hoping that would be enough to shoo her away. It was. She made a quick bow before she hurried away in a small blur of white and pink. He stood against the wall that had been a voot only moments before, still gasping for breath. It hurt, almost, breathing.
He finally recovered. The memories just plain refused to go away. They would constantly engulf him, swallow him down into that well of panic, fear, and death, that always seemed so real. He was sweating. What on Irk was wrong with him? Was he sick? The worries kept running through his mind as he made his way to the head med worker's station. Maybe this place could help him... Hah. That was a laugh. After how much they'd "helped" poor Pira, he doubted they could even begin to diagnose him.
"Min!"
"Lidge...?" he turned at the familiar voice. His eyes picked out the black on magenta blur and winced. He hadn't expected to see her this soon. She was running to get to him before the elevator doors shut. Min wasn't aware he'd even entered an elevator. "What... what are you doing here?"
She slipped through closing doors into the elevator, coming to stand beside him. Min hadn't punched in the floor number yet, causing them to remain stationary for a time. "I came to see how you were," replied Lidge, her teeth showing in a soft, almost gentle smile. "Regert said you'd gone to see Kam and Pira, so I checked with them. They said I'd find you here."
"I need to talk to you." This mumbled more to the floor than to the female only inches away. "About the Uprisings. About everything..."
"Min... Min what's wrong? You sound awful!" Now there was concern and fear in her voice. Although, he knew the fear was not for him, but for her cause. That stung. He should have known better though. His hands clenched. Suddenly, he wished for Jendai... wished for his insight, his subtle power, just plain wished he'd never lost that teacher. Something he'd never wished before. Perhaps if he hadn't lost Jendai, he'd be able to stand strong in front of Lidge, come clean and tell her what she had to hear, what she avoided hearing.
"I'm finished Lidge. Finished with it all. I'm not fighting anymore. Not after two of the Irkens I love have... have been injured terribly in this. I'm sick of it..." he choked, gasping the tears back as he fought down the memories once more. "I'm so slarking sick of it that I'm going insane... I can't... I can't do it anymore... oh Irk!" Min fell to his knees, the terror of this conversation, the trauma of the past few minutes, overwhelming him in that instant. He was physically ill in the corner of the elevator, despite Lidge's surprising support, her hands grasping his shoulders protectively.
When there was nothing left in him, she pulled him into a sitting position, actually hugging him close to her, like she did before he grew up. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Min?" Lidge murmured, actually rocking him. "Why did you have to do this to yourself? You're pale, you're sick... Min, you're almost wasted to nothing... Mother of Irk..."
This surprised him. He'd expected her to react violently, scream at him, do something rash. But she merely held him... just as she had during Wikki's burial so long ago. He hadn't expected this. "Do what you want to me..." Min mumbled into her shoulder. His body shook with a sudden weakness. "Just don't make me fight anymore..."
"Shhh... I won't... you'll be safe. Rest now, okay? You don't have to fight any longer. I promise you." She looked about to say more, but was stopped by her communicator. "Lidge here..."
Shil's voice was frantic on the other end. "Lidge! Oh Irk, get over here, please! Cerol... Cerol's having some sort of seizure or something! He came over for a visit and he... Irk! Lidge please come! He keeps saying your name... I don't know what to do!"
"I'm coming. Put him in bed or something Shil. I'm coming." Without asking, she punched in the button for the roof parking, dragging Min along with her, heedless of his original mission.
He didn't try to stop her.
~~~~
Dark green sheets were damp with Cerol's sweat, twisted and mangled into strange shapes on the bed. Cerol himself was sprawled out, his scrawny frame limp in the sea of fabric. He was flushed with what seemed to be fever, but there was no other evidence to suggest that. A cool cloth was on his head, his teacher hovering near him. Lidge, Min leaning heavily on her, was standing on the other side of the bed. All eyes were trained to the now-calm Cerol Haye.
"He went unconscious just before you walked in," Shil sighed, drumming her thick fingers against her lower lip. "Mother of... I'm worried... He was saying all sorts of things... they didn't make any sense at all..."
Lidge peered closer to Cerol's flushed, damp face. His antennae were plastered to his head. He looked ill. "Did you take him to a med center...?"
At her voice, Cerol stirred, his eyelids fluttering. The blind eye slid open, gazing sightlessly around the room in quick, almost panicked flicks of motion. His lips moved, though there was no sound emanating from his throat. Shil took in a frightened breath. Her student's limbs thrashed briefly before he calmed, resuming the eye and lip movement, neither speaking, nor seeing. Lidge's hands tightened on Min as she watched, fear contracting into a thick knot in her chest. The male she held merely stared silently downwards.
"Lidge..."
They all jumped. Cerol's voice, though soft, was almost ethereal in its tone. He couldn't see them with his good eye, so the blind pool glared right through them instead. Lidge felt her pulse quicken.
"Lidge... has to stop... if not... uthane... ahki... hundreds dead... so much destruction... all for the cause...? No... no nonono! Lidge... Lidge has to stop! No one else... they all helpless... even Tallests... Impending Doom... two days... they can't help... not until after Impending Doom... two days... then uthane and ahki mix... hundreds die... unless..." Cerol trailed off, falling still and silent again. A few moments of stunned quiet passed. Without warning, the seemingly delirious Irken sat bolt upright, his face contorted in a horror no one with two good eyes could see. "LIDGE HAS TO STOP!" he screamed, gloved hands clutching the sheets so tightly holes appeared. Both eyes were wide open now and terror radiated from them. Terror so great that it could not be Cerol's alone. Terror like this could only come from hundreds upon thousands of living, fearing beings. "SHE HAS TO END THIS! SHE HAS TO! Oh... oh MOTHER SAVE US!"
His body went limp then, collapsing back against the bed, chest heaving for air. One last spasm passed before Cerol quieted fully, his breath now coming soft and easy, his eyes shutting calmly into sleep.
Lidge Tikem was white. Her skin no longer held any trace of color in it. She trembled slightly, working hard to contain the small tremors. Min gripped her tight. He thought she needed him as he had needed her earlier. He was wrong. After a moment, she pushed him away, rigid. Her hands clenched. "No," was all she said. It was all she needed to say.
"Lidge! You can't! You heard what he said!"
"You believe him, Min? Blast it, Cerol's lost his mind!" The venom was back in her voice. It had never been used on Min before... "You want me to call off the Uprisings, WHILE WE'RE WINNING, because of an insane Irken's delirious ramblings!?"
Min Kaalae drew himself up, shoulders back, a strength of voice filling him that he had never known he possessed. He was a Kaalae, and it was past time he acted as one. His beliefs could no longer be directed by those who were taller. He could believe what he wanted, blast it. "Yes, Lidge, I do. You should listen to him. I don't know why, but you have to! You heard what he said. You heard him, listen to him!"
She shook, now with rage. Gone was that caring façade from the elevator, evaporated with angry heat. She may have released him from her madness, but others would not escape so easily unscathed. "You're shorter than me, how DARE you order me around!" Lidge shouted. "You cannot tell me what to do!" Her stare filled him with fear. "The Uprisings will continue. They will continue until we get what we want. Regardless of the ramblings of delirious crazies."
Both Shil and Min watched her go with little idea how they were to stop her, and little idea of what they were stopping her from.
VII
In Life There Are Many Quotients, I Hope We Find The Mean
The tap of two pairs of boots was the only sound audible in the huge University library. It was the only place the two could safely discuss the matters at hand and not have their involvement discovered. Neither one of them wanted to be here really. There was a sort of hatred between the two of them. It wasn't shown, but it was keenly felt in the tension in the air. One strode through the halls with an accustomed and natural grace, her long cape gliding a few inches off the floor in her wake. The other with more authority in her walk, her antennae perked up and her back perfectly straight.
"Well?"
"I said I'd tell you in due time! You young ones are so impatient..."
"Feh. You're hardly older than I am. And I'm taller."
Swar flicked her antennae. "In this University, I am second to the boss. You, my dear Lidge, I doubt have ever set foot inside a library. If you continue to berate me so, I will leave you to wander these halls alone until you find someone willing to help you," she said. In their library, their domain, a scholar was filled with confidence. It was almost as if the towering shelves and countless texts brought gave them a great sense of security. The meekest of all scholars, when placed in their library, could become the bravest of all Irkens.
"Hmpf. Fine..." Magenta eyes studied the vast room. "I see though, that you scholars are not choosey in who you allow access to these books."
"What?"
A black-gloved hand simply pointed across the room to one of the many tables scattered at intervals throughout the library. Even from this distance, it was easy to see the red uniform, graced with three horizontal black stripes. Both pairs of eyes narrowed. This Soldier was hunched over something intently, his antennae flattened to prevent small noises from distracting him. A Soldier...? In a library...? Could Soldiers even read...?
Swar swallowed the disgust rising in her, striding over to where he sat, Lidge not far behind. As they got closer, the Soldier got smaller. Smaller and smaller until he was barely three feet tall... if even that! The book he hunched over was one of the oldest texts that the library kept on the uppermost shelves. How this midget had gotten his Soldier claws on it was another mystery to Swar Aman. She quietly slid up next to him, peering over his shoulder at the book-actual book-he was engrossed in.
" 'The Mother Of Irk: The true story behind the goddess'," she announced, reading the title in a voice loud enough for only the three of them to hear. "Interesting choice for one of the Soldier Class. Normally, the books you read, if any, are the gory ones. Those are on the bottom shelves." Her tone only betrayed a slight, mystified disgust with this short Soldier.
He jumped, slamming the book and standing rigidly to attention before her. "Sorry Ma'am!" he rapped out with a smart salute. "Since the death of my CO, Rikea, in the battles against the Upriser traitors, my squad has had leave until there is a replacement!"
"Who are you, Soldier?" Lidge barked, folding her arms defensively. Her antennae flicked back.
"Soldier Zim, ma'am!" Another salute. "Apologies if I am disrupting any of your conversations, Miss Aman and companion!"
It shouldn't have bothered Lidge that this Zim knew Swar on sight and had no idea who she was, it meant she and her Unit were safe. But it bothered her. Just because Swar's student had suddenly had a freakish growth spurt, she was suddenly one of the most recognized faces on Irk. Jendai had grown like that too, and he'd been banished, not celebrated. She growled softly, adjusting her stance. Zim's antennae were flat against his head, respectfully. "Who let you in?" Swar asked, breaking into Lidge's thoughts.
"More importantly," the mechanic piped up. "why are you in a University instead of a Soldier tavern drinking up what wages you get?"
"Lidge!"
"What? It's an honest question. Don't you snap at me Swar..."
Zim's eyes darted from female to female, unsure of what he was supposed to say. When they both looked at him, demanding an answer, he finally spoke up. "I'm avoiding my squad members, Miss Lidge," he said, inclining his head towards her slightly. "They are not the most choice Irkens to be around, to put it mildly. And, to be honest, those taverns are not as welcome to shorter personnel as they are to tallers."
"Not good enough. Why didn't you just go back to your barracks instead? Should I call the general responsible for your barracks?" Lidge snapped, her magenta eyes hard.
"No ma'am!" Zim snapped to attention again. "That's unnecessary. The barracks are being cleaned at the moment... so... I..." He fidgeted uncomfortably. "came here..."
Lidge opened her mouth to berate him some more, but a look from Swar quieted her. She felt sorry for him. He was so respectful... in an age where Soldier usually put themselves above Students even taller than they were. Such a thing was rare. Such a thing was almost singularly found in Rael. The older female knelt to Zim's height, staring him in the eyes. She'd seen the same signs of the same treatment so many years ago. The same signs in Kasden. Zim looked away quickly. Yes... Swar's guess was right. What was it like to be so small...? Swar would never know. She, quite honestly, didn't want to know. "Your reasons for being here don't need to be made public, Soldier," she said gently. "All I am going to ask is that you are more careful with that book than with anything else you have ever had in your possession. Understand?"
Red eyes widened at this sudden change. The small Soldier gave a hasty nod and salute as Swar rose, taking Lidge by the arm. "Thank you, Miss Swar..." She nodded, leading the stunned Lidge deeper into the library.
When they were far enough away, Lidge pulled her arm away from the other female, indignant. "What was that!?" she snapped. "You! Swar Aman! Kind to a Soldier?"
Swar had to take a deep breath at Lidge's tone. "Lidge Tikem... you're disgracing your name acting like that!" She faced the Boss, fragile hands on slender hips. "I cannot believe you didn't see it, when your own 'great cause' is dedicated to eradicating that sort of thing!"
"What do you mean...?"
An exasperated sigh from the scholar. "You saw how short he was. You saw how he flinched every time you raised your voice. You heard what he said about how the Soldier bar goers treat shorties. You were there, blast it!" Swar took a deep breath. "Can't you put it together?"
It clicked. Lidge slowly nodded. "But still..."
"No buts, Lidge. All right?" Swar pulled a chair out from a nearby table, motioning Lidge to sit as well. "We have a lot to discuss. Sit. Let's see if we can't get some details cleared up." Finely boned hands were spread, fingers outstretched. "Shoot."
"Tell me everything the Tallest have decided on so far!" Lidge had to quiet her voice mid-sentence. No one could hear them here, as the high shelves muffled speech with their numerous volumes. Still, it paid to be cautious.
Swar sighed. The younger female's impatience was almost intolerable. Though the few weeks of battle had toned her somewhat, both physically and mentally, Lidge would never be one who could sit through a long speech or anything that required being patient for extensive periods. She always would have to be doing something. "Nothing," the scholar announced with another sigh. "They have decided on nothing."
"WHAT!?" The single word seemed to fling Lidge into a standing position, her antennae flicking in angrily. Her heavy fists banged against the table, their solidity in stark contrast with Swar's frail-looking hands. "How can they have decided nothing! It's been three weeks since we made our demands known! Three weeks and twice that many battles-two thirds of which WE have won! Three weeks since Students first proved themselves on the battlefield! How can they have decided on nothing!?"
It was Swar who rose next, completely calm against Lidge's rage. "You forget that the Tallest have other matters that are just as important to them as settling the Uprisings is. Things such as the launch of Impending Doom." Light blue eyes regarded the synthetic wood of the tabletop. Trees were too rare on Irk to use for such things as library furniture. They were too rare to do any more than protect. Swar doubted she'd ever see one in her lifetime. "The Uprisings are more heavily on Tallest Purple's mind than Tallest Red's, Lidge. Each of them is just as important as the other." She met the hot magenta gaze and looked back down.
Lidge paced now, boots clicking against the tiled floor. "Blast it! We're being wounded, we're dying, we're even winning out there and those two idiots only care about their blasted Impending Doom scheme and their slarking Empire!" There was enough venom in her voice to wipe out half of said Empire.
"Don't you dare say that about Kasden..." Swar hissed, rising herself. "I didn't raise my Kasden to be an idiot. I raised him to be a Student and to be loyal to his Class. If you want to insult someone, Lidge Tikem, because you're frustrated and can't get what you want, insult RED, you smeet! Irk knows how he was raised. But my Kasden Aman..." Scholar fingers clenched. "This meeting is over, Lidge. Get out of my library before I throw you out."
The mechanic stood. She could have easily beaten Swar in a fight, easily broken her fragile bones. She didn't. She just turned on a heel and stalked off in the opposite direction. Watching her go, Swar started shaking. The scholar shook so badly she all but fell into her chair. She needed amrinae, iaka, anything warm or soothing. Anything to calm her... anything at all. Nothing was going to come though. There wasn't anything in this building that could calm her. Everything was so different now...
Swar lay her head on the table and shook, her tremors giving way to soft, muffled sobs.
~~~~
The somewhat cheerful smell of take-out food had done something Kaml never thought any smell could. It had overpowered the too-clean smell of the med center room. Not to mention it tasted better than anything he'd ever eaten. Although that was probably due to the fact that he hadn't eaten much of anything the last few weeks, other than the rations the med center handed out every day. Even Soldier food might have tasted good to him right then. "Min, when I get out of here, you're giving me this place's address," he announced, slurping some soup. It had the spicy tang of the north side of the city. "If you don't, Lidge is going to find she has to cook every night."
Min looked up from situating Pira with her dinner. Her large turquoise eyes were brimming with happiness at her teacher's visit. The young female's hip injury was healing slowly, but there were no problems, which made for a smooth recovery. Her teacher sat on the edge of her bed, digging her favorite foods out of the large bag in front of him, passing a few more items to Kaml and setting even fewer aside for himself. Recently, Min hadn't been eating much, claiming he wasn't hungry. So much like his teacher... For all his struggles to be different, Min had absorbed more than anyone had thought of Jendai. His habits... his work... even parts of his personality.
Kaml shook his head and went back to his bowl. The noodles were still hot, spicy and exactly what the orange-eye loved. He glanced over at Pira. She was carefully devouring a few pastries with varied fillings inside. There were small flecks of each smeared around her mouth. Min watched her too, absently munching some nachos, a soft smile on his face. Every so often, he'd point to his own face, to show his student where the worst concentrations of food were, and little Pira would hastily wipe her mouth. Kaml had to smile. It had been a while since he'd seen the child happy. She usually spent most of her days in the med center hunched over her datapads, sketching whatever came to mind. Her talent amazed the mechanic to no end.
"It's a little place on a corner... I forget the street names," Min answered finally. "Pretty good, isn't it? Cerol mentioned it once or twice." The gray-eye paused to swallow a cheese-covered chip. "I think he had a thing for the owner's student for a while... until both of them went on their own." A casual shrug of thin shoulders. "Never asked him about it though."
"Cerol... that's a face I haven't seen in ages..." muttered Kaml. "He's come in a couple of times... always seems so withdrawn though. Like he's hurting."
Gray eyes blinked, thinking this information over. "Have you noticed how he's always just... I don't know... there... when thing[s] happen?" Min waved off his surrogate teacher's puzzled look. "I mean... when Pira... yeah, he was the first to know. He actually came and told me... Hey, knock it off Pintsize." The last said with a smile at a reassuring nudge from the child's toe.
The orange-eye set his empty bowl aside, reclining against his pillow. He missed Shil... actually, he felt she should be involved in this conversation. It felt wrong to talk about Cerol like this without his old teacher here to either back him up or agree. "It's probably just something to do with that eye of his, or maybe someone said something to him before he came to you," he said at last.
"True... anyway, I should probably get home..." Min mumbled, rising.
"Teacher Kaalae..."
He turned. "Yeah, Pintsize?"
"Could you stay the night...? Or do you have to work tomorrow...?"
Min smiled widely, kneeling down next to Pira. "Tomorrow's my day off. So, sure. I'll stay with you. Why? Scared of Kaml?"
She giggled. It was a bright sound. "Nah, I just miss you." Pira found herself embraced in gray-clad arms. She returned the hug, smiling all the while.
"I'll be back soon, Pira, I just have to check with the head worker here," he muttered into the top of her head. "Make sure they don't mind my being here tonight. Okay? I'll come right back." Min gave his student's fingers a soft squeeze. "Be back soon, both of you." He turned to leave then.
"Hey, Min."
Gray eyes turned to face orange pools.
"Watch out, Pira says I snore louder than a broken voot cruiser."
"You do! Teacher Kaalae! Bring a recorder chip! Then you can show him!"
Min left, laughter in his throat. Things were almost normal in that room, despite the décor, monitors and too-sanitary smell. You couldn't feel the fear, the tension, of the streets there. There were no broadcast screens or holo sets to tell one what was happening on [in] the outside world. You could almost forget your troubles in there, almost lose yourself in Pira's innocence or Kaml's good humor. You could almost forget the battles, the screams of pain, the blindness of the smoke from blaster fire, the stale, metallic scent of fresh blood. You could almost forget who you were in there... Almost forget you were a Kaalae... obligated to be reliable, to be the one Irkens looked up to for guidance, bound to duty...
Almost.
The minute one stepped back into the chill of the main hallway, reality came back with the dull sting of cold. Min almost wished he had a cape like Swar Aman. That way, he could wrap up in it and keep his body from shivering too much. He could probably hide in it as well. It smelled worse in the hallway. Too clean. Too clean, even by his Irken standards of cleanliness. Med workers hustled by him, jarring him sideways at times, nodding heads at him, helped patients along, mainly just doing their jobs, even at this time of night.
He tried to stay out of their way. He kept his head down, trying to avoid eye contact with the patients. Their pain bothered him. The feeling that he was responsible for their suffering, no matter how slight, haunted him, often leaving him awake long into the night. Another reason he hoped no one would mind his presence in Pira and Kaml's room. His student was soothing to his nerves, as was his old surrogate teacher. He loved them so dearly... if anything worse should happen to them because of this stupid war...
Right. He had to tell Lidge. Tell her that he was through. That she could do what she liked to him as long as he wouldn't fight again. No more battles.
The memories surrounded him at the mere thought of fighting. He was back on the walkway, the first battle. Back slipping in the rose blood, back choking on smoke, fighting nausea as well as Soldiers. The crack of blaster fire all around. Bodies, both wrestling and lying on the walkway, were packed so tightly around him, Min could barely breathe. He clutched his chest, stumbling against a parked black voot. His breath came in harsh, quick gasps that had to fight to get out of his throat. Noise, screams of pain, blaster cracks, voot engines, war cries, it all drowned out any sanity he had left. The smoke was so thick it burned his eyes. He had to get up, had to keep fighting, had to do something. The Soldiers closed in. They didn't care that he didn't want to be here, they didn't care that he was half-dead from the smoke and noise alone. All they wanted was to kill him, to separate him from all he loved and cared about. That was all they wanted. Min grabbed his head and screamed.
"Sir!? Sir!? Are you all right!?"
Min whirled, expecting the battle scene to remain and a Soldier facing him, blaster drawn. Instead, it was only a young med worker, her pink eyes wide and frightened. She gaped for a moment at his face, then calmed herself. Min could only nod at her, hoping that would be enough to shoo her away. It was. She made a quick bow before she hurried away in a small blur of white and pink. He stood against the wall that had been a voot only moments before, still gasping for breath. It hurt, almost, breathing.
He finally recovered. The memories just plain refused to go away. They would constantly engulf him, swallow him down into that well of panic, fear, and death, that always seemed so real. He was sweating. What on Irk was wrong with him? Was he sick? The worries kept running through his mind as he made his way to the head med worker's station. Maybe this place could help him... Hah. That was a laugh. After how much they'd "helped" poor Pira, he doubted they could even begin to diagnose him.
"Min!"
"Lidge...?" he turned at the familiar voice. His eyes picked out the black on magenta blur and winced. He hadn't expected to see her this soon. She was running to get to him before the elevator doors shut. Min wasn't aware he'd even entered an elevator. "What... what are you doing here?"
She slipped through closing doors into the elevator, coming to stand beside him. Min hadn't punched in the floor number yet, causing them to remain stationary for a time. "I came to see how you were," replied Lidge, her teeth showing in a soft, almost gentle smile. "Regert said you'd gone to see Kam and Pira, so I checked with them. They said I'd find you here."
"I need to talk to you." This mumbled more to the floor than to the female only inches away. "About the Uprisings. About everything..."
"Min... Min what's wrong? You sound awful!" Now there was concern and fear in her voice. Although, he knew the fear was not for him, but for her cause. That stung. He should have known better though. His hands clenched. Suddenly, he wished for Jendai... wished for his insight, his subtle power, just plain wished he'd never lost that teacher. Something he'd never wished before. Perhaps if he hadn't lost Jendai, he'd be able to stand strong in front of Lidge, come clean and tell her what she had to hear, what she avoided hearing.
"I'm finished Lidge. Finished with it all. I'm not fighting anymore. Not after two of the Irkens I love have... have been injured terribly in this. I'm sick of it..." he choked, gasping the tears back as he fought down the memories once more. "I'm so slarking sick of it that I'm going insane... I can't... I can't do it anymore... oh Irk!" Min fell to his knees, the terror of this conversation, the trauma of the past few minutes, overwhelming him in that instant. He was physically ill in the corner of the elevator, despite Lidge's surprising support, her hands grasping his shoulders protectively.
When there was nothing left in him, she pulled him into a sitting position, actually hugging him close to her, like she did before he grew up. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Min?" Lidge murmured, actually rocking him. "Why did you have to do this to yourself? You're pale, you're sick... Min, you're almost wasted to nothing... Mother of Irk..."
This surprised him. He'd expected her to react violently, scream at him, do something rash. But she merely held him... just as she had during Wikki's burial so long ago. He hadn't expected this. "Do what you want to me..." Min mumbled into her shoulder. His body shook with a sudden weakness. "Just don't make me fight anymore..."
"Shhh... I won't... you'll be safe. Rest now, okay? You don't have to fight any longer. I promise you." She looked about to say more, but was stopped by her communicator. "Lidge here..."
Shil's voice was frantic on the other end. "Lidge! Oh Irk, get over here, please! Cerol... Cerol's having some sort of seizure or something! He came over for a visit and he... Irk! Lidge please come! He keeps saying your name... I don't know what to do!"
"I'm coming. Put him in bed or something Shil. I'm coming." Without asking, she punched in the button for the roof parking, dragging Min along with her, heedless of his original mission.
He didn't try to stop her.
~~~~
Dark green sheets were damp with Cerol's sweat, twisted and mangled into strange shapes on the bed. Cerol himself was sprawled out, his scrawny frame limp in the sea of fabric. He was flushed with what seemed to be fever, but there was no other evidence to suggest that. A cool cloth was on his head, his teacher hovering near him. Lidge, Min leaning heavily on her, was standing on the other side of the bed. All eyes were trained to the now-calm Cerol Haye.
"He went unconscious just before you walked in," Shil sighed, drumming her thick fingers against her lower lip. "Mother of... I'm worried... He was saying all sorts of things... they didn't make any sense at all..."
Lidge peered closer to Cerol's flushed, damp face. His antennae were plastered to his head. He looked ill. "Did you take him to a med center...?"
At her voice, Cerol stirred, his eyelids fluttering. The blind eye slid open, gazing sightlessly around the room in quick, almost panicked flicks of motion. His lips moved, though there was no sound emanating from his throat. Shil took in a frightened breath. Her student's limbs thrashed briefly before he calmed, resuming the eye and lip movement, neither speaking, nor seeing. Lidge's hands tightened on Min as she watched, fear contracting into a thick knot in her chest. The male she held merely stared silently downwards.
"Lidge..."
They all jumped. Cerol's voice, though soft, was almost ethereal in its tone. He couldn't see them with his good eye, so the blind pool glared right through them instead. Lidge felt her pulse quicken.
"Lidge... has to stop... if not... uthane... ahki... hundreds dead... so much destruction... all for the cause...? No... no nonono! Lidge... Lidge has to stop! No one else... they all helpless... even Tallests... Impending Doom... two days... they can't help... not until after Impending Doom... two days... then uthane and ahki mix... hundreds die... unless..." Cerol trailed off, falling still and silent again. A few moments of stunned quiet passed. Without warning, the seemingly delirious Irken sat bolt upright, his face contorted in a horror no one with two good eyes could see. "LIDGE HAS TO STOP!" he screamed, gloved hands clutching the sheets so tightly holes appeared. Both eyes were wide open now and terror radiated from them. Terror so great that it could not be Cerol's alone. Terror like this could only come from hundreds upon thousands of living, fearing beings. "SHE HAS TO END THIS! SHE HAS TO! Oh... oh MOTHER SAVE US!"
His body went limp then, collapsing back against the bed, chest heaving for air. One last spasm passed before Cerol quieted fully, his breath now coming soft and easy, his eyes shutting calmly into sleep.
Lidge Tikem was white. Her skin no longer held any trace of color in it. She trembled slightly, working hard to contain the small tremors. Min gripped her tight. He thought she needed him as he had needed her earlier. He was wrong. After a moment, she pushed him away, rigid. Her hands clenched. "No," was all she said. It was all she needed to say.
"Lidge! You can't! You heard what he said!"
"You believe him, Min? Blast it, Cerol's lost his mind!" The venom was back in her voice. It had never been used on Min before... "You want me to call off the Uprisings, WHILE WE'RE WINNING, because of an insane Irken's delirious ramblings!?"
Min Kaalae drew himself up, shoulders back, a strength of voice filling him that he had never known he possessed. He was a Kaalae, and it was past time he acted as one. His beliefs could no longer be directed by those who were taller. He could believe what he wanted, blast it. "Yes, Lidge, I do. You should listen to him. I don't know why, but you have to! You heard what he said. You heard him, listen to him!"
She shook, now with rage. Gone was that caring façade from the elevator, evaporated with angry heat. She may have released him from her madness, but others would not escape so easily unscathed. "You're shorter than me, how DARE you order me around!" Lidge shouted. "You cannot tell me what to do!" Her stare filled him with fear. "The Uprisings will continue. They will continue until we get what we want. Regardless of the ramblings of delirious crazies."
Both Shil and Min watched her go with little idea how they were to stop her, and little idea of what they were stopping her from.
