Chapter 3 – Deviance.
By Sunday, everyone knew that Snake had a job because somebody told Campbell. Snake had installed the water filter and went through Meryl's closet to make sure she didn't have any costumes in there that he didn't know about. He had also taken the time to buy a police scanner since the newspaper archives had not mentioned anything about unusual public disturbances. Snake chose not to tell Meryl about the nanomachines that were causing people to flip out. Keeping her out of the loop only made him feel slightly guilty.
When Monday finally rolled around, Snake's alarm clock didn't go off. Meryl knew that messing with him while he slept was potentially fatal, but somebody had to wake him up. She grabbed a riot shield from Snake's private armory and wandered into the living room. Meryl maxed out the volume of Snake's stereo system and popped in one of the many mixed CDs Otacon had given him. Miku Hatsune filled Snake's house with joy.
Snake had his M9 in hand and took two steps out of his bedroom before he knew what was happening. Meryl gave him a wave while she waited in the doorway of the front door to his house with the riot shield facing forward. Snake put his gun down on the coffee table and turned the stereo down. Meryl came back inside and propped the riot shield against the wall before joining Snake in the living room.
"Good morning, sunshine," Meryl said. "I think you're going to be late for your first day."
"Par for the course."
"Are you sure you don't want to teach Krav Maga down at the college with me?"
Snake intentionally avoided working with Meryl to keep himself distant from her so that nothing too personal would ever develop between them, but it didn't seem to be helping. He shook his head.
"I'll pass."
"Okay. I can't honestly say that I see this going well for you, but if it's just to pacify Ocelot I guess you'll make it work."
There wasn't any time for breakfast, but Snake gobbled down the sausages and eggs Meryl had prepared for him anyway. Snake had wanted to wake up early enough to go jogging since keeping himself in shape was absolutely necessary, but he'd have to wait until he got home to exercise. Outside, it was cold and miserable. The monotonous drive into town was only partially alleviated with the help of his iPod.
Snake knew that Mantis would not let him have a normal first day. He was on guard against the mind tricks he barely had a chance to deflect. The first thing he noticed when he pulled into the parking lot of the Praying Mantis was that Naomi's vehicle was missing. He also couldn't find the van that Mantis' insane security officer used. He had hoped to see Robocop or a Predator in the waiting room, but there weren't any crazy cosplayers there. Terra was working by herself and giving a bottle of pills to a middle-aged woman. She gave Snake a friendly wave as he stepped behind the desk. He spotted a grey backpack in the corner. A book on astronomy was visible. He assumed it belonged to Terra.
Before he could get acquainted with his surroundings, Mantis appeared. He was wearing his gas mask and a trench coat because former members of elite death squads usually did not have any taste in fashion. Mantis at least had enough decency to refrain from levitating in the presence of people who did not know him very well. He waited for the woman Terra was helping to leave the building, which left Snake and Terra alone in the waiting room with him.
"Snake!" Mantis exclaimed, taking far too long to say his name.
Mantis snapped his fingers and a bread pan appeared out of nowhere on the reception desk.
"Have some kulich."
Mantis put his right hand over an area of his trench coat near his left hip that did not appear to have a pocket. A tablet computer appeared in his hand as if he were a character in a fifth generation video game retrieving an item valuable to the plot. Mantis gave the tablet to Snake.
"This is your company issued tablet computer. Please read the document on the desktop and take the quiz it mentions by the end of your first day here. If you need any help, ask anyone! We are all friends here."
"Thank goodness for communism," Snake said.
"You'd better believe it. Do you have any questions?"
"Have you ever scanned the barcode on your arm at the self-checkout in a grocery store?"
"Yes, it always adds baloney to my order. Anything else?"
Snake shook his head.
"I shall leave you to your duties, then," Mantis said.
The sound of metal being smashed and a car alarm crying out for help distracted them from their pleasantries. They rushed to the front door to see what was going on and saw a man dressed as an Uruk-Hai wailing on a defenseless Buick Roadmaster with a battle-axe.
"Who is that?" Terra asked.
"I can't tell. He's wearing too much makeup and he's really into character at the moment so his mind is a little hard to read," Mantis replied.
Aware that he had been noticed, the Uruk-Hai looked away from the vehicle he was thrashing and locked his gaze on Snake. With a guttural roar, the troubled man covered in copious amounts of rubber and brown paint charged right at Snake.
"He's coming in!" Mantis yelled.
"Then do something about it!" Snake shouted.
Terra took the taser Snake had seen her use earlier out of her pocket and aimed it at the troubled individual just as he smashed into the front doors with a loud thump since he wasn't strong enough to barrel through them like he had planned on being in his head.
"Mantis, take control of him before he gets in here!" Snake ordered, shocked that he even had to make such a suggestion.
The orc pulled the door open, popped in, and then popped back out to avoid the electrical barbs that soared past where he had just been standing. Terra was not very happy that she had just fallen for such an obvious trick and started to load another cartridge as the man stepped inside and focused on Snake. Mantis snapped into action by levitating, but miscalculated how much psychic energy he would need to use and wound up crashing headfirst into the ceiling. He fell back down to the ground in a crumbled heap.
Snake never expected to have an axe swung at him, but he knew precisely how to react. He stepped in as the man was winding up, grabbed the pole, and shoved him up against the wall near the fish tank. The force of the impact caused the man to lose his grip on the axe. Snake tore it from his hands and hit the man across the face with the blunt end of the weapon. The impact of the blow was so strong that it knocked the fake teeth from the mouth of his opponent into the fish tank. It also knocked out the extra straight from the set of the Lord of the Rings.
As the adrenaline pumped through his body, the last thing Snake expected to hear was laughter. Terra was about to call 911, but the muffled chuckles distracted her. She and Snake turned to see Mantis giggling quietly to himself on the floor. Knowing that the attention was now on him, Mantis got on his feet and faced his two puzzled employees.
"Congratulations, Snake. That was a test to see how well you would handle an emergency situation," Mantis said. "I like how you only used as much force as was necessary against our potential customer. You care more about the pawns than you would like to believe."
"Do you do this to all your new hires?" Snake asked.
"Yes! Isn't that right, Terra?"
"I should have known something was off when I noticed that there was only one appointment scheduled before eleven," Terra said, avoiding the topic of her own experience.
"I'm glad you thought nothing of that little detail. This was a good exercise for both of you," Mantis said.
The Uruk-hai grunted sluggishly as he stood up and leaned against the wall as his head spun. He put a hand in his mouth and started checking his real teeth to make sure that they were all there.
"Wait a second. This is your security officer, isn't it?" Snake asked.
"Of course. Introduce yourself, would you?"
Snake offered a hand for the man to shake, which he took. His grip was rather limp and clammy due to the rubber all over his fingers.
"I am very sorry that I hit you so hard," Snake said as sincerely as he could, which came out sounding a little fake since he had never apologized for decking anyone before.
"Occupational hazard," the man assured him. "I am glad that you didn't run out of the building screaming. By the way, my name is Kyle, but you can call me Kyle because we don't know each other very well yet."
At that precise moment, Snake knew that Kyle was a bit off and that they would not be friends. Being a former member of the League, it was only natural that he'd have some personal issues. Without another word, Kyle stepped outside and disappeared around the corner of the building.
"It's time to get back to work. Both of you! Smile," Mantis said, "big ones."
Terra beamed a brilliant smile while Snake produced a crooked smirk.
"Very nice. I'll be in my office if either of you need me."
Mantis vanished down the hallway as Terra and Snake went behind the desk together.
"You were in the military, weren't you?" Terra asked.
"I guess somebody close to you was as well," Snake replied.
"Yes. My father was a Navy SEAL. What did you do?"
"Marines."
"Is that where you earned your nickname?"
Snake nodded and expected a slew of other questions he would lie about politely, but Terra did not press the topic of his service any further and allowed him to read the document Mantis had prepared for him on his tablet computer.
"Does Naomi have the day off?" Snake asked.
"I believe she resigned. She had something else going on and this was her second job," Terra said.
He couldn't help but feel that it had something to do with him. It was probably better for him if she was stuck in the house that had the lab he had paid for in the basement since it might give her more time to think about curing him even though it seemed like she was currently a bit busy with the local crazies. Snake assumed that Terra knew nothing about that and wouldn't bring it up in conversation unless she did.
"What did Mantis pull on you on your first day?" Snake asked Terra.
"Kyle came running out of the hallway on fire," Terra said.
"And you're still here because?"
"It pays well and the doctor is a great boss. You'll like it here. This is a good job."
X
Snake had figured Terra must have been under Mantis' control when she had told him that working with Mantis was bearable, but it turned out that she was correct. A week of employment had passed him by in a flash. One person could easily work the front desk alone, but two people ensured that nobody ever had to wait for very long to be assisted. The monotonous nature of deskwork made him antsy, but he figured he would get used to it. Until that time came, he soothed his nerves by taking full advantage of his smoke breaks and exercising the moment he got home.
While working out, he made it a point to listen to his police scanner. If there were public disturbances being made by people loaded with nanomachines, they weren't discussed over the radio. There had been a report of a peeping tom in Mei Ling's neighborhood. Raiden had answered his phone. Otacon had not.
Ocelot was still promoting vaccinations and donating blood to the Red Cross as a part of his act. He did not attend the party Raiden threw for Snake to celebrate the fact that he had managed to work a week without being fired. Everyone else had stopped by. The only thing Snake remembered about the party was that Mei Ling started doing Tarot readings shortly before he passed out only to wake up hours later hugging a dakimakura of Neptune from Hyperdimension Neptunia on Otacon's couch.
His second week on the job started all too soon. Each time he saw somebody walk in convinced that they were somebody they actually weren't, he thought of Naomi. Snake knew it was foolish to expect a breakthrough so quickly, but when it did finally come, it might help Naomi fix his problem as well. Of note from the herd of customers was the gentlemen who had been posing as Iron Man. He had completely regressed and now firmly believed that he was Rorschach from Watchmen. Whatever they had done to get him to overcome the nanomachines in his body, it obviously hadn't lasted very long.
The security on the tablet Snake had been given was easily circumvented. By the middle of the week, he was browsing an image board the clinic had blocked for pictures of nubile young women. He quickly switched to Mahjong whenever Terra got too close. It was during a slow day that he finally got caught.
Should a woman's body not remain a mystery? Mantis asked.
Snake sat up straight and was completely alert for thirty seconds until he started calming down. He would never get used to Mantis communicating with him telepathically.
You shut up! Snake thought as loud as he could. You're not supposed to be in here.
Sorry, I forgot my coat.
Why are you harassing me? Do you need something?
Aside from a piece of paper and a pen to write you up for breaching our security with Otacon's old fashioned boot virus, no. You had best not be uploading patient records to your Dropbox account.
Yes, because that's exactly how I spend how can you call riichi after three moves this AI is cheating!
What?
Sorry, I'm playing Mahjong as I'm talking to you and sometimes boobs my thoughts get distracted. This was a lot easier to do with those nanomachines.
Yeah, but that strain was scrapped because it's so last-gen.
I'm starting to get a headache. If you want to talk to me, do it in person.
Snake filled his mind with thoughts of vanilla since he knew that Mantis was fatally allergic to it. He imagined Meryl guzzling down a giant bottle of vanilla extract while she stood covered up to her chest in vanilla beans as several burning vanilla scented candles filled the room with the pleasant aroma they contained. Mantis did not send him another telepathic message. Snake went back to fiddling with his tablet. Terra tapped him on the shoulder, drawing his attention away from the opponent who had just called ron on his discard before he became consumed with rage.
"I'm going to Dairy Queen for my break since it's just down the street. Would you like me to pick you up anything?"
"Sure. I'll have an Oreo Blizzard," Snake said as he handed her a twenty.
With Terra gone and no appointments for ninety minutes, Snake had the front of the building all to himself. He wondered if he should start planning his revenge against Ocelot, but decided it was a bit too early to work out the specifics. Snake had half a mind to bum rush him and hook him up to a tank of truth gas, but could not shake the thought that doing so would not only endanger himself, but everyone around him if Ocelot was compromised. Just before he could start relaxing, the phone rang. Years of addressing ringing objects out in the field before they were heard or exploded had honed his phone grab to perfection.
"Praying Mantis, David speaking," Snake said.
On the other end of the line, Snake picked up the sound of blowing wind and heavy breathing. It sounded like the person was calling from a cell phone outside somewhere.
"I will speak with only you and no one else. If you transfer me to another line, I'll jump." a nervous voice stated.
This was what the official job description had meant when it had said 'all other duties as assigned'. Snake thought back to what he had learned during the negotiation classes he had taken as part of his training to enter FOXHOUND and reminded himself that the last time he had done something like this, a woman had been pointing a rail gun at him. Snake cleared his throat in a feeble attempt to make his voice sound a bit more soothing.
"Okay, let's talk about it. Tell me what's wrong," Snake said. "There is nothing that can't be worked out. Everything has a solution."
"Where to start? My cousin broke into my house and changed all the locks. Now I can't get in and feed my fish. Wrestling isn't what it used to be. I should never have majored in music education. To top it all off, last week I was playing around with a Ouija board, didn't use protection, and now I think I might be haunted."
Snake didn't know what to make of what he was hearing.
"What's your name?" Snake asked.
"John Blackthorne."
He raised an eyebrow at that, but chose to assume that the man had told the truth.
"I wrote a Tenchi story once where he marries the house because that house is beautiful. Nobody got the joke," John said, continuing to vent. "Even though I have all of their recipes, I still can't cook like my parents could. My biggest monthly expense is toiletries. They cost me more than rent."
"Let's start with getting you back inside your house."
"So the demon can get at me easier?"
"We can find a priest to get rid of the spirit."
"Whatever. You sure do sound thrilled to be working today."
Snake swallowed hard. He knew his voice wasn't made for empathy. It seemed like he was losing ground, so Snake switched his strategy.
"I am not the only person you can talk to. You could set up an appointment with the Praying Mantis or I could transfer you to a crisis hotline."
"Forget it."
"Jumping is not a very effective way to end your life. How high up are you? How fast is the wind blowing?"
"I don't know."
"You should not be jumping, then."
"What if I go headfirst?"
"How many times have you dived off a high board?"
"Once or twice."
"Did you land on your back?"
"Yes."
"If you jump, you are not going to die. You are going to hurt yourself. Badly. Then you'll be in the hospital for a long time. After that, you'll be institutionalized until your psychologist believes that you are no longer a threat to yourself or others. You will pay for all of this on top of any other debts you currently owe. Please. Don't. Jump. You will be conscious the entire time you're falling."
The line disconnected. Snake immediately tried to call him back, but there was no answer. He really needed a cigarette. The fate of the caller could not remain a mystery. John's battery might have died. That's when he heard the scream. It was coming from the roof. He heard the collision before he got to the window.
Terra's purple Scion IQ had returned to the lot. It had looked a lot better when a man wasn't sprawled out on his back on top of it. Unbeknownst to everyone, a man who thought he was Harry Mason heard the car alarm and ran screaming in the other direction because he thought the Other World was coming after him. Snake went outside and approached the vehicle. Through the windshield, Snake could clearly see how rattled Terra was. Her face was twisted into a crooked smirk and her left eye was twitching violently. Her hands were wrapped around the wheel in a death grip.
He tapped on the window on the driver's side.
"Terra?" Snake asked. "Can you hear me? Are you okay?"
She nodded. The jumper groaned as he regained consciousness, but Snake ignored him for now. Snake tried to open the door, but it was locked. Without looking at him, Terra unlocked the door. Snake helped her out of the vehicle and led her away from the accident. He then turned to address the jumper just as the man leapt off the car as if nothing had happened. Snake was shocked that he hadn't sustained any injuries and was even more surprised when he recognized the man. It was Kyle.
"What do you think you're doing?" Snake demanded.
"I was testing the efficiency of our crisis hotline. Mantis had asked me to do so earlier this morning. I went up on the roof to get in the role of a jumper. The man on the phone convinced me not to jump, but I lost my footing and tripped," Kyle said. "It's quite slick up there."
"You didn't call the crisis hotline. You called the front desk of the Praying Mantis," Snake said.
"Does that mean I talked to you? I thought the guy on the phone sounded kind of familiar. You know all of my secrets, then."
"Wait, you weren't making any of that up?"
Kyle shook his head sadly. Snake gawked, completely at a loss for words. Terra got on her feet and charged at Kyle. Her face was red from tears and anger. Snake restrained her before she could throttle Kyle.
"What are you waiting for? There's ten seconds left on the clock. Go for the high score!" Terra said.
Mantis came walking out of the front of the building, sporting both a new trench coat and his signature gas mask.
"What's going on? Oh, it's just Kyle," Mantis said. "I take it that there's a crisis councilor who's in need of a performance review, yes? No, don't answer that. I already know what happened thanks to David's confusion and Terra's fantasies of pulling your head off. I was going to save this for later, but I think now is a good time to mention that you lied to me on your resume because it will make firing you easier since you're already outside of the building."
"But all I did was accidentally damage Terra's vehicle," Kyle said.
"Your position was temporary. I am cutting you lose early."
"Who will restrain the crazies with me gone?"
"Someone who actually has experience with such things."
"Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I did good work."
Mantis sighed, jumped into the air, and began to levitate. His mood music started drifting out of nowhere. Snake imagined that he probably had a portable cassette player strapped to his chest. He could think of no other reason to explain why Mantis wore a trench coat all the time.
"Kyle!" Mantis said in a menacing tone that made Kyle squeak. "You have been stalking Terra for quite some time and were happy to get a job here so you could show her the grappling skills that barely kept you on your high school wrestling team. Everything was fine until David came along and threatened your imaginary relationship with his rugged good looks and fancy mullet that Terra cannot stop adoring. In an attempt to gain an advantage over the effect affluent older men have on younger women, you turned to supernatural forces. Unfortunately, you spelled Stolas' name wrong and wound up inadvertently contacting Belial instead because you didn't know that all wrong numbers direct to him. Stolas isn't even the appropriate demon to contact for issues like this because he mainly deals with alchemy and astronomy, but I digress. After your roommate found the shrine you made out of Terra using the missing kitchen utensils, your cousin locked you out of the house he shared with you."
"No!" Kyle wailed.
"Yes! At the end of your rope, you decided to get back at Terra somehow. That's why you jumped on her vehicle. Not by accident, but on purpose!"
The mood music abruptly ended and Mantis stopped levitating, landing on both feet of his feet.
"Now skedaddle or I'll make you experience your worst fear until you get out of my range."
Kyle walked away in defeat. Snake couldn't help but feel a twinge of empathy for him.
"You're sure he's not on drugs?" Snake asked.
"Opiates," Mantis replied.
"That's not what I meant."
Snake tapped his head and Mantis was able to see that he was talking about nanomachines.
"Nope, he's just a weirdo. Anyway, congratulations on your promotion."
"Do I get a raise?"
Mantis laughed in his face.
"I don't see why you could have done any of this earlier," Terra said.
"You scrubs have no idea how psychic powers work, do you? What is it with people thinking that I am constantly spying on them? I don't read everyone I bump into on the street. That would drive me insane," Mantis said.
"I'm going to need his information," Terra said as she pulled out her cell phone.
Filing a report would give her something else to worry about. Snake was flattered by the fact that she secretly thought his mullet was beautiful. While he usually only helped people he was close to, he decided to make an exception for Terra.
"Don't bother calling the police," Snake said. "I'll cover the cost of the repair."
"Really?" Terra asked. "It'll be expensive. Do you have that kind of money?"
"Snake thinks about a thousand dollars the same way you think about a nickel," Mantis replied. "And yes, he's already taken. Even though it's a little complicated, I can't see them breaking up any time soon."
Terra and Snake gave Mantis a dirty look. Mantis shrugged.
"Repressed emotions are bad for you," Mantis said. "Look where they got Kyle. You're both welcome. Put on a smile and get back to work."
X
It came as a shock to a few people, but Snake managed to remain employed for an entire month. By that time, he had finally stopped thinking about how stocking shelves, futzing about in a warehouse, or carpentry might be better jobs. They were, but Snake could see himself remaining content with doing next to nothing for a little while longer. What little money he received every two weeks was spent to cover groceries and further his investments.
The plan for his revenge against Ocelot was set. Snake had asked Meryl to keep sending him text messages asking him to come clean. If this did not happen in another week, Snake would pay Ocelot back for the damage that had been done to his property, which had only recently been completely repaired. Instead of asking Otacon to hack drones until Ocelot's rage simmered down, Snake had instead hit up an old contact of his in the black market and ordered two EMP grenades that would send Ocelot back to the Stone Age. The package was still in transit, but Snake expected to receive it before the deadline he had set.
At work, the cosplayers continued to appear and Naomi still hadn't said anything. He had just finished checking in somebody posing as Yu Narukami from Persona 4 and his friend dressed as Etna from Disgaea when he started to wonder if there was some other way to beat nanomachines. Perhaps if they could get everyone excited about eating garlic the situation might improve. Alternatively, the public was getting so stupid these days that he and Otacon could probably figure out how to get bloodletting to trend, at least for a little while.
Snake stopped himself and tried to concentrate on how glorious it would be to watch the girl posing as Etna walk out of the building. Meryl would strangle him until her fingers turned white if she found out about it. Terra had called in sick, so he couldn't distract himself by talking to her about her desire to unravel string theory. To stave off boredom, Snake flipped through the patient records and discovered that Etna was a repeat customer. She had gone through several personas in the past few months and had almost killed herself trying to fly while she was out roleplaying as Nina from Breath of Fire II. The stunt had landed her in traction. Snake had to read her file again to make sure that he wasn't dyslexic. She was the person he had seen at the hospital when he had gone to pry Meryl off Ocelot after he had gotten his hand chopped off by a mysterious soldier during the dinner party he'd hosted a few weeks after Snake's dogs had convinced him to get out more. It really was a small world.
As Snake was wondering if it would be worth it to break into Etna's apartment to see if they could learn anything about the sickness spreading throughout the town, the front door opened and a short Asian man stepped inside. He had a cardboard box tucked underneath one of his armpits.
"Hello!" the Asian man greeted cheerfully as he approached the front desk.
Snake immediately wondered if his bombs were in the package and then severally regretted thinking about that at work even though Mantis was out on his lunch break.
"Are you Dave?" the man asked.
If only the man had said that sooner. Snake nodded. He had not used his real name to buy the items he wanted. There was only a slight chance that Mantis might have been watching him since he was currently eating his lunch in the snazzy lounge they had. The man put the box on the desk.
A switch was flicked in Snake's brain. In front of him was the sexiest cardboard box he had ever seen in his life. It was not big enough to sneak around in, but he could easily cover his head with it and breath in its mysterious musky scent that faintly smelled like wood. His palms started getting sweaty and he could feel his face turning red from arousal.
"Yes, I'm David," Snake muttered, not really hearing himself as he spoke.
"Nice to meet you!" the man exclaimed.
Snake swallowed hard. He wanted to get inside the box so bad that he could barely exchange useless pleasantries with the suspicious individual trying to befriend him. The tape sealing the box had been applied flawlessly. The creases it secured were perfectly even with the width of the tape. Someone had to have taken the time to do that.
"You make sure Mantis gets this, okay?" the stranger asked.
"Yeah, no problem."
The man smiled, waved goodbye, and left the building. Snake whipped out his tablet and checked the schedule. The next client would not arrive for another thirty minutes. Snake's hands shook with anticipation as he gently touched the brown surface. It was in the shade of raw umber, which Snake knew by heart since he had memorized all the possible variations of the color brown in existence. He ran his fingers along the side of the box. From this, he was able to discern that it was brand new, fresh from the factory, in fact. There was no label stuck to it or any printed text to hint at what it might contain. The long piece of tape was the only visible addition to the corrugated paper. Whatever was inside the box Mantis could have, but Snake would be keeping the package and adding it to his collection.
Unable to resist, Snake grabbed a pair of scissors and carefully cut open the box. Mantis would understand. Several bags of marijuana and assorted mushrooms appeared. The sanctity of his box was now in jeopardy. There were also a few bags of LSD blotters buried beneath the other drugs. At first, Snake was completely shocked. Then he realized that it was just a bunch of psychedelics and that it made sense for Mantis to have them.
"Snake!" Mantis shouted from the hallway.
Mantis appeared before Snake could manage to shut the box properly. He was not wearing his gas mask, so Snake was clearly able to see how disappointed he was.
"I believe your fetish just might put your personal health in danger," Mantis said. "I need your help. Follow me. Take the box with you."
"Did you buy something that might have vanilla in it again?" Snake asked.
"Naomi thinks that she's got a cure to this cosplay epidemic that we've been seeing."
Snake closed the box and followed Mantis. It was foolish to hope that this would lead Naomi to solving his problem, but he found himself thinking about how wonderful it would be to have that happen to him. They went out through the backdoor of the building near the dumpster where a van was waiting for them. Mantis grabbed an entire bag of mushrooms from the box Snake was carrying and handed it to the driver. He then opened the back of the van and hopped inside, gesturing for Snake to follow. On the floor of the van was a man wrapped in a straitjacket with a piece of duct tape over his mouth.
It's the guy who thinks that he's Link, Mantis thought, drilling his words into Snake's skull.
"No. If you want to talk to me, do it out loud," Snake said in Russian.
It was highly probable that the driver wasn't completely in on the plan, so Snake spoke in Russian to keep him out of the conversation. Mantis looked like he had been hit with a wet fish. Snake started to think that he had forgotten the language when Mantis finally spoke.
"Fine. Would you mind getting in the van before someone sees us?" Mantis asked in Russian.
Snake finally stepped into the vehicle. Mantis closed the door behind him. The van started to move. Snake looked at the man on the floor. His red roots were showing through his hair that he had dyed blonde and his eyes were glazed over since he was doped up on downers.
"Did you give him a blotter?" Snake asked, still speaking in Russian.
"Yeah, about that. I got into selling when I wasn't doing any gigs for the feds. Regular investments don't return fast enough for me."
"You could have counted cards."
"Spare me the guilt trip. A gram is better than a damn, Snake."
"I guess I'm not in a position to argue that," Snake relented, thinking about all the pills he took.
Despite the fact that their driver was obeying the speed limit and the rules of the road, a police car still pulled into the same lane and began following them. Mantis noticed and attacked the cop mentally. He was about to pull them over for driving with an expired license plate. Snake watched as the cop car came to an abrupt stop and the police officer jumped out of it and started screaming at the top of his lungs while he rolled around on the asphalt in the middle of an intersection.
"An old favorite of mine. Make a man think that he's on fire. It's very distracting," Mantis said.
The driver parked against the sidewalk in front of Naomi's house. Mantis grabbed the box of drugs, opened the back door, and stepped outside of the van. After checking to make sure that the coast was clear, he gestured for Snake to follow him.
"Will you carry him for me?" Mantis asked in English, pointing at the man he had kidnapped.
Snake didn't reply and slung Link over his right shoulder. The man started groaning a lot louder. Snake rushed to the front door while Mantis continued to make sure that nobody was watching them. He was relieved to see that Naomi hadn't locked up and stepped inside.
The first thing Snake noticed about Naomi's house was that she liked the color white. Her sofa was white leather. Whitewood had been used to make her coffee table. A white bowl of peppermints had been set out for guests. She had even had the frame of her Vizio television painted white. A speck of dust would have been enough to drive her mad since it threatened the sterility of her environment. Snake took a mint.
He made his way downstairs where the door to Naomi's lab was ajar. The basement had once contained a series of rooms, but they had all been torn down in favor of making one large open space. When the time came to sell her house, Snake wondered how the real estate agent was going to plug the white ceramic tiles on the floor. Naomi was towards the back resting on a couch in a little break area she had set up for herself.
Snake walked past a sterile chamber, containers full of various chemicals, a couple of microscopes, a table full of vials, and an impressive collection of blood analyzers. It was a nauseating experience. Snake wished he knew enough about nanomachines to help Naomi. He felt belittled by being around the equipment used to manufacture them. Then he remembered how much everything had cost him and he tried to pretend he was somewhere else.
Naomi stirred as Snake stood above her. Her hair was an absolute mess and her eyes were swollen due to lack of sleep. She had tried to hide the fact that she hadn't showered with some perfume that barely covered up her body odor. Snake dropped Link on the floor and rolled him over so that he was lying on his back. Naomi looked down at her test subject with about as much interest as someone who had been awake for the past three days could muster.
"Andrew Baxter," Naomi muttered.
Snake heard the door close and saw that Mantis was coming to join them with his container of hippy bait.
"Where's the vaccine?" Mantis asked.
Naomi pointed over to a small workstation that had been set up around a device a little larger than a microwave that created nanomachines. It was the only thing in the room that Snake hadn't paid for since it was astronomically expensive. Instead, he had stolen it from a pharmaceutical laboratory with Otacon's help. It was set up on a table. A laptop was hooked up to it. The monitor on the laptop was displaying a single strand of DNA. Snake ignored it and found a tray containing two medicine bottles and four hypodermic needles. He retrieved the tray and gave it to Naomi.
"This won't kill him, will it?" Snake asked.
"There is a chance that it might," Naomi replied.
Snake's stomach did a kickflip. Most medical procedures were potentially fatal. This wasn't too different.
"So let's say it doesn't work," Snake said. "Do we just wait for him to start puking?"
Naomi picked up a medicine bottle from the tray that had a red sticker attached to it.
"This batch will flush Aglaophotis from his body."
"Anti-nanomachines for an anti-nanomachine."
"Precisely."
"You're really going to call it Aglaophotis?" Mantis asked.
"If you have a better name, I'm all ears."
Naomi filled a needle with Aglaophotis while Mantis tore the piece of duct tape off Andrew's mouth.
"L-Eight, M-Three, H-Five," Andrew said.
"Hey, Andrew!" Mantis shouted. "You all right? You were a licensed plumber. What happened?"
"P-Six, P-Four."
"What's he saying?" Snake asked.
"Those are map coordinates for hidden hearts in the first Zelda game on the NES," Mantis said. "This man is a living strategy guide for every game in that series. He's got all the details memorized."
"Get him out of the jacket," Naomi said.
Mantis and Snake worked together to get Andrew out of his straitjacket. Once his arm was lose, Naomi administered the shot while Mantis and Snake held him down.
"Give it around five minutes," Naomi said.
Andrew jerked violently and cried out. Naomi studied him intently, more awake now than she had been in days. Andrew blinked, and the glazed look in his eyes faded.
"What the. . ." Andrew trailed off.
"I think it's working," Mantis said. "The fog in his mind is lifting."
"Where am I?" Andrew asked.
"In a safe place," Mantis replied. "Do you remember what you were doing the second time you were arrested?"
"I got arrested?" Andrew asked. "For what? What did I do?"
"You tried to burn down a tree at the park."
"Excuse me?"
"This guy asks more questions than you do, Snake," Mantis said. "Andrew, who is Terra?"
"A girl. Probably."
"That's strange. I wonder why he can't remember," Naomi said. "I'll need to keep him down here to observe him for an entire day."
"No, I don't want to stay here. I want to go home," Andrew said.
Mantis reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of pills.
"Hey, Andrew. I got you a gummy bear," Mantis said.
"Did I walk into the wrong bar?" Andrew asked.
"No. Swallow your gummy bear."
Still considerably high, Andrew obeyed the request once the pill was placed in his mouth and then found himself completely incapacitated.
"That wasn't a gummy bear, was it?"
"Nope, but don't worry about it. Just sleep. The next time you wake up, you will be in your bed."
"Like I'm going to trust somebody who lies about candy," Andrew said.
Andrew closed his eyes and abruptly passed out since there wasn't much else he could do.
"That easy, huh?" Snake asked.
Naomi nodded. Snake looked at the machine he had stolen. There was a scuff mark on the bottom because he had accidentally dropped it since he hadn't expected it to weigh sixty pounds. Naomi had tried to buff it out, but it was still visible.
"I can't hold this in any longer. When are you going to get FOXDIE out of me?" Snake asked.
"I have no idea."
Snake's aggravation was on the rise.
"Start listing excuses."
"It doesn't help that the virus has changed since it has been in your body for so long."
"And I suppose that's another thing I didn't need to know about."
He wondered if this was how Meryl felt when she had learned that a drone had been circling above his house for a few weeks. It wasn't fun to be kept in the dark, but sometimes it was better than hearing the truth.
"Aglaophotis in its current state killed most of the FOXDIE in one of your blood samples," Naomi said. "It won't be able to stop your body from making more of FOXDIE on its own. At this time, I can't recommend that you take it."
"Why not?"
"Because I just started testing it. If this man does not die, you can start taking it. It won't be a complete cure, but it will be a lot better than nothing. Aglaophotis is designed to flush certain nanomachines out of your system. Your body usually does that naturally, but not for all of them."
"What about that vaccine Liquid mentioned? Whatever happened to that?"
"It didn't exist. FOXDIE was not meant to be cured. That's part of the reason it's giving me such a hard time."
Snake quit asking questions. He couldn't think of a single thing he could say that would magically cause Naomi to remember something she had forgotten and enable her to cure FOXDIE with one broad wave of her arm. Snake patted down the pockets in his jeans hoping to find a carton of smokes that wasn't there.
"Naomi, I hope for your sake that I do not die before Ocelot does," Snake said.
"Snake, do you want a gummy bear?" Mantis asked, concerned with the amount of tension building in the room.
"I'm going home," Snake said.
"That's fine. Nanako is watching the front desk," Mantis said.
"I don't care."
Snake ignored her. The second he got home, Snake was going to lay into his punching bag until his knuckles started bleeding. Back when he was naïve, he hadn't really cared that he could die at any moment due to some silly issue with his blood. Cigarettes and stray bullets had a higher chance of ending his life prematurely. It wasn't until after he had learned what the world was coming to that he had begun to feel needed. He could only die willingly after his business with Ocelot and the Patriots was concluded.
Meryl had been right about the twisted alternate reality they were living in. Now was not the time to play basketball with Raiden or attend a movie night at Campbell's. Snake resolved to get his revenge on Ocelot the moment he had the item he needed if the man hadn't said anything. He wouldn't. Thinking that he would meant nurturing the bizarre situation they were all in. It was time to get serious.
